by Anna Samuels
‘No…’ she murmured. ‘Maybe you don’t know me that well though,’ she suggested quietly, her eyes holding mine.
‘No. Perhaps I don’t,’ I replied sadly.
‘Cass…’
‘No, sorry…I’m going to go.’
‘I…’
‘Don’t, Allie. There’s no point.’
‘Don’t leave like this!’
‘How else is there?’ I questioned sadly. ‘There’s no reason to stay now.’
‘We can’t be friends?’ she asked.
‘I’m sorry, Allie, but not right now. I just…I think I…oh forget it. I have to go,’ I said, gathering up my wonderful gifts. Suddenly it felt wrong to be taking all of them from her. I didn’t know how else to get out of the situation so I just loaded my arms and headed for the door.
‘Let me walk you to the car…I can carry something for you.’
‘I’ll be fine, thank you.’
‘Cass!’
‘I uh…thank you so much for a wonderful day,’ I said, turning back but avoiding her eyes, ‘it was very kind of you to welcome me here.’
‘Cass!’
‘I…I better go.’
‘But…’
‘Bye Allie,’ I said, and before she could try again, I turned and left. I walked quickly down the little hill and through the dark village of Hope. When I reached my car, I noticed that my hand shook as I pushed the key in the lock. With fumbling fingers, I got myself inside and started the engine. Without another look back, I put the car into gear and drove off. Silent tears slipped down my cheek as I navigated the narrow lanes. I felt very, very sad. All the hope which had sprung into being during the day was now gone. In its place was an empty feeling, right in the centre of my gut. It ached painfully. I cried all the way home.
When I arrived back at my house, it was dark and lonely. Inside it was cold and as I went through the house turning on lights, I felt misery fill me. It was late and black outside and yet I felt wide awake. My head was full of the events of the day so I went to the lounge to try and calm down before I slept.
Sat in my chair, I looked across to see the light flashing on my answering machine. I reached over and pressed play.
‘You have one new message,’ the machine told me in flat tones.
I pressed play again and a familiar voice began.
‘Hey Cass! Where are you? It’s me! Anyway, we’re having a barbeque at mine tomorrow…one onwards. You have to come! Bring some drinks! See you there!’ Emma called out breezily.
Great, I thought to myself. A barbeque with the very group of friends I didn’t want to see. No doubt Katie would be there with Lauren and I knew how difficult it would be for me to see them together now. I sighed heavily and leant back in the chair. I didn’t understand it. The situation baffled me. Why would anyone remain involved in a relationship where the other person already had a partner? I was completely confused by it.
I tried distracting myself with the television and ended up watching a film until late. I didn’t want to go to bed because I knew I would lie in the dark thinking. Therefore, I stayed in the lounge watching a comedy film and eventually fell asleep on the sofa. My dreams came full force; erratic and troublesome. I fretted in my sleep and tossed and turned until I finally woke myself. Heading upstairs, I fell into bed and cried.
The following day, I decided to go along to the barbeque. The devil in me wanted to confront Katie, even though I wasn’t sure I actually would.
When lunchtime came and went, I left the house, and after buying wine and beer, drove to Emma’s house.
‘Cass! You made it!’ Emma exclaimed when I arrived at her front door.
‘Yes, of course! Wouldn’t miss it!’ I smiled.
‘Come on in. Everyone’s here already.’
‘Oh really? The whole group?’ I questioned.
‘Yep! This is going to be such fun!’ she all but squealed.
I followed her through the house and out to the garden.
It was over two hours before I had the chance to speak to Katie one on one. When I saw her finally alone, I took my chance. I walked over and caught her unaware.
‘Hey,’ I said to her back as she helped herself to a drink.
‘Oh hey, Cass.’
‘How are you?’ I asked conversationally.
‘I’m great thanks! Yourself?’
‘I’ve been better,’ I told her.
She frowned at me. ‘What’s up?’ she asked.
‘You should know,’ I muttered, feeling angry with her.
‘I…oh, look, here comes Lauren. Stick around! We’re about to share some news,’ she told me excitedly.
My frown deepened as she sauntered off to join Lauren.
‘Everyone gather round!’ Katie called.
I joined the group that assembled themselves around Katie and Lauren.
‘Lauren and I are pleased to announce,’ she paused dramatically, ‘that we’re having a baby! Lauren’s pregnant!’ she shouted in an excited tone.
I gasped. Everyone began congratulating them happily and it was only me who didn’t know what to say. I saw Katie look at me for a moment in confusion over my reaction so I simply turned away and headed down the garden for some breathing space.
Pregnant? Lauren was now pregnant? What did this mean for Katie? I felt sick to the stomach with the knowledge that I had gained. I didn’t know what to do about it and whether I should saw anything or not.
I milled around aimlessly, trying to distract myself for the next hour. It was not until I was alone at the bottom of the garden that Katie found me to corner.
‘Cass?’
‘Yeah?’ I said turning.
‘Can we talk?’ Katie asked.
‘Yeah sure…what’s up?’ I said, trying to look at her with a nonchalant expression.
‘You were weird earlier…’
‘Was I?’
‘Yes. Very weird. You were also the only one not to congratulate Lauren and I when we shared our news,’ she said frowning. ‘What’s going on?’ she demanded.
I frowned at her. ‘I had a day out yesterday,’ I began.
‘You did?’
‘Yes…I went to Hope,’ I told her, wondering how long it would take for her to realise what I knew.
‘You, uh…went to Hope? Why?’ she questioned, looking immediately guilty.
I met her eyes, seeing the sudden fear in her gaze. ‘I wanted to meet the woman who made the artwork you all got me,’ I told her.
‘Ah I see…so you, uh…you met Allie?’ she asked in a fearful tone.
‘I sure did. We spent the day together.’
‘You did? Why?’ she frowned, looking confused.
‘Because we hit it off…and I wanted to see the area.’
‘So, uh…why are you telling me this?’ she wanted to know.
‘You know exactly why,’ I murmured.
She gaped at me. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Yes, you do,’ I told her clearly.
‘I…’
‘You’re a liar and a cheat,’ I told her in a fierce whisper. ‘Poor Lauren! And now she’s pregnant!’
Katie hung her head in shame.
‘How could you do it?’ I asked, leaning towards her. ‘And when you’re trying to get pregnant as well?’
‘I didn’t mean for it to happen!’ she began, defending herself. ‘It was just one of those things!’
‘But it did happen, didn’t it? And now you’re in a pretty sticky situation, Katie!’
‘Please don’t say anything, Cass! For the baby’s sake! It’s over now, I promise! Now that we’re pregnant, I won’t ever do anything like this again. I’m committing to Lauren. We’re getting married you see.’
‘Does Allie know about this?’ I wondered.
‘I, uh…’
‘Clearly not.’
‘I need to see her and finish things…’
‘She’ll love that, I’m sure!’
‘
She knows we weren’t serious,’ Katie argued. ‘It was more of…a fling, I guess you would call it.’
‘I’d call it doing the dirty on your girlfriend. I think it’s awful behaviour. Lauren doesn’t deserve to be treated with such disrespect.’
‘I know she doesn’t and she won’t anymore. Just please don’t say anything! I promise it’s over and I’ll give my all to Lauren now.’
‘You’d better,’ I warned her. ‘You have a baby to think about now…you’re so lucky! Lauren…a baby! Act with some gratitude! You’ve got it all and you’re still wanting more! Allie deserves more too! She’s such a lovely woman and she’s stuck in some shitty, cheating relationship! That sucks!’
She nodded. ‘You’re right. Look, I’ll end it. I really will. I’ll be there for Lauren and start appreciating what I have.’
‘Good,’ I nodded, feeling more satisfied.
‘So, you’ll uh…stay quiet?’
I met her eyes and frowned. ‘As long as you’re true to Lauren now.’
‘I will be. I promise you, Cass.’
I nodded. ‘She deserves it, Katie. She’s the mother of your baby now.’
She nodded sadly. ‘I’ve been an idiot.’
‘You have…but no more, right?’
‘Right,’ she agreed.
‘I’m going to go then…’
‘Okay…I’ll, uh…deal with it all as soon as possible.’
‘Yeah, the sooner the better for all concerned.’
She nodded, her face sombre. I turned and walked away, satisfied that she would put an end to her relationship with Allie.
The rest of the barbeque was uneventful for me. I kept a low profile and only spoke when spoken to. I felt mentally exhausted and was glad when it all ended. I headed home feeling shattered. It had been a long weekend in more ways than one. I had enjoyed it so much on Saturday that it had been a heavy fall for me to receive the truth about the situation. Having found out that Lauren was pregnant had made me surer that it was not okay to continue with the relationship as it was. I knew Allie would be annoyed with me for interfering, but I didn’t care. I was thinking of Lauren.
I wallowed in a hot bath but found myself unable to relax. I lay on my bed trying to read but found my eyes straying from the words. Eventually I turned off the light and lay there in the darkness. My thoughts were running wild and I couldn’t seem to shut them down. How long I lay there was ridiculous. It was way into the early hours of the morning before I eventually managed to sleep. When I did, I dreamt of Allie. The dreams quickly turned sour and I woke up feeling worried. Turning over against the pillow I sighed heavily. What a mess!
Chapter 8
Breaking up is hard to do
My working week began the following morning. I found myself feeling tired and distracted and not able to focus on anything. I stared at my computer screen aimlessly and couldn’t get much done. It wasn’t until the end of the day that my mood was changed dramatically by the arrival of a familiar face.
She was waiting for me outside my estate agents where I worked. I walked out with my bag and stopped suddenly in surprise.
‘Allie!’ I exclaimed.
‘I need to talk to you.’
She didn’t look happy, I mused. In fact, she looked downright pissed off with me.
‘Alright,’ I said wearily, trudging towards her. This didn’t look like it was going to fun.
‘Not here…where’s your house?’ she asked.
‘It’s a five-minute drive,’ I told her.
‘Okay…I’ll follow you.’
‘Where are you parked?’ I asked her.
‘Behind here,’ she said, pointing with her finger.
I nodded. ‘Me too…okay, let’s go.’
We walked to the car park side by side but didn’t talk.
‘This is mine,’ I told her.
‘I’ll follow you,’ she said miserably.
I nodded, accepting that this was going to be a difficult conversation and that she would most likely be very, very unhappy with me.
I got into my car and started the engine. As I headed out of the car park, she followed me.
As I drove, I wondered how she would react when we got to my house. She would surely be angry, and most likely blame me for the ending of her relationship. I sighed to myself. This was not going to be enjoyable, but I stood by my decision to speak to Katie.
Five minutes later, I pulled up outside my house. I climbed out of the car and headed for the door. Allie was just behind me, parking the car. I waited for her at my unlocked door.
‘Come in,’ I said as she walked up the drive.
‘Thank you,’ she said moodily.
I let her in and followed behind her. ‘Go left…that’s the lounge.’
She went inside and then turned to face me.
‘Would you like a drink or anything?’ I asked her.
‘No,’ she said flatly.
‘I know why you’re here,’ I told her.
‘You do, huh?’
I nodded. ‘Katie.’
‘That’s right.’
‘I guess you’re annoyed with me…’
‘Damn right I am! How dare you stick your beak in? You got involved in a relationship that you had no right to get involved in!’
‘I couldn’t not!’ I exclaimed.
‘Why?’ she yelled. ‘It was none of your concern!’
‘You made it my concern by telling me!’ I exclaimed hotly.
‘No I didn’t! I didn’t want you getting involved at all! Now it’s all gone to hell! She came to see me today, you know! She’s finished with me!’
‘Good!’ I said stormily.
‘Good? Good! How can you say that? That’s so cruel, Cass! I know it wasn’t an ideal situation but we weren’t hurting anybody!’
‘Yes, you were! What about the baby!’ I all but yelled at her.
‘What baby?’ she asked, frowning.
‘The baby!’ I told her crossly.
‘I repeat,’ she said in a steely tone, ‘what baby?’
I stopped, trying to calm my rushing heartbeat. Why didn’t she know this? Surely Katie had told her when she broke it off? ‘I, uh…’
‘She’s pregnant?’ Allie asked softly.
I shook my head. ‘Lauren,’ I told her quietly.
‘Lauren is pregnant?’ she asked, in a quiet, stunned voice.
‘Yes, she is. I’m sorry…I thought she would have told you. She should have told you.’
‘She damn well should have…now it all makes so much more sense. No wonder she wants to commit to Lauren now,’ she said, looking away.
I looked at her sad face and suddenly felt for her. ‘I’m sorry, Allie. When they announced the pregnancy at yesterday’s barbeque, I knew I had to talk to her. It’s no way to bring up a baby…in a broken relationship. I don’t want to make trouble for you, or get involved in other people’s relationships-I really don’t-but I couldn’t say nothing…not when there is a baby involved.’
Allie suddenly looked as if she might cry. ‘No, you’re right…you’re right. There’s a baby to consider now. They need to make it work and commit to each other. She was right to break it off…you were right to speak to her.’
‘I was?’ I questioned.
She nodded.
‘I’m sorry, Allie. I know this must be really hard for you.’
She looked up at me with sad eyes. ‘Yeah…’
‘I didn’t want to get involved…’
‘But you did.’
I nodded, ‘Yes, I did.’
‘Was part of the reason you got involved because you were interested in me this weekend?’ she asked quietly.
I met her eyes and felt my heartbeat quicken. ‘I…I don’t think this is the time to talk about that.’
‘When then?’ she asked. ‘I’m free now, remember,’ she said, stepping closer to me.
She ran her hands down my arms lightly. ‘Allie…’
‘Well, isn’t this the
reason you got involved? Because you wanted to be with me?’ she asked, moving even closer.
‘No!’ I exclaimed, moving backwards. ‘I got involved because of my morals! It was wrong! Especially now they’re pregnant!’
She sighed and headed for the sofa, sinking back onto the soft fabric. ‘What a mess!’ she groaned, covering her hands with her face.
I sat down beside and her and leant back against the sofa feeling exhausted with the whole situation. I waited for her to say more but when she lowered her hands, she simply looked at me.
‘I didn’t want to hurt you, Allie,’ I told her softly.
She nodded, sadly.
‘I didn’t do it with any intention of making you miserable. Please know that…’
‘I do,’ she replied quietly. ‘It doesn’t make it any easier though.’
‘Of course it doesn’t,’ I murmured.
‘So…you’re not interested?’ she asked.
I looked up and met her eyes. ‘I didn’t say that…’
‘What are you saying then?’ she wondered. ‘Because just now you backed off from me.’
‘I did, yes.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you only just broke up with Katie!’ I exclaimed.
‘So?’
‘So, you’d be on the rebound.’
She laughed, mirthlessly. ‘I don’t think so! It’s not like it was even a real relationship anyway!’
‘Why do you say that?’ I asked gently.
‘Because it was never what I wanted…it was never everything that I needed it to be.’
‘How so?’ I wondered.
‘Well it was just a crappy relationship to be honest.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she wasn’t there for me…she didn’t have much time to spend with me and when she did she was always checking her phone and watching the clock. It’s no way to live…’
‘No,’ I murmured. ‘Why did you bother?’ I asked softly.
‘Because I was lonely…’ she said in a quiet voice. Sadness permeated her aura and I looked over at her with sympathy.
‘I know that feeling, Allie. I empathise.’
‘I knew it wasn’t destined to last in many ways but I just…I guess I just wanted company in any way I could find it.’
‘I don’t understand that.’
‘What-that I would want company?’