(2014) Deep Inside

by Jack Parker

  "You might want to watch where you're going next time, shit face. It wouldn't do well for your mission if your ass was broken in addition to your brain," he drawled.

  She heaved herself off of the ground. Her stilettos were making it hard to maintain a grip, but she managed to stand upright. Lia brushed the dust from her blouse, ignoring him as he continued to watch her. She looked up. Their eyes met for a moment as she fixed him with a glare.

  "Better being human shit than bird shit," she hissed.

  That puzzle which holds no meaning to you

  That's just a waste of time and something new

  To break

  Lia pivoted on her heel and began to make her way down the narrow corridor.

  "It's better being white shit than black. At least that way I'm clean."

  Lia could feel her face grow red. The only sound was the clicking of her stilettos against the dirt-enshrouded surface.

  In your rampage full of hate

  Don't judge me by what you see

  Don't judge me by how I act

  My maturity isn't measured by the way, I appear on the outside

  By the way, I appear on the outside

  "Nothing left to say, Cadlian?" his voice broke through the silence as she quickened her pace.

  Today was definitely not turning out to be a good day.

  After what seemed like aeons, she finally reached the stairs. Lia cast her gaze over the staircase below, her eyes resting on the dust particles as they floated in the air, illuminated by a thin band of light cascading from a boarded up window above her. Rust-coated metal banisters shuddered slightly under her grip, like an animal shivering from the cold. The steps creaked beneath her weight as she descended the winding staircase, her eyes resting on the small patches of moss oozing out from beneath the chipped, brown plaster.

  Clogging my vision

  So much dirt and decay

  Focusing on what's under it all but I can't 'cause it's just too thick

  She had always hated this building. It was just so cold and dirty and old. She had only ever been in a building this bedraggled before once in her life and that place did not hold any welcome memories.

  Lia shuddered as she was hit with a sudden icy breeze. Why did they choose this of all places as the entrance to the base? She knew the answer as soon as she thought of the question.

  The previous owner of this building had inherited it off of his late father who had inherited it from his own father. The previous owners' father had attempted to establish his late father's business, but had failed miserably. Over time he had given up and left the building. Upon his death, his son had inherited it and had used it for partying and such in his late teens. Because of this the building gained a bad reputation amongst the locals. Therefore, they stayed away from it. The son had been a Lycani and, before dying, he had given all rights of the building to a rebel leader seeing as they were good friends. The building, of course, had been abandoned for an extremely long time beforehand. Therefore, it was in a state beyond repair by the time the leader had received it. They had found no suitable use for it. That was until Michael became a rebel leader and their sector requested a base. The building was probably a hundred or so years old, judging by the state it was in. It would have cost too much to knock it down and it would have cost too much to repair it so it was left alone It was said to be haunted by some, but most people believed it to be where the "bad crew" hung out, so they steered clear of it.

  Lia's face slowly began to cool down as the echo of her footsteps filtered through her ears.

  Clickin' on the floorboards

  Words washing through the silence

  Mingling, then tingling then breakin' up inside

  Memories come at bay

  As the heat won't go away

  Mingling then tingling, then break it up inside

  She hated being embarrassed like that. She hated that helpless feeling. She hated it when someone said something to her and she would never have the right words at that precise time, but later on she would rethink the conversation and hundreds of thoughts and possibilities would flit through her head. Hundreds of things she could have said to make her win. Hundreds of what ifs? And if only's… And maybe if? If. If. If. It was such a short word and yet it could be used in so many different ways, so many different combinations. It always outlined what you could have done or what you should have done, all of the things that could have happened or would have happened. It was a two-letter word that outlined risks that you were just too unwilling to take.

  Like right now.

  If she had just prompted Carmon enough, he would have stayed and she would not have had to be embarrassed as she had just been. If she had just come up with a witty comeback or some snide comment to either Cal or the teens, she would not feel as low as she did now. Then, if is like these would just lead onto hundreds of random snippets from the past, snippets that could have been prevented if only she had done something to prevent them. Snippets from one year ago, and two years ago, and three years ago, and four years ago… and five years ago…

  No ascending, just descending I won't fall with my steely grip

  Lia shook her head, attempting to block out her thoughts and focus on the matter at hand as she reached the second landing. She ran her eyes over the wide expanse of mouldy floorboards and rotting doors as they leaned against their door frames, which had been reduced to thick chipped clumps of wood, half eaten by the hoard of termites and various other insects lurking beneath the wavering floorboards.

  Lia wrinkled up her nose. She could not wait to get out of here. She quickly made her way to one of the doors along the wide landing and placed her hand on the rust-coated metal handle. She pulled it down and pushed the door open with ease, all the while silently praying that it would not collapse.

  She entered a dimly lit room, the only light a thick band of light cascading through a boarded up window on the side of the room. Dirty floorboards were covered by a threadbare carpet, littered over the carpet were many blank, mouldy pieces of paper and in the middle of the room was a pile of broken wood, which was probably the remains of a table.The walls were stained a sickly beige. Thin spider webs dangled from every corner as a few black ants scuttled over the carpet. Leaning against the far side of the room was a half-collapsed book case, its shelves in such a position that even the slightest touch might have caused it to slide to the floor in a heap of dust.

  Lia made her way to the bookcase, careful not to step on any of the ants as she went by. Her concern made her laugh inwardly. After all that had happened, after all that she had done, she would still feel ashamed about stepping on something as small as an ant. Yet that sounded wrong to her mind. Even the smallest things counted, right? Whether they were people, or animals, or insects. That was what she had once been told but she was not altogether sure she believed in it anymore. Jude always said that to be big, there always had to be the small people to make you big. If you are big, then there is always something smaller otherwise there is nothing to be bigger than which means that you are not big at all. It sounded like something a five-year old would squeal out, more than anything else. But it was logical, and it made sense.

  Lia slapped herself mentally. Did she talk as much as she thought? She hoped not, otherwise everyone would see her as really weird, especially if she talked about all of the things that she thought about.

  Entering emptiness, I'll find that passage

  Her thoughts were so random. Random snippets of random things that would just mix up and convey some sort of meaning, then be forgotten soon after without her realizing she had thought about them. Did all people think like that, or was it just her?

  Upon reaching the bookcase, she inserted a hand into her pocket and pulled out a small ring of keys. The key to her apartment, Carmon's car key –she could not wait to see how long it would take him to realize she had swiped it-, the spare apartment key, the key to her jewelry box, and… yes, she had found the key the she need
ed.

  Lia gently lifted up one of the half-collapsed shelves, careful not to get her hand caught between the two splintered wafers of wood. She looked at a small corner that would otherwise be overlooked unless you knew you had to look there.

  Hidden so deeply, unless you know where to look

  Residing amongst the layers of grime and thick patches of oozing moss was a small glint of round metal which, when looked at really carefully, could be identified as a keyhole. Holding the shelf up with one hand, Lia slipped the small key into the hole and rotated it. Click. She heard a creaking sound.

  Lia pulled out the key and made her way to the wall opposite the window. She scanned it for a few moments before her eyes rested on a specific spot. She pushed it gently causing the wall to give way and swing open, revealing a dark tunnel. It was a door, a door to the base, a door camouflaged so that only those who knew where it was could find it.

  Lia stepped into the dark tunnel, gently closing the door behind her and running her hands over it, searching for the keyhole under the wavering light. Upon finding it, she locked the door with the same key and turned around, facing the darkness.

  She had been in here far too many times to allow the darkness to intimidate her in any way. Darkness. Pitch black. It was a thing you just had to get used to in her line of profession.

  By now her feet were aching immense; three inches were a pain to walk in but otherwise she would have had to wear the flats. They were pretty, but they made her feel incredibly short.

  Stumbling through the darkness, won't allow myself to trip

  Lia made sure to walk slowly through the dark tunnel. If she was not careful, the heel of her shoe could easily get caught and cause her to trip consequently breaking her leg or something. She had enough things to deal with as it was.

  The tunnel was a five-minute walk, and all she had to do was continue to go straight forward. It was like walking through the night with your eyes clamped shut and at the start she had found it difficult to walk straight. She was used to it by now, though. Four and a half years caused you to grow accustomed to such things. Four and a half years…had it really been that long since she had joined the rebels? It felt as though it had been much longer.

  She could now see the dim outline of a door as a thin beam of light seeped from below it. Finally, she could get out of this tunnel. Lia shuddered. It was at the same temperature as the room she had just come from,yet, for some reason, it felt so much colder.

  After pulling open the door, she stepped into a square room. Before her, was a lift. Lia pressed the button and entered, her eyes skimming over the small list of numbers. She pressed 2 and waited for the door to close. As they were closed, there was a slight lurch and they began to descend further into the ground. It was the only working lift in the building, seeing as it was underground like the rest of the base, so no one knew it existed apart from those in their sector.

  No ascending, just descending, I won't fall with my steely grip

  Lia tapped her nails on the smooth metal wall as the lift slowly descended. She had only asked for level two, not level twenty. It finally stopped and the steely metal doors opened to reveal a large room full of people bustling about and hastily typing on computers.

  Lia ran her eyes over the crowd. The sector was always busy doing something or the other. Michael was not the sort of person who believed in the holidays.

  Along the sides of the room were many smaller rooms, which were separated from the larger room by thick panes of transparent glass. She began to tiptoe, her heels digging into the soft carpet.

  There's something in the end and I'll get lost in that clogged up crowd

  Searching for the ones I know, sounds, vibrations so loud

  Her eyes skimmed over the many small rooms. She spotted Lacey, sat down and furiously typing at her computer. Here was another person who did not know the meaning of a holiday. Lia slid through the crowd and made her way to the room in which Lacey was sitting.

  Sliding through, just slipping through

  Like a snake through towering grass

  Lacey had braided her hair today and clasped it neatly on the top of her head with a large clip. Lia sighed. If only her hair could be so easy to handle.

  "What are you sighing about now, Lia?"

  Lia grinned and slumped down on a chair beside her. "How did you know it was me?" she inquired.

  Lacey stopped typing and turned to face her. "I guess I'm just used to you and your unladylike entrances."

  Lia rolled her eyes. "You're starting to sound like Jude."

  Lacey shrugged and resumed her typing.

  Lia leaned back into her chair. She really did not understand why Elonsicans and The Gredge thought that Lycani were ugly. Well, not all of them, but the majority anyway. Lia had always envied Lacey and the way that the sun would send a glint over her pure ebony skin. Lia considered herself as quite plain, but Lacey -Lacey was probably what she would class as beautiful. It was no wonder Jude had a thing for her. Lia sniggered evilly.

  Lacey once again stopped typing and turned to face her. "And what, pray tell, do you find so amusing?"

  Lia smirked. That was the wrong question to ask. It opened up far too many opportunities. "I was just thinking…thinking about something…"

  Lacey shot her an inquisitive look. "Thinking about what?"

  "What are you going to name it?" Lacey looked confused as Lia continued. "And you will invite me, won't you?"

  "Name what? Invite you, where?"

  "The baby, of course! And I'm talking about the wedding. Be sure to invite me!"

  "Lia, I have absolutely no idea what you are going on about," stated Lacey.

  Lia smirked. "You and Jude, of course!"

  Lacey blushed furiously as she registered the Lia's words. "You dirty little cow! There is absolutely nothing of the sort going on between me and Jude!"

  Lia rolled her eyes and sighed. "That's what they all say," she replied, laughing at Lacey's obvious discomfort.

  Lacey narrowed her eyes. "What about you and Carmon, then?" she retorted.

  "What about me and Carmon?"

  "Oh please, Lia. It is so obvious he has a thing for you. Anyone with two eyes and half a brain can see that."

  Lia brushed a stray lock of hair from her line of vision. She then fixed Lacey with a patronizing smirk. "Quit trying to turn this against me, Lace. It's highly immature of you. Where is Carmon, anyway? I need his help on this."

  Lia absently waved the folder in the air. Lacey reached forward and took it, her eyes briefly skimming over the first few pages.

  "Damn. Mike's a bitch. This stuff is evil. Only Carmon could figure out something like this."

  Lia grinned. "Exactly what I was thinking. So, where is he?"

  Lacey flicked her head to the side, indicating the thick pane of transparent glass that separated them from the larger room. Lia turned her gaze to where Lacey indicated. She rolled her eyes and sighed. She had been doing a lot of that today.

  "Second or third time you've done that in this conversation," stated Lacey.

  Even Lacey was noticing.

  "You've been counting? And I thought I was the only one with a pathetic existence."

  Lacey rolled her eyes and sighed in mock imitation.

  "Bitch," stated Lia.

  "Woof, woof," she replied, smirking. "Now go and take that to Carmon; you're wasting my life!"

  Lacey returned her attention back to her typing.

  Lia dawdled to the door. She felt so tired; she seriously needed to take a break. She was so hungry! Evil Jude… Lia slid open the door and left it ajar as she stepped out onto the side of the crowd.

  Leaning against the side of the cold wall and polished wooden supports, she quickly scanned the room once again in attempts to locate Carmon. Emilie was leaning against the far wall, her arms folded over a wad of paper neatly stapled together. In front of her was Carmon, leaning towards her, his black bangs falling into his light honey colored eyes.r />
  He was saying something as Emilie blushed and giggled furiously. Actually, "giggle" wouldn't be the right word to use… it made her sound like a superficial plasticized Barbie doll wannabe. Lia had never talked to Emilie before, but she knew from past experience that it was wrong to judge someone before you met them. It was like the term 'bimbo' and referring to all blondes as thick. It was just prejudiced to say 'blonde' when you were referring to someone being thick, because people with brown hair or red hair or black hair could be stupid too. Anyway, what girl wouldn't laugh when a guy was flirting with her and saying something funny? He was saying something as Emilie laughed and blushed furiously? It didn't sound right. It made Emilie sound masculine, but it was better than saying Emilie was "giggling" that made her sound superficial… Ugh, why, oh why did she ever think over things so much? Things as futile as a choice of words. She had left school three years ago, yet she still had to be grammatical.