Water Witch

by R. J. Blain

  “That’s not how this works, Xena.”

  “It should be. It would be showing off my qualifications to rule the world.”

  “No, Xena.”

  “I don’t agree with you. We should. You do want to protect Layla, don’t you? Solving the problem in its entirety protects her.”

  “We don’t have the legal authorization to launch such a campaign and doing so might land Layla in jail. Again. So, the answer is no.”

  “It would only be a problem if we got caught. The whole idea is to avoid being caught.”

  “No.”

  “I don’t like that word, and I’m formally requesting that you remove it from your dictionary.”

  “The answer is still no, Xena.”

  “We have to do something.”

  “We will do something, but that something is not take on an entire counterfeiting ring on our own.”

  “That’s nonsense. We’d just have to call in the family, and we’d be done within a week. Then we could introduce your little lady here to Mom and Dad.”

  “That’s not how this works, Xena. First, Layla does get a say in this. Second, bringing Mom and Dad here would be a disaster. Third, if we brought the entire family here, they wouldn’t break down the counterfeiting ring. They’d take it over, and then they’d reform it into a new art market specifically for profit purposes.”

  “But Layla would be paid her fair share of the profits, and they’d buy back the counterfeits at cost so the victims wouldn’t be hurt from the ring. After that’s sorted, they’d showcase the counterfeits to show off Layla’s skills at painting and resell the original works as pieces inspired by the classical artists.”

  With a frown, Dean considered his sister.

  No wonder the woman wanted to take over the world. Given a chance, she might get away with it.

  “Question.”

  Dean and Xena disengaged from their staring match to give me their attention.

  “Will your family pose, too?”

  Xena giggled. “I bet we could talk them into it. By talk, I mean, Dean would get offended if they upset you, so all you’d have to do to get the entire herd to pose for you is bite your lip and look sad. Stallions get really upset when their lady of choice is unhappy for any reason.”

  “Dean, you need to grow a backbone and possibly see a doctor if you’re that easily manipulated.”

  Dean glared at me. “That’s not how it works. Stallions are supposed to care about their lady’s happiness. We’re supposed to treat women well.”

  “I think she’s trying to say that you shouldn’t be walked on. She’s spent her entire life making sure nobody walks on her, so it makes sense it goes against her general nature to walk on others.” Laughing, Xena resumed going through the paperwork. “I bet the family could put an end to this mess without breaking any laws. I still want to stage a museum heist to get back one of Layla’s paintings, though.”

  “No.”

  “Come on. I bet we could pull that off legally, too.”

  “You can’t legally steal something from a museum, Xena. It’s not possible.”

  “Can, too.”

  “Cannot.”

  “Can, too.”

  “Cannot.”

  I held up my hand. “If either one of you say another word without answering one of my questions, you’re buying me more chicken wings for dinner tonight.”

  Dean smirked. “How many chicken wings would you like?”

  Why had I agreed to cooperate with the damned unicorns? Sighing, I shook my head. “Xena, this question is for you. Why do you think we could rob a museum legally?”

  “If I approach the museum about testing their security team, explain the situation, and pitch them with compensation for the stolen artwork, which we can prove isn’t legitimate, they’ll play ball. We get to rob the museum, we get the artwork, they get compensation—and they can have a replacement piece purchased with the returned funds. Then, the escapade will be used as a part of a promotional campaign to boost the museum, your art, and bust the ring further.”

  “You still owe me all of the chicken wings I want tonight, Dean. Give me your reasons why her idea isn’t sound.”

  “It might work. One of my brothers runs a security gig, and he has a good reputation. If he can’t bust into their operations, they have tight security. It’s not a bad idea. It’s just riskier than I like.”

  “It’s not risky if it’s a security test, Dean.”

  “If Layla is at all involved, it’s riskier than I like.”

  “Dean, you can’t lock her in a bubble. Dad’s talked to you about this before. You need to control your overprotective tendencies.”

  “My overprotective tendencies are the reason you’re with me rather than still trotting around at Mom’s heels with the other foals.”

  “That’s not at all fair.”

  “But it’s the truth.”

  “Fine. Layla can protect herself, and you’re just going to get used to it. Do the things she likes, which includes feeding her. She really likes when you feed her.”

  I did enjoy when he brought me food. As agreeing with Xena would ensure more incidents involving him feeding me, I nodded. “It’s true. I do really like when I receive food.”

  “There. Pamper her that way. Treat her to new food every day. She can take care of herself in potentially dangerous situations. Also? After seeing her take down a man much bigger than her without batting an eye over it, I’m not at all concerned. Give her something blunt to carry around in her purse. Her quest to transform it into a shank might leave the bastard alive. If we give her a knife, she’ll have to tell the judge why she killed someone during self-defense, and that’d stress you out.”

  “That’d stress me out?” Dean asked, and he pointed at me. “What about her?”

  “Dean, does she look like she is at all bothered by having put a mere man back in his place after invading her space?”

  As the pair would bicker if I let them, I said, “I’m not at all bothered. Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. If the museum doesn’t mind us trying to steal their stuff, it sounds like fun. I’ve never robbed a museum before. Honestly, I just took stuff because I didn’t know how to pay for it. The card didn’t make sense.”

  “The card still doesn’t make much sense to you, but at least you understand how to use it,” Xena muttered.

  “I like the card even when I don’t understand it. The card, so far, has purchased food. It would have bought art supplies if Dean hadn’t used his card to do it. The card let me take these things and make them mine without me going to jail over it. Actually, I really like the card.”

  “See? Layla’s easy to understand. She understands money goes onto the card, the card pays for the important things in life, like food and art supplies, and that she can earn money through painting to put onto the card. That’s the bases covered. Now we just need to teach her the little details, like rent, landlords, mortgages, and taxes.”

  Dean ran a hand through his hair and scratched his scalp. “This is going to be more complicated than I thought.”

  “Just go with the heist idea, Dean. First, she gets one of her paintings back, and we can teach her how much she’s actually worth. Of course, teaching her the value of money will be a challenge, but we’ll get there eventually. As long as she doesn’t try to buy a bunch of cars, expensive jewelry, or things like that, her card will work.”

  “Can I just ask you if it’s okay to buy something? That seems easier.”

  Xena shook her head. “You do need to learn how to count, what money is worth, and so on. You need to stay independent, and Dean can’t handle your money all the time.”

  “Like hell I can’t.”

  “You’re not allowed.”

  “I don’t see why not.”

  “Layla needs to be self-reliant.”

  “No, she doesn’t.”

  “Yes, she does. Also, you’re a blight on this Earth!”

  One unicorn wa
s trouble. Two was double trouble. What kind of trouble would having an entire herd of them in the same place create? “Before you two settle in for a fight, can we order something to eat? I’m okay with you fighting as long as I can have something to eat. After I eat, I can paint while you two fight. I’ll observe you while I paint. It’ll be entertaining, I think. Watching you two fight is much more entertaining than a prison fight. I’m somewhat confident you’re not going to shank each other. I draw a line there. The only one who can shank people is me. That’s my job.”

  “We won’t fight all night because Dean is going to call Mom and Dad. They’re going to bring in the entire herd, and we’re going to deal with this ring ourselves. Dean will justify this on his quest to secure a mare for himself. That’s you, Layla. But yes, you can paint tonight, and we’ll see about moving on tomorrow if your painting is okay to move. If not, we’ll stay here for a few days and relax in the hotel room while you enjoy yourself painting. We’re not on a timetable. Our mission is already completed. Dean wanted you, and you’re here.”

  Dean would drive me crazier than I already was within a few days. “Can you ask when they’re taking him in to have his head examined?”

  Xena cackled. “I should, but no. Dean likes artsy women with at least half a brain. Sure, you’re uneducated, but you’re smart. You pick up concepts really quickly from what I’ve seen, and well, you’re ridiculously nice.”

  “Xena,” Dean warned.

  “What? She deserves to know you’re out for her. I mean, I’ve flat-out told her you want to take her to bed, and she hasn’t run yet. I’m going to do you a big favor, Dean. I suggested you would buy all sorts of warm blankets you’d pile on your bed to lure her there, and she didn’t seem against the idea. Don’t worry so much. If she didn’t want you around, she’d just knee you in the groin and take you out with the nearest blunt object she might be able to convert into a shiv.”

  “She’s not wrong. My general reaction to people entering my space that I don’t want there is violence. I’d also like to point out that this doesn’t make me a very nice person.”

  “You shared your first cupcake with us. That permanently puts you into the ridiculously nice category. Also, you’re excessively patient. I observed this from your activities in the clothing store and the art supply store. Anyway, he’s not a bad choice, and I approve any taming of my brother you wish to do.”

  “I’m so glad I have your approval.”

  “You also have a masterful grasp of sarcasm.”

  I sat on the floor and began the tedious process of sorting through my painting supplies. I organized my paints by color, put the primers to the side and investigated my canvases, testing each one until I found one I thought would work well for my artistic interpretation of the troublesome stallion. “Can I listen to Dean’s part of the conversation when he calls?”

  “Would you like to hear the entire conversation?” Xena asked, tilting her head to the side. “You can if you want.”

  “That’s possible? There’s no intercom here.”

  “I like that you know how intercoms work but aren’t aware that phones have a speaker function. Dean, you may as well text Dad and warn him you’ll be calling and that they’ll be on speaker. You may as well confess a convict has turned your head, and that you’ve lost all sense and plan on making her your mare the instant she agrees.”

  “Xena!”

  “What? I’m establishing the situation so Layla knows what’s going on. For some reason, I don’t think she’s going to understand if you flirt with her. I’d like you to survive your courtship.”

  It pained me she told the truth and nothing but the truth. “I do have a bad habit of hitting people who get in my space. She’s probably right.”

  “I’m expecting challenges. I wouldn’t want to become bored. I certainly hope you won’t become bored, either.”

  Was Dean out of his mind? Boredom ruled in prison even more than the guards, and I supposed my love of painting had been found in my escape from the monotony of daily life. Day in, day out, I’d lived by a routine.

  “Is it odd that I don’t miss the routine?”

  Dean’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “Every day, it was the same. We woke every day near dawn. Sometimes before, depending on the time of year. We would have fifteen minutes to exercise. They would use the intercom to direct us. Then, we either went to work or waited. Those who didn’t have work could make calls. A lot did. Sometimes, they’d talk about their conversations. A few contacted their attorneys. Others spoke to their families. They were rarely gone long. If a lot of people wanted to make calls, they’d rotate them through in shifts. I never bothered with calling any of my attorneys. They’d show up. I didn’t really care when they showed up. Others did.”

  Dean sighed. “Well, that will change, not that I have any plans to allow anyone to take you back to prison. You’d be able to call me.”

  “You’d rather call me. I’m prettier.”

  She was? I looked her over, and then I turned my attention to Dean. Of the two, I definitely preferred him. “Will you survive if I disagree with you?”

  “No.”

  “That’s a shame. I actually like you. How would you like to be buried? Do unicorns prefer to be buried or burned?”

  “We’re not picky. We usually abide by our home culture.” Xena wrinkled her nose. “In my case, I’d be buried with personal possessions after undergoing various rituals to make sure I remained dead or at least benevolent after death. Should I die, the herd will make a pilgrimage to the land of my birth with my remains. If it’s far away, I will be burned on a pyre and my bones would be taken for interment. I suppose I might have to survive just this once, as the amount of effort my brother would have to invest in my burial would distress him.”

  “How generous of you.”

  “Dean, I resent your awful method of finding a mare. Really. What sort of stallion picks someone interesting from an active convict list and arranges for her parole?”

  “A good one,” Dean replied. “We’ll get to have a herd bonding experience because of it, too.”

  “I do have to admit, taking over a counterfeit art ring will be a lot of fun. And the museum heist! We can’t forget the museum heist. Please tell our parents about the heist.”

  “We’ll be on speaker. You can tell them yourself. You’re the one who wants to try to pull off a heist as part of a security test. I wish you the best of luck with that, by the way. You’re going to have to convince the entire herd and Layla to play along with that nonsense.”

  “It will be worth it.”

  “I hope so, because you’re going to have to handle all the real work. I will be busy teaching Layla.”

  “One of you is actually going to teach me something?” I grimaced. “Well, outside of how to use my card and buy things.”

  “I’m going to go over the receipt for all of your art supplies with you tomorrow, and we’re going to practice writing. When you’re not doing that, you’ll paint. Xena will handle organizing the herd. We’ll hole up here for at least another few days while we get everyone coordinated. It’ll also make it harder for this ring to get a hold of you.”

  Life had gotten complicated, but for a change, I looked forward to what the future would bring.

  Chapter Eight

  Dean wasted almost an hour deciding if he would call his father, and his expression implied he expected to be attending his execution. Without any idea of what to expect, I focused on my painting. Until I got to test my new oil paints, I had no idea if it would take hours, days, or even months to fully dry. Some of the paints I’d used had taken weeks, resulting in me working on many paintings at the same time while I waited to be able to work on one again.

  I wanted to paint Dean to perfection, and I couldn’t afford to be hasty, not with oil paints.

  Maybe I should’ve acquired acrylics so I could have more instant gratification.

  Instead of the perfect canv
as I’d selected, I grabbed one of the panels and went to work. On the panel, I’d experiment and perfect his form, and then I’d do my best work on the canvas. If the panel didn’t dry well enough to move, I wouldn’t regret its loss, either.

  “Are you going to call?” Xena sat nearby and watched me work. “I thought you were going to work on canvas, Layla.”

  “I don’t know how long it takes this paint to dry, so I’ll use a test panel. If it gets ruined because we have to go somewhere else before it dries, then it’s okay. And I’ll know what to expect from the paint.”

  “We can find a way to preserve the painting even if we have to move it wet, even if I have to find someone to hire to protect it.”

  “It’s better to see how it dries naturally.”

  Xena chuckled. “Have it your way, then. Dean, will you just call already? I don’t know why you’re being a wuss over this.”

  “What if they don’t like Layla?”

  “In good news, neither Mom nor Dad have to worry about marrying Layla. It’s not their problem. The herd isn’t marrying her. You would be, assuming you can convince her. Also, Layla? Just because Dean came around first doesn’t mean you have to accept him. There are other men in the world.”

  “I’m aware. I’ve met a lot of them in prison. I’ve kneed more than I can readily count in the groin for getting into my space. So far, Dean hasn’t gotten into my space in an unacceptable fashion, which puts him far above the usual fare.”

  Dean grimaced. “I feel like I should say that there are a lot of good men in the world. They just don’t tend to be found in prison.”

  “I’d certainly hope not.” Shaking my head, I browsed my selection of pale colors so I could attempt to capture Dean at his best. Or his worst.

  Painting such a naughty unicorn to be majestic would test my skills.

  “But seriously, Layla. Only go with my brother’s insanity if you actually like him, think you’ll get along with him for a damned long time, and you want to stay with him. You don’t have to decide right away. You can date him for a decade or two before you decide if you want. Conversion will reset your biological clock.”