Case of the Great Cranberry Caper

by Jeffrey M. Poole

  “What’s the best part?” Jillian eagerly asked.

  “You’ve looked through telescopes before?” I wanted to know.

  Jillian nodded. “I have, but they were never computerized. You had to use little knobs to line up the stars.”

  “Here’s an example. Have you ever looked at one of the planets? Like Saturn, or maybe Jupiter?”

  “I love Jupiter!” Jillian gushed. “All those pretty colors. I’ve never used any telescope where our solar system’s largest planet hasn’t appeared like a bright yellow blob.”

  “Let me guess. Whenever you got one of the planets lined up, you only had a few moments before the Earth’s rotation pulled the telescope away and you had to make some adjustments to bring it back into view?”

  Jillian shrugged. “All the time. It’s just the way it was. Why do you ask?”

  “A computerized mount, when properly aligned and configured, will make all the necessary adjustments to keep whatever you’re looking at in the viewfinder.”

  Jillian’s eyes widened with surprise. “Really?”

  “Cross my heart. I’ll prove it to you as soon as I can.”

  “You’re on, Zachary.”

  Getting my telescope up and running just jumped to the very top of my priority list.

  “Have you thought about where you’d like our wedding to be?” Jillian then asked, as we stopped by the farm’s staffed office and reported our tree had been selected.

  A farm hand smiled at us, pulled out a two-way radio, and dispatched a team to retrieve the tree. I then remembered the tree was at least 15’ tall and quickly looked over at my Jeep. That sucker was most definitely not going to fit.

  “Do you guys have a delivery service?” I hesitantly asked.

  The young kid nodded. “We’re booked up for the rest of the night. We wouldn’t be able to get it to you until tomorrow.”

  I nodded and then pointed back at my car. “Do you see that Jeep there? That’s ours. The tree we picked out is over a dozen feet high. Think it’ll fit in that?”

  The kid laughed. “There’s no way, unless you’d like to be cleaning needles out of your upholstery for the next five years.”

  “Tomorrow will be just fine,” Jillian assured the teenager. “I’ll give you my address. And please don’t worry. I’ll be home all day, so you can come at any time.”

  “There’s a switch,” the kid softly muttered.

  “What is?” I asked.

  The kid jumped, as though he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

  “Most people are so impatient,” the kid admitted. “It’s like people expect to get what they want, exactly when they want it.”

  “We’re in no rush,” I assured the kid.

  “Says you,” Jillian countered, but not before she giggled as she caught sight of the worker’s horrified look. “I’m just teasing Zachary. Don’t worry, tomorrow will be fine.”

  After the paperwork had been completed, and the bill paid, we piled back into the Jeep and headed for home. Man alive, was it dark outside. It felt like my headlights were being swallowed up by the darkness.

  “So, about our wedding. You had asked me where I think we should have it?”

  Jillian nodded. “That’s right.”

  “Well, I’m thinking it should be in Oregon.”

  Jillian playfully swatted my arm. “No, I mean, would you prefer an inside or an outside wedding?”

  “Hmm, I’m sensing I need to say the word ‘outside’.”

  “Good answer, Zachary.”

  “I take it you’d like to have the ceremony outside?”

  Jillian nodded. “I would. Do you have any idea how many members of your family would attend?”

  I scratched the side of my head as I carefully navigated my way down the unpaved road. If you thought I was going slow before, then try driving on this type of road at night. I had to be going no faster than 8 mph. We were going to be lucky if we made it home before midnight. “You asked me that a couple of weeks ago. I should have given you an answer then. Umm, the truthful answer is, I’m not sure. My mom tells me that I have relatives in a number of states, only I’ve never met them. Well, the majority of them. What about you?”

  “My family isn’t that big,” Jillian admitted. “Aside from my brother and my parents, I have one uncle, living in California, and a great-aunt, who lives in Maine, of all places.”

  “I’ve been to Maine. Bar Harbor, if you want to get technical.”

  “What were you doing there?” Jillian wanted to know.

  “I was at a lobster bake. From what I have heard, you haven’t had lobster until you tried one that was caught earlier in the day.”

  “Zachary Michael, you told me you don’t like lobster!”

  “I don’t.”

  “But … I don’t understand.”

  “I had steak,” I clarified.

  “Then what were you …?”

  “My publisher has a wicked sense of humor,” I calmly stated, as I slowed my Jeep even further as I took a tight, hairpin curve in the road. “You should have seen her laugh once she told me where she was sending me.”

  “And this was a place called Bar Harbor?”

  “Or, as the locals affectionately call it, ‘Bah Hahba’.”

  “They most certainly do not,” Jillian giggled.

  “They really do. Have you ever been?”

  “Not to Bar Harbor, but I have been to the state before. Bangor.”

  “Home of Stephen King. Nice choice.”

  My cell began ringing, and since it was currently paired with my Jeep’s stereo, I had the ringtone playing at full volume. This time, I had an up-tempo blues type of song blasting out of the speakers: Shake, Rattle, & Roll. It was a song that had been released in 1954, and it had been recently assigned to Vance’s number.

  “I love this song,” Jillian gushed.

  “Hi, Jillian,” Vance’s voice suddenly said, as the music was silenced. “I’m assuming he’s driving?”

  “I’m here,” I told my friend.

  “What song do you have me under now?” Vance wanted to know. “As long as it isn’t that eardrum-shattering ‘We’re not gonna take it’, I’m fine.”

  “Well, it has been the theme song to Peter Pan,” I said, which drew a squawk of surprise from my detective friend. “But, Jillian hinted it was kinda rude, so I changed it for you. You’re welcome.”

  “Thank you, Jillian. I owe you a drink.”

  “And I’ll be collecting that drink the next time we all go out to eat,” Jillian assured him. “Want to know what Zachary has in place now?”

  “I’m gonna regret this, but sure, what the hell. What song is it?”

  “Shake, Rattle, & Roll, by Big Joe Henry,” I answered.

  “Huh? Why choose that one?”

  “What’s the first thing you think of when you hear that song?” I asked.

  There were a few seconds of silence as Vance considered. “That you’re old and you like your golden oldies?”

  Jillian giggled and I shot a dark look at my stereo. “Bite me, pal. It’s Clue, the movie.”

  “Oh, that’s right! Awesome choice, buddy! I totally take back that snarky comment about the golden oldies.”

  “Appreciated. What’s up?”

  “Zack, I thought you should know. The perp who stole ET? He’s finally been identified!”

  NINE

  “This has been one mother of a week,” I complained, as I followed Jillian into one of our favorite restaurants in PV. Casa de Joe’s may not sound like a very authentic Mexican restaurant, but they had, hands down, the best carne asada burritos in town. And, as long as we’re at it, I should expand that to include Medford and Grants Pass, too. “I kid you not, it feels like last Monday happened several weeks ago.”

  Jillian shrugged. “I didn’t think it was that bad. Aside from the difficulty of buying groceries, it hasn’t been too inconvenient.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about
,” I clarified. “After having experienced what an actual panic-buying session is all about, I can thank my lucky stars that I have never purchased an item just because someone else has. I mean, think about it. What if the people all decided that toilet paper would shortly be in demand? And what happens next? People start buying toilet paper, even if they didn’t need it. No, it’s not worth it.”

  “Good for you, Zachary,” Jillian told me, as she navigated her way through the heavenly smells emanating from the kitchen. “Look. Harry and Julie are already here.”

  “Hey, bro!” Harry exclaimed, as he stood up. He held out a clenched fist and waited for me to give it a bump. “How’s it goin’ with your case? Figured out who stole all the cranberries from Gary’s Grocery yet? Once you do, pop him a good one for me, will you? If I can’t get my spiked cranberry cider this year, then heads are gonna roll.”

  “You’re not getting it this year,” Julie confirmed, as she gave me a smile. She looked back at her husband and shook her head. “If you’d like straight cranberry juice, then I can get on board. Otherwise, there’ll be no more booze for you.”

  Harry sighed. “Yes, dear.”

  “How’s the weight-loss going?” I asked, as Jillian and I took seats across from our friends at our table.

  “Slow,” Harry glumly answered.

  “And whose fault is that?” Julie asked. “Who keeps drinking a beer or two behind the house?”

  “You know ’bout that?” Harry asked, amazed.

  Julie nodded. “I do.”

  “Uh, dare I ask how?”

  Julie shook her head and laughed. “Because I can count, Harrison. I know when a beer goes missing. And if you try to blame this on Hardy again, then so help me, you’ll be the star of a video which will make Vance’s tap-dancing Peter Pan video look tame in comparison.”

  “They were light beers!” Harry protested. “And I would never pin the blame on our son.”

  “You already have,” Julie countered, as she took a sip of water and sat back in her chair. “You said Hardy must have found your stash and helped himself to a few.”

  “Like father, like son,” I softly quipped.

  Overhearing me, Julie nodded. “Sad, but true. I’d like to nip that in the bud as quickly as possible.”

  “Don’t drag him into this,” Harry complained. “He’s just a kid.”

  “A kid who has no business drinking,” Julie corrected. “But, you’re right. This is something we’ll talk about once we get home.”

  Harry groaned softly and returned his attention to his beer. Just then, we heard a loud commotion. Looking up, we saw Vance, Tori, and their two daughters headed our way.

  “Hi, girls!” Jillian said. “Are you two hungry?”

  “Muy,” Victoria observed. She was wearing a thick, maroon sweatshirt, blue jeans with rips at the knees, and sparkling, and I do mean sparkling ruby red sneakers. Maybe she was going through a Judy Garland phase? “Yo tengo hambre.”

  “What’d she say?” Harry asked, as he turned to me.

  “She’s hungry,” Jillian translated, after I held my hands up in a helpless manner. “¿Que quieres comer anoche?”

  The brunette teenager blinked a few times as she gaped at my fiancée. “Huh?”

  Jillian giggled. “I asked what you want to eat tonight.”

  The young teen was taken aback. “Oh. Umm …” Victoria looked at her father. “Did you know what she said?”

  Vance nodded. “While not the first phrase I learned, it had to be in the top five. The girls are learning Spanish, in case you didn’t know.”

  “We pieced it together,” I said, causing Harry to snort with laughter.

  “What was the first phrase you learned?” Jillian curiously asked.

  “¿Donde esta el baño?” Vance chuckled.

  Tiffany, a young, blonde version of her mother, turned to her older sister. “What did he say?”

  Victoria snickered. “Daddy asked, ‘where’s the bathroom’. I think that was the first question I was able to ask.”

  “Smart kid,” I commented, earning me a smile from Vance’s oldest daughter.

  Jillian turned to Julie. “So, when is your due date again?”

  Julie sighed as she sat back in her chair. “December 11th, and let me tell you, it can’t get here quickly enough.”

  “How’s this pregnancy going for you?” Tori wanted to know. “Easier or harder than the first two?”

  “The first two were a breeze compared to this,” Julie miserably answered. “With Drew and Hardy, I didn’t have a single bit of morning sickness. I was up and moving around until the week before they were born. With this one? It’s all I can do to keep anything down and whenever I move, I hurt.”

  “Well, what do you expect?” Harry said. “You’re having twins, babe.”

  “We are having twins,” Julie corrected. She gave her husband a stern look. “And whose fault is that?”

  “Don’t look at me,” Harry protested. “You’re the one with a history of twins in the family, Jules. There’s not one set of twins on my side.”

  “Harrison, if you …”

  “Are you going to be okay here?” I asked, cutting Harry’s wife off. “You must be uncomfortable as hell. If there’s someplace else we can go that works better for you, just say so, okay?”

  “You’re very sweet, Zack,” Julie told me, as she shot a dark look at Harry. “Sitting, standing, walking, talking, it doesn’t matter. I’m miserable. Don’t worry about me. I’ll have my glass of water and maybe a few chips.”

  “She hasn’t had much of an appetite in the last month or so,” Harry said, by way of explanation.

  “But, do I still put on the weight?” Julie grumped. “Of course I do. I can’t even begin to imagine how much more weight I’m going to pack on.”

  Eager to steer the conversation on to a safer subject, I hesitantly cleared my throat. “Do you know what you’re going to have? Boys? Girls? One of each? Do you guys have a preference?”

  “What if it was three?” Vance sniggered, which earned him a thump in the gut from Tori.

  “You shut your filthy little mouth!” Harry all but hissed out. A moment later, he grinned at Vance and then me. “Wouldn’t that be something? I think Julie would kill me if the doc announced there was another one in there.”

  “True story,” Julie confirmed. “And, for the record, they are going to be girls.”

  A round of congratulations erupted. Drinks were lifted, or, as was the case with Julie, glasses of water were lifted, toasts were made, and a few drinks were refilled. Once everyone had placed their orders, Vance clinked his glass a few times.

  “No, I’m not giving a speech,” my friend began, as he stared at the multitude of eager faces. “I thought I could give an update on what I had found out today.”

  “I want to know about the perp,” I began. “You announced last night that you knew who it was. I’ve been waiting all day for this, so, spill.”

  “His name is Peter Grant,” Vance began.

  “Peter Grant?” Harry repeated, as he frowned. “Not what I had pictured, bro.”

  “You and me both,” I confirmed. “Well, what can you tell us about him?”

  “He’s 24, and an intern at the laboratory.”

  “Observatory,” Tori quietly corrected.

  Vance frowned. “Whatever. Anyway, he’s a 4.0 GPA grad student with no criminal background whatsoever.”

  “Then, what the hell possessed him to steal that diamond?” I wanted to know. “From the sounds of things, this is a good kid we’re talking about.”

  “Was a good kid,” Harry corrected.

  “Are you sure you have the right guy?” Jillian quietly asked. “How certain are you of your source?”

  “100%,” Vance reported. “This info came straight from the guys at Jacobsen. They …”

  “Jacobsen?” Harry interrupted, as he held up his hands in a time-out gesture.

  “Sorry. It’s the name of the obse
rvatory. Now, as I was saying, Jacobsen is the one who provided the info. They checked their people and discovered one of them was missing.”

  “This intern,” I guessed.

  Vance nodded. “Right. He’s not answering his cell, he hasn’t shown up for work, and his family hasn’t heard from him in days.”

  “Why reveal the name now?” Jillian asked. “This theft happened, what, over a week ago, right?”

  Vance consulted his notebook. “That’s right. And, to answer your question, Jillian, this was at the University’s request. The captain managed to put me in touch with the head of their astronomy department. They didn’t want to air any of the university’s dirty laundry, if you catch my meaning. However, since no new leads were appearing, and they are now in danger of losing several grants if they don’t get that diamond back, they’re quickly becoming desperate.”

  “Meaning, it’s time to appeal to the masses,” Julie observed.

  “Exactly. They’re appealing to the public for information. Last I heard, they’re including free lifetime passes to the observatory if any tips are produced which lead to an arrest.”

  Jillian started to raise a hand, and sensing an opportunity to give her some good-natured ribbing, I pushed it down.

  “You’re not in school, dear.”

  Jillian giggled and swatted my arm away. Then, she raised it again. “Vance? I have a question.”

  “And Ms. Cooper has the floor,” Vance said, giving her a mock bow.

  “Has the police department considered the possibility that Peter might have been blackmailed? What if he was forced to steal that diamond?”

  “It was considered,” Vance admitted.

  “And?” Jillian prompted.

  “It was dismissed.”

  “Why? How can they be so sure?”

  “We have Zack to thank for that,” Vance announced. “I see a lot of blank faces, including Zack’s. All right, I’ll show you what I mean. Who has the largest phone?”

  I looked over at Jillian before returning my gaze to Vance. “What was that?”