Look to the Stars

by Olivia Kelly

  "Ahh, then no museum. Perhaps a ride through Hyde Park?" He smiled again, and stood, offering his arm as if her acquiescence was a foregone conclusion. Miriam snuck a glance at Mama, who raised one eyebrow back at her. As if asking, what possible reason do you have to turn him down? Neither of the older women seemed wary of the earl. Perhaps she was being overly cautious.

  Still. She'd rather not.

  But she didn't have a handy excuse, not since Leo had stopped coming around every afternoon.

  The entire household had to have noticed his abrupt absence after the Danby ball three days ago. They had to have noticed that Miriam said not one word about it, nor did she inquire as to his whereabouts, and remained silent when her sisters complained about his disappearance.

  They had to know something had occurred to keep him away, something having to do with Miriam. But no one asked, and she was grateful for it.

  She didn't want to think about that kiss anymore.

  She was sick to death of thinking about that kiss.

  She felt like all she'd done since that night was think about that kiss, and her reaction to it. And why her stomach ached every time she dredged up the memory of his expression as she slammed the door in his face. It haunted her.

  Rising, she started to place her hand on Lord Ashbury's arm, as distasteful as the idea of spending the afternoon with him was. A noise from the doorway to the hall had her looking over, her heart suddenly tripping in her chest.

  Leo stood there, his boots dusty and his hair a right mess, shoulders broad, stretching his coat in the most distracting way. Just like the first time they'd met. Except this time he wasn't smiling. Not even a hint of his usual cheerful nature was present. His jaw was clenched tight as he stared at the earl, hat brim crushed in a fist at his side.

  "Leo! I was wondering if you'd deserted us for greener pastures," cried Lady Pennyworth in surprise, threading her way through the salon to peck him on the cheek.

  "Hello, Mother." He managed to work up a strained smile for her, and a nod around the room, before his level gaze landed on the earl again. "Ashbury."

  "Blakeley," said Ashbury, his voice dry, lowering his arm back to his side. "What a surprise to run into you here."

  Leo's gaze flickered to Miriam, then swiftly back to the earl, before settling on Miriam. "I promised Miss Rosenbaum an outing this afternoon, but fell behind. I do apologize, my dear, the time ran away with me."

  Then he held out his arm, blue eyes narrowing slightly as he waited.

  Miriam bit her lip. He'd called her my dear. Perhaps he wasn't furious with her. Could this be an olive branch? Could she afford to take it?

  Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. The prospect of spending the afternoon with either of the gentlemen was less than appealing. Being alone with Leo was still not a good idea. He just looked so attractive with his windblown hair and close cut coat. She'd never realized before what an appreciation she had for well tailored clothing. It was a bit disturbing, how quickly her warm feelings toward Leo flared up again.

  But Lord Ashbury was making her skin creep, with the wide, empty smile that never seemed to reach his eyes. Her feelings for Leo could certainly be shoved deep down, where they would cause her no trouble, if it meant not spending any more time with the earl.

  "I'd almost given up on you, Mr. Blakeley," Miriam said finally, placing her hand on Leo's arm. Not missing the searing look of triumph he shot the earl, she resolved to ask him later what this little showdown had truly been about. He had most definitely not shown up for a previous appointment of theirs, there was a story here somewhere. Curious.

  After making their goodbyes, leaving Lord Ashbury standing unhappily with their mothers, Leo led her out onto the pavement, where his vehicle awaited.

  "Do you have a destination in mind?" Miriam climbed into the phaeton with Leo's hand up, grateful it wasn't a high perch. She'd rather arrive in one piece, thank you very much, no matter how much her brother insisted they were the only vehicle worth driving. "Or will we be driving around Mayfair at random, just to spite Lord Ashbury?"

  "Ahh. No?" Leo leapt into the seat next to her with an alert glance. "We can go wherever you'd like."

  So he wasn't going to offer an explanation freely, and they were going to pretend the kiss never happened. Fine. She could work with that.

  "Anywhere?" Miriam slanted him a glance, a sliver of excitement bubbling as an idea formed. The day was looking up.

  "Anywhere. We could visit—"

  "Please take me to the London Academy of Astronomical Sciences, then." She sat back with a smile, her mood brightening. Finally! It had taken nearly a month, and these were less than ideal circumstances. But all her hopes and dreams were within her reach.

  "Not the park? Or perhaps ices?" He sounded taken aback, glancing over at her with a little frown.

  She raised one eyebrow. "You said anywhere."

  "So I did," he muttered, snapping the reins. "I just didn't realize we were going back to class. I would have brought my slateboard."

  Miriam ignored him, practically bouncing with impatience as he drove.

  The Academy was enormous.

  It was an immense building made from brick and marble, a stout tower rising from the center to loom well above the neighboring rooftops, its peak surrounded by a circular walk. Miriam took a deep breath to ease the tight feeling in her chest, as she allowed Leo to hand her down from the phaeton. Choppy excitement warred with nerves, making it hard to focus on Leo's words.

  "Would you like to go inside?"

  The teasing tone of his question told Miriam he had asked it more than once, jolting her from her frozen position on the main steps leading up to the massive doors painted with gold leaf. Sending him a tremulous smile, she squared her shoulders and marched up the steps. Dithering on the walk wasn't going to get her any closer to achieving her dreams.

  Bounding up behind her, Leo leaned around to knock loudly on the door. The light woodsy scent of his cologne drifted to her nose, making her want to shift closer and sniff his neck.

  Which would be appallingly improper, and she'd promised herself she would keep her distance this time. No matter how lovely and strong his shoulders were.

  The door swung open to reveal an elderly man, who squinted at them. Well, he squinted at Leo. Miriam could have been dandelion fluff on the wind for all the attention he paid her. She stifled an aggravated sigh.

  "Eh? Are you members?"

  "No, but—"

  "People cannot just wander in off the street, young man, this isn't a bookshop. Begone!"

  Leo wedged his foot in the door as it began to close again, much to the affront of the doorman. "But Miss Rosenbaum here does have friends who are members, sir. Mr. Charles Minsky and his sister, Miss Minsky."

  "Hmph." The old man looked at them both narrowly for another moment, then shrugged and gestured for them to follow, heading into the building. "Come on then, if you're coming."

  "Delightful old fellow," Leo whispered in her ear, as he placed one hand on the small of her back, guiding her inside. Miriam's belly jumped at his touch, in a not unpleasant way. The heat of his palm burned through the fine cotton of her dress, distracting her as she tried to take in the grandeur of the Academy. Miriam concentrated on following the slightly hunched man leading them down a long hallway, ignoring the feelings that tumbled inside her.

  Now was not the time.

  After a few moments, they came upon an open doorway, the sound of arguing coming from inside the room. The butler stepped up, peered inside with a frown, then turned and left them standing there without an announcement. Blinking, she turned to Leo, who just shrugged and spread his hands wide, his mouth twitching upward in amusement.

  "...and I say your calculations are off!"

  Miriam stepped into the large room, heart thumping. It was cluttered with tables filled with star charts and reams of inked upon paper, a large slate board positioned in one corner, and a man and woman shouting at
each other, nose to nose. Both had the same strawberry blond coloring, slight build, and freckles, it seemed safe to assume they were Charles and Charlotte Minsky.

  Oblivious to their visitors, the pair continued to argue. Miss Minsky grabbed up a handful of paper and shook it in her brother's furious face.

  "I know it's horrifying to you that a woman might be right where you are wrong, but I assure you, my female attributes do not impede my abilities as a computer," she snapped, her sandy brows drawn down in a fierce frown.

  The siblings' heads whipped around at Leo's snort of laughter. He hastily straightened his face, as Miriam dug into his side with her elbow. She wanted to melt into the floorboards, as mortified as if they'd been caught sneaking.

  It wasn't their fault the Academy's butler had no sense of duty!

  "Who are you, pray tell, and what are you doing in our laboratory?" Miss Minsky's hands landed on her hips, the paper still fisted in one hand, irritation writ large across her face.

  "I do apologize for our interruption of your, um, work. The butler left before announcing us." Miriam's cheeks flushed as she stepped forward, ignoring Leo's cheeky grin as best she could. "Might I assume you are Miss Charlotte Minsky?"

  She turned to the small woman's brother, whose expression was curious as his gaze flicked between her and Leo. "And Mr. Charles Minsky?"

  "Yes, we have that honor," he replied for them both, and bowed as if suddenly recalling his manners. His sister remained silent, her expression closed. "Whom do we have the pleasure of addressing, then?"

  "I am Miss Miriam Rosenbaum, of New York City," Miriam replied, her excitement at meeting the pair rushing back. This was it, the moment she'd been waiting for, for the better part of a year. She couldn't stop the wide smile that spread over her face. There were so many things she wanted to share with them.

  Mr. Minsky bowed in a pleasant manner, but no recognition lit his eyes. Charlotte still said nothing, her posture rigid, mouth pressed into a flat line. It was disconcerting, her joy crumbling around the edges as she took in the other woman's expression. Miriam had been so sure she'd be welcomed with open arms and cries of happy tidings by her friend. What was happening instead was nothing she'd ever imagined.

  It had never occurred to her that she would be unwelcome.

  Her smile wobbled as she gestured to Leo.

  "This is Mr. Blakeley. My family is staying at the home of his mother, the Countess of Pennyworth."

  Charles looked at them both and nodded, still pleasant... still confused... still waiting to find out why they'd barged into his laboratory.

  This was awkward. And devastating.

  Miriam twisted her hands together, casting a pained look at Leo. He just nodded in encouragement and made a little go on gesture, his expression warm. It was the little bit of fortification she needed to push herself into speaking again.

  "Since I wrote nothing of traveling in my last letter, I know this must come as a surprise." Miriam tried to smile again at the woman she'd considered a friend for the last year. A compatriot. Someone who knew what it was like to dream of things beyond the restrictions of her station and gender. But the smile would not hold in the face of Charlotte's chilly regard. "A pleasant surprise, I had hoped."

  Charles looked even more confused, turning to his sister. "Lottie, you are previously acquainted with Miss..."

  His sheepish look prompted Miriam to speak through gritted teeth. "Rosenbaum."

  "—Miss Rosenbaum?"

  Drawing in a sharp breath, Charlotte narrowed her eyes at her sibling, fingers laced together in a tight grip. "Yes, we've corresponded."

  Her stark answer pained Miriam. How cold that sounded. As if they'd not shared their scientific works, their troubles, and their greatest ambitions, over the course of thirteen months.

  "What brings you to London, Miss Rosenbaum?"

  "Well, I... I'd hoped to meet you. Both of you." Again, the lack of enthusiasm was soul crushing. Miriam paused, searching for words, then decided not to mention her desire to join in their research. Clearly, it wasn't going to happen. Nothing was unfolding the way she'd thought it would.

  Pasting a bright smile on her face, she attempted to inject levity into her voice.

  "Now I can say I have, and what a moment it was."

  Perhaps that came out a bit sharper than Miriam intended. Leo shifted behind her, his movement arrested, as if he'd started to intervene and stopped himself.

  "How entertained my friends will be."

  "That's... good." Charles said weakly, casting his sister another questioning glance. But she was staring at the table in front of her now, shoulders tense.

  Miriam would never share this moment with anyone. If only Leo wasn't here, witnessing her utter humiliation. How naive she'd been. How silly to think it would be any different from New York.

  She bared her teeth in a smile one notch below frightening.

  "Thank you ever so much for your time."

  "Ahh. It was... our pleasure?" Charles could not sound more baffled than if the King Regent himself had popped in for a chat and bit of tea. Miriam swallowed a laugh she knew would emerge with the shrill edge of hysteria.

  "Yes, yes, I'm sure." She backed up toward the door at a quick pace, nearly tripping over Leo as he attempted to move out of her path. His large hand enveloped her elbow, steadying her. His presence at her side, calm and uncharacteristically quiet, soothed her frayed nerves. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, drawing in a deep breath.

  Opening them again, Miriam looked straight at Charlotte's bowed head. Regardless of her poor reception, she had learned much from the other woman over the last year, through their numerous communications. She did not take that lightly.

  "Thank you for your letters." Miriam let her voice show her grateful admiration she'd had for the Charlotte she'd thought she knew, her friend. "I will cherish them, Miss Minsky."

  Then she turned on her heel and left the room.

  Chapter 10

  Miriam's silence was worrying.

  Glancing over at her, pulling his concentration away from guiding the horses through Mayfair's streets, for what felt like the hundredth time since they'd left the Academy, Leo wondered if he should say something.

  Such as?

  Terrible that your friend rejected you so soundly in front of witnesses? Sorry your dreams just went up in smoke? My apologies for being a coward and nearly allowing Lord Ashbury to snap you up like a hungry fox?

  None of it seemed like something she'd be receptive to hearing at the moment. Leo fiddled with the reins, then glanced over again. Her face was turned away as she stared at the buildings they rolled past, her shoulders tight, hunched inward. As if warding off a blow, or curling around an injury already done.

  He clenched his jaw, then deliberately relaxed it again. "If I turn left at the next street, it will take us back to my mother's house. If I turn right, we can drive a little longer. Which would you like?"

  Because he wasn't sure she would be able to hold herself together if she had to face her mother, his mother, and her sisters right now. And it seemed like keeping her composure was something that mattered to her very much at that moment, with her clenched hands and lifted chin.

  "To the right, please," came the answer, her voice low but steady.

  Leo nodded, took the right turn, and drove on. He didn't thrust conversation upon her, just hummed to himself idly as they wound through the streets for the next hour. Muscle by muscle, she slowly relaxed, until she drew in a long, shuddering breath and dropped back against the seat.

  He turned the horses toward his parents' town house then.

  When they arrived, there was an unfamiliar carriage out front.

  "Wonderful." She frowned as he jumped down, then reached up to help her out of the phaeton. "Perhaps I can sneak past the drawing room, if I'm quiet enough. I've no interest in meeting another one of Mama's old friends now."

  He didn't doubt it.

  The pain he'd seen in
her face when Miss Minsky rejected her, a woman Miriam had obviously felt to be a friend, had been like a punch in his own gut. He wished he could have prevented it, could have cushioned her from the blow, but she didn't need him to. She was dealing with the hurt masterfully, with clear eyes and straight shoulders.

  There was also no doubt he'd fallen completely in love with her.

  He couldn't put a finger on what moment it had happened, only that it had. It could have been when she spoke of her love for astronomy, her eyes bright and sharp. It could have been when he kissed her. Or when she kissed him back.

  If he was being honest with himself, and he was attempting the practice more often now, he'd probably started falling in love with her the first moment he saw her sitting in his mother's drawing room.

  Which made him three times a fool, because he couldn't ask her to marry him without confessing his idiocy first. Now was not the time for that. Thinking back on the way she'd slammed that door in his face, he worried there might not ever be a time for it. But he wasn't going to pile his feelings, perhaps unrequited feelings, on top of her current troubles.

  "Should I create a distraction? I could knock something over." Leo turned and smiled at her as they entered the house, careful to show nothing but good cheer. "Harrington would have a fit, and then we could finally have our long overdue shouting match. You would be able to easily slip upstairs in the meelee."

  The corner of her mouth twitched, a victory if he ever saw one.

  "I worry about you at times, Leo Blakeley."

  "Do you?" He put his hand over his chest as if in exaggeration, but it wasn't much of one. Emotion squeezed his heart, the idea that she thought of him when he wasn't around. Perhaps his suit wasn't entirely hopeless. "I confess, I worry as well. Harrington is quite spry for a man his age. He might hurt me."

  There it was, that beautiful, wide smile.