SmS

by Waggoner, Robert C.

Hello Tom……. I see you're making good time on your trip to the largest planet in your solar system. Is there anything we can do to help you in your endeavor to survive the isolation of more than five of your years?

  Just click reply and send me a mail Tom.

  Kind regards,

  LL

  Tom about had a frikkin heart attack, he thought. "No way Jose. You can't fool me Hal. This was preprogrammed to send after two years to the day. Screw you guys. Wait a minute dick head, I'll send a reply and trap your ass with a question nobody knows the answer to."

  Tom wrote:

  Dear LL,

  What I'd really like is a shower, a toothbrush, a haircut and a shave. After that a nice steak dinner with a glass of wine would be nice. Now, so as I know you're not playing with my head, I've a birthmark someplace on my body. Name that place.

  Kinder regards,

  TBIII

  He sent it off and prepared to pop a couple sleeping pills and sleep for a few hours. But first he had a package of coffee. That was just in case the sender replied to his mail.

  Tom was digging in his storage bin for coffee when the e-mail signal went off again. Tom pushed off and banged his head on the cabin roof. He swore a blue streak and swam to his chair again. He opened his mail and sure as hell there it was in plain English staring at him.

  Hi Tom again,

  First let me say thanks for the mail. I get rather lonely for company as you do. We talked it over and decided that a visit from you would be nice. All of your requests will be met and then some.

  Ah, your birthmark is located on the bottom of your left big toe. As you are wearing socks, I can't possibly see your foot.

  Yours truly,

  LL and Co.

  PS, When you orbit Jupiter, on the backside to your earth, we'll welcome you to our place on Europa.

  Tom started shaking all over. He knew he'd, in fact, lost it. No way could he be in his right mind. He knew he was never normal, but certainly not unbalanced to the degree he was commuting by e-mail with another life form.

  Enough he thought. He said, "Tom, get some sleep and put aside today's memory."

  ^^^^^^^

  It took almost six months to begin the orbit of Jupiter. Tom was having a shit fit to the maximum. He hadn't heard from his friend LL since the two year anniversary six months ago. He'd spent countless hours staring at the computer, but nothing came up. There was no website to reread the mail as the monitor was blank. He saw the giant planet taking up the whole of the windows. The cabin had so much garbage floating around it was difficult to fight off the hundreds or empty containers. Tom looked down at his skin which was peeling off in big hunks like a snake. However the new skin under was tender and red. His whole body was like a polka dot with old white skin with fresh red skin next to it. His beard was a good four inches long. The hair was between the shoulder blades. His once white, then yellow and finally green teeth put forth a smell that even he didn't like. "Tom," he said. "My boy, get ready as we're about to go for a ride soon. What do you think? Really? Let's see if I've got it straight, you think LL will call Hal and tell him we need to dress for dinner?"

  "I got it right! Well, let's see what happens."

  Hal gave a beep – beep. Tom clicked on the in-box.

  Dear Friend Tom,

  Don't worry about dressing for dinner. We have what you need here. In about forty of your minutes we will electronically transport you to our facility. Never fear as we have hospitality coming out of our ears, if we had ears.

  Your reception committee will be robots that look like you humans. We don't resemble anything in your book of living things. We'll communicate through the robots. Just be yourself. See you soon.

  Very truly yours,

  LL and Co.

  Tom was not a God fearing man. However, he said, "Lord, help me if needed." Soon a tingling sensation was felt all over his body. His eyes closed as he drifted off into dream land.

  When his eyes popped open it wasn't a lot different than what 2001: A Space Odyssey ended. Tom was in a stark, but ultra modern dwelling of some sort. It had multiple rooms. Two human like individual stood at attention with built in smiles. One said, "I'm LL and this is my friend KL. We welcome you to our home. We know from your history that humans like to take showers. Please follow me to the bathroom. In there you'll find everything you need. Please take your time. We're in no hurry as you'll soon see." LL pointed at a glass door that prohibited any see through.

  Tom, in a daze; drug hangover from sleeping pills, greeted the shower with glee. The hot water was endless; the soap smelled wonderful and the scissors and shaver - top of the line.

  LL was waiting for him outside the door. He said, "Would you like that haircut now or later Tom?"

  "I think I'd like to have something to eat first, if you don't mind."

  "As you humans are so fond of saying: Your wish is my command. Follow me to the dining room Tom. The dining room was huge with a long rectangle hardwood table ringed with dining chairs. Tom sat at the head of the table feeling very special. For the record and because of his state of mind, Tom never gave it a thought that there might be an ulterior motive behind the hospitality. Well, why should he? He had nothing of value except his demented self. Even an alien race would find something of value in any state of mind.

  KL asked, "What would you like Tom?"

  "I'd love a steak medium rare with a baked potato please."

  "A green salad perhaps Tom," said KL

  "Oh yeah and a glass of dark red wine would be nice too."

  Tom took a big deep breath of nice fresh air. He looked around. Unlike the stark white of 2001: A Space … this room was a nice powder blue with white tiles on the floor. The ceiling was acoustic with an off white color. The chair was most comfortable as he settled in. He looked at LL who was sitting off to his left. He was dressed causal with Dockers on, a colorful stripped shirt with a golf sweater to appear like he just returned from the country club. KL on the other hand, was dressed in a waiter's uniform complete with white towel on his arm. The incongruity was he had on Nike tennis shoes. Tom, in a rare lucid moment guessed that the Nike's would not make any noise on the tiles.

  Tom turned back to LL and smiled with sore teeth. He'd brushed like hell, but only removed the first layer of scum. Try again later he thought. LL was smiling back at him. Tom said, "I don't know how you did it LL and I don't know the reason why, but thank you for the diversion."

  "As you humans say, 'we have no axe to grind' Tom. We were caught in a dilemma as to what to do or how to make contact with you humans. We obtained some videos and read a lot of history and decided we'd make a robot do the contact work for us. You see Tom; we would not be recognizable to you in our true form. Another saying you have and that is, beauty is only skin deep.

  Tom was looking closely at LL as he talked. He noticed the eyes mimicked humans as they showed emotions. Hand gestures flowed with the conversation. It was identical to having a conversation with a friend back home. He was distracted with the arrival of his green salad. He chose a blue cheese dressing. Tom was astonished at the freshness of the greens and the red tomato looked like it just arrived from the hot house; and maybe it did.

  Just as he was half finished with the salad, here came the steak sizzling on a metal hot plate. He meant to ask LL where they would find a beef steak out here in space, but shrugged it off while wolfing down the tender steak.

  "We can tell you're not feeling well and that your skin needs repairing. We can help you Tom. We want you to be what you were before the trip. Our race of beings prides itself on knowledge. We don't get excited about physical things like gold and precious stones, or the desire to possess money.

  In our society we share all knowledge and are born into a position for life. We don't question it because that's the way it is. Okay enough of that for now. What say we take a jaunt through the medical clinic and then you can get some much needed rest?"

  Obediently Tom followed LL and his silent
Nike's down a long hall way to a side room brilliantly lighted. A green clad doctor in surgery wear stood behind a flat stainless steel table with two white uniformed nurses.

  All were smiling. LL said, "Don't be afraid Tom. We only want to put back balance in your delicate body. Also we'll increase the rate of new skin on your body. By the time you wake up from a nice long sleep, you'll be as good as new."

  Tom decided to go along as he had nothing to lose. He stripped down to his shorts and lay on the table. He thought at first it would be cold, but no, it was nice and warm. The doctor went to work and soon a slow moving machine ran from head to toe over Tom's bony body. After that the two nurses took a spray nozzle that dropped down from the ceiling and dosed his entire body with a soothing fluid of some sort. When it was over, Tom did feel naturally sleepy.

  LL gently led him to a large bedroom with a soft bed. Tom's head had hardly hit the pillow when he went out with a smile on his satisfied face.

  Time, as we know it, and as Tom knew it, played no part in where he was sleeping in a fine feathered bed. When he woke up he felt the urge to use the toilet. He walked gingerly as before his skin hurt when he walked. But when he dropped his pajama pants, his eyes popped open, seeing a new set of skin on both legs. He pulled up his shirt and saw his belly and chest skin like the old days. After he made his deposit, which felt good for the first time in years, he looked into the mirror at clear blue eyes. He washed his face, brushed his teeth and then realized he wasn't hung-over from pills.

  LL was waiting for him. He looked and was dressed the same as last time he saw him. Tom put on a bathrobe and followed LL to the dining room for breakfast. Breakfast was whatever he desired, he was told. Tom decided on some heart health bacon and eggs. LL laughed when he heard the irony of 'heart healthy' from Tom.

  LL said, while Tom ate his breakfast, "What would you like to do after you eat Tom? I'm sure we can accommodate whatever you desire. As I said at dinner, we are knowledge based specie. I'd like the opportunity to ask a few questions if you don't mind. For example, when it rains a lot of people are unhappy, but humans can't live without water. Why then, are they unhappy when it rains?"

  Tom laughed and said, "Mostly because people don't like to get wet and because a cloudy-rainy day makes them depressed."

  "Depression I've read about. So Tom, if I was walking down the street when it was raining, I shouldn't be smiling?"

  "Well, damn few would be smiling, that's for sure. Probably the only people that like rain are farmers; but then if it rains at the wrong time of year, they get mad as hell. Now I'm a city boy and don't like it when it rains as I get wet and smell like a dog."

  "Do dogs smell bad when they get wet," asked LL.

  "Yeah, they smell musty and dirty; probably like me when I first arrived here," laughed Tom.

  "Thanks Tom. Now what would you like to do?"

  "I think I'd like to go for a walk in a park, full of trees, and flowers blooming around a lake with ducks in it."

  ^^^^^^^^

  Tom and LL took that walk in the park and many other things for only god know how long. What Tom didn't see was LL appearance changing to resemble his. Every nuance that Tom displayed LL copied. At the end of a period of time, LL knew all there was to know about Tom Baldwin. LL could talk, act, gesture, and write exactly the same as Tom.

  One time after a hearty lunch LL told him that he was being replaced by a female member of their society. Tom perked up as he was beginning to miss girls. The next time Tom woke up, MM was there to greet him. She took him to the shower and washed all of his body. Tom was in heaven; he thought.

  ^^^^^^^

  Tom's space ship just passed Mars on the return voyage home. A voice came across his radio welcoming him back home. Tom sounded excited and happy to be back. He made preparations to land in a few days.

  At the landing site, where the ship would morph into a flying machine with wings and landing gear, a giant crowd awaited the home coming.

  A news reporter said, "My friends, after almost six years in space, virtually alone, Tom Baldwin the Third returns to earth. The world waits as many questions will be asked of this pioneer; and I should add, rich pioneer. Here it comes now, ladies and gentlemen."

  When the space craft came to a halt, Tom waited patiently for a tractor to pull him to a hanger. At the hanger the techs went to work opening up the hatch. When the hatch was broached, there stood Tom with an ear to ear smile showing sparkling white teeth.

  The one thing the newscaster pointed out was Tom's long pony tail. He was clean shaven, clean of body and the inside of the space ship was neat as a pin. Tom was friendly, but a little reserved as the throngs of people wanted a part of him. Tom said, once the mike was in his hand, "Thank you all for your warm homecoming. I'm a little shaky from so long in space, so please give me a couple days and I'll hold a news conference."

  That seemed to satisfy most as Tom went with some important government officials to a briefing.

  One young reporter, a fresh out of college journalism major had looked on and saw that something was not right about the whole thing. The guy was in space six years and walked like he never left the gravity of earth. Oh well, I'll look closer at the news conference up coming.

  That night in the hotel Tom looked into the mirror to check his looks. He thought I hope I played that role correctly.

  end

  Revelations Hoodwinked

  Mr. and Mrs. Alvin J. Finkle were very special in their community. The word I'm looking for is 'pillar' The Finkle's were pillars in the small town of Bayscove. He was commonly known as Pastor Finkle. He'd been the pastor of the Church of Revelations for at least fifty years. It was getting to the point where memory served anyone before he and his comely wife arrived in town. In other words, not a person knew where Mr. and Mrs. Finkle came from.

  However, as far as the town was concerned, where he came from meant no difference to them. There was an exception and that person was the new town doctor who arrived with his family about ten years ago. For the last five years or so Dr. Ross Walker began to wonder about the good Pastor Alvin and his wife Agatha. In his world, Dr. Walker realized if something was too good to be true; it usually was. This was applicable to the church leader and pillar of the community.

  For one thing, neither one of them ever got sick or needed to see a doctor for any reason. Additionally, if they'd been here for fifty years, then both would be at least seventy plus years old. Both in Dr. Ross's expert opinion didn't look a day over forty five. There were other noticeable things, but Dr. Ross had more on his mind then just two seemingly wonderful people who would give you the shirt off their backs; if needed.

  In Bayscove it had one stoplight in town. It always flashed red all four ways. No one could remember seeing or hearing about an accident at the stoplight. On one corner sat the local bank. The bank had its back to the cove. Across the street, on the corner was the local newspaper office. Kiddy corner to the bank on another corner was the Cove Café. Across the street and kiddy corner from the newspaper office was the local market. Scattered up and down the main street was the medical clinic, drug store, barber shop and other ancillary businesses that make up a town.

  Bayscove had the pleasure of having four distinct seasons residing on the world's largest ocean. For about six months the town licked its chops from the inflow of tourist money. A few bed and breakfast hostels sat around the cove. One fairly nice motel did a good business.

  Opposite the cove and situated on a small hill behind the newspaper office sat the Church of Revelations. It was a short two block walk from the stoplight.

  Every town has its place to meet and drink coffee. The meeting place for town gossip was the Cove Café. As a few fishermen still plied their trade, the café opened at 5 am daily. After the fishermen left then the locals arrived around 7 am to discuss the past day's events. Next to arrive were the business folks: bankers, insurance brokers, realty salesmen, newspaper owner, hardware store owner and so on. The on
e person who never missed coffee was Pastor Finkle who always subtly spread the good word.

  The one thing that bothered the educated of the town, including Dr. Walker was the impending doom and gloom with the arrival of Jesus to duel with the devil. Most shrugged their shoulders as the book of revelations predicted the event and of course the name of his church was Revelations.

  The hot topic, as the year closed, was the catastrophic events that ravaged the planet: earthquakes, typhoons, hurricanes and climate change that had produced droughts and record weather around the world. To a few in town, it would seem that Pastor Finkle was pounding the drum to welcome our savior.

  At last Sunday's service, Dr. Walker and the owner of the local bank, Clinton Worsham, thought Pastor Finkle was becoming a little fanatical about the second coming of Christ. The hot topic at the café on Monday after Sunday's scathing work by the devil as regards us poor Christians, was a little over the top.

  Seated at one of two round tables was Dr. Walker, banker Clinton Worsham, hardware owner Pete Paulson and newspaper owner Richard Leeks.

  Dr. Walker said, "It would seem to me that Pastor Finkle's sermon was a little strong for my liking yesterday. What do you guys think?"

  "If you mean that his message was that the end is near and Christ will come very soon; I agree is a little strong for our tender ears around town."

  "I agree totally," said Pete. "My wife had to have a long talk with our two children to calm them down."