Die Tryin'

by Stavro Yianni

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’re a murderer!’ Nick Black grinned as he spoke, but he was in no laughing mood. Tony huffed and looked away, tonguing his bottom lip. ‘How does that feel?’ Nick Black asked him. ‘To be a stone cold murderer? Feel good? Get ya hard?’

  Tony stared down at him darkly. ‘You think this prick was gonna just let us have all those jewels? Huh? Are you fucking naïve? He was gonna run away with the lot! I know pricks like this, believe me. Seen ’em come and go many a time. Liars. Malakes. The lot of ’em.’ He spat on the ground.

  Nick Black shook his head and looked away, tired of Tony’s bullshit, exasperated by his fucked up logic. If he had to listen to him any longer, he might go completely insane. Instead, he stared down at Marco’s dead body with wide eyes, which made him reach up and grab big clumps of his own hair. ‘Shit! Ooooooh, shit!’ he said, forcing his words through clenched teeth. ‘What are we gonna do?’ he asked Nick XR2, who was still squatted over Marco’s prone body.

  ‘There’s nothing we can do,’ he replied coldly. ‘Dump him in the tomb and let’s go.’

  ‘Do what?’ Nick Black asked incredulously.

  ‘You got a better idea?’

  ‘Yeah, let’s just get the fuck out of here.’

  Nick XR2 coolly shook his head. ‘If we leave him here, he’ll start to rot, someone will smell him, then they’ll open up the door, find him, and then Old Bill will start a murder investigation.’

  ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ Nick Black groaned in realisation, and then gave Tony a sharp, stern look.

  ‘That thing looks pretty airtight, so hopefully it’ll hold the stink he lets off once he rots,’ Nick XR2 added.

  ‘What if someone opens it up one day?’ Nick Black asked.

  ‘It’s a risk we’ll have to take,’ Nick XR2 replied, shaking his head.

  Nick Black growled. ‘You see the shit you’ve got us into, Tone?’ he said, speaking down to him.

  ‘His fault, not mine,’ Tony replied in a stern voice, pointing at Marco first, then thumbing his own chest. Nick Black ignored him and turned back to Nick XR2 who was pushing buttons on his phone again.

  ‘Charlie?’ he said into it once he was done.

  ‘What’s taking so long?’ Charlie’s anxious voice came through on the loud speaker.

  Nick XR2 scratched his forehead. ‘We hit a… snag.’

  ‘Snag? What do you mean snag? What kind of snag? What’s going on? What’s a snag?’

  ‘You better come in here. We need your help.’

  ‘Need my help? Why? What’s happened?’

  ‘Just fucking get in here, Charlie!’ Nick XR2 snapped, for a second betraying his usually cool demeanour.

  ‘All right, but you should know that Taki’s engine trouble has been sorted.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Exactly that, re. The guard got pissed off once other people wanted to get in, and they’ve pushed his car over to the side.’

  ‘Fucking great!’ Nick Black said, slapping his thighs in frustration. ‘We should be out of here, now we’re stuck!’

  Nick XR2 hushed him. ‘First things first. We gotta clean up here, then worry about him outside.’

  ‘Clean up what?’ Charlie asked.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘What do you mean clean—’

  ‘I said nothing!’ Nick XR2 snapped. ‘Just get your arse in here pronto, okay?’

  ‘Okay, okay.’

  ‘And make sure no one sees you!’ Nick XR2 ended the call and replaced his phone in his pocket. ‘Grab the bling,’ he then ordered.

  Tony and Nick Black glared at one another as they went to work. Tony bent down and picked up the bloody bone he killed Marco with and casually slung it back into the tomb. Nick Black grabbed the holdall of jewels Marco was clutching when Tony attacked him, picking up any that had spilled out when he fell.

  Nick XR2 got to his feet and looked inside the tomb. ‘There’s plenty of room in there,’ he said. ‘We should be okay.’

  Tony was fishing out the final jewels, chains, and bracelets, while Nick Black scooped up any that had fallen on the ground. They all acted in complete silence, the tension between them thicker than London smog.

  The door then swung open and Charlie dived in, causing Nick Black to almost jump out of his skin.

  Charlie’s eyes were wide and anxious. ‘Is everyone all right?’ he asked, looking round him as he closed the door.

  ‘Did anyone see you?’ Nick XR2 asked in return.

  ‘Nah, nah,’ Charlie said, shaking his head. ‘I made sure he was looking away when I came in.’

  ‘You sure, Charlie?’ Nick XR2 asked sternly.

  ‘Yeah, yeah. Relax…’

  ‘What did you do with Snoop?’

  ‘I tied his lead to the park bench, he’s all right.’

  Charlie looked round, and Nick Black could see him counting heads in his mind. XR2, Tony, Nick Black, Mar—

  Charlie’s eyes flicked downwards and locked onto Marco’s body. ‘What happened to him?’ he exclaimed, pointing at him.

  ‘Tony happened, that’s what,’ Nick Black answered in a peeved voice, giving Tony a dirty look as he zipped up the bulging holdall.

  Tony tutted and looked away.

  ‘You… you killed him?’ Charlie asked.

  ‘Clubbed him to death with that fucking femur!’ Nick Black added matter-of-factly, pointing at the bloody bone lying in the tomb.

  Charlie stared incredulously at Tony. ‘Why?’ he asked in an almost breathless voice.

  ‘I’ll tell you later,’ Nick XR2 said. ‘Right now, you gotta help us get him in there, and put the lid back on.’

  ‘Oh no, oh no, oh no,’ Charlie started bleating. He grabbed the sides of his head and just stared on in horror. ‘This is soooo bad. Sooooo fucking bad!’

  ‘For fuck’s sake, Charlie!’ Nick XR2 said, exasperated. ‘We ain’t got time for this shit! Snap out of it! We need your help!’

  ‘What did you kill him for?’ Charlie asked in a loud high pitched voice, almost a screech, his eyes on the verge of popping out of his skull.

  Tony just stared angrily back at him. ‘Look, I’ve already had the spiel off Nick Black, so I don’t need this shit from you!’

  ‘Do you have any idea what will happen to us now?’ Charlie asked, paranoia tattooed all over his face.

  ‘I know what will happen if we don’t stash him in there and get the lid back on,’ Nick XR2 stated, fishing the mausoleum key from Marco’s trouser pocket. ‘Now come on! Save this shit for later.’ Charlie just carried on staring at Tony with his bug eyes, oblivious to Nick’s words. ‘Charlie!’ Nick snapped. Charlie’s head twitched, and now he faced Nick XR2. ‘Come on,’ Nick XR2 said in a calm voice, Marco’s right leg held in his hands.

  Charlie let out a heavy sigh and darted to where Marco lay, repeating ‘oh no, oh no,’ over and over and over. He stared down at him for a few seconds, shaking his head before he reached for his other leg.

  Tony went over and grabbed an arm, Nick Black following up and taking the other.

  ‘On three,’ Nick XR2 said. ‘One. Two… Three!’

  They all heaved, and Marco’s body left the ground. His head lolled back unnaturally, his neck tightening to the point of snapping in two.

  Nick Black looked away in disgust.

  They edged over to the rim of the tomb.

  ‘Okay. On three, sling him in. One…’

  They swung him first backwards, then forwards. ‘Two.’

  And again. ‘Three!’

  They threw his body in. Marco went over the rim and landed on top of the woman already in there, his foot jamming into her chin.

  ‘Good job.’ Nick XR2 said, wiping his hands on his jeans. ‘Now the lid.’

  They all grabbed a corner and lifted, edging it over to the tomb, grunting and panting like hungry dogs. They got it over the lip of the bottom section and began easing it down slowly, slowly, burying their secret. And as they rep
laced the lid on that tomb, Nick Black felt something inside him close up, a secret locked inside his heart that he knew could never be unlocked, and it was all because of Tony Savva. Robbing a grave was a dark secret he could just about cope with, but hiding a dead body, that was entering completely different levels of corruption. Who knew how they would all react.

  He threw Tony another dirty look.

  There was a dull thud as they dropped the lid a few inches from the bottom, sealing it all away again, leaving things appearing just as they found them.

  ‘Right,’ Nick XR2 said, dusting his hands down. ‘That’s that sorted. Now to get the fuck out of here unseen.’ He got his phone out again and dialled. ‘Taki?’

  ‘What’s going on?’ Taki angrily replied on loudspeaker.

  ‘We had a problem. Now listen—’

  ‘What kind of problem? The bloke at the gate pushed my car to the side and is back operating the barrier. He gave me the number of the RAC and wants me to ring em.’

  ‘All right. Look. We need you to distract him again.’

  ‘Again? How? He’s already had enough of me.’

  ‘Go and ask him something that leads him back in the office for a few seconds.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Dunno. Use your fucking imagination! Keep the phone on so we can hear you.’

  ‘Okay, okay.’ There was a long pause, then they heard Taki’s faded voice. ‘Excuse me, mate,’ he said.

  ‘What now?’ came the reply.

  ‘Er… I’ve run out of credit. Is it all right if I call the RAC from the phone in your office?’

  Nick XR2 nodded his head in appreciation of what he was hearing. ‘Good, Taki,’ he said in a quiet voice.

  ‘All right. Come on,’ the guard replied.

  Then after a few more anxious seconds, in a loud voice: ‘Nice office you got here…’

  And that was the line Nick XR2 was waiting for. ‘Let’s go!’ he said.

  He went and opened the door, releasing glorious fresh air. Tony jumped out first, followed by Charlie, then Nick Black, who had the holdall. He spun his head round to see Taki’s car over by the grass verge, Snoop in the near distance, staring at them and barking, and not another living soul in sight. He put his finger to his lips to try and hush Snoop, who just carried on barking regardless.

  ‘Shut up, Snoop!’ Nick XR2 whispered loudly as he came out of the mausoleum, hastily attempting to lock the door behind him with Marco’s oversized key.

  When he was done, he turned and looked round. Snoop was still barking. He put his finger to his lips and finally Snoop seemed to get the message and quietened down.

  Nick XR2 ran to his car, where the others were already waiting. ‘Charlie, go and sort out Snoop,’ he said. ‘We’re gonna go round the perimeter of the cemetery once, then leave, okay?’

  Charlie nodded and then began walking very fast towards Snoop, head twitching, eyes bulging.

  ‘Charlie’s freaked out,’ Nick Black said.

  ‘Charlie’s always freaked out,’ Nick XR2 replied, opening the driver’s door.

  Nick Black got in the back, Tony shotgun. Nick XR2 started up the engine. In the next moment, they were moving. Nick Black glanced to his right to see the mausoleum standing there as if untouched, unable to believe that he had been standing inside it literally just a few seconds earlier, and unable to digest fully what went on. Four of them had gone in, and one hadn’t made it back out. He glared at Tony in the front seat, who was just staring out of his window, a look of thunder etched onto his frowning face.

  Nick XR2 was on his phone again. ‘We’re out,’ he said into it, obviously talking to Taki. ‘Leave when you’re ready.’

  He threw the phone down on the dash, then put his foot down.

  Operation Tomb Raid was over, and in one respect it was a success. They had the jewels, but they had come at a price. Something to eat away at them for the rest of their lives. Realising this, Nick Black stared at all the gravestones and tombs they were rolling past, and sighed. Until the day he found himself underneath one of those, he would have to carry around inside him what went down in that mausoleum. That was his sentence. His punishment for the crime.

  He lightly tapped the bag of jewels sitting on his lap. At least there was one good thing that could be taken out of this shitty episode—they were rich.

  Let the good times roll…

  SIX

  The good times only lasted about half an hour.

  They all met back at Nick XR2’s where another major problem surfaced.

  ‘They’re fucking marked!’ Nick XR2 shouted in disgust as he threw a pendant down on his coffee table, which resembled a prop from Aladdin’s cave. It bounced and clanged and disappeared in amongst the other precious items.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Nick Black asked.

  ‘Take a fucking look for yourself,’ Nick XR2 replied curtly. ‘Every one of ’em.’ He bent over, picked up a thick gold ring, held it up to the light, and read the small inscription inside it. ‘My darling Elisabeta. We shall never be apart.’ He put it down and picked up a large goblet and read what was inscribed on it. ‘Elisabeta Panucci, the light in my darkness.’ He threw it down on the table. ‘Every one of ’em is marked with her name!’

  ‘Panucci?’ Charlie reflected. He was standing in front of the television, his head twitching. ‘Wasn’t that Marco’s surname?’

  ‘Where is Marco?’ Taki asked, giving a slight shrug of his shoulders at the same time. Silence fell over them, and suddenly the atmosphere became thick, so thick it could have the juice wrung out of it. ‘Did I ask a bad question?’ Taki asked.

  ‘No,’ Nick XR2 replied. ‘It’s just—’

  ‘Tony killed him,’ Charlie said matter-of-factly.

  Taki frowned. ‘What?’

  ‘Beat him to death with a thigh bone,’ Charlie added, grabbing his own thigh with both hands.

  Taki stared up at Tony with fearful eyes. He was nonchalantly leaning up against the wall.

  Tony tutted and looked away. ‘It ain’t like that,’ he said.

  ‘How is it then, Tone?’ Nick Black asked in a forceful manner, the tiara they took right off Elisabeta Panucci’s head held in his hands.

  ‘Look. He started some shit and I finished it,’ Tony said, standing upright and puffing his chest out.

  ‘My fucking hero…’ Nick Black retorted.

  ‘Well, what did you… you know, do with him?’ Taki asked in a slow, quiet voice.

  ‘We dumped him in the tomb,’ Charlie answered.

  ‘Is this serious?’ Taki asked incredulously.

  ‘Deadly,’ Charlie replied. ‘We’re all fucked,’ he added and his head twitched.

  Nick Black tutted. ‘We’re not fucked,’ he replied.

  ‘We are if we can’t think of a way to shift these, believe me,’ Nick XR2 stated.

  ‘What exactly is the problem?’ Tony asked, stepping forwards and grabbing a chain from the table.

  ‘The problem, Tony, is that almost every piece here is marked. It means they can be traced back to who owned them. And that trace will lead back to that fucking mausoleum and our half Italian/quarter Tibetan friend who we buried in there today.’

  ‘You mean you lot are serious about Marco?’ said Taki. ‘He is dead.’

  ‘Yes! How many more times?’ Nick XR2 said, peeved. ‘Marco’s dead. And we all have to keep shtum about it, all right? Although right now, I wish he wasn’t ’cos he said he had a buyer, which meant he saw this situation coming and put a plan in place. He was smart. Now we’ll never know what that plan was.’ Nick XR2 glared up at Tony as he spoke.

  Tony just sniffed hard and looked away.

  ‘Can’t you just fence ’em to some dodgy jeweller?’ Nick Black suggested.

  ‘Or just someone dodgy,’ added Charlie. ‘You know enough of ’em.’

  Nick XR2 shook his head. ‘Nah. The marks will devalue them badly; whoever we shift ’em to will be wary about selling them on themselves. We�
�ve been through enough shit to get our hands on ’em, why cut our profits?’

  ‘So what are we gonna do?’ Nick Black asked.

  Nick XR2 shook his head. ‘I don’t know. We’ll have to just sit on ’em until we work it out.’

  ‘Sit on ’em?’ Tony asked. ‘For how long?’

  ‘As long as it takes.’

  ‘Re. These things are my ticket out of that shitty garage!’ Tony said forcefully, making Taki flinch. ‘I want ’em sold ASAP.’

  ‘Go on then,’ Nick XR2 said and kicked the coffee table out across the carpet; jewels rained down onto the floor. ‘Be my guest. Sell ’em.’ Tony stared at the contents on the coffee table for a few seconds, licking his lips. ‘Don’t know what you’re gonna do with ’em, do you?’ Nick XR2 asked. Tony looked away. Nick XR2 grinned and nodded. ‘We gotta get this right, Tone. If it takes a day, a month, a year. We have to get this right for two reasons. One, so that we get as much cash as possible for ’em, and two, so it doesn’t rebound back on us, ’cos if it does, we’ll all end up doing time.’

  Tony wiped his face with his hands and looked up at the ceiling, defeated. ‘All right. All right,’ he said, showing everyone his palms.

  ‘So where are we gonna stash ’em?’ Nick Black enquired.

  ‘My cousin works for a self storage company,’ Nick XR2 replied. ‘I’ll get him to sort us out a storage unit and we’ll keep ’em in there.’

  ‘And in the meantime?’ Tony asked.

  ‘In the meantime we carry on as normal until we work out how to convert them to cash, then we split it five ways.’

  Charlie started shaking his head vehemently, waving his hands across the air. ‘I don’t want any of it. Those things are cursed.’

  ‘Fine!’ Nick XR2 said. ‘We’ll take your cut if you don’t want it.’

  ‘Good!’ Charlie said, his head twitching as he put his hands back in the pockets of his skinny jeans.

  Nick XR2 puffed his cheeks, exasperated. He rubbed his head, a migraine forming.

  In the background, Snoop whined.

  *****

  Taki went home.

  The rest went to the Storage Centre to see Nick XR2’s cousin. They rolled into the place looking like Reservoir Dogs and to be truthful, Nick Black was feeling like one. They had a bag full of stolen jewels off the back of a tomb raiding, a homicide, and an illegal burial. Beat that Ronnie fucking Biggs!