Die Tryin'

by Stavro Yianni

  Tony huffed. ‘You still going on about that prick? You know you’re like a fucking woman, you know that?’

  ‘Sorry for valuing human life, Tone…’

  ‘What fucking life? A half breed like that? No, quarter, eighth fucking breed, re! One mixed up mong who was gonna rob you and me blind the second he got the chance, believe me. Anyway, that’s not what I’m phoning about…’

  ‘So what do I owe this pleasure to?’

  ‘Nick called. Something’s happened…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I don’t know. But, when Nick Theo calls and tells you to get everyone down to church and he doesn’t sound cool, you know something’s up, you know what I’m saying?’

  ‘Nick called you and told you to get everyone together and go to church and he didn’t sound cool?’

  ‘Is there a fucking echo in here?’

  ‘Only in your empty head.’

  ‘Re. Cut the fucking lip!’

  ‘What do you expect? I’m stoned. You call me up, while I’m stoned, to tell me that Nick wants to get everyone together to go to church. Now, either the stuff I’m smoking is the shit, or you and Nick are taking the piss. So, which one is it?’

  ‘Re. He calls me, tells me some shit has gone down and to get everyone together and down to the church in Wood Green pronto.’

  ‘Everyone? Me, you, and Charlie I take it.’

  ‘Correct. So stop your fucking yakking and get your shit together, I’ll be there in a minute.’

  ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold your horses. Did he say what it’s about?’

  ‘No. but, like I said—he didn’t sound cool. You get me?’

  Nick got him all right. If Nick Theodorou wasn’t sounding as cool as Arthur Fonzarelli licking an ice lolly, then something was wrong. He was the James Bond of the London Greek community.

  Nick checked his alarm clock: 10:38 pm. What the hell was Nick XR2 doing at a church at this time? And what was the problem?

  Intrigue swiftly consumed him. ‘Yeah, I get you, Tone,’ he replied, nodding his head.

  ‘Good. I’ll be there soon, then we’ll go get Charlie.’

  ‘No worries.’

  ‘I’ll one ring when I’m outside.’

  The phone then went dead.

  Well, that was unexpected, Nick thought to himself, rubbing his chin. But the last week had been full of surprises. First Marco telling them where there was a stash of jewels, then actually going into a tomb to collect them, before his friend clubbed him to death, then he himself becoming an accessory to murder, and accomplice to unlawful burial.

  Great.

  Well, it beat boring lectures! And that, he couldn’t deny.

  He shook his head and chuckled absently.

  He then went and grabbed his bud, Rizla and B & H, and got ready for Tony’s arrival.

  *****

  ‘And he didn’t say what he wanted us for?’ Charlie asked from the back seat of Tony’s car. They found him sitting on a random park bench in the street like a lost dog. Nick Black spotted him, and they pulled over and picked him up. From the buzzed up look in his eyes, Nick could tell he was out of his head even more than Charlie’s usual standards.

  When Tony heard his question, he huffed loudly and slapped the steering wheel in irritation. ‘For the last fucking time! Both of you listen to me and listen good. He. Said. Nothing. Except: bring the boys down to the church in Wood Green. Pronto.’ He stared at Charlie through his rear view mirror. ‘Got it?’

  ‘I’m just trying to work out what could be so important, Tony,’ Charlie replied in a defensive tone. ‘This is Nick Theodorou we’re talking about here. It’s almost eleven and he wants us to go to church. Nick XR2, attending church? Since when did he become religious?’

  ‘Maybe he feels guilty about what happened the other day,’ Nick Black said and glanced at Tony.

  Tony looked the other way and muttered something under his breath.

  ‘What, you mean you think he found God?’ Charlie asked.

  ‘Who knows…’ Nick replied.

  ‘Well, if he has, it ain’t gonna do him any good,’ Charlie said grimly.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Nick asked in a tired voice, knowing deep down what Charlie was getting at with his last statement.

  ‘We’re fucked!’ Charlie stated, confirming Nick’s fears. ‘God will never forgive what we’ve done. He’ll never forget.’

  ‘He hasn’t found God,’ Tony abruptly countered.

  ‘How do you know?’ Nick asked him.

  ‘Nick Theo ain’t the type for all that, believe me.’

  ‘Then why’s he at church at this time of night?’ Charlie asked.

  ‘I said I don’t fucking know! Will you stop asking me!’

  ‘Calm down, Tony,’ Charlie said. ‘You’re gonna crash the car if you carry on like that!’

  ‘Well stop asking me the same questions over and over, and just sit tight, shut up, and wait till we get there. Then you’ll find out why the fuck he’s there. For all we know, he could be in trouble.’

  ‘Trouble? What kind of trouble can you get into at church?’ Charlie asked, and Nick could detect that same old paranoid voice coming out of his mouth, the one that constantly believed the farfetched to be the truth.

  ‘Dunno. Could have pissed in the holy water or got caught getting a blow job on the altar!’

  ‘This ain’t funny, Tone,’ Charlie said. ‘He could be in trouble. In fact, I think he might be.’

  ‘Why’s that, Charlie?’ Nick asked.

  ‘Because I…’ Charlie trailed off and went quiet. ‘Just a feeling I got,’ he then said.

  ‘You get all kinds of weird paranoid feelings, re,’ Tony said. ‘Just take a chill. Everything will be sweet. Trust me.’

  ‘Trust you?’ Nick said. ‘And who made you the voice of wisdom?’

  Tony turned and glared at him for a second, then looked back to the road. ‘Me. That’s who! Now, both of you shut the fuck up!’ He angrily turned up the volume on his stereo, hoping to drown out their voices. Xzibit’s gruff voice was now shouting out of the speakers, which grated on Nick Black’s ears. He hated that Rap, Hip-Hop shit—loud, aggressive nonsense. Music for meatheads.

  Which was right up Tony’s street.

  There was a wide grin carved onto the big lump’s face as he sang along with boisterous gusto.

  Nick watched him with a mix of awe and revulsion as he sang along word for word to perfection, the expression of unadulterated pleasure stamped on his face nothing short of downright creepy. His shoulders jigged up and down in time with the beats as he steered the car through the streets playing Hip Hop karaoke. Nick turned to face Charlie, who just sat there, rooted to his seat via his arse, his fists planted down either side of him as if he was holding on for dear life. He looked around with those bug eyes, totally unaffected by the music as if he couldn’t even hear it. Probably got his own music going on in his head, Nick thought to himself.

  He turned back to Tony, who wasn’t letting up at all, in fact he was now singing even louder.

  No wonder he’s such a fucking psycho! Nick thought bitterly to himself. Bloody music has corrupted his mind! He pictured him again as the ape in The Dawn of Man, wielding that fucking bone, waving it around his head like an axe, bringing it down on Marco’s head again and again, that bloodthirsty glare of a ravenous caveman tattooed on his face, even after he delivered the killer blow.

  Something crawled over Nick’s grave and he shivered.

  And suddenly, Nick Theodorou’s bizarre request for them to meet him at church had gone to the back of Nick Black’s mind, which inadvertently made the journey seem shorter because the next thing he knew, Tony was shutting up, turning the stereo off, and slowing the car down. He peered intently out of his windscreen the way people do when driving past police cordons, trying to get a peek of what was going on beyond.

  ‘Church is round here ain’t it?’ Tony asked as he stared.

  ‘It’s a big stone thi
ng with a pointy top, Tone,’ Nick replied. ‘To be honest mate, you can’t really miss it.’

  ‘Don’t get clever, re,’ Tony said in a firm voice. ‘Just look out for it.’

  ‘It’s up ahead on the left,’ Charlie said from the back, his eyes never ungluing themselves from his window.

  Tony nodded his head in appreciation of the advice, and carried on going. ‘There it is,’ he then said, pointing.

  He pulled up outside.

  They looked around anxiously for Nick XR2, but he was nowhere to be seen, nor was his car. The front doors of the church were locked and there were no other cars around. The place was dead.

  ‘Well, where is he?’ Nick Black asked Tony.

  Tony shrugged and killed the engine. He took his mobile from the dash and dialled. ‘We’re here,’ he said into it soon after. ‘Where are you?… No, it’s just us… The place is empty … all right.’ He clicked ‘end call’ and looked at Nick Black.

  ‘Well?’ Nick asked.

  ‘He’s round the back.’

  ‘What’s he doing round there?’ Charlie asked before Tony even finished his sentence, his head twitching.

  ‘He didn’t say. He just said to get round there fast and not let anyone see us.’

  ‘How we gonna do that?’ Nick asked. ‘How do we stop someone from seeing us?’

  ‘Well, shutting the fuck up and getting out of the car is a good start, re!’

  Nick Black tutted and swung his door open. A cold breeze cut into him. ‘I don’t like this,’ he said to Tony.

  ‘You’re not the only one,’ Charlie informed him.

  Nick Black looked around, suddenly feeling suspect like he was about to commit a crime, unable to understand why he felt that way. The big church looming over him, dark and brooding was freaking him out even more. He wanted to be anywhere else right then. Anywhere.

  ‘Come on,’ Tony said, and headed for the back of the church.

  Nick Black took a final look around him before he followed. Charlie took up the rear, and they headed single file into the block of darkness awaiting them.

  They made it round the corner into the shadows when without warning Nick XR2 popped up from nowhere, stiff like a cardboard cut-out.

  Tony virtually walked straight into him. He stopped dead and flinched back in shock. ‘Christ, re!’ he shouted, grabbing his chest. ‘You almost gave me a fucking heart attack!’

  ‘Did anyone see you?’ Nick XR2 asked edgily. His eyes were big and anxious, the sort of eyes Charlie would make, but not Nick XR2.

  Never Nick XR2.

  ‘No. No one saw us,’ Tony replied. ‘What’s going on, re?’

  Nick XR2 rubbed his chin and puffed his cheeks. ‘Follow me. Quickly.’ He spun round and marched off.

  Tony turned to Nick Black and Charlie, and shrugged before they all followed. Nick XR2 led them through the shadow round to the back of the church, where a security light attached to the wall above them bathed the area in a pool of harsh white light. Behind them was a thin alleyway, which was invisible from the street and that disappeared into the distance; it was currently clogged by Nick’s XR2.

  ‘What’s this all about, Nick?’ Tony asked as he followed him into the white light. He was getting pissed off, his patience wearing thin.

  Nick XR2 came to a halt, and spread his hands out in front of him. ‘That’s what this is all about,’ he said.

  A confused frown emerged on Tony’s face. It quickly disappeared once he looked to where Nick XR2’s open palms were pointing. ‘Oh Jesus…’ he said monotone, and that was all.

  ‘What is it?’ Nick Black enquired, rushing up next to Tony, eager to get a look. When he saw it, he jumped back in fright.

  Taki was lying on the ground, slumped up against the church wall, half-naked, and very, very dead.

  The words SEE NO EVIL had been carved into his bare belly and chest with what looked like a very thin blade; a Stanley knife or something similar. Blood oozed out of the wounds and pooled in fat droplets at the bottom of each letter.

  It was like something straight out of a slasher film.

  Nick Black’s hands went up to his cheeks, and his mouth became an O. He stood in stunned disbelief, unable to digest what he was seeing. ‘What happened to his eyes?’ he finally asked in a weedy voice that was really more of a whimper.

  ‘They’ve been gouged out, Nick,’ Nick XR2 said matter-of-factly.

  Nick Black squinted and craned his neck forwards to get a closer look. There were two black voids where Taki’s eyes should have been. Blood dripped from the holes and down his cheeks. In the white light they looked like black tears.

  Nick Black’s stomach twitched and he felt his dinner coming up. He covered his mouth and turned to the side to let it out.

  ‘What the fuck happened?’ Tony asked, ignoring him, instead just staring at Taki’s body with a kind of dark fascination.

  ‘A couple of hours ago,’ Nick XR2 began, staring at Taki as he spoke. ‘I was inside the church with him. He was losing his bottle. Talking about going to the police over what happened.’

  ‘So you killed him?’ Nick Black asked from his bent over spewing position.

  Nick XR2 stared darkly at him. ‘You think I fucking done this? Look at him! You think I done that? Where’s the blood on my hands?’ He held out his open palms as he spoke.

  ‘Then how did you find him here?’ Nick Black then asked.

  Nick sighed and answered slowly. ‘We had an argument; I left. But, while I was driving home, I thought about what he was saying, and so I came back to have another word with him just to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid. I couldn’t find him inside. I called his mobile from just out there, and I heard his ringtone from back here.

  I followed the sound, and I found him like this…’

  ‘Nick didn’t do it,’ Charlie then said, stepping up next to Tony, his bug eyes never leaving Taki’s mutilated body. ‘Marco done it.’

  Nick XR2 glanced from Charlie to Tony, before staring back at Charlie again. ‘Marco’s dead, Charlie,’ he said.

  ‘Yeah, but he’s back,’ Charlie replied, his head twitching.

  ‘What do you mean ‘he’s back?’ Nick Black asked, wiping the remaining sick from his mouth, and returning to an upright position.

  ‘He’s dead. But he’s back,’ Charlie said in a slow voice as if he were speaking to a bunch of kids. ‘Back for revenge, Nick.’ He pointed at Taki with his open hand. ‘This-this is the start.’

  Nick XR2 looked at Tony and shrugged, scratching the back of his head in confusion.

  ‘What the fuck are you on about, Charlie?’ Nick Black asked. He was getting irritated by Charlie’s nonsense. At other times he could just laugh, but now…

  ‘Look. I-I…’ Charlie began, his head twitching like mad. He wanted to say something but couldn’t get it out. He stopped, took in a deep breath and then said:

  ‘I can see and hear dead people.’

  Silence ensued.

  Nick Black rolled his eyes and shook his head. What the fuck is he on about now?

  Tony was the first to speak. ‘You can see dead people? What you think this is, re? The Sixth fucking Sense or something?’ he asked, the veins in his neck popping out.

  ‘What’s that?’ Charlie responded.

  ‘It’s a film, Charlie. About a little boy who can ‘see’ dead people,’ Nick Black informed him. ‘He even says that same line, exactly what you just used.’

  ‘Yeah?’ Charlie replied in a flat tone. ‘Unlucky kid…’ he added, staring bug eyed at Taki again.

  ‘Let me just get this straight, Charlie,’ Nick XR2 said, rubbing his forehead with one hand as if he had a migraine. ‘You think Marco, the bloke who we buried the other day in a tomb with a lid that needs three to four people to lift, has risen from the grave like Lazarus, and is out there now—’

  ‘Like some kind of fucking zombie,’ Tony added.

  ‘Right,’ Nick said, pointing at Tony. ‘This…zombie th
ing is out there now, stalking us, the people who killed him and buried him?’

  ‘And only you can see him,’ Nick Black added.

  ‘And only you can see him,’ Nick XR2 reaffirmed. ‘This zombie, ghost man, thing.’

  Charlie just stared at them with those big, black, drug-frenzied bug eyes for a few seconds. ‘Yeah,’ he said, and then his head twitched.

  ‘Jesus Christ,’ Tony groaned.

  ‘You’re something else, Charlie, you know that?’ Nick XR2 stated.

  ‘Well, how else do you explain this?’ Charlie said, getting on the defensive. ‘Huh? Who done this? Someone or something fucking did. I mean, he didn’t cut himself shaving did he? And I’m telling you now, Marco done it.’

  ‘But, how do you know that, Charlie?’ Nick Black asked. ‘How can you be so sure?’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Tony.

  ‘I told you. I saw him,’ Charlie answered.

  ‘Where?’ Nick Black.

  ‘Around. At the bus stop, in the park. I see him walking around like he’s alive.’

  ‘How do you know it’s him and not someone who looks like him?’ Nick XR2.

  ‘Yeah.’ Tony.

  ‘Because he talks like him too. And he had a Yin Yang tattoo on his neck as well! I mean what more do you want?’ They all just stared at him, unable to answer. ‘Anyway,’ Charlie said, shaking his head. ‘They talk to me, tell me things—’

  ‘Who?’ Nick Black.

  ‘Who are we talking about?’ Charlie said crossly. ‘The fucking dead people! They talk to me in my head. I’m like a conduit.’

  Tony stared at him nonplussed. ‘A what?’ he asked.

  ‘A conduit. A con-doo-it, Tone. It means they make contact with the living through me,’ Charlie said, slapping his skinny chest.

  ‘Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?’ Tony said, agitated.

  ‘I thought I did.’ Charlie flipped his hand on the air. ‘Anyway, back to the fucking point…’ He sighed. ‘First they told me that Marco wants to get us back for what we did to him. Next thing I know, I start seeing him around. And that’s when he told me he wants revenge.

  Now this…’ He splayed his hands out towards Taki’s chilled remains.

  ‘Are either of you believing this shit?’ Tony asked the two Nicks.