The Heart Denied

by Wulf, Linda Anne

  He would never let me go off by myself either; he has too much fun torturing me. Admittedly, I did have fun fighting with him, there were just other things that were more entertaining and exciting. I was sure he would be surprised to find out just what those other things were, but I planed on doing everything in my power to keep it from him, just as I have kept it from everyone but my father, who still doesn’t know just how much a part of my life it is.

  “Lady Morgan, is something wrong with the roast? I can have my cook make you something else if you wish.” Sir Alex DeMacleo’s request broke into my thoughts.

  “No, thank you, I’m afraid I don’t seem to have much of an appetite at the moment.”

  “It’s a shame, Morgan; the roast is perfect tonight, just tender and juicy enough.” Brian chimed in as he took a bite of his bread and smiled at me.

  “Why, thank you for letting me know what I was missing.” I hoped that sounded half as curt as I’d meant it to. It was no fun unless he was fighting back.

  “I have a question. Was that formality agreement just between the two of us or does my father get to call you Morgan as well? And while I’m thinking about it, does that agreement mean you want me to start calling your father papa?”

  I felt the smile quirk my lips as I replied, “Why Brian, darling, I wish for us all to call each other what we wish, if you want to call my father papa or, even, daddy, that is between the two of you. And your father may call me by my name instead of giving a title in front of it.”

  “Some how I don’t see myself calling your father daddy, it’s more of a childish girl thing, but if you wish to call my father daddy I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

  “I hardly think it’s a girl thing, I bet you call your father daddy all the time.”

  “Not as often as you call yours daddy, ‘daddy, I don’t feel like eating, nibbling is so tiresome’.”

  Narrowing my eyes I said, “Not as tiresome as swallowing without chewing your food, but then again, if my mouth were that big I may be able to cram more into it before it gets cooled all the way down.”

  “Morgan!” “Brian!” Both our parents snapped at us to stop our bickering but I wasn’t shutting up that easily, and neither was Brian.

  “Didn’t I tell you? Its my special talent to swallow my plate down quickly so that I can get to doing the things a man needs to do, where as a woman you can spend all day nibbling a piece of bread because you have nothing to do.”

  Snorting, I sniped back, “Like locking yourself in your room all day is doing something. And just what makes you think that because I am a woman I do nothing? You have no idea what all I do. And for your information, you’re the reason I have no appetite. If you hadn’t made me so angry, I would be eating and not just nibbling a piece of bread!”

  Suddenly, he burst out laughing, what the hell did he have to laugh about?! “Morgan, you are hands down the easiest person to pick a fight with I have ever come across in my life! Not to mention how adorable you look when you throw a tantrum.”

  “I’m glad you like to fight because I have a feeling our relationship will be nothing but.” I said with venom.

  “Morgan, that’s enough! Mind yourself! I did not raise you to talk to a man like that.” Father burst in, finally drawling my attention.

  “Brian, you should be ashamed of yourself! Morgan is a lady and should be treated as such.” Sir Alex’s tone was lower but just as severe.

  “Now Alex, in all fairness Morgan was encouraging him.” Outrageously, Father defended the brute!

  “Yes Robert, but Brian should not have started or continued it.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears! Here they were, talking like old friends, and as if we were not even in the same room! This entire thing was a nightmare! Just when Brian and I started hashing it all out our parents stop us and suddenly become old friends! I sat back with a huffed and crossed my arms.

  ~~~

  Watching Morgan as our parents became friends I couldn’t help but sympathize with her look of disgust. How on Earth were the two of us supposed to get out of this arrangement if our parents found our dislike of each other a way to become better acquainted? Unless the two of us were to work together…

  Just the thought of it made my mind cringe. Getting close to Morgan or even letting her get close to me could be a horrible mistake, but what choice did I have? I couldn’t just sit back and let this happen! I could talk to father and get him to realize what a mistake this would be, and I could get her to talk to her father about the same thing, heaven knows she was anything but spineless.

  “Robert, would you care to join me in the sitting room for a cigar and brandy? I am sure the kids will not kill each other in our absence.”

  “If you feel confident they will be fine without us then how can I decline?”

  “Father! You are leaving me alone with a man! That is improper!”

  “Morgan, I think we have nothing to worry about but the safety of his ears.”

  “I do believe my ears will be fine.” This was just the opportunity I needed to talk to Morgan and make a plan to get this entire thing called off.

  “What? Are you all insane?”

  “My footman will be right in the next room. If, for some reason, my son decides to accost you just raise your voice and he will be at your assistance.”

  “Truly, Morgan, he is to be your husband anyway.”

  “But Father!”

  “Enough.” Although it was soft spoken even I could tell Sir Robert had put his foot down on the matter.

  “Yes Father.”

  I patiently watched as our parents left the room before turning my attention to Morgan, who was again sulking. What was it with women and sulking when they didn’t get their way? Never mind that, damn the moon! Even now it was getting the best of me.

  “Morgan, lets set aside our obvious distaste for each other, hmm?”

  I watched as she rolled her eyes before saying, “Oh, don’t start that bullocks. You don’t want this any more than I do.”

  Sitting back, ignoring the shock of her cursing and taking a sip of my wine, I smiled at her, “Exactly.”

  To that she sat forward and allowed an adorable little crease to mark her forehead. It was a moment before she finally took the bate. “OK, you have my attention. Just what are you thinking?”

  “I am thinking that we can work together toward the same goal, that is, if you truly don’t want this marriage, because I can reconsider the arrangement…” I hopped my bluff would not cost me.

  “Just tell me what you mean already! Lord knows I don’t want this marriage.”

  “If you could talk to your father and make him see how doomed this is…”

  “I already have told him I do not wish to get married.”

  “I believe I was talking. If we are going to work together then we must allow each other to talk before adding our own.”

  “Don’t expect an apology out of me, just continue.”

  “I am going to do everything in my power to convince my father tonight that this is a failed endeavor and it would be a good thing for you to do the same with your father.”

  “May I?”

  I smiled at her obvious hatred of asking my permission to speak. “Yes.”

  “Our parents already know of our dislike of each other, how will we convince them this is a bad match?”

  “Do you have anything that you could possibly use against your father? I hate to suggest blackmail, but it’s the only thing I’ve got that could possibly work against my father and I was hoping you had something of the sort.”

  “As a matter of fact I just might have a bargaining ch
ip or two now that I think of it.”

  “Like what? I want to know its not some silly thing you think will work but any self respecting man wouldn’t think twice about.”

  “Thank you very much, it’s none of your business, and this is something he will defiantly not stop thinking about once I bring it to his attention. Just what do you have that’s such good leverage?”

  “Well, Morgan, as you so delicately pointed out, it isn’t any of your business.”

  “If all else fails you can always tell him you’re more interested in men.”

  To that I had to laugh, “Morgan, my father has caught me with too many women.”

  “Just because you kiss a girl or two does not mean he will not believe it.”

  “My father has caught me doing a lot more than kissing a girl.”

  “I knew that, but you didn’t have to say it! I could have thought of you just kissing them but now every time I look at you I am going to see your rump in the air!”

  Shock rolled threw me then suddenly it hit me, “You’re not a virgin!”

  “Yes I most certainly am! Just because a woman has never done it does not mean I don’t know how it’s done or that it’s done, especially when my father wanted me to know just what any young lad would want from me! Not to mention the time I walked in on two of the servants doing it!”

  This time I really couldn’t control myself. I burst out laughing. The thought of Morgan walking in on some poor unsuspecting servant was just too much! “I wonder who was more embarrassed, you or the servant!”

  “I’m not sure, but I can tell you who was bare assed!” Surprisingly she began to laugh. The single most musical sound I had ever heard in my life. “Truly, I think he was more angered than anything, until he realized I might tell my father. Then he began begging that I forget the entire thing! As if my father would care! I told him and he only laughed and told me the lass was screaming in pain because sex hurt women!” Then through her laughing she snorted, and began crying she was laughing so hard. “As if any woman would scream, ‘more, more, it feels so good, more!’…If … if… if it truly hurt!”

  I lost all control then and began laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. This was too much! Her father had almost succeeded in frightening her away from sex even in the marriage bed! Suddenly I realized the footman staring at the two of us as if we had gone mad. Then it hit me how loud she had imitated the girl she was talking about.

  I cleared my throat and tried to stop my laughing, “Morgan was just telling me a story.” I watched as one brow rose in suspicion.

  “I found two servants doing some rather inappropriate activities in the kitchen pantry and was just telling Brian how my father had tried telling me the girl was in pain as she was screaming she liked it.” Morgan did her best to explain soberly.

  Then our parents were there eying us questioningly. “We were coming down the hall when we heard Morgan’s… rather loud reenactment.” Robert said eying his daughter with a half smile on his face. “Seems you caught me in a fib Morgie. Had I known the words you heard I may have told you something else.”

  Morgie? That was just wrong for her. It must have been a childhood nickname Robert couldn’t let go. I wondered how irritating it was to her? I know I would kill father if he called me any of my childhood nicknames.

  “Now you do realize that it will hurt the first time though, that I’m not lying about.”

  “Father!” I watched as Morgan turned bright red at her father’s openness.

  “The two of you will be doing it soon enough, why not tell you what to expect on your wedding night now?”

  “Father! You could have waited until we were alone to tell me this!”

  “I guess you’re right, We’ll be going now anyhow unless you two have more to discuss?”

  “Just one thing Morgan, I am afraid I will not be able to escort you to the ball. You see, I have some business that I have to take care of that I had completely forgotten about.”

  “That’s not the real reason. I know why you aren’t taking me.”

  I felt a moment of panic then quickly tapped it down, “Oh really? Why?”

  “I’d bet you can’t dance to save your life, and you’re afraid that I’d ask you to dance.”

  Sighing inwardly to myself I replied, “How did I ever think such a thing would get past you? Well, now you’ve caught me. So you’ll find another escort?”

  “Of course. Thank you for letting me know.”

  “Sorry it took me so long to realize this.”

  “No problem. I’ll simply go with my friends and make a girls outing of it.”

  “Sounds lovely. Now that I know you’re going with a few other girls I regret not being able to attend.”

  “It’s a shame; you could have gotten on well with one of them.”

  “You may have to introduce me to a few of them.”

  “Maybe.” She said as she climbed into her carriage.

  I had to admit that had been a nice move by her, talking as if she would introduce me to one of her friends. Mayhap one of our parents would see it as a sign that this was not a good idea. Then again, mayhap Father would see it as another one of the challenges I should take up, winning over Morgan or making her jealous.

  “What the hell was that?”

  Maybe he wouldn’t, I smiled to myself, “I believe that was Morgan and I were discussing the better option of other people than each other.”

  “Not that! You were discussing sex with her? What the hell happened to the two of you hating each other? You had one hell of a show of dislike for one another at the table over dinner, and now you’re talking of sex with her? Talking about other women!”

  “Are you saying you were hoping I would drive her away? Because I have plenty of ways to do that one.”

  “No! I’m saying that whatever game you’re playing at, I’m not biting! So you had better get used to Morgan and only Morgan, no other women. In fact, I am ordering all the maids to not so much as change your sheets!”

  “You think I want to get involved with anyone? I don’t want to get close enough to anyone that I can be a danger to them, that’s why I leave two days before I become the monster that I am! What the hell makes you think that this betrothal is a good idea!? You want me to hurt, or worse, kill that lovely young woman!? I sure as hell don’t!”

  “I think that if you were to woo her until she falls in love with you it won’t matter to her, and she will understand and know how to keep herself safe from you!”

  “You think it’s that easy? What makes you think that she even could fall in love with me? And what makes you think that even if she falls in love with me that it will be enough to accept what I am?”

  “Because I accept what you are!”

  “You’re my father, you’re a man! She is a delicate woman who can’t even eat when she is upset! She can’t even stand her father telling her that it will hurt her the first time!”

  “She was comfortable enough to talk to you about finding a few servants doing the deed!”

  “I started that conversation by asking if she were a virgin!”

  “Just why in the hell would you ask if she were a virgin if you have no interest in wedding her?”

  “It was all a part of the conversation and I can’t remember now but she said something to make me think otherwise. I was shocked and just blurted the question out. It doesn’t matter anyhow.”

  “It’s a good thing that she is a virgin though, it means you will not have to worry that she carries another man’s child when you wed.”

  â€
œWhy can’t you see it’s not a good idea for us to wed?”

  “I honestly think she would be able to handle it! And who’s to say you won’t have found a cure for yourself by then?”

  “I have to leave in two days time and will not be back for seven days or more after that. I am no closer to finding a cure than I was four months ago! All I know is if I were to eat the amount of wolfbane it takes to cure me that I would not only be cured but dead! There is no guarantee that any cure I come up with will not kill me! Do you wish to make her a widow so young if she can handle being married to a monster looking for the cure?”

  “You are not a monster! You haven’t hurt anyone and you certainly haven’t killed anyone!”

  “That’s right, I haven’t yet, and I certainly don’t want her to be the first.”

  “You won’t hurt anyone!”

  “Just because I would never hurt anyone unless I had to right now doesn’t mean I won’t when I’m an animal! Don’t you see it? How I start to change as I get closer and closer to the change? It’s not just physical! I can’t concentrate! I start thinking in a less civilized way and start getting angry easily! I don’t want to hurt anyone!”

  “There is something about her that tells me that she could take care of herself if something went wrong. Under all that propriety and femininity is a backbone stronger than this castle, and if you were to give her a chance you might just see it! I don’t want to hear any more on the subject. As far as I am concerned, the only person that can call this off is Robert, and he seems to think you are just what his headstrong daughter needs.”

  “I will never tell her because she will never accept it! She would think that the werewolf that has been terrorizing the town is me and tell the first person she can, and have me shot with a silver bullet before I even turn!”

  “We’ll see.”