Primal Nature

by Monique Singleton

  Slowly he comprehended the situation.

  CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND ONE

  She was here.

  She had come for him.

  His initial fear was replaced with a temporary resignation. If she was really after him, there was no escape. And he was sure that she was in the room somewhere. The fact that he didn’t know where just added to his conviction. He sat down on the sofa facing the balcony, picking up his glass as he passed the table.

  ‘Hello Tonal.’ He said softly, sipping the whisky. There was no reply. Still he knew she was there.

  ‘Quite the déjà Vu.’ Alex continued—talking felt good. ‘That was what alerted me. This is almost the same as when you took care of the previous President.’

  ‘It isn’t the same.’ The voice—her voice—came from his right near the drapes.

  ‘He wasn’t my friend. I never loved him.’

  Alex folded his hands around the glass. ‘Ah yes, there is that.’

  The silence was heavy. She didn’t move.

  ‘Please Tonal.’ Alex pleaded. ‘Please show yourself, I want to see you.’ He turned his head towards the drapes hoping that she would comply with his request.

  Slowly she moved into his line of vision. Naturally, she was naked. That was to be expected. The moonlight shone on the skin of her shoulder, her arm and her torso. Alex’s heart fluttered. She still had that effect on him, after all these years, after everything that had happened. He felt twelve years old again. Totally fascinated by this beautiful creature.

  CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND TWO

  ‘Is this it?' he asked. ‘The end of the line for me?’

  I let the question hang in the air. It hurt me to think about it. It was so definite. So irrevocable.

  Discussing the war with the council, it had seemed so clear, this was the only choice left for us. That it had to be me was obvious. No one else would be able to get anywhere near Alex, not without losing their own lives.

  I was ready for it, at least that was what I thought.

  It had to be done and I had convinced myself that I could put the small residue of feeling I had left for this man aside and just do the job.

  After all that's what it was—a job.

  I had stopped counting the number of assassinations I had performed while with the Partisans. It had been what they had recruited me for, what I was ultimately and totally suited to do. Long ago I had buried my internal ethical deliberations about killing human beings, smothered them with “The Cause”. It was for the best, and it needed to be done.

  To be truthful, killing the bad guys also relieved my bloodlust, the continuous struggle I had with my inner beast.

  My feelings of guilt and debasement were irrelevant. An occupational hazard.

  And that had brought me here. To this monumental place and time.

  Naturally, it wasn’t that easy.

  He might be a tyrant, but he was also Alex.

  My Alex.

  The only person I had really opened up to in the past three decades.

  Someone who had given me at least a semblance of normality.

  And now I would kill him.

  What did that make me? Besides a murderer.

  I had shut off my feelings for so long that I had convinced myself that they were absent.

  Feelings of disgust at myself, at what I had become.

  Feelings of isolation, because I was this mythical creature that no one really dared to approach.

  Feelings of self-loathing and confusion. For my urges, for the gratification that I got from killing humans.

  People.

  People with families.

  People with lives and ambitions. People who didn’t want to die,

  And Alex didn’t.

  ‘I would say that it's good to see you, but that isn’t the case is it?’ he broke the silence. ‘Can we talk about this Tonal?’ he tried. ‘For old time’s sake.’

  I remained silent. My ultimate weapon, and one that had gotten me into this fix in the first place.

  ‘We used to be friends, lovers.’

  Why did he have to remind me? The memories were cutting through my heart and my resolve as it was.

  I shook my head, to clear my thoughts and pull myself together, and as an answer to Alex.

  ‘Please Tonal, I’m begging you. Don’t let it end like this.’

  Tears appeared and slowly ran down his face. I wanted to scream stop it, don't you know how this is killing me already.

  ‘I’ll change, you’ll see. I will Tonal, I promise.’

  ‘You’ve tried before. That option has passed’ my voice was hard, attempting to take out all of my internal turmoil.

  ‘I mean it, I will divorce Salina, abdicate, organise democratic elections.’ he was ranting, trying against reason to hang on to his pathetic life. He must have known it was a lost cause. I mean—I was there. There was only one reason for that and he was it. He knew that I would not change my mind, could not. But still he had to try. Had to push the hot poker in deeper.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Please Tonal, I beg you, I don’t want to die.’

  ‘It’s too late for that. You brought this upon yourself.’

  His posture deflated.

  There was no hope. The grim reaper had come, and I was it.

  Crying uncontrollably, he put his head in his hands.

  I let him. Trying to isolate myself from the emotion that spoke from his sobs. For the finality of it all.

  Against all logic I waited for more than five minutes, until he had himself under some semblance of control again. Why? I suppose for old time’s sake. And to postpone the inevitable.

  Even these circumstances were better than no time at all with Alex. I realised how much I had missed him. How important he still was to me.

  I chastised myself for not trying harder to get through to him, for leaving him to Salina’s administrations and manipulations. He had been like a puppy, under the influence of a vicious and cunning owner. I should have saved him from that.

  Saved him from what was to come now.

  … … I shouldn’t have broken his heart.

  That was the catalyst to all of this.

  If I had not broken off with him so brutally, he wouldn’t have been susceptible to that bitch.

  If… If… If…

  Yeah, right. That had about as much use as his begging for his life. Wouldn’t change anything. Things being as they were, there was no going back.

  What was done was done.

  The present was what was important.

  And that present sucked.

  Big Time.

  CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND THREE

  The initial resignation had resurfaced. Alex knew it was inevitable. And maybe, just maybe, even the best solution.

  But he had to get it off his chest. All that he had done. He had to tell her, make her understand and maybe hate him a little less.

  ‘I’m sorry Tonal’ the confessions came easily. ‘Sorry for what I have done, what I have become. We set out to stop the tyranny, to make a better life for everyone, you, Dulce, Jesus, me.’ He didn’t want to stop, his need to unburden himself was so great.

  ‘I screwed up, big time. I became the very thing we fought, like you said. No, worse, because I should have known. I betrayed everything that was dear to us. Alienated everyone who really cared. I wish we could turn back time, go back to the time that we fought together. Before Salina. She ruined everything she… …’ He shook his head.

  ‘No, it was me, I take full responsibility.’

  ‘How can you?’ Finally, she moved in to the room. ‘How can you take responsibility? Do you even recognise what you have done? Why Alex, Why?’ Her voice was soft, but it cut Alex deeply. Tears once again began to leak from the edge of his eyes.

  He felt tiny, insignificant, ashamed. His father would turn in his grave, had probably done so for a long time. After all, he had indeed betrayed all that Julio had stood for.

  ‘I have
no excuse’ defeat in his voice. ‘I cannot change what I have done. And now the ultimate betrayal. I force you to kill me… I wanted to do it myself, I knew that I would have to die to make amends for anything. Tried even. I sat here for hours with the gun in my hand, getting up the guts to finish it all. But even for that I lack the courage. I’m a total failure. And once again; you must clean up the mess I made.’ His tears were coming with a vengeance now. ‘I wish I could stop, save you from doing this, from killing again. But when she comes back tomorrow morning I’ll cave in again and it will all continue. You can’t let me live. Please help me Tonal.’ He was begging now. ‘I have ruined so many lives. Killed so many people. Even the actions of the General and Esposito fade in the light of what I’ve done. I can’t live with myself. But I’m too much of a coward to finish it. The guards won’t let me out of their sight outside of this room, so I can’t put myself in the way of a bullet. I need you to do it.’

  Alex talked for another ten minutes. Finally unburdening his conscience, knowing he would not find redemption. His actions had wrecked all hope of that long ago. But he found that talking and voicing his remorse at least lifted the dread for what was coming.

  She watched him, listened. Slowly the old Alex returned. The man she had known so many years ago. Silent tears slid down her cheeks, she had loved this man. Still did. This one, not the monster he had become. And yet in all his power abuse, in all his tyranny, he had kept her secret. Not even Salina knew who and what she was. What her talents were. Even then, he had stayed true to the promise he had made so many years ago. She walked around the sofa and put her hand on his shoulder. Touching him brought back memories—good ones.

  Alex had stopped crying, finally feeling at peace and resigned. His hand touched hers, feeling her emotion, the hand trembled.

  ‘It’s ok.’ He said.

  Bending his head back against the sofa Alex closed his eyes. She wrapped her arms around him, cupped his chin softly in her hand.

  ‘Thank you’ he murmured.

  With one quick wrench she broke his neck. Alex died instantly, without pain, the vague smile still on his lips.

  Sliding to the floor behind the sofa she wept in earnest.

  CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR

  I lingered in the room for more than an hour, willing someone to come in. Preferably a guard, someone I could vent my anger and sorrow on. But no one came.

  Pulling myself together, I finally stood up and walked to the balcony, turning one last time to look at my long-time friend. He looked peaceful, finally at rest. So at odds with how I felt.

  I left the way I’d come. Clinging to the face of the building with the tiny handholds that only I could find. Changing as soon as I felt the grass under my feet, I ran past the side of the building. The dogs were silent, they would bay no more, I’d taken care of them on the way in. Past the pens and the outbuildings, I approached the high fence. With a mighty bound of my powerful back legs I easily cleared the high voltage fence and disappeared into the jungle beyond—bound for the rendezvous point.

  I ran as fast as I could for the first few miles. Looking for the release I so desperately needed in physical exhaustion. But it didn’t work. The emotions overwhelmed me, and I stopped. Raising my head to the sky I howled out my pain. The roar carried deep into the jungle. Even the familiar sounds and smells of the forest could not comfort me.

  I had killed my best friend.

  One of the people who had made my life worth living, made eternity bearable.

  Slowly I made my way to where I had arranged to meet Dulce.

  Every step was a torture.

  He was her only sibling. I had killed her big brother. Her anchor in life.

  CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE

  Dulce was a nervous wreck pacing back and forth in the small clearing. Torn between fear for the safety of her friend and the knowledge that her return would mean the death of her brother.

  They had all agreed that it was the only way. Alex had to die. It was a unanimous decision by the war council. But that didn’t mean that it had been an easy one. Many of the council members were long-term revolutionaries who had fought by Alex’s side. His betrayal lay heavy on their minds and was the validation for the decision. Almost pushing away the memories of those other times.

  Of the other Alex.

  Almost, but not quite.

  In the silence and privacy of their own quarters they had all shed a tear for their old friend and for their own souls now they had condemned him to die.

  There was only one choice for the assassin. Only one person who could and would do it. The consensus didn’t need to be spoken out loud. It was evident.

  They had left for the palace that morning. In the clearing Tonal had left her clothes with Dulce, changed and disappeared into the jungle, leaving her here, pacing back and forth, biting her nails.

  Five minutes ago, she had heard the enormous roar. She was certain that it was Tonal, in no doubt of what it meant. The tell-tale sound of frightened birds heralded the arrival of the majestic cat. Slowly passing through the bushes at the edge of the clearing she approached Dulce, stopping a foot away.

  ‘So, it’s done?’ The tears began to escape her eyes, regardless of her resolve. She had wanted to be strong for her friend.

  The big cat dipped its head and stared at the dusty ground. Dulce took the last step forward and threw her arms around the big neck, burying her face in the warm fur. Sobs racked her body. Finally, she loosened her grip and sank to the ground. Tonal sat down next to her. They stayed this way for a long time as the darkness of the night faded into the vague glow of the new day.

  ‘You’re not changing back.’ It was more a statement than a question. Dulce felt that Tonal was done with human form and everything it entailed. The big head rubbed up against her shoulder, confirming her assumption.

  ‘I have to contact Jesus’ she said. Standing up she walked over to her small backpack and retrieved her phone. She punched the speed dial for one, letting the phone ring five times—the agreed signal that Alex was dead. Phoning was not an option—all calls would probably be monitored. Besides this saved her from saying the words out loud. Tears flowed again. and she returned back to the comforting warmth of the big cat where she curled up against its great flank and wept uncontrollably.

  Finally, her tears dried up. She shouldered her backpack and kicked off her sandals then crawled on to the cat’s back. Taking her old familiar place, she lay her head on the massive shoulder and closed her eyes.

  Tonal slowly stood and walked out of the clearing into the forest. The close contact comforted her as much as it did Dulce. They would travel back to the rebel’s compound this way, taking comfort from each other.

  CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND SIX

  Early the next day—after a long trip—they arrived back at the compound. Their entrance caused a stir. Though there had always been rumours, the actual extent of Tonal’s talents were not widely known among the revolutionaries. Dulce remained mounted with her hands on either side of Tonal’s shoulders. Children’s frightened screams alerted the camp and armed soldiers appeared.

  Dulce refrained from comment, her stare enough to make sure that the guns were lowered. Screams and cries were silenced. Jesus appeared with his lieutenants, viewing the scene he nodded to Dulce and beckoned them to follow him. To the crowd he said ‘go back to your work’ his deep voice pushing the people into action. Reluctantly they left to continue with their tasks.

  Dulce dismounted and entered the large camouflaged war tent after Jesus, followed by Tonal who settled down in the corner, her massive head resting on her paws.

  ‘Why does she come here like this?’ he asked softly.

  ‘She won’t change back. I think she’s done with humanity.’ Dulce answered. ‘I can’t blame her after what we asked her to do.’

  ‘No one asked her to do it, she volunteered.’ Victor sputtered, once again the first to voice his opinion. He was silenced by the coldness in J
esus’ eyes.

  ‘Oh, we asked her, even if no one said it out loud. She has been taking care of our dirty work for too long. If it were me, I wouldn’t have done it. Alex was her friend. They go back a long way.’

  Jesus walked over to the big cat and addressed her ‘Thank you Tonal. I am sorry you had to be the one.’ Lifting her head, the cat looked intently at the large man, himself close to tears. Alex had been his friend too, his protégé. Tonal acknowledged him and his pain and lowered her head once more where she continued to observe the surrounding revolutionaries. All those present had been privy to her secret but had not been prepared to face the fact so suddenly and so clearly. Knowing from a distance was very different from being in the same tent as the massive predator.

  ‘Now we prepare for the deciding battles.’ The warlord was back in control.

  The tyrant was dead. The backbone of the power broken—but by no means defeated. There were long battles, assassinations, infiltrations and a lot of death. On the political side the resistance gained more and more support. Now Alex was dead, the power struggle in the government and military erupted. Killing each other became the preferred way to deal with the competition. This suited the revolutionaries just fine. Their enemies were doing their work for them.

  Briefly Salina came out on top, backed by the vicious mercenaries. But when they departed for greener pastures, she was left in a void.

  Help came from an unexpected quarter. A military man from the northern states looked her up and promised his help and a way out of the situation she was in. He would take her back with him and they would regroup from the north. In turn she would help him with another matter. Looking into his piercing blue eyes she recognised a kindred spirit.