Delphi Complete Works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Illustrated)

by SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE

  PRINCE: Why, nothing at all, doctor. I felt such a draught on the back o’ my neck, don’t yer know, that I opened the door to see where it came from!

  (WATSON goes down and rings bell on his desk, placing bottle on papers. Pause. Enter PARSONS.)

  WATSON: Parsons, show this man the shortest way to the street door and close the door after him.

  PRINCE: But, doctor, ye don’t understand.

  WATSON: I understand quite enough. Good evening.

  PRINCE: Yer know, the draught plays hell with my throat, sir — and seems to affect my —

  WATSON: Good evening. (He sits and pays no further attention to PRINCE.)

  PARSONS: This way, sir, if you please.

  PRINCE: I consider that you’ve treated me damned outrageous, that’s wot I do, and ye won’t hear the last of this very soon.

  PARSONS (approaching him): Come, none o’ that now. (Takes PRINCE by the arm.)

  PRINCE (as he walks toward door with PARSONS, turns head back and speaks over his shoulder, shouting out in his natural voice): Yer call yerself a doctor an’ treats sick people as comes to see yer this ‘ere way. (Goes out with PARSONS and continues talking until slam of door outside.) Yer call yerself a doctor! A bloomin’ foine doctor you are! (Etc.)

  (PARSONS has forced PRINCE out by the arm during foregoing speech. Door closes after PRINCE. Sound of outside door closing follows shortly. WATSON, after short pause, looks round room, not observing that window shades are up. He rings bell. Enter PARSONS)

  WATSON (rises and gathers up a few things as if to go): I shall be at Mr. Holmes’s in Baker Street. If there’s anything special, you’ll know where to send for me. The appointment was for nine. (Looks at watch.) It’s fifteen minutes past eight now — I’m going to walk over.

  PARSONS: Very well, sir.

  (Bell of outside door rings. PARSONS looks at WATSON, who shakes his head.)

  WATSON: No. I won’t see any more to-night. They must go to Doctor Anstruther.

  PARSONS: Yes, sir. (He starts towards door to answer bell.)

  (WATSON looks and sees blinds up.)

  WATSON: Parsons! (PARSONS turns.) Why aren’t those blinds down?

  PARSONS: They was down a few minutes ago, sir!

  WATSON: That’s strange! Well, you’d better pull them down now.

  PARSONS: Yes, sir.

  (Bell rings twice as PARSONS pulls second blind down. He goes out to answer bell. Pause. Then enter PARSONS in a peculiar manner.)

  If you please, sir, it isn’t a patient at all, sir.

  WATSON: Well, what is it?

  PARSONS: A lady sir — (WATSON looks up) — and she wants to see you most particular, sir!

  WATSON: What does she want to see me about?

  PARSONS: She didn’t say sir. Only she said it was of the hutmost himportance to ‘er, if you could see ‘er, sir.

  WATSON: Is she there in the hall?

  PARSONS: Yes sir.

  WATSON: Very well — I was going to walk for the exercise — I can take a cab.

  PARSONS: Then you’ll see the lady, sir.

  WATSON: Yes. (PARSONS turns to go. WATSON continues his preparations.) And call a cab for me at the same time — have it wait.

  PARSONS: Yes, sir.

  (PARSONS goes out. Pause. PARSONS appears, ushering in a lady — and goes when she has entered. Enter MADGE LARRABEE. Her manner is entirely different from that of the former scenes. She is an impetuous gushing society lady with trouble on her mind)

  MADGE (as she comes in): Ah! Doctor — it’s awfully good of you to see me. I know what a busy man you must be but I’m in such trouble — oh, it’s really too dreadful — You’ll excuse my troubling you in this way, won’t you?

  WATSON: Don’t speak of it, madam.

  MADGE: Oh, thank you so much! For it did look frightful my coming in like this — but I’m not alone — oh no! — I left my maid in the cab — I’m Mrs. H. de Witte Seaton — (Trying to find card-case.) Dear me — I didn’t bring my card-case — or if I did I lost it.

  WATSON: Don’t trouble about a card, Mrs. Seaton. (With gesture to indicate chair.)

  MADGE: Oh, thank you. (Sitting as she continues to talk.) You don’t know what I’ve been through this evening — trying to find some one who could tell me what to do. (WATSON sits in chair at desk.) It’s something that’s happened, doctor — it has just simply happened — I know that it wasn’t his fault! I know it!

  WATSON: Whose fault?

  MADGE: My brother’s — my poor, dear, youngest brother — he couldn’t have done such a thing, he simply couldn’t and —

  WATSON: Such a thing as what, Mrs. Seaton?

  MADGE: As to take the plans of our defences at Gibraltar from the Admiralty Offices. They think he stole them, doctor — and they’ve arrested him for it — you see, he works there. He was the only one who knew about them in the whole office — because they trusted him so. He was to make copies and — Oh, doctor, it’s really too dreadful! (Overcome, she takes out her handkerchief and wipes her eyes. This must all be perfectly natural, and not in the least particular overdone.)

  WATSON: I’m very sorry, Mrs. Seaton —

  MADGE (mixed up with sobs): Oh, thank you so much! They said you were Mr. Holmes’s friend — several people told me that, several — they advised me to ask you where I could find him — and everything depends on it, doctor — everything.

  WATSON: Holmes, of course. He’s just the one you want.

  MADGE: That’s it! He’s just the one — and there’s hardly any time left! They’ll take my poor brother away to prison to-morrow! (Shows signs of breaking down again.)

  WATSON: There, there, Mrs. Seaton — pray control yourself.

  MADGE (choking down sobs): Now what would you advise me to do?

  WATSON: I’d go to Mr. Holmes at once.

  MADGE: But I’ve been. I’ve been and he wasn’t there!

  WATSON: You went to his house?

  MADGE: Yes — in Baker Street. That’s why I came to you! They said he might be here!

  WATSON: No — he isn’t here! (Turns away slightly)

  (MADGE looks deeply discouraged)

  MADGE: But don’t you expect him some time this evening?

  WATSON: No (Shaking head) There’s no possibility of his coming — so far as I know.

  MADGE: But couldn’t you get him to come? (Pause) It would be such a great favour to me — I’m almost worn out with going about — and with this dreadful anxiety! If you could get word to him — (sees that WATSON is looking at her strangely and sharply) — to come.

  (Brief pause)

  WATSON (rising — rather hard voice): I could not get him to come madam. And I beg you to excuse me I am going out myself — (looks at watch) — on urgent business. (Rings bell.)

  MADGE (rising) Oh certainly! Don t let me detain you! And you think I had better call at his house again?

  WATSON (coldly): That will be the wisest thing to do.

  MADGE: Oh, thank you so much. (Extends her hand.) You don t know how you’ve encouraged me!

  (WATSON withdraws his hand as he still looks at her. Enter PARSONS He stands at door)

  Well — good night doctor

  (WATSON simply bows coldly. MADGE turns to go. The crash of a capsizing vehicle followed by excited shouts of men is heard. This effect must be as if outside the house with doors closed and not close at hand. MADGE stops suddenly on hearing the crash and all shouts. WATSON looks at PARSONS.)

  WATSON: What’s that Parsons?

  PARSONS: I really can’t say sir but it sounded to me like a haccident.

  MADGE (turning to WATSON): Oh dear! I do hope it isn’t anything serious! It affects me terribly to know that anyone is hurt.

  WATSON: Probably nothing more than a broken-down cab. See what it is, Parsons.

  (Bell and knock. MADGE turns and looks toward door again, anxiously PARSONS turns to go. Sudden vigorous ringing of door bell, followed by the sound of a knocker violently used.)

/>   PARSONS: There’s the bell, sir! There’s somebody ‘urt, sir, an’ they’re a-wantin’ you!

  WATSON: Well, don’t allow anybody to come in! (Looks at watch.) I have no more time. (Hurriedly gathers papers up.)

  PARSONS: Very well, sir. (Goes leaving door open.)

  (MADGE turns from looking off at door, and looks at WATSON anxiously. Looks toward door again.)

  MADGE: But they’re coming in, doctor. (Retreats backward.)

  WATSON (moving toward door): Parsons! Parsons!

  (Sound of voices. Following speeches outside are not in rotation, but jumbled together, so that it is all over very quickly.)

  VOICE (outside): We ‘ad to bring ‘im in, man.

  VOICE (outside): There’s nowhere else to go!

  PARSONS (outside): The doctor can’t see anybody.

  VOICE (outside): Well let the old gent lay ‘ere awhile can’t yer. It’s common decency. Wot ‘ave yer got a red lamp ‘angin’ outside yer bloomin’ door for?

  VOICE (outside): Yes! yes! let him stay.

  (Enter PARSONS at door. Door closes and noise stops.)

  PARSONS: They would bring ‘im in, sir. It’s an old gentleman as was ‘urt a bit w’en the cab upset!

  MADGE: Oh!

  (Sound of groans, etc. outside, and the old gentleman whining out complaints and threats.)

  WATSON: Let them put him here. (Indicating operating chair.) And send at once for Doctor Anstruther.

  PARSONS: Yes, sir!

  WATSON: Help him in Parsons.

  (PARSONS goes out)

  MADGE: Oh doctor isn’t it frightful.

  WATSON (turning to centre door): Mrs Seaton if you will be so good as to step this way, you can reach the hall, by taking the first door to your left.

  MADGE (hesitating): But I — I may be of some use doctor.

  WATSON (with a trifle of impatience) None whatever (Holds door open.)

  MADGE: But doctor — I must see the poor fellow — I haven’t the power to go!

  WATSON (facing MADGE): Madam, I believe you have some ulterior motive in coming here! You will kindly —

  (Enter at door a white-haired old gentleman in black clerical clothes, white tie, etc., assisted by PARSONS and the DRIVER. He limps as though his leg were hurt. His coat is soiled. His hat is soiled as if it had rolled in the street. MADGE has retired above desk and watches old gent closely from there without moving. WATSON turns toward the party as they come in.)

  HOLMES (as he comes in): Oh, oh! (He limps so that he hardly touches his right foot to floor)

  PARSONS (as he helps HOLMES in): This way, sir! Be careful of the sill, sir! That’s it. (Etc.)

  DRIVER (as he comes in, and also beginning outside before entrance): Now we’ll go in ‘ere. You’ll see the doctor an’ it’ll be all right.

  HOLMES: No, it won’t be all right.

  DRIVER: It was a haccident. You cawn’t ‘elp a haccident.

  HOLMES: Yes, you can.

  DRIVER: He was on the wrong side of the street. I turned hup — (Etc.)

  PARSONS: Now over to this chair. (Indicating operating chair).

  HOLMES (pushing back and trying to stop at the desk chair) No, I’ll sit here.

  PARSONS: No, this is the chair, sir.

  HOLMES: Don’t I know where I want to sit?

  DRIVER (impatiently): You’ll sit ‘ere. (They lead him up to operating chair.)

  DRIVER (as they lead him up): Now, the doctor’ll have a look at ye. ‘Ere’s the doctor.

  HOLMES: That isn’t a doctor.

  DRIVER: It is a doctor. (Seeing WATSON.) ‘Ere, doctor, will you just come and have a look at this old gent? (HOLMES trying to stop him.) He’s hurt ‘isself a little, an’ — an’ —

  HOLMES (trying to stop DRIVER): Wait, wait, wait!

  DRIVER: Well, well?

  HOLMES (still standing back to audience and turned to DRIVER): Are you the driver?

  DRIVER: Yes, I’m the driver.

  HOLMES: Well, I’ll have you arrested for this.

  DRIVER: Arrested?

  HOLMES: Arrested, arrested, arrested!

  DRIVER: You cawn’t arrest me.

  HOLMES: I can’t, but somebody else can.

  DRIVER: ‘Ere, ‘ere. (Trying to urge HOLMES to chair.)

  HOLMES: You are a very disagreeable man! You are totally uninformed on every subject! I wonder you are able to live in the same house with yourself.

  (The DRIVER is trying to talk back and make HOLMES sit down. HOLMES turns suddenly on PARSONS. WATSON is trying to attract PARSONS’ attention.)

  Are you a driver?

  PARSONS: No, sir!

  HOLMES: Well, what are you?

  PARSONS: I’m the butler, sir.

  HOLMES: Butler! Butler!

  DRIVER: He’s the doctor’s servant.

  HOLMES: Who’d have such a looking butler as you! What fool would —

  DRIVER (turning HOLMES toward him roughly): He is the doctor’s servant!

  HOLMES: Who asked you who he was?

  DRIVER: Never mind who asked me — I’m telling you.

  HOLMES: Well, go and tell somebody else.

  DRIVER (trying to push HOLMES into chair): Sit down here. Sit down and be quiet

  WATSON (to PARSONS): Have a cab ready for me. I must see if he’s badly hurt.

  PARSONS: Yes, sir. (Goes.)

  HOLMES (resisting): Quiet! quiet! Where’s my hat? My hat! My hat!

  DRIVER: Never mind your ‘at.

  HOLMES: I will mind my hat! and I hold you responsible —

  DRIVER: There’s your hat in your ‘and.

  HOLMES (looks at hat): That isn’t my hat! Here! (DRIVER trying to push him into chair.) You’re responsible. (In chair.) I’ll have you arrested. (Clinging to DRIVER’S coat tail as he tries to get away

  to door) Here come back (Choking with rage)

  DRIVER (first wrenching away coat from HOLMES’ grasp at door): I cawn’t stay around ‘ere, you know! Some one’lI pinching my cab. (Exit.)

  HOLMES (screaming after him): Then bring your cab in here. I want — (Lapses into groans and remonstrances.) Why didn’t somebody stop him? These cabmen! What did he bring me in for? I know where I am, it’s a conspiracy. I won’t stay in this place. If I ever get out of here alive — (Etc.)

  WATSON (steps quickly to door, speaking off): Parsons — that man’s number (quickly to old gent) Now sir if you’ll be quiet for one moment, I’ll have a look at you! (Crosses to end of cabinet as if to look for instrument.)

  (MADGE advances near to the old gentleman, looking at him closely. She suddenly seems to be satisfied of something, backs away, and reaching out as if to get to the window and give signal, then coming face to face with WATSON as he turns, and smiling pleasantly at him. Business with glove. She begins to glide down stage, making a sweep around toward door as if to get out. She shows by her expression that she has recognized HOLMES, but is instantly herself again, thinking possibly that HOLMES is watch her, and she wishes to evade suspicion regarding her determination to get off at door. Quick as a flash the old gentleman springs to the door and stands facing her. She stops suddenly on finding him facing her, then wheels quickly about and goes rapidly across toward window)

  HOLMES (sharp): Don’t let her get to that window.

  (WATSON, who had moved up a little above windows, instantly springs before the windows. MADGE stops on being headed off in that direction.)

  WATSON: Is that you, Holmes?

  (MADGE stands motionless.)

  HOLMES: Quite so. (Takes off his wig, etc.)

  WATSON: What do you want me to do?

  HOLMES (easily): That’s all, you’ve done it. Don’t do anything more just now.

  (MADGE gives a sharp look at them, then goes very slowly for a few steps and suddenly turns and makes a dash for centre door.)

  WATSON: Look out, Holmes! She can get out that way. (A step or two up.)

  (MADGE runs off. HOLMES is unmoved.)

  HOLMES: I don�
�t think so. (Saunters over to above WATSON’S desk.) Well, well, what remarkable weather we’re having, doctor, eh? (Suddenly seeing cigarettes on desk.) Ah! I’m glad to see that you keep a few prescriptions carefully done up. (Picks up a cigarette and sits on desk.) Good for the nerves! (HOLMES finds matches and lights cigarette.) Have you ever observed, Watson, that those people are always making —