Mind Blower

by Marco Vassi

  I also noticed that, in moments of lying about, I no longer conjured up sexual fantasies in the way I used to. Part of me regretted the loss of the ability to sink so completely into unreality as to forget the actual universe. Yet what I gained more than made up for it. Even the sky and flowers and the faces of the people around me looked sharper, more alive.

  For a while I pondered over my last experience, and wondered whether I should consider plastic surgery, actually having a cunt built in. The thought was thrilling and I pictured what life would be like as a woman, but the lesson had been driven home fully, and I knew that I would only become a mock-woman, a physiological mannikin whose barrenness laughed at the outward forms of sexuality. For the first time in my life, I seriously asked myself what it meant to be a man, to be a woman. So much of what is considered sexual difference is socially determined, and even the biological differences were largely a matter of hormones. There was something more, and to sum it up with the simple line that women had babies and men didn't seemed reductionist in the extreme. Yet there it was. As with everything in life, the solution to one mystery just opened new ones, and the quest for understanding never ended.

  Further, I was aware that whenever in the past I seemed to have latched onto a truth, it turned into its opposite, struck its tongue out at me and left me shaken by the wayside. It appeared that I could know what was true, but that it disappeared the minute I tried to formulate it. In his pamphlet, Tocco had written, "The damnable thing about reality is its total unwillingness to be defined by the limited faculties of man."

  Meanwhile little surprises cheered my days. One afternoon, as I turned a path in the wood, I came upon seven teen-agers, three boys and four girls, bathing in a stream. They invited me to join them, but I pointed to my bandages and regretfully declined. I sat down to watch them, for they were exquisite. There was not the slightest pretense or hesitation about them, not the smallest ripple of concern or questioning. They enjoyed their bodies and made no metaphysical bones about it. Once again I regretted that I was born in a time and place where the intellect was, for some obscure reason, considered to be man's crowning achievement. Such a contention seemed pretentious in the face of the golden breasts and flashing buttocks dripping with water, the open eyes and laughing mouths. I felt a sensuality that was not yet sexuality, as the girls ran and splashed, their cunts opening and closing as they moved. The boys were magnificent, with firm and unmuscled bodies, full asses, and young cocks that seemed ready to drip with sperm.

  It was a hot, murmuring day. When they had played in the stream a while, they came out and flung themselves on the grass. Their cries and shouts died down, and a heavy buzzing languor settled over everything. There was a growing sense of oneness, not of a mystical or otherworldly variety; but the stream, the trees, the birds, the achingly-blue sky, the white bodies, the grass ... it was all a single, all a blend of complements which had no purpose but to perfect one another in the total picture. I began to feel drowsy and found myself sinking into the rich grass. They day seemed eternal, and images of ancient Greek scenes danced before my eyes.

  I put my face close to the ground and saw that it was teeming with life. Ants and odd bugs and worms chugged about as in a busy city. My eyes grew heavy and it felt as though everything was moving. I blinked, and realized that there was actual movement, all around me and in the bodies which lay at distance. The bodies were rolling ever so slightly, contracting and expanding, sending subtle messages to one another through breathing and tiny movements of the muscles. Suddenly I saw that the seven of them were not so much a group of individuals as a single organism. They rocked like that for a long time, and then the movements began to get larger. They rolled and kneeled and stood and lay down and rocked and shifted in a slow and purposeless dance. Or it seemed without purpose until the pattern emerged, and the pattern was union. Gradually, wordlessly, without a jarring gesture, they were joined.

  I don't know how long it took, but presently they looked like a single body. At a quick glance, it was all arms and legs and heads. But as I looked closer, I could discern interior details. In an intricate and seemingly spontaneous way, they had formed a perfect circle of contact. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, for it was almost unbelievable. The young vibrant bodies were totally joined. Cock went into cunt, tongue went into ass, breast went into hand. I was so dazzled by the grace and perfection that I lost all sense of the erotic.

  Until they started to move in rhythm.

  Then the spell snapped, and I saw the rippling boys and delicious girls fucking. I began to zoom in on details. Here a young and barely-covered cunt oozed a copious white flow into the mouth of a breathtakingly beautiful girl who swooned in tonguing pleasure between the full thighs. She herself was being fucked from behind by a swarthy boy. There a mouth fell open in ecstasy, and first one cock, then another, entered it. Again two pairs of male hands ran up and down a thin girl's thighs, gently nudging her legs apart while a third with an immense cock first threatened, then teased, then sank into her up to the hilt as she let out a moan so wide that the trees rustled.

  My vision blurred and the individual scenes blended and merged and parted again, and then there was a total groping with everyone simply licking and thrusting and grabbing and opening and wanting so badly it was heartbreaking to watch. It became a flow of gleaming cocks and gaping cunts and breasts jiggling, and mouths and thighs and expanses of flesh. For a split second I hallucinated and saw them as a giant cunt pulsating in the middle of the forest, and I almost rose up to go fling myself into it.

  And then they broke up into couples. One pair went into a glorious sixty-nine, he on top, his cock moving deep into her throat while her lips pouted and attempted to kiss his prick in that impossible position, as though she couldn't suck enough, and his tongue went again and again into her wet, now purple cunt lips, while her legs rose in the air and her ass rocked to and fro on the grass. Another pair sat in the class Tantric pose, he cross-legged, serene and strong, she a whirlpool of energy on his rod. She writhed and thrust herself down, and moved in a wild frenzy, pressing her breasts against him, her golden hair scintillating in the sunlight. Then all at once she became intensely quiet, and there was no external motion. But at the spot where they were joined, where her crotch cupped and covered his genitals, one could sense the private internal communication between cock and cunt, and all the activity that was needed went on in silent awareness. And the third boy simply put his girl on her knees and spread her wide from behind. From where I watched, I could almost look right into her hole, which shifted and pulsated as she moved her ass in anticipation. He crouched behind her, half standing, looking like a goat-god with his long hair and heavy haunches. His tool seemed to be straining to burst out of its own flesh. Then, without art or thought, he just bucked into her hard, almost knocking her forward. But she dug her hands into the turf and braced herself against his assault. He thrust forward again and again, his cock emerging each time wetter and more gnarled, filled with lust and fire. Then, in an instant, her knees left the ground and she hung suspended on her hands and feet, now having the spring tension in her knees to bring to the fray. And as he rammed into her she simultaneously bucked back and up so that she caught his cock from below and forced it to lodge in the deepest part of her.

  I grew heady with watching and completely forgot that there was a fourth girl, until she came up from one side and sat down next to me. She seemed very wistful. I looked over at her and she produced a very faint smile. Suddenly I felt very old, a mere second-best. I saw myself as aged and cynical and spiritually impotent in the face of all that exuberant youth, and a great weight settled on my chest. I looked down and then lay back to watch the passing sky.

  But she leaned over and looked into my eyes. In them I saw all the hope that the species is born with, the freshness, the joy, the urge to live fully. And suddenly I was crying, not only for myself, but for every man and woman who comes into the world fresh and whole, and then is beaten down, ye
ar by year, until he or she becomes a suspicious, tired, hateful parody of what a human being can be. Anger flared in me, and I cursed all the bosses and generals and presidents and parents and priests who so lose the sense of wonder and freedom that they must in turn destroy the love in their children. And then I saw that I couldn't even blame them, for they too were once young and alive, and they too are the products of some almost alien system which seems totally geared to destruction of the human race.

  And like many before me, I groaned, and asked myself "Why?" Why did it have to be that, of all the animals, we alone turn ourselves into slaves, we alone torture and jail our own kind, we alone are afraid of freedom? In a flash I saw all history, and realized that as long as men have been writing things down, there have been those who have tried, who have preached and taught, attempting to lift this burden from our backs. And always the same thing happened. Churches grew, or political parties were formed, or philosophies were expounded, and mankind merely exchanged one form of tyranny for another. And now, except for the infants this second being born, there is hardly anyone left, hardly a human being not crippled by this great emotional plague that sweeps into every heart and mind. War and pestilence hang over the earth like dark birds, the air is poisoned and the waters are filled with scum, and even mother's milk is unsafe to drink.

  And as I wept, the beautiful angel in front of me, not knowing what was wrong, not knowing how to deal with it, did the only thing she could think of to stop my unhappiness. She lay down, took out my cock, and put it in her young sensitive mouth.

  I looked down at her, at the smooth white body, at the gentle buttocks, at her legs bent at the knees so that her calves went straight up into the air, and watched her full lips curve around my cock. And while I lay there filled with anguish and hatred, while I cursed the foul thing that mankind had become, while I felt like a source of poison fouling everything around me, I let jet after jet of thick sperm spill into the gulping mouth.

  She remained there for a moment, and I was filled with an overpowering sense of shame, shame which came out of some still vital sense in me that could not allow sex to come into my deeper feelings. Then she leaned over and spat the sperm out onto the grass.

  I was horrified. She looked up, and staring straight into my eyes, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Then, with a look of scorn, she got up and walked away. I looked after her, unable to move. Too many unexpecteds had rushed too quickly into my world for me to assimilate them. Was this some trick? Was this another supposed lesson? I looked for Tocco but the glade was empty. What had gone on between the girl and myself? Had she used me in the same way, or had she picked up on my feeling of shame and reacted with a rejection?

  Suddenly, with all the thoughts still unresolved, I found myself on my feet. Without really knowing why, I began running in the direction she had taken. I went into woods and immediately everything grew silent, rich with that thick stillness that happens among trees. I stopped and then began again, walking gingerly this time. A thrill of expectation ran through me. I strained my ears and could make out the sound of her walking. The thought of her nakedness alone in the forest fired my sensibilities. I crouched and began moving swiftly in the direction of the sound.

  Within a minute I saw her, and with a burst of speed I overtook her. She heard me coming and turned. A look of shock went into her eyes. Without losing stride I went up and slapped her full across the face. She gasped and went to her knees. My entire rational mind was screaming at me to stop, but greater forces were at work in me. I grabbed her hair and forced her face to my crotch. "Open the zipper with your teeth," I said. She trembled, then obeyed. "Take that cock out with your tongue." She reached in and worked my cock out. "Now suck it." She began licking at it tentatively and I shook her by the hair. "I said suck!" She sobbed and then, with a gasp, she fell on it, taking the entire limp shaft into her mouth. She worked at it with her tongue from inside, and I felt it go hard. She tried to pull back, but I kept her glued close to the crotch, my pubic hair pushing into her face. The cock expanded inside her mouth, and having nowhere else to go, forced itself into her throat.

  After a minute, I yanked her head back and flung her on the ground. "Spread your legs," I ordered. She opened her legs. "Pull the cunt open." She reached down and with four fingers of each hand, pulled the cunt lips apart. I fell on her, put my cock at the very edge of her cunt. "Now look me in the eye," I said.

  She looked deep into my eyes and her gaze was hard, steady, spiteful. I slowly put my cock into her cunt. Just a little, then a little more. Her eyes twitched inside, and she fought to steady them. I pushed in a bit more, and her focus went hazy. She struggled to regain a sharp glance, and I lowered myself all the way into her soft and now moist cunt. Her eyes glazed over and turned in on themselves.

  "Now," I whispered in her ear, "open it up."

  She opened her legs and my hips sank forward. As she continued to tilt her legs, my cock went deeper into her. "Open it inside," I said, "open up your cunt all the way. I want to get all the way inside."

  And then I could feel it letting go: the unconscious tension, so habitual she didn't even know it was there until it was pointed out to her. And I sank past the cervix and lodged right at the mouth of her womb. And then I began to move. I covered every inch of her cunt. I moved in all directions possible. I went in like a starving dog ravaging a bag of meat. I went in sailing until there was no resistance left, and when she was totally open, I whispered in her ear, "Give me your cunt. Make it mine."

  Then there was wildness. With a moan she let everything go. The teen-age girl suddenly turned into a woman, and as she moved in deep frenzied circles, I grabbed her young firm ass and pushed her into me, rocking her back and forth, using her body like a giant hand. Her knees went to her chest and she put her feet on my hips. I lunged forward into the deepest angle possible, and her legs flew apart. I felt the bottom of my stomach drop and I rode her without reserve. She rose to meet me, and together we flew toward orgasm. She filled with liquid and ran over with heat. Her young cunt now lay lush and throbbing. And without warning she bucked and cried out, and came with her arms thrown tight around my shoulders and her legs trembling in the air.

  We lay there for a moment. My cock still burned with the undelivered sperm. I was at the edge of coming, but it was sinking back into the shaft in that shrinking, painful retreat, so sickeningly familiar. I pulled out and rolled her over. Her ass lay before me, tempting and succulent. The crack was wet with secretions, and in an instant I had pried the cheeks apart. Her tiny asshole lay exposed, bunched and flushed with deep red colors. I leaned forward and put the tip of my prick at the opening. She didn't move at all. Without hesitation, I leaned forward and let the weight of my body drive the cock into her ass. I looked down and saw the shaft disappear between the buttocks. She was tight, but without tension, so I slipped in easily and firmly.

  I sat up and pulled her back toward me, so that she was half raised on her knees. My hands went down and pulled the cheeks apart, and I watched the tempting sight of her asshole stretched fully around the thick base of my cock. I moved back and forth slowly, and revelled in seeing the tender flesh contract and give as my cock drew out and then sank deep into her. She began to moan, and I felt the heat rising in my balls. It was so delicious that I wanted to prolong it, but nature had heard too strong a call. So I let go and began to ride her ass hard and deep. She cried out, but at the same time pulled her knees together so that her ass came higher and fuller onto my cock. I reached forward and grabbed one luscious breast with my right hand and put the fingers of the other in her mouth. And squeezing her full round breast and feeling her tongue sucking and licking at my fingers, I jammed my cock into her ass again and again until a hot rush tore loose from my bowels and shot deep into her hole.

  She immediately sank forward and I fell on top of her. I lay there for a while, and when my cock was soft, I pulled out slowly and toppled over. The wood was silent and the sun was stre
aking through the tree tops. I closed my eyes and felt the peacefulness of the moment. And when I opened them again, Tocco was leaning over me. I felt so good I didn't even mind, and I smiled. If the girl had been sent as a game, I seemed to have won all the points.

  Tocco chuckled. "So, Michael. One short week after coming to terms with your manhood, the first thing you do is to rape an innocent young girl. You may have a fine mind, but your behavior remains, I am sorry to say, stereotyped."

  I thought I knew him too well to take that kind of badgering seriously.

  "Listen Tocco," I said looking up at him, "that girl is as involveld as I am." I turned to look at her but found that she was gone, silently and without any indication that she had ever been there. I began to feel uneasy.

  "Fucking her was not what I was referring to. It is the intent that is important." I began to protest, when I heard a rustling sound, and saw four men step out from behind the trees. They walked over and stood over me. "In these parts," said Tocco, "the penalty for rape is death."

  I sat up, half expecting him to smile, and then I remembered the whipping and Susan's gang bang, and I realized that he might stop at nothing to carry on his research. Still, he wouldn't do that to a friend.

  I was still thinking that as I was hustled to my feet and led toward the house with my four guards watching me very closely.

  ELEVEN

  I WAS LED into one of the rooms at the back of the house. It had nothing in it but a bed, and seemed to be little used. I was made to undress, and was then tied to the bed with silk cords. I tried to fight back, but was quickly discouraged by the bulk and efficiency of my captors. I wondered just what was in store, when a door opened, and Tocco entered, leading the seven young people I had just seen down at the stream.