by M Andrews
“Colton, would you like some coffee?” Hank offers.
“I just made a fresh pot. Please come in.” Nora steps to the side and leads us into the kitchen. “I apologize for the mess, but with two kids and one on the way, the toys tend to stack up.” Nora pulls out a chair for me at the kitchen table.
“No, you sit. The expectant mom gets the first seat.” Nora takes a seat, and I take the chair across from her.
“I take it by the look on your face your reunion with Lucy didn’t go well.”
“It didn’t go as I had expected it to.” A heavy sigh escapes from my chest.
“Lucy was pretty shaken up by the time I got there.” Hank sets a cup of coffee in front of me, and joins us at the table, putting Fiona in his lap.
“I wouldn’t expect it to be easy for anyone to find out their significant other has been alive this whole time, and they have been mourning the wrong person. I’m sure it’s even harder to be the person who wakes up to find out life kept on going and everyone thinks you are dead. I can’t imagine what you have been going through.”
“In the span of a few days my whole world has been completely turned upside down. I not only lost my life before the bombing, but I lost everything I had after. I feel incredibly lost.” I’ve been trying to hold myself together all morning, but everything is hitting me like a freight train, and I break down in the middle of Hank and Nora’s kitchen.
I bury my face in my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. A gentle hand slides along my shoulders and Nora kneels next to me. “I know everything seems lost right now, but I know with a little time, Lucy will come around and you two will figure this all out. You’ll get to see your daughter, who is pretty incredible, by the way. Sometimes we all have to go through the darkness to get to the light. It’s going to be tough, but I know, without a doubt, that everything is going to work out.” Nora’s caring words ease the panic ripping through me.
I look over at Hank. “I can see why you married her.”
Hank smiles proudly. “She is pretty incredible.” He gives Nora a wink. “Lucy will come around, and until then, you are welcome to stay here for as long as it takes,” he offers.
“Thank you, but I couldn’t put you out like that.”
“Sorry, but you are staying. You need to be around people right now. I would feel better if you were here with us. I have a good listening ear, and the girls are masters at making people smile. It’s way better than being in a lonely hotel room.” Nora is sweet and a little stubborn.
“There is no changing her mind, so you might as well stay here, otherwise she will pack us up and have us in the adjoining room at your hotel.” I can tell Hank isn’t kidding.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks. “Okay, I will stay. Thank you.” Nora is right, I need to be around caring people. One thing I learned after I came home was that being alone only made the demons come creeping out. Things aren’t as bad as they were before, but I don’t want to take the chance of sinking back into that darkness again.
“Great, I will go set up the guest room.” Nora gives me a quick hug then makes her way out of the kitchen.
Little Fiona appears where Nora was just standing. She looks up at me with big blue eyes and an ear to ear grin on her face. “Hug, kiss,” she babbles, lifting her arms for me to pick her up. I lift her up and set her on my lap, she leans in and kisses my cheek. “Better?” she asks with hopeful eyes.
“Much better, thank you Fiona.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lucy
Brooke gently rocks me in her arms while her fingers stroke my back. Lucky has coiled herself around me, resting her chin on my shoulder, rocking with me. After my melt down in the front foyer, Brooke, in her very pregnant state, managed to get me upstairs and in my bed. Lucky blew into the house like a category five hurricane of hysterics. Sobbing, wailing uncontrollably, damning God and the devil, until finally collapsing on my bed. She was having the breakdown I should have been having.
“I used to wish for a day like this. Thinking that maybe the life I was living was a dream and that Colton was really alive. I’d wake up, and he would be there lying next me. Eventually, that delusional idea faded away. Colton was gone, and it was time for me to move on. Colton is alive.” All at once the morning’s events hit me. I spring up in bed. “Colton is alive. My husband is alive. Holy shit, my husband is fucking alive.” I jump out of bed and mumble to myself as I pace the floor.
“My husband is alive, and I’m in love with someone else. To top it all off, the poor guy shows up at my door and I turn him away like a stray cat. I wasn’t the only one who lost everything that day. Colton lost the life he built, too, and I’m just the selfish bitch that didn’t acknowledge the pain he was feeling. I am hateful and awful.” Colton hasn’t been in control of his life for ten years. The Colton I knew has been lost, trying to find his way home. He finally finds his way and he’s met with a cold wall. “And I am utterly confused by what I should do.” Back and forth. Back and forth. Does Colton want us to pick up from where we left off? And what about Hunter. Just hours ago, we were happy and in love, what does this mean for us. Colton and I are still technically married.
“Lucy, you were in shock. I don’t think anyone would have acted any better in that situation. There is no precedence for how one should react to their dead spouse coming back from the dead,” Brooke says.
“What would you do if Jake just showed up on your doorstep one day?” I ask.
“To be honest, I don’t know what I would do or say. Jake was a big part of my life, and a part of me will always love him, but Brian is my life now, and Jake coming back would never change that. Colton is still your husband and the father of your child. It’s a completely different situation. You are going to have to listen to your heart and your head on this one.”
“I know that is what I should do, but neither one of them seems to be thinking clearly at the moment. All I want to do right now is run and hide. Bury my head in the sand until I can figure this thing out. If I look at either Colton or Hunter right now, I am going to lose my mind and end up losing everything again. I love Hunter, and I want to start a life with him. I loved Colton and the life we had, but the part of me that loved him, died right along with him, and I don’t know if Colton being back will open up those old feelings again. Why is it, when I finally have something good in my life, the world shits all over everything?” I fall face first onto the bed. The bed shifts under me and a hand sweeps the hair out of my face. Lucky’s big green eyes peer at me.
“You have two options. Maybe see if Hunter and Colton are into sharing you. Could work out for some hot threesome action.”
“Jesus Lucky,” Brooke scolds.
“What? It could be a viable option.” Lucky shrugs her shoulders. “Or you could run. Go to your parents’ cottage in Bellingham. Take some time to figure things out before you make any rash decisions.”
“Lucky, I can’t just leave my kid and my job and run off.” Even though I would give anything to just get some distance between Colton and Hunter.
“I think this time Lucky has the right idea,” Brooke says, sitting up in the bed.
“Who heard that, please tell me one of you got that on tape.” Lucky smiles from ear to ear, proud that someone said she had the right idea.
“Just hear me out Lucy. You could send Bailey to go stay with her grandparents for a few days. Don’t tell them what is going on, just let Bailey enjoy the weekend before her world gets turned upside down. It will be easier to tell her that her father is alive if you are level headed. Lucy, you need this for your own sanity.” Brooke runs her hand through my hair. “This will give you time to clear your head and figure out what your heart wants.”
“My parents did ask if they could take Bailey for the weekend before they go down to Arizona for the winter.” This plan is sounding better and better. There is no way I am going to be able to think clearly here. Brooke is right about waiting to tell Bailey about her father until I know
how he is going to fit into our lives. I sit up on my elbows and look back and forth between both Brooke and Lucky. “Okay, I’ll do it, but you both have to promise me that neither one of you will tell Hunter or Colton where I am.”
“Don’t worry about them, we got this. You just go and focus on you,” Brooke reassures me.
“Your secret is safe with me. Just don’t do what I would do and not come back for a year.” I’m glad Lucky has grown out of her running when life gets too hard phase. She can be a mouthy pain in the ass, but I need her around.
“You don’t have to worry about that. Thank you both for everything.” Lucky crawls on top of me and snuggle hugs me from behind. “This is really awkward.”
“Just go with it. Feel the love I’m sending you,” she softly says, then kisses my cheek.
Yeah, I need to get the hell out of here before she starts singing “Cats in the Cradle.” I just hope I can get my head around all of this. Right now, I am feeling very lost.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Hunter
Straight to voicemail again. I toss my phone onto the passenger seat and let out a frustrated sigh. I’ve been trying to get a hold of Lucy all day. She won’t return my calls or texts. She’s not at either one of her coffee shops or at home, and I am starting to worry. What if she’s changed her mind about us. I am the first man she has said, “I love you” to since her husband. She’s already had reservations about us being together. I thought we were past all of this. Hell, we were joking about how many kids we were going to have just this morning. I want three. I know we can handle four kids. It will be a loud, crazy house. I’ve stopped travelling for work, so I can focus on being there for Lucy and our family. That is, if I can find her. I just pray she hasn’t changed her mind.
I pull up outside my sister’s house. This is my last hope. If anyone knows where Lucy may have gone, it’s Brooke. Brooke must have seen me pull up, because she is opening the door before I make it to the walkway. My heart jumps in my throat when I see her face. It’s the same look she had when we found out mom was sick. The closer I get to the door, the sadder Brooke’s eyes grow.
“We need to talk.” Nothing good has ever come from those four little words, especially coming from a woman. Today they are like a kick to the groin.
“Brooke, what the fuck is going on? I can’t get ahold of Lucy, and why do you look like someone died?” Panic rips through my voice.
“You are going to want to sit down for this.” She can’t look me in the eye as she says the words. Brooke has easy tells. I always knew when she was hiding something from me or when she was lying. Her not looking at me means whatever is going on is big, and it’s terrifying me.
“I’m not doing anything until you tell me what the fuck is going on,” I growl.
“Colton is alive,” she blurts out. It takes me a moment to process the words, and as I do, my heart feels like a freight train drove right through it.
“Maybe I do need to sit down.” I find the nearest flat surface, which happens to be the coffee table, and sit down. The wood creaks under me. “Let me see if I heard you correctly. Colton, Lucy’s dead husband, is alive.”
“Yes, that is what I said. I saw him with my own eyes this morning at Lucy’s.” Brooke walks over to the couch in front of me and sits down.
“How is that even possible?” They had a funeral and buried him. What did he do, crawl his way out of the grave?
“Somehow, during the aftermath of the bombing, Colton’s records were switched with another soldier’s. When Colton woke up in the hospital a few days later, he couldn’t remember who or where he was. It was like someone went in and wiped his mind. So, no one knew he wasn’t Christian Ryan.” This all seems so unreal. I’m having a hard time believing all of this.
“How did this other guy’s family not figure it out the second he came home?” The wheels in my head are spinning out of control trying to put the pieces together of how any of this could have happened without anyone figuring out Colton wasn’t this other man.
“When Christian was a kid his family was killed in a car accident. There was no other family to take care of him, so he spent his childhood being bounced from one foster home to another, until he was eighteen and he enlisted in the Marines. He kept to himself and didn’t have many friends.”
“Jesus. So, for the past ten years he has been living someone else’s life. That is fucking insane. How did he get his memory back?”
“About a week ago, he took a ninety mile an hour baseball to the head. It was enough to break the dam in his head. This morning, he showed up at Lucy’s door.” This explains why I haven’t been able to get ahold of Lucy. I can’t imagine what she must being going through right now.
“Where is Lucy? I need to see her and make sure she is okay.”
“I don’t know where she is.” Brooke’s eyes shift to the floor. She’s lying.
“Brooke, I know when you are lying to me, so don’t even try to tell me you don’t know where Lucy is. She’s hurting, and I need to be there for her.” Lucy is probably losing her mind right now, and I need to get to her.
“I made a promise.” Her voice fades to barely a whisper, and she keeps her eyes focused on her hands. She’s chewing on her lower lips pretty hard, I expect to see blood peek out at any moment.
“Brooke, you are shit at keeping promises. You get that from me. So, stop chewing on your lip and tell me.” I use my stern Dad voice that I used to use on her when I would catch her sneaking out.
“I fucking hate when you use that voice, but I made a promise to her not to tell you or Colton where she is. Lucy needs time to process finding out her husband is alive. She has a lot of emotions bombarding her right now, and she needs some space to figure out what her heart wants. I know you want to be there for her, because you are a good man, but if you love her, you will give her this time.”
“Well I hate when you are right. Every bone in my body is telling me to find her and hold her until the pain goes away.”
Brooke reaches over and rests her hands on top of mine. “I know you do, but sometimes the best thing you can do is give the person you love some space. When she is ready, she will find you.”
I know Brooke is right, but I still can’t shake the feeling that I need to go find Lucy. It’s going to take every ounce of strength I have to keep from hunting her down. I don’t care what complications that are going to arise with Colton’s return, the only thing that matters is Lucy. His return won’t stop me from putting up one hell of a fight to keep the woman I love.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Colton
Fiona peeks her head around the arm of the sofa looking for me, but little does she know I am right behind her ready to tickle her. She starts to move around to the back of the couch and I strike, tickling her sides. Fiona squeals in delight. “You sneaky Colton,” she says between giggles. Playing with Fiona this afternoon has helped distract me after Brooke stopped by Hank’s to let me know that Lucy was going to leave town for a couple of days to wrap her head around what me being back means for us and the life that she has built here in Seattle. I can understand her need for clarity, I could use some myself.
I think we both need some time to wrap our minds around all of this. As much as I want to see what happens with me and Lucy, I still can’t get Kara out of my head. Even though I wasn’t the real me, we still built a relationship and a life together. Just because I got my memories back doesn’t make the feelings I had for Kara go away, but they are intermixing with the love I had for Lucy, and it is confusing me even more. I’ve always been the kind of man that has always known what he wanted. I knew I wanted to join the Marines. The moment I saw Lucy in that bar, I knew I wanted her. As Christian, I was the same way, I knew I wanted to help people, so I became a firefighter, and I knew I wanted Kara in my life in any capacity I could get. For the first time in my life I don’t know what I want.
Fiona wiggles out of my arms. “Tea time, Colton,” she announces
. She has kept me on my toes all day. We’ve played with her baby dolls. She was the doctor fixing their boo boos while I was her nurse. We put together puzzles and read books. Fiona lives a very full life for a three-year-old. I don’t know how Nora keeps up with her. Being a firefighter has nothing on keeping up with Fiona. This also makes me wonder if Bailey was like this at this age. Playing like this with Fiona makes me a little sad that I missed out on doing the same with Bailey. Bailey is almost eleven now, and I know nothing about her. Like what were her favorite games to play, or favorite bed time stories. Is she a book worm like her momma or does she like to play sports like me? These are all things that a parent should know about their child, and that opportunity was stolen from me.
As I follow Fiona through the living room over to the kitchen, my phone rings in my pocket. On the screen is Kara’s number. I hesitate at first, but something inside me tells me to take the call. I tell Fiona I’ll be right back, then press answer on the screen and walk upstairs to the guest room. “Hi Kara.”
“Hi Colton, I know I shouldn’t be calling, but I just needed to know how you are doing.” Typical Kara fashion, always checking up on me. The afternoon after we first met, she called me almost every hour to make sure I wasn’t going to hurt myself. It felt nice to have someone looking out for me.
“It’s all right. It’s nice to hear your voice.” I step into the guest room and close the door behind me, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. I’ve missed hearing her voice the past few days.
“How did it go with Lucy?” she asks.