by Joan Jonker
Sadie’s heart sank. ‘How much did yer lose, Dad?’
‘All me bleedin’ wages.’ He hiccupped several times. ‘But I’ll win it back next week, don’t worry.’
Lily stood over him, her hands on her hips. ‘What d’yer mean, yer’ve lost all yer money on the bloody horses? How much have yer lost?’
‘Well, yer see, love – hic – this horse was supposed to be a dead cert – hic – an’ me an’ me mates put our shirts on it.’ He made a grab for her. ‘Come an’ sit on me knee an’ give me a kiss.’
‘Yer’ll get more than a kiss, George Wilson, it’s a ruddy big black eye yer’ll be gettin’. Now, stop actin’ daft and give me a shillin’ for our Sadie. I borrowed one off her.’
‘I haven’t got – hic – a shillin’, I’ve told yer. I haven’t got a penny to me name.’
Sadie had the urge to run to him and punch him in his stupid-looking face. Instead she could feel the tears starting and ran from the room. Down the yard she fled, and into the back entry. There she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She’d never felt so miserable in her life. And how was she going to explain to Brenda? She couldn’t tell her the truth, she’d be too ashamed.
The tears were running unchecked down her cheeks but she didn’t care. She just felt like curling up and dying. Her head was so full, she didn’t hear the bike being ridden down the cobbled entry.
‘What’s up, Sadie?’
Sadie opened her eyes and saw the boy from next door through a blur. She shook her head. ‘Nothing, I’m all right.’
Harry Young leaned his bike against the wall. ‘Come on now, Sadie, yer don’t cry for nothing. Yer dad hasn’t been hittin’ yer, has he?’
Sadie rubbed the heel of her hands across her eyes. Harry was looking at her anxiously. At eighteen, he was a handsome lad with dark curly hair, strong white teeth and dimples in his cheeks. He was always pleasant with her, even though his mother barely acknowledged the whole Wilson family, whose house was an eyesore with a dirty front step and filthy curtains hanging behind windows that were seldom cleaned. It spoilt the appearance of the Youngs’ house, which was always spotlessly clean.
‘No, me dad hasn’t been hittin’ me. I wouldn’t let him.’
‘Well, why the tears? A pretty girl like you shouldn’t have anything to cry over.’
The sympathy in his voice was all Sadie needed to make her pour her heart out. ‘And me mate will be standing waiting for me … I feel terrible.’
‘You mean your father has gambled all his wages?’ Harry was shaking his head. ‘It’s a mugs’ game, bettin’ on the horses.’
‘I was going to say me dad is a mug, but then I’m a bigger mug than he is! Fancy working all week and not having sixpence to go to the pictures.’
Harry had long ago decided that Sadie didn’t belong to the Wilson family. She was the prettiest girl in the neighbourhood, but her clothes were always shabby and she didn’t make the most of her looks. Any other parents would have been proud of her natural beauty and helped her make the best of it, because when she smiled, it was as though the sun had suddenly begun to shine. And she was beginning to curve in all the right places. Another year or so and she’d be a stunner.
‘I’ll give you sixpence, Sadie.’
‘Oh no, Harry, I couldn’t take yer money off yer. I’ll be all right, don’t worry about me.’
‘Sell me something for sixpence then, and you won’t be in my debt.’
Sadie’s smile was weak. ‘I’ve got nothing to sell, Harry.’
‘You could sell me a kiss. I think it would be well worth the money.’
‘A tanner for a kiss? I’m not Jean Harlow, yer know!’
‘I still think it would be worth it, and it’s my tanner.’
Sadie’s mind was working overtime. Harry looked as though he meant it and it would be no heartache to kiss him ’cos he was nice and clean and he had no pimples like some of the lads in work. And his offer meant she wouldn’t have to let Brenda down. ‘Are yer sure?’
Harry nodded. ‘Very sure.’
‘Now?’
‘I don’t think this is the right place, do you?’ Harry grinned so she wouldn’t take offence at his words. ‘After all, a sixpenny kiss is a smacker, not just a peck. What time will yer be coming home from the pictures?’
‘We go to first house ’cos Brenda’s mam won’t let her stay out late. I’ll be getting off the tram about half-past eight.’
‘I’ll be waiting at the tram stop for yer – is that okay?’ When she nodded, Harry smiled. ‘I’ll find a nice shop doorway.’ He put his hand in his trouser pocket and Sadie could hear coins jingling before he pulled out a sixpenny piece. ‘Enjoy the picture, Sadie.’
Sadie gazed at the small silver coin nestling in her palm then turned those vivid blue eyes on him. ‘Are you sure about this, Harry? It doesn’t seem right to me. Your mam would go mad if she knew.’
‘Unless you tell her, she will never know. Not that I care – I wouldn’t care who knows. You’re a very pretty girl, Sadie, and if I want to kiss you it’s got nothing to do with anyone.’
‘It’ll be me first kiss.’ Sadie lowered her head. ‘I won’t be very good at it.’
‘I’m not exactly Rudolph Valentino meself.’ Harry began to chuckle. ‘All you have to do is pucker your lips an’ I’ll pucker mine.’
When Sadie stepped off the tram and saw Harry emerge from the shadow of a shop doorway, she was a bundle of nerves. She’d never be able to kiss like Moira Shearer had in the picture tonight, with her eyes all gooey and a soppy smile on her face. Still, she’d made a bargain and she’d keep to it. ‘Have yer been waiting long?’
‘Only five minutes,’ Harry lied. It must have been at least half an hour, if not more. ‘Did yer enjoy the picture?’
‘Yeah, it was all right but I’d rather have a comedy. It’s me mate that likes romances … she cried all the way through it.’ Sadie felt conspicuous standing by the tram stop and she looked around. ‘Can we go somewhere else? I feel daft standin’ here.’
‘There’s plenty of shop doorways, Sadie, but it’s so light everyone would see us.’ Harry cupped her elbow. ‘It’s only five minutes’ walk to the park. Shall we go there?’
‘If yer like, but I don’t want to be too late getting home. Not that anyone would worry. Me mam and dad are probably knockin’ the ale back in the pub.’ Sadie had to skip to keep up with Harry’s long strides. ‘Me dad must take me for a sucker. There’s no way he’d leave himself without his beer money.’
‘He wouldn’t do that to yer, surely?’
‘Don’t kid yerself, Harry, my mam and dad are dead mean with their children. They see to themselves first and if there’s anythin’ over then the kids might get a look in.’ Sadie glanced sideways, thinking how smart he looked. She wished she had some decent clothes to wear, she felt a right frump in the washed-out cotton dress.
They reached the park gates before Sadie pulled him to a halt. ‘I feel terrible, takin’ a tanner off yer for a kiss. Why don’t yer let me pay yer back out of next week’s pocket money?’
‘I don’t want me tanner back, Sadie, I want a kiss. And yer don’t have to be frightened – I won’t eat yer.’
Sadie allowed herself to be propelled forwards. ‘I’m not frightened, I just think yer want yer bumps feelin’, paying for a kiss off me when yer’ve probably got lots of girlfriends.’
Harry didn’t answer as he led her to a deserted spot behind some trees and bushes. He stood in front of her, put a finger under her chin and raised her face. ‘Sadie, if yer really don’t fancy kissing me, just say so and we’ll go home and forget all about it.’
‘It’s not that, Harry. I’m just frightened I’ll make a mess of it and yer’ll be disappointed.’
‘Sadie, close your eyes and pucker yer lips.’ Harry didn’t intend to make a meal of the kiss, the kid was only fifteen, after all. But the second their lips met he felt as though he’d been struck by lightning. His arms
went around her and he held her tight as the kiss lingered. When he finally broke away it was to gaze into a pair of beautiful vivid blue eyes.
‘Was I all right, Harry?’
He coughed, feeling embarrassed at the effect she’d had on him. He’d had plenty of girls, but never before had a kiss set off fireworks in his head. ‘Sadie, it was better than a tanner’s worth of chips any day.’
Sadie smiled. ‘Yer not just pullin’ me leg?’
‘Scout’s honour, it was a real hum-dinger.’
Sadie wrapped her arms across her tummy and hugged herself. ‘Me very first kiss. I feel all grown-up now.’
‘Did you enjoy it?’
She was silent for a while, then decided she’d go over it again in bed tonight and make up her mind whether she’d enjoyed it or not. But for now she wanted to please Harry. She didn’t want him thinking that he’d parted with a tanner for nothing. ‘Yeah! Yeah, I did!’
‘Then next time yer father does the dirty on yer, come to me. I’ve always got a spare tanner, especially for a kiss from a pretty girl like you.’
Sadie narrowed her eyes. ‘Yer very trusting, Harry. I mean, I could tell yer a lie, just to get a tanner off yer.’
Harry let his head fall back and he roared with laughter. ‘Fancy thinkin’ of that! Yer sound like a proper little gold-digger.’
‘That’s what I’m goin’ to be when I’m older, a gold-digger.’ There was no smile on Sadie’s face. ‘I’m determined not to end up like me mam, with a gang of kids and a lousy husband.’
Harry took her elbow and led her towards the park gates. ‘Yer’ll feel different when yer meet someone yer like. Not all men are like yer dad, yer know.’
‘Me dad probably wasn’t like he is now before he was married. Once they get a ring on yer finger, that’s when they change. Well, they’ve taught me that married life isn’t all sweetness and light, so I’ll stay clear of it. As I said, I’ll be a gold-digger and take everything I can lay me hands on, without givin’ anything back.’
Sadie lay on her back staring up at the ceiling. She had to share a bedroom with her two sisters and brothers, while the baby slept in her cot in the front room. There was no privacy; her small camp bed was set against the end of the double bed where the boys and girls slept, top to tail … girls at the top, boys at the bottom. Apart from a rickety old wooden chair and the beds, there wasn’t another item of furniture in the cramped room. Even if I had any decent clothes, I wouldn’t have anywhere to hang them, Sadie thought as she turned on her side and tried to make herself comfortable so she could go over the events of the day in her mind.
She could picture her dad, sitting in the chair, half-drunk, saying he’d lost all his money. She’d really hated him at that moment. And her mam was no better; neither of them cared that she’d worked all week for nothing. They weren’t worried that Brenda would be left standing outside the picture house like one of Lewis’ dummies. The only ones they cared about were themselves, and they made damn sure they never went short. They’d proved tonight just how selfish they were. When she’d got in about nine o’clock it had been to find Dot minding the children while her parents were up in the pub. They didn’t have her pocket money, but they had money enough for their beer. It was no wonder the children were wild and out of control; they’d been left to fend for themselves ever since she started work. Up till then she’d been mother to them and skivvy to her parents. Now the role had been handed over to Dot, who was ill-fitted for it. She was more likely to give the younger ones a clout than a hug.
Sadie plumped the pillow with her fist. Why couldn’t her parents be like Brenda’s, or Harry’s? Brenda was happy and contented because she came from a loving home where there was constant laughter. And the Youngs next door were always laughing – she could hear them through the walls. A long sigh came from deep within Sadie. There was no contentment in this house, no love and no laughter. She felt sorry for her sisters and brothers; it wasn’t their fault they were cheeky and ignorant. They’d had to be tough to survive in a home that resembled a pigsty, where their tummies were always rumbling with hunger and the clothes were falling off their backs.
Full of anger, hurt and resentment, Sadie vowed to make a new life for herself as soon as she was old enough. She’d get a little place of her own and she’d keep it spotlessly clean and cheerful. And she’d never get married and have children because the man might turn out to be like her dad. She wouldn’t put any defenceless young child through the fear and shame she’d experienced because of him. Not all men were the same, as Harry had rightly said, but she didn’t intend taking a chance.
A picture of Harry’s face flashed through her mind, bringing back the memory of her first kiss. Had she enjoyed it? She knew Harry had, because she’d opened her eyes when his lips were on hers and she could tell by the look on his face and his low groan of pleasure. Herself, she didn’t think it was anything to get excited about, but she’d do it again for the money. In fact, she’d be more than willing to do it every night if she got sixpence each time. She’d be able to buy herself some decent clothes and shoes, and wouldn’t have to be ashamed of wearing the same dress day in and day out, or walk around with the soles hanging off her only pair of shoes. And she’d be able to go out on a Sunday instead of being stuck in the house wearing one of her mother’s old dresses while she washed hers ready for work the next morning.
Sadie’s eyes began to close and she drifted into sleep seeing herself walking down a street with her head held high, wearing a pretty dress and a pair of stylish high-heeled shoes. And a smile came to her face as, in her dream, she stopped halfway up the street in front of a little house where the step was pure white, the windowsill red-raddled and polished, and crisp curtains showed behind the gleaming glass panes. And Sadie saw herself putting the key in the lock and opening the door of a place of her very own.
Chapter Two
On the Sunday morning, in the cold light of day, Sadie bitterly regretted taking the money off Harry. She didn’t think she could ever look him in the face again, remembering how she’d cheapened herself. So for the next three weeks she avoided him, ducking down entries whenever she saw him before he caught sight of her. But on this Thursday night, on her way home from work, she’d just turned the corner of the street when he came whizzing around on his bike. He braked sharply, cocked his leg backwards over the saddle and fell into step beside her, wheeling the bike in the gutter.
‘Hello, stranger! Have you been avoiding me?’
Sadie’s hair bounced as she shook her head. ‘No, of course not.’ She gazed at him out of the corner of her eye. Even though he was coming home from work too, he looked smart in a crisp white shirt with his hair neatly combed back, and she was conscious of her own appearance. Her washed-out dress was coming apart at the seams and was far too tight on her now her breasts were growing. She really should be wearing a brassière like her friend Brenda, because her nipples could be clearly seen through the flimsy material. ‘Why should I want to avoid yer?’
‘Search me! But it just seemed funny that we live next door to each other and usually come into contact every day or so, but since a certain night, when a pretty girl got her first kiss, I haven’t seen hide nor hair of yer.’
‘There’s nothing funny about it, it’s just coincidence.’
‘Was my kiss that bad it put yer off selling me another?’
Sadie could feel herself blushing. ‘I should never have sold yer one in the first place. It was a dead mean trick I pulled on yer.’
‘You’ve got it all wrong, Sadie. It was me who pulled the trick – not you. You would never have thought of it in a million years, would yer?’
‘No, I suppose not, but it still wasn’t right.’ They were nearing Harry’s house and Sadie slowed down. ‘You go on, Harry. If yer mam sees you with me she’ll have a duck egg. She doesn’t have much time for the Wilson family, and I can’t say I blame her. I wouldn’t like us for neighbours.’
‘I’m not m
e mam, Sadie, and you are not the whole Wilson family.’ Harry lifted the bike onto the pavement. ‘I choose me own friends and I want to be friends with you. So don’t forget that. Any time yer in trouble, or if yer ever left without money again, come to me and I’ll help yer out.’
Warmed by his words, Sadie smiled. ‘Still willing to pay a tanner for a kiss, Harry?’
She has no idea how pretty she is, Harry thought. Her family have pulled her so low she has no self-esteem. ‘More than willing.’
‘Thanks, Harry.’ Sadie gave him another smile and went on her way. A few women were standing at their doors, their arms folded, watching with undisguised interest. She’d bet a pound to a penny that as soon as she was inside her own front door, one of them would be over like a shot to ask Mrs Young if she knew her son was getting very friendly with the Wilson girl. Oh well, while they were pulling her to pieces they were leaving someone else alone.
Sadie always braced herself when she walked into the living room. She knew what to expect, but nevertheless the dirt and the smell never failed to depress her. The children were sat around the table dipping pieces of bread into bowls of watery soup, while her mother was sitting on the couch feeding the baby from a bottle which looked as dirty on the inside as it was on the outside.
‘What’s for me tea, Mam?’
‘The same as we’re all having – home-made soup.’ Lily Wilson’s hair was dishevelled and her face looked as though it hadn’t seen soap and water all day. ‘See to yerself, I’m busy.’
Sadie groaned as she battled to keep her temper under control. She was hungry after working all day, and to be expected to make do with a bowl of soup that was made of water with an onion and a few vegetables thrown in, was too much to ask. But she wasn’t going to argue, not tonight when she wanted to ask her mother for something.
When her father came in, the children all ran out to play, leaving Sadie facing George Wilson across the table. While she was trying to get the unappetising soup down without balking, a plate of bacon and egg was set before the master of the house. Sadie’s anger mounted, but still she kept her feelings to herself. She needed Lily in a good mood.