by Joan Jonker
George pushed a piece of bread around the plate to soak up the bacon fat, and then sat back in his chair, undid the top button on his trousers and belched loudly.
Sadie closed her eyes and lowered her head in disgust. It was no wonder the children had no table manners; they’d never been set a good example. ‘Shall I put the baby to bed for yer?’ she asked her mother.
‘No, I’ll take her up,’ Lily said. ‘You wash the dishes.’
‘I’ll come up with yer.’ There was a leer on George’s face. ‘Give yer a hand to put her to bed.’
Lily grinned knowingly. ‘Yeah, come on then.’
Sadie gathered the dirty dishes and carried them through to the tiny kitchen. She filled the kettle for hot water to wash them in, and after lighting the gas she leaned against the sink, deep in thought. She could picture in her mind what was happening upstairs. The baby would have been put down and left to look through the bars of the cot while her mam and dad behaved like animals. What sort of a life was it for a baby? Or for any of the children for that matter? Living in a house where there was never any simple affection, only lust; never any hugs and kisses left over for them. They’d grow up thinking that married life was what they saw happening here.
The kettle started to whistle and Sadie poured the boiling water into the sink. The kitchen was filthy, but it could stay like that for all she cared. It would take her hours to clean it properly, and for what? It would be back to normal in no time because her mother didn’t believe in doing housework. The only thing her mother did willingly was what she was doing now.
‘Can I have a drink of water, our Sadie?’ Jimmy rubbed the back of his hand across his running nose. ‘We’re havin’ a game of ollies.’
Sadie filled a cup; as she handed it to him, she noticed he was barefoot. ‘Have you been playin’ out without yer shoes on?’
‘I haven’t got no shoes.’ Jimmy thirstily emptied the cup in one go. ‘The sole came off an’ me mam had no money for me to take it to the cobblers.’
‘What are you goin’ to do for school tomorrow?’
‘I dunno.’ Jimmy shrugged his shoulders before running out, leaving Sadie anxious and frustrated. If her mam and dad would only stay away from the pub, they could keep their children decently dressed and fed. But their own pleasures came first – the pub and bed.
‘Haven’t yer finished them yet?’ Lily’s face was flushed. ‘Yer takin’ yer time about it.’
‘Mam, can I ask yer something? Yer remember that shilling yer owe me from the other week, when me dad lost all his money? D’yer think yer could let me have sixpence of it this week?’
‘We’ll see.’ Lily made to leave the kitchen but Sadie held onto her arm.
‘Mam, I need it to buy a brassière.’ She touched her breasts. ‘Just look at me, I can’t go around like this!’
Lily’s smile was more of a sneer. ‘What yer worryin’ about? Yer’ll be very popular with the fellers when they get an eyeful of them.’
‘Mam, please. Yer do owe it to me.’
‘I don’t owe yer nothing, me girl, so don’t come that with me. It was yer dad what lost the money, so ask him.’
‘No, Mam, I don’t want to ask me dad. I’d be too embarrassed.’
‘Sod off, Sadie, there’s nothin’ to be embarrassed about. Yer’ve only got the same as everyone else.’ With that, Lily gripped her daughter’s arm and dragged her through the door. ‘Hey, George, yer daughter wants to ask yer somethin’. Can she have sixpence off the shillin’ yer owe her, so she can buy a brassière? She doesn’t like her tits bouncing.’
George’s grin was that of the dirty old man he was in his daughter’s mind. He gazed with relish at her firm, round breasts. Even though his passion had just been satisfied, he could feel himself responding to her youthful body. A trickle of saliva ran down one side of his chin as he left his chair and walked towards her. Sadie tried to pull back but her mother’s grip tightened. It was as though she knew what her husband had in mind and was egging him on. But the second his fingers closed on her nipple, Sadie’s free hand swung around and she smacked him across the face.
‘Don’t you dare touch me! If you ever do that again, I’ll go to the police and tell them.’
Lily laughed like a madwoman as she grabbed Sadie’s other arm from behind. ‘Go on, George, have a good feel. She won’t go to the police ’cos she’d be put in an institute for wayward girls.’
George’s two hands covered Sadie’s breasts and he kneaded them while leering into her face. ‘Pair of beauties, they are.’
‘If yer don’t take yer hands off me, I’ll scream the house down an’ all the neighbours will hear. And I’ll tell them what yer were doin’ to me from when I was six years of age.’
Lily’s grip loosened. ‘What d’yer mean?’
Sadie took advantage and pushed her father’s hands away. She ran to the door and turned around. ‘Ask me dad what I mean, but I doubt he’ll tell yer the truth. I’ll be home later ’cos I’ve nowhere else to go, but if he so much as looks sideways at me, I swear I’ll not only tell the neighbours, I’ll tell the whole of Liverpool.’
Near to tears, Sadie ran through the open front door and fled down the street. Her eyes blurred, she turned into the main road and was running as though she had wings on her heels. She didn’t see Harry standing at the tram stop until he stood in front of her and put his hand out to bring her to a halt. ‘Hey, what’s the big hurry?’
Sadie tried in vain to pull her arm free. ‘Leave me alone, Harry, I don’t want to talk to yer.’
Harry saw a tram approaching and knew if he didn’t catch it he’d be late for his date. But there was something about Sadie that told him she was in trouble, so he let the tram go. ‘Come on, what’s wrong?’
They began to walk slowly past the shops. ‘I’ve had a row with me mam and dad, that’s all.’
‘What have they done now?’
Sadie was too ashamed to tell him the truth; she’d never tell anyone. ‘I asked for sixpence off the shillin’ they owe me and it started a row.’ Anger flared, bringing words to her mouth she really didn’t want spoken. ‘They can spend money in the pub, but they can’t give me what they owe me. And they won’t fork out for food or clothes for their children. Our poor Jimmy’s got no shoes to his feet, but do they care? Do they heck.’
Harry cupped her elbow. ‘Have you no money, Sadie?’
‘I haven’t got a bean to me name, but I don’t need any until I get me pocket money on Saturday. It’s just that I wanted to buy meself something and I needed that money they owe me.’ She waved her arm. ‘Just look at the state of me! I feel ashamed not havin’ any decent clothes or shoes while me mate, Brenda, always looks so smart. I feel like Orphan Annie when I go out with her.’
‘I’ll give yer the sixpence yer need, Sadie, and yer can buy whatever it is yer wanted it for.’
Sadie shook her head. ‘No, I’m not takin’ any more money off yer, it wouldn’t be fair. After all, why should you give me money?’
‘Because I want another kiss off yer. I’ve forgotten what the other one tasted like, so yer can remind me.’
‘I’ll give yer a kiss, Harry, but I’m not charging yer.’
‘No, that’s no deal.’ Harry thought briefly about the girl he was supposed to be meeting. She wouldn’t be very happy next time they met at the Grafton, but the relationship wasn’t serious anyway. ‘If I went into a shop for something I wanted, I’d have to pay for it. I want a kiss off you, so it’s only right I pay for it.’
Sadie sighed as she glanced down at herself. Why not take what was being offered? She was desperate for clothes and she’d never get them if it was left to her parents. Out of her shilling a week pocket money, she had to buy a pennyworth of chips every day for her lunch. So with the one night she went out with Brenda, which was the only pleasure she got, all her money was spoken for. ‘Okay, Harry. When shall I meet yer?’
‘What’s wrong with now? We’re almost at the
park gates.’ He didn’t give her time to refuse, and as he was leading her forward he was telling himself he was only doing it to help her out. But a little voice in his brain told him that was a load of rubbish.
They went to the same clearing between the trees, but this time Sadie was nervous. And although she had nothing against Harry, she blamed her parents for bringing her down to this. She shouldn’t have to sell herself to buy a brassière or a second-hand dress.
Harry lifted her chin. ‘Cheer up, Sadie, it’s not that bad.’
‘It is, Harry! I can’t wait to get away from that house. Away from the misery and the dirt, from being skint every week and always looking like a tramp. But most of all I can’t wait to get away from a mother and father who are not even kind to their children, let alone love or cherish them.’
When tears threatened, Harry pulled her close. ‘In a couple of years yer’ll be earning enough money to buy yerself all the things yer want. Then yer won’t have to worry about yer family. An’ yer can take it from me that this friend of yours, Brenda, no matter what she wears, she could never look as pretty as you.’
Like a child reacting to comfort and kindness, Sadie buried her head in his shoulder. And when she fixed her vivid blue eyes on him, he put his arms around her to give solace and sanctuary. But her slim waist and the thrusting breasts he could feel through the thin material of his summer shirt caused his tummy to do a somersault and his heartbeat to quicken. Back off, the little voice in his brain told him warningly. She’s a lot younger and more inexperienced than the girls you usually knock around with. So he moved back, leaving a space between their bodies. ‘I’ll have me kiss now, Sadie, if yer don’t mind.’
The lips that covered hers briefly were as soft as the touch of a butterfly, and Sadie opened her eyes to look at him questioningly. ‘Is that it?’
Harry gave a crooked grin. ‘I thought yer’d had enough excitement for one night without me givin’ yer one of me famous smackers. I’m known all over Liverpool for me smackeroos, yer know. If yer went down to the Grafton now, yer’d see a long queue outside and they wouldn’t be waitin’ to get into the dance, oh no – they’d all be waiting for me. It’s even been known for the police to have to come and restore order.’
Sadie giggled. ‘Go on, yer daft ha’porth! Yer’ll be telling me next yer pay them all sixpence.’
‘Not on yer nellie!’ Harry realised it was the very first time he’d heard her laugh. Smile, yes, she always had a smile for him, but never a hearty laugh or giggle. ‘I think we’d better be making tracks. I was on me way to meet someone when you came along.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, yer should have left me! Go on now, I’ll make me own way home.’
‘I’ll walk with yer to the top of Northumberland Street.’ Harry glanced sideways, wondering how to put into words the thoughts running through his mind. He didn’t want to spoil the fragile friendship there was between them, but her parents didn’t seem to care about her and she was so vulnerable. There were a lot of unscrupulous fellows around who would take advantage of her. ‘Do yer go out with lads, Sadie?’
She shook her head. ‘No, I only go out once a week and that’s with Brenda, me mate from work.’
‘With your looks, I’m surprised they’re not around you like flies around a jam jar.’
‘Oh, I’ve been asked out, but I’m not interested. Even if I was, I haven’t got any decent clothes to go out on a date.’
‘If yer do, then be careful. There are some fellers who are only out for what they can get.’
‘I might not know much about life, Harry, but I do know something about men.’ Sadie’s tone was bitter. ‘Me dad taught me the hard way, and I wouldn’t trust one of them.’
‘Hey! Present company excepted, I hope?’
‘Yeah, course it is.’ Sadie gave him a push. ‘Go and meet yer friend.’
Harry handed her the sixpence he had ready in his hand. ‘Saturday night, half-eight, I’ll be waiting at the tram stop for yer. An’ I want to know what yer’ve bought yerself.’
Sadie was about to object but she closed her mouth on the words. There were scarecrows better dressed than her, and she was fed up looking a sight. ‘See yer Saturday, Harry.’
The children were all in bed when Sadie got home, and there was no sign of her father. Not that she expected to see him; she knew he’d be propping up the bar in the pub on the corner. Her mother was sprawled out on the couch reading the Echo and she only raised her head long enough to throw her daughter a dark, menacing look. Sadie sighed, knowing her life was going to be made unbearable from now on. And what for? Just for telling the truth! Perhaps she should have told her mother years ago, but even at such a young age she knew she’d get no sympathy from that quarter. Lily Wilson was besotted with her husband and would believe only what she wanted to believe. But as she was forced to spend every night except one in the house, Sadie knew she couldn’t stand being ignored. So she broke the silence.
‘What’s our Jimmy going to do about shoes?’
Lily looked up, her face sullen. ‘What’s it got to do with you?’
‘I was only asking, Mam.’
‘Yer can ask away, but I don’t have to answer yer.’ Lily put the paper down at the side of her and leaned forward. ‘You just listen to me, yer little faggot, and listen good. If yer ever open yer bleedin’ mouth about what yer said tonight, so help me I’ll swing for yer. Did yer hear what I said?’
‘Oh, I heard yer, Mam, I’m not deaf. It’s you that’s deaf, because yer want to be. What I said was the truth, and if yer were any sort of a mother at all, yer’d be worried. Because what he did to me he could have done, and still be doing, to our Dot and Ellen. Haven’t yer thought it funny that bath night has been changed from Friday to Saturday … the one night I go out? Does he offer to be the good father and bath the girls for yer? And does he still send yer to the corner shop on a message to get yer out of the way?’
The telltale look in Lily’s eyes told her daughter all she needed to know. Her father was abusing the other two girls like he had her. ‘What a fool yer are, Mam, and what a lousy mother. I’ve had me suspicions for a few years, because of the way our Dot behaves. She’s far too advanced for her years, and if you haven’t noticed the sly looks that are passed between her and me dad, then yer must be blind as well as deaf.’
Lily moved quicker than she had for years. She was upon Sadie before the girl knew what was happening. But even though the look of hatred on her mother’s face frightened her, she stood her ground. ‘Go on, Mam – hit me if yer dare.’
‘I’d like to break yer bleedin’ neck, causing all this trouble.’ Lily’s hands were clenched into fists ready to strike, but her daughter’s defiance held her back. ‘Yer’ve made it all up, yer little faggot, there’s not a word of truth in it. And while yer live in this house yer’ll do as yer flamin’ well told and keep yer mouth shut.’
‘I live in this house because I’ve got to, I’ve nowhere else to go. But as soon as I’m old enough, yer won’t see me heels for dust.’ Sadie outstared her mother. ‘Until then, while I’m payin’ yer most of me wages, I expect to be spoken to in a proper manner – an’ I expect a dinner on the table now and again.’ She sighed and lowered her gaze. ‘Fancy having to talk to me own mother like this. But then, yer’ve never been a proper mother to me or the rest of the kids. In fact, let’s face it, yer not even a good housewife. Just look at this place – I’ve seen cleaner muck middens! The only time you act like a wife is when me dad’s behavin’ like a dog on heat – and that’s every day. Even when the children are looking on, it doesn’t stop yer performing yer wifely duty then.’
Lily was almost foaming at the mouth. ‘Yer dirty-minded little bitch! Just wait till I tell yer dad what yer said – he’ll take his belt to yer.’
‘I’m not frightened of him any more, Mam, so please yerself. If he comes near me I’ll scream the ruddy house down an’ have all the neighbours running in. Yer see, I’m past caring – that
’s what you and me dad have done to me. Since I was old enough to carry a shovelful of coal in from the back yard, I’ve been treated like a skivvy. Thanks to you and me dad, I have no self-respect and no pride. And the sad thing is, because I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t trust me own parents, I don’t trust anyone else, either.’
Sadie walked into the tiny hall, then turned. ‘I haven’t enjoyed saying the things I have, but they had to be said. I’ve kept them bottled up for too long. If you and me dad don’t want to treat me proper, then I’ll see if I can find lodgings somewhere. It’s up to you.’
‘But why can’t yer come to the pictures with me tomorrow night?’ Brenda’s eyes were wide with shock. ‘We always go on a Saturday!’
‘I know, Brenda, and I’m sorry to let yer down. But I can’t afford it, not this week. I’ve got to buy meself somethin’ decent to wear, I can’t go out in this dress every day for the rest of me life.’
‘You’re mean, Sadie Wilson. Yer know yer leaving me in the lurch. If you don’t go, I can’t go!’
‘I’ve said I’m sorry, Bren, I can’t do any more. It’s all right for you, your mam buys all yer clothes. I’ve got to see to meself – and yer know how much pocket money I get.’
‘Your mam must be the most horrible, mean woman in the whole world.’
Sadie tucked her hand into her friend’s arm. They were on their way back to work after spending their half-hour dinner break outside the chip shop, eating chips from a piece of newspaper. ‘She’d certainly be in the running, Brenda, and that’s a fact. But don’t let’s fall out, yer the only friend I’ve got. It’s just for this one week, I promise. I won’t ever let yer down again.’
‘There’s nowt I can do about it, is there? I can hardly drag yer by the hair.’ Brenda didn’t sound a bit happy. ‘Anyway, it beats me how yer can buy yerself anythin’ with only a shilling. Yer’ll only get a pair of stockings for that.’
‘I’ll have one and six, and I’ll get a damn sight more than a pair of stockings.’ Sadie looked at her friend through narrowed eyes. ‘If I tell yer something, will yer promise to keep it to yerself?’