by Joan Jonker
Brenda was speaking again and this time there was pleading in her voice. ‘Sadie, if I ask yer something, yer won’t bite me head off, will yer?’
‘Oh, go on, what is it?’
‘Promise yer won’t get in a temper, or tell anyone what I’m goin’ to tell yer, especially Alec?’
‘Brenda, I wouldn’t spit on Alec if he was on fire, let alone talk to him. So yer can rest assured that whatever it is, I won’t be telling the queer feller.’
‘Well, Alec told me all the girls let the lads do things to them. And he said if I didn’t believe him to ask you, ’cos you used to let him do things to you.’
Sadie was stunned for a while, then a surge of anger coursed through her whole body. The bloody cheek of him! How dare he! And how many other people had he told that to? She took a few seconds to calm her anger, then said, ‘Brenda, Alec did touch me, but it wasn’t a case of letting him; he’s got roving hands and thinks all girls are there just for his pleasure. Why d’yer think I stopped seeing him?’
Brenda shrugged her shoulders. ‘He told me it was him what packed you in, not the other way round.’
‘Don’t believe a word he says, Bren, ’cos he’s a liar. And if yer don’t like goin’ out with him and what he does to yer, why don’t yer give him his marching orders? He’ll only bring yer trouble in the end.’
‘I’ve no one else to go out with. I used to have you, but you’ve got yerself a boyfriend now, haven’t yer?’
‘I’ve got a friend, yes, but it’s not serious. I have no intention of ever settling down and getting married. I live my life the way I think is best for meself and I think it’s time you did the same. Yer can’t expect to be pampered and led around by the hand all yer life; yer’ve got to start making decisions for yerself.’ Sadie nodded at the stack of sheets waiting to be packed and said, ‘It’s about time we got some work done. We don’t get paid for jangling.’
Mary Ann could see Sadie scanning her face for clues, so she quickly put her out of her misery. ‘Yes, she’s been in, girl, but before I say any more I want to have a good talk to yer. So give me a hand to get some of these customers out of the way.’
Sadie started at the opposite end to the stall-holder. She didn’t think she could concentrate because her head was racing and there were butterfies in her tummy, but soon she was exchanging jokes with the customers waiting to be served.
‘How much is this corset, girl?’ Lizzie held the garment out for inspection. ‘It can’t be much because the tapes are nearly worn out.’
‘I don’t know, Lizzie, ’cos I’ve never sold one before.’
The woman standing next to Lizzie said knowingly, ‘It’s not one, it’s a pair.’
Lizzie glared at the stranger. ‘I can only bleedin’ see one. What would I want with a pair?’
But the woman persisted. ‘Yer don’t understand what I’m gettin’ at. I know it’s only one, but when yer buy corsets yer ask for a pair.’
‘I don’t want a ruddy pair, I don’t need a ruddy pair, and I’m not bleedin’ well havin’ a ruddy pair! Now, will yer mind yer own business an’ let me get on with mine!’ Lizzie was red in the face when she asked in a loud voice, ‘How much is this corset, girl?’
Still the woman wasn’t to be silenced. ‘It’s a pair of corsets.’
Sadie thought it was hilarious and she was laughing fit to burst. But things could turn out nasty so she’d better intervene. ‘Before you two come to blows, I’ll go and get the price off Mary Ann.’
But the stall-holder had heard the rumpus and was already on her way over. ‘In the name of God, Lizzie, what’s all the fuss about?’
Lizzie looked astounded. ‘I’m not makin’ no fuss – it’s this know-it-all standin’ next to me. She’s minding everybody’s business but her own. And if she doesn’t keep her trap shut, so help me, Mary Ann, I’ll clock her one.’
‘Now, now, Lizzie, calm yerself down or yer’ll be having a touch of the vapours.’ The stall-holder took the corset from her to examine it. ‘They’re not in bad nick, Lizzie, so they’re fourpence. Who are they for, anyway?’
‘Meself of course, who else?’
‘But yer’ll never get into them, Lizzie, they’re miles too small for yer!’
The stranger had a smug smile on her face when she butted in. ‘There yer are, she said “them” not “it”, which means they’re a pair.’
Lizzie rounded on her. ‘Missus, if yer like the shape of yer face as it is, I suggest yer bugger off before I rearrange it for yer.’
Mary Ann held up a hand of peace. ‘Knock it off, the pair of yer. Yer should be ashamed of yerselves, actin’ like a couple of kids.’
‘Then tell her to stop pokin’ her nose in where it’s not wanted. An’ if yer’ll tell me the price of the bleedin’ corset I can get away before I thump her one.’
‘I told yer fourpence, Lizzie, an’ I also told yer it’s too small for yer. But, if you want to throw yer money away it’s no skin off my nose.’
Lizzie was stubborn. After going through all that she wasn’t going to let the nosy parker have the last laugh. ‘I’ll get into it, Mary Ann, I bet yer.’
‘Uh, uh, Lizzie.’ Mary Ann shook her head. ‘Have yer ever heard of an optical illusion?’
‘In the name of God, girl, what are yer on about now?’
‘Well, an optical illusion is when yer eyes deceive yer brain. Yer seeing something that’s not what it seems.’
With a look of scorn on her face, Lizzie reached into her basket for her purse. She rummaged through the loose coins and picked out four pennies. Placing them carefully in her palm, she held out her hand. ‘Are these a bleedin’ optical illusion? No? Well, I’ll take the corset and thank yer for the bloody useless piece of information yer’ve just given me.’ Lizzie stuffed the corset in her basket, glared at the woman next to her, then said, ‘See yer next week, Mary Ann.’
‘Okay, Lizzie, and don’t be doin’ anything I wouldn’t do.’ The stall-holder leaned across the table and patted the woman’s arm. ‘That’s another bit of useless information, Lizzie, ’cos if you do manage to squeeze yerself into those corsets yer’ll not be able to breathe never mind gettin’ up to any hanky-panky.’
Lizzie cackled. ‘Ah, Mary Ann, that sort of thing is just a memory now, and has been for many a long year.’
Mary Ann was just about to say something when her eyes lighted on a familiar figure at the next stall. ‘Ay, Lizzie, will yer do us a favour and come and serve for about ten minutes? Yer’ve been coming here long enough to know the run of things, an’ I won’t be far away if yer do get stuck.’
There was a look of sheer bliss on Lizzie’s face as she elbowed the woman next to her out of the way. ‘Excuse me, Mrs Know-All, my experience is required.’
Mary Ann took hold of Sadie’s arm and pulled her to the back of the stall. ‘This has got to be quick, girl, so listen carefully and think carefully. Have yer thought through all the pros and cons about leaving home? No, don’t answer yet, let me spell it out to yer. If yer do leave, it means packin’ yer job in because yer family would be down there like a shot to take yer home again. They’ll miss yer few bob a week and they’ll move heaven an’ earth to get yer back again. So it would mean breaking all ties with home and work.’
This was something Sadie hadn’t considered and her heart sank. ‘But they couldn’t make me go back against me will, could they?’
‘I don’t know anything about the law, love, so I can’t answer that. Me own feelings are that if you disappeared completely there’s not much they could do about it. I can’t see them bringin’ the police in if things in the house are as bad as yer say they are. But if yer keep that job on, even if they don’t make yer go back, they’ll be outside the factory gates waitin’ for yer every pay day.’
‘I can’t stay there, Mary Ann, yer’ve no idea what it’s like, how much I hate it!’ Sadie’s voice rose as her desperation grew. ‘I’ll find another job – I wouldn’t care what it was as
long as I knew at the end of the day I was going home to a clean house where I was greeted with a smile instead of a load of filthy abuse. I want to be treated with respect, Mary Ann, and I want to be able to walk up a street with my head held high, instead of me chin buried in me chest so I don’t have to see the disgust on the neighbours faces.’
‘I understand, girl, I really do.’ Mary Ann had a lump in her throat. ‘But I’ve got to be certain for me own peace of mind that yer know what yer lettin’ yerself in for. I care for yer, yer see, and I’m only thinkin’ of what’s best for yer. Yer won’t see yer brothers and sisters again, at least not for a few years, or that boy from next door what’s been good to yer.’
Sadie gazed at the woman who had become a mother figure to her – the only person she could pour her heart out to. But there were things she’d kept back from Mary Ann and perhaps now was the time to bring them out in the open. ‘When I was a little girl, Mary Ann, about five or six, my father took over the job of bathing me in the zinc bath in front of the fire. Our Dot and Ellen would be done first and put to bed, and me dad would always send me mam out to the corner shop on a message. He used to splash the water on me, laughing and pretending to be playful. But all he time he was touching me in places he shouldn’t. I think me mam knew what he was up to because she would be sent out regularly on some stupid message. But she let it go on because she’s crazy about the man and I was too afraid to say anything. It went on until I was older and I flatly refused to let him bath me.’
Mary Ann’s eyes were wide with horror. ‘The swine! The dirty swine!’
‘Let me finish, Mary Ann, please. I haven’t told yer this before because I feel so dirty and so ashamed. And it’s why I have so little self-esteem. Anyway, then he started doing the same thing to our Dot. But he picked on the wrong one with her because she let him get away with it so she could get what she wanted out of him. That’s why she wasn’t made to go out to work when she left school like everybody else does. And it’s still going on with her – I’ve seen it with me own eyes. She calls it being nice to him and he laps it up. And being nice to him gets her everything she wants. Even me mam daren’t say a word out of place to our Dot because of the hold she has over me dad. But I’ll tell yer this, Mary Ann, he’ll pay heavily for his bit of fun because our Dot is a crafty little faggot.’
Mary Ann grabbed Sadie’s arm for support because she thought she was going to faint. She’d heard many things in her life on the market and dealt with some hard knocks. But never had she heard anything so wicked and obscene. She gulped in the fresh air to stem the rising nausea that threatened to black her out.
‘Are you all right, Mary Ann?’ Sadie felt full of guilt. She wouldn’t have said anything if she’d known it would have this effect. But she just wanted her friend to know how urgent it was that she leave home. ‘Shall I try and borrow a chair for yer to sit on?’
‘No, I’ll be all right in a minute, girl, it just knocked me for six.’ Mary Ann shook her head in disbelief as she gazed at the concerned expression on Sadie’s face. How had such beauty survived in a place of unspeakable evil? Because the girl was beautiful, not only in looks but in her nature. She was kind and caring, and Mary Ann would lay down her life that she was as honest as the day was long. ‘Yer’ll have to excuse me, girl, but I’ve got to say it. Your father is one bastard and he needs horse-whipping.’ She was feeling stronger now and able to cope with her anger. ‘And I’ll tell yer somethin’ else: I’d like to be the one to do it.’
Sadie hung her head. ‘I’m sorry if I upset yer, but I had to tell yer.’
‘Of course yer did, girl. But I still can’t believe that yer mam let him do those things to one of her children. In my eyes she’s worse than yer dad, ’cos most mothers would defend their kids with their life.’ Mary Ann waved to someone in the crowd. ‘Anyway, yer’ve got it off yer chest and there’s no need to ever go over it again. And I’m not asking yer if yer want to leave home, I’m telling yer yer’ve got to.’
Sadie looked heavenwards. ‘Thank You, God, thank You.’
Mary Ann touched her arm. ‘Would yer now like to meet the person I think will give yer a good home?’
Sadie placed her palms on her tummy. ‘Ooh, I’m so scared me tummy’s in knots. Do I know her, Mary Ann?’
‘I think yer in for a pleasant surprise, girl, and that’s not before time.’
They were walking towards Lizzie, who was having high jinks with the customers and enjoying every minute of it, when Sadie said, ‘Oh, there’s old Sarah. Can I go and say hello to her first?’
Mary Ann grabbed her arm just in time. ‘I’ll come with yer, I haven’t seen the old girl for a few weeks.’
Sarah’s face was wreathed in smiles when she set eyes on Sadie. ‘Hello, girl.’
Sadie put her arms around her and kissed the wrinkled face. ‘Where’ve yer been hiding yerself? I’ve missed yer.’
Mary Ann prodded her on the shoulder. ‘D’yer mind if I get a look in? After all, she is my customer.’
‘Oh, no, she’s not.’ Sadie winked at Sarah. ‘She’s my customer.’
‘An’ I’m the boss an’ I say she’s not your customer.’ Oh, how Mary Ann was going to enjoy saying these words. ‘She’s yer ruddy landlady!’
The look of shocked surprise on Sadie’s face had Sarah worried. Perhaps the girl didn’t like the idea of coming to live with her. She’d be very disappointed if that was the case because she and her husband were looking forward to having a youngster in the house. She rubbed a coarse workworn finger down Sadie’s cheek. ‘That’s only if yer want me to be yer landlady, girl, no harm done if yer don’t.’
There was a sob in Sadie’s voice. ‘Want yer, Sarah? I couldn’t wish for anyone better. If I had a million people to choose from, it’s you I’d pick. Oh, I’m that happy I feel like singin’ at the top of me voice and doin’ a jig.’ She turned to her friend who was watching with a wide grin on her face. ‘Mary Ann, I’ll love yer for the rest of me life.’
‘There’s still a long way to go yet, girl, so don’t be jumpin’ the gun. But as long as you and Sarah are happy with each other, then that’s the main thing and we can take it from there. I’ll leave you two to talk things through but don’t plan on moving in too quick because Sarah’s worrying herself sick because she hasn’t got a bed in her spare room. There’s a wardrobe and chest of drawers, but no bed and no money to buy one. So that’s got to be sorted out. But at least yer know yer on yer way, girl, and yer couldn’t be going to a nicer home.’ Mary Ann had moved back a few steps, intending to set to and help Lizzie, when she thought of something she thought was important. ‘By the way, girl, yer can’t call Sarah by her first name when yer go to live with her, it wouldn’t be respectful. So that’s another thing yer’ve got to sort out.’ With that the stall-holder made her way to where Lizzie was trying to serve three customers at the same time.
‘Ooh, yer don’t know how happy I feel, Sarah … Oh heck, I can’t call yer that any more.’ Sadie was so excited she didn’t know whether she was on her head or her heels. A home with this lovely old lady was beyond her wildest dreams. ‘Yer won’t be annoyed if I ask yer something, will yer? Yer can always say no and I won’t mind, honest.’
‘You ask away, girl, an’ if I don’t like what yer askin’ I’ll tell yer to sod off.’ But the smile on the lined face belied her words. ‘Go ’ed, out with it.’
‘Would yer let me call yer Grandma?’ Sadie got the words out quickly before she lost her nerve. This was turning out to be the very best day of her life, and if she could adopt a grandma and grandad, be a member of a real family, she’d be in her seventh heaven. ‘Yer see, I haven’t got any grandparents and I’ve always felt sad about that.’ The old lady’s silence made Sadie think she’d overstepped the mark. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that. It was cheeky of me when yer don’t really know anything about me. And I suppose yer’ve got a lot of grandchildren of yer own without me trying to worm me way in.’
Sadie was at a loss. She felt like kicking herself for being so stupid and so childishly selfish. She’d been offered so much in the last hour, more than she’d hoped for – why hadn’t she been satisfied with that? ‘I am so sorry, I didn’t know. If I had I wouldn’t have been so thoughtless.’
‘It wasn’t your fault, girl, how were yer to know? And I’d be tickled pink if yer’d call me Grandma; it would do me old heart a power of good. And as for my feller, Joe, he’d be dead chuffed to have a pretty thing like you call him Grandad.’ Sarah grinned. ‘I can’t wait to see his face when he claps eyes on yer. And God help his cronies in the pub when he goes for his nightly glass of bitter ’cos there’ll be no stoppin’ him; he’ll talk the bleedin’ legs off them. Yer see, girl, it’s a long time since he had anything to brag about.’
‘Ooh, I hope he likes me, Sarah.’ Sadie clapped a hand over her mouth. ‘If Mary Ann had heard that I’d have got a clip around the ears for not being respectful to yer. But I feel a lot more for yer than respect, and I’m not just saying it to get in yer good books. I fell in love with yer the first time I served yer. D’yer remember?’
‘Yes, girl, I remember. But I remember the second time best, when yer gave me a kiss and a cuddle. That was when my feller first got to hear about yer. He asked if he’d get the same if he came down, but I told him yer wouldn’t want to kiss a face that’s as rough as an emery board. And he’s already been warned that if yer do come to us, he’s got to keep his false teeth in his mouth and not in a flamin’ cup.’