Playing With Fire

by Ruth Staunton

  She did her best to fill her time. After all, it wasn’t as though her life revolved completely around Cade. She had her own life, and she liked it that way. She hung out with Glory. She spent time with Linda, whom she was getting to know very well. She went to work. She ate at the diner. She watched movies. She did all the things she’d done for years before she met Cade, but somehow it was different now, without him. She was doing everything she had done for years, but somehow it wasn’t enough. She was lonely, and she had no idea what the hell to do about that.

  All through her life, Stacy had made it a point never to get too attached to anyone. Glory had been the one exception, and even that had been somewhat accidental. She’d never intended to get attached of Glory, but Glory wasn’t exactly the type to take no for an answer. Glory had somehow just situated herself into her life without Stacy’s conscious permission, a lot like Cade, actually. She was usually very careful not to get too close, certainly not to the point where she actually needed anyone. Stacy had learned very young that needing people was useless. She’d spent much of her early life needing her parents’ affection and approval. It had never done anything but get her hurt. Over and over again, she’d gotten attached to various nannies and housekeepers, only to have them disappear one day without a word of warning or explanation save that her mother had decided they needed to go. At first, she’d been devastated every time, but eventually, she’d just learned to keep her distance, to guard her heart. For the most part, it has worked, except for Glory and Cade. Both had bulldozed their way through her walls without the slightest bit of hesitation, and all she could do was go along for the ride. Except now Cade had all but disappeared too. Just as she had been as a little girl, she was lonely and alone, and she hated it.

  On impulse, she picked up her phone and dialed Cade’s number. She wasn’t at all surprised to get his voicemail again. She left a quick message, the fourth she’d left today, and hung up, sighing. She stood up, moving restlessly around her small living room, feeling at loose ends. She could head out to Joe’s. Glory would probably be there. A month ago she would’ve already been there herself, but lately it just didn’t hold the same appeal. She still enjoyed it, the music, the dancing, and the occasional few drinks. She probably always would, but it wasn’t the same. She wasn’t sure when that it began to change, a month ago she would’ve sworn it never would, but somehow it had. No, that wasn’t how she wanted to spend her night. She roamed the room a bit more, picking up scattered odds and ends and returning them to their proper places. Carrying some dishes she gathered into the kitchen, Stacy spotted the notebook where she had written down several recipes Linda had given her a few days ago. She could try out a few, experiment for the time when Cade finally had time to have dinner with her again, maybe even take it out to his house. She enjoyed cooking, and it might even give her an excuse to see Cade again.

  She grabbed the notebook and strode into the kitchen, settling against the counter and flipping through the pages to decide which recipe she wanted to try. She’d settled on a chocolate banana bread, something that would freeze easily and be portable enough to be convenient for Cade, and was elbows deep in a dark chocolate bread batter when her phone rang. A glance at the digital readout told her it was Cade. She nudged the tap on with her elbow, quickly washed her hands, and picked up the phone.

  “Hey, Lawman,” she said.

  “Hi,” he replied, “I saw you called.”

  “Yeah,” Stacy answered, “I hadn’t heard from you in a while; I wondered how you were doing. Are you still at the office?”

  “No,” Cade said, “I just finally got away.”

  “I’m making banana bread,” Stacy told him. “Want to come by and try some?”

  “I wish I could,” Cade replied, and she could hear the genuine regret in his voice, “but I promised Nicky I’d help him with his project. They’re doing some kind of fair or exhibit at the day camp. “

  “So take him some,” Stacy countered. She wouldn’t beg, but she wasn’t above a little encouragement. She wanted to see him, dammit.

  “If I stopped by I might never go out again,” Cade said.

  Stacy’s heart turned over in her chest. He sounded exhausted. “I could bring it out to your house later.”

  “I’m not sure how long we will be,” Cade said. “Maybe you could bring it by the station in the morning.”

  “I could do that,” Stacy said. She could; it wouldn’t be a problem to run by there on her way to work in the morning, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to spend time with him, alone. She was tired of these snatched meetings here and there in public. She told herself it was better than nothing, despite the fact that she didn’t believe it for a minute, and pressed on. “What’s Nicky doing for his project?”

  “Some paper roller coaster thing,” Cade said. “He found it on the Internet or something.”

  Stacy laughed. “That sounds like fun.” At least, it would have if it wasn’t taking Cade away from her.

  “It sounds like a major headache is what it sounds like,” Cade said dryly.

  “Oh, come on now, where’s your sense of adventure?” Stacy teased.

  “It disappeared some time ago,” he told her, “scared off by lack of sleep.”

  “Maybe I could help Nicky,” she suggested. “You don’t have to do all this by yourself. Besides, it sounds like you could use the break, you sound exhausted.”

  “I’ve seen better days,” he admitted, “but Nicky needs me.” He broke off and sighed. “No, he needs his father, but I’m the closest thing he’s got.”

  “Let me help,” Stacy said quietly. She had no idea why this was so important. She liked Nicky, and she desperately wanted to see Cade, but school projects and such weren’t her thing. It was generally far too domestic to be in her repertoire. Still, she wanted to do this, as much to help Cade as for Nicky.

  “Are you sure you want to?” he asked. “You don’t have to. I don’t want you to feel obligated for my sake. I am tired, but I can manage.”

  “I know you can,” Stacy assured him, “but I want to help. Stop worrying and tell me what I need to do.”

  “Can you come by the house?” Cade asked. “I’d come get you, but I’m already out of town.”

  “It’s fine,” Stacy replied. “I need to finish this bread before I come out anyway. Give me an hour?”

  “That’ll be fine. Gail’s dropping Nicky off in a few minutes, and I’ll probably be ready to pull my hair out by then.”

  Stacy laughed. “He’s not that bad.”

  “Yes, he is,” Cade replied, “but I love him anyway. Besides, I’m a sucker for the wild ones.”

  “Yeah,” Stacy said softly, hearing the teasing grin in his voice and loving it, “you are, but we love you for it. See you soon.” She clicked off, grinning from ear to ear. She was going to see him tonight after all. All was right with the world.

  Just over an hour later, Stacy was knocking on Cade’s door. At a shout of ‘Come in!’ from inside, she opened the door and stepped inside. Across the open living room through the big archway that led into the dining room, she could see Cade and Nicky on the floor surrounded by what seemed like hundreds of little paper pieces in various vivid fluorescent colors. “Hey, guys,” she said brightly, crossing the room and observing the ‘construction site’ carefully, “looks like you’re making progress here.” Truthfully, it looked like a bomb had exploded within a shipment of card stock, but she thought it best not to say that. She did have a little tact, after all. “I’m going to put this banana bread in the kitchen, and then I’ll come help, unless you guys want a snack first.”

  “A snack sounds great,” Cade said, getting quickly to his feet and shooting her a grateful look. He picked his way carefully through the maze of paper pieces and kissed her gently. Owing to Nicky’s presence, the kiss was brief and chaste, but Stacy couldn’t stop herself from bringing her fingers to her lips when he broke off, holding onto the touch like a starving man on a desert
island. She cursed herself for the moment of purely feminine silliness but could no more stop it than she could stop a racing locomotive. Cade plucked the foil wrapped loaf from her arms. “I can’t wait to try it.” He strode past her into the kitchen. Nicky followed close behind, leaving Stacy no choice but to follow.

  When she stepped into the kitchen, Cade was pulling a cutting board and knife out of the drawer. He dropped them both, along with the bread and a roll of paper towels, onto the center of the small laminate table. Instructing Nicky to get the milk, he took two classes from the cabinet and then turned to raise a questioning eyebrow at Stacy. “Are you joining us?” he asked.

  The question caught Stacy by surprise as did his brisk busy manner. She knew he was busy, but wasn’t he at least glad to see her? She hoped he was since she was certainly glad to see him but the way he was bustling around, she felt like little more than a welcome respite. Anyone at the door might have been given the same reception. Wasn’t Cade the least bit glad that it had been her at the door? “Of course I am,” she replied, trying to shake off her disappointment and sound jovial and casual. “I made it; I certainly plan to eat it.”

  Cade said nothing that shot her a brief, fleeting grin and took down a third glass. He set the glasses on the table and took a seat himself, gesturing for Stacy to take one as well. She sat down across from Cade just as Nicky brought the milk to the table. “So tell me about this masterpiece you’re building?” Stacy asked as Cade poured them milk and sliced the banana bread, passing them each slices on makeshift paper towel plates. Nicky launched into an excited description of his design, hopping up and returning a moment later with a wrinkled piece of notebook paper bearing what appeared to be a roughly drawn diagram of the as yet to be built coaster. Stacy took it and studied it seriously. “Wow,” she told him, “this is impressive.” She wasn’t exaggerating; the design was impressive and somewhat mind-boggling in its complexity. She was beginning to get the sinking feeling that she might be in over her head. She never expected an elementary school roller coaster to be so complicated. “You can do all this with paper?” she asked.

  Nicky nodded earnestly. “This one is pretty simple. You should see the ones on the website. They really are amazing.”

  “This is simple,” Stacy echoed, astonished. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously,” Cade confirmed. “We really did choose one of the simpler ones comparatively.”

  “Can we show her, Uncle Cade?” Nicky asked.

  “In a minute, finish your snack first,” Cade replied. “This is really good,” he added, turning to Stacy. “I’ve never had chocolate banana bread before.”

  “Me either,” Stacy told him. “I got this recipe from Linda and wanted to try it. It was fairly easy, and I think I like it.”

  “I do,” Cade said. “I’ll have to tell Linda tomorrow that it turned out well.”

  “Me too,” Nicky put in. “It’s awesome, Ms. Stacy.”

  Stacy smiled at the complement, reaching out to ruffle Nicky’s hair, but inside disappointment had flooded her. “You have to work tomorrow?” She asked Cade, hoping she didn’t sound as desperately disappointed as she felt.

  Cade nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I know as well as anybody how busy I’ve been lately, but I have to work security at the library tomorrow.”

  “I understand,” Stacy replied, swallowing hard against the lump of disappointment that welled up in her throat. Why did they need security guards at the library for crying out loud? Did they think a gang of thugs was going to come in and rob them blind of books? Stacy liked to read as much as the next person, but even to her that notion seemed ridiculous. Still, he had to do what he had to do. There was no sense moping over it, however much she hated it. That didn’t change the fact that she missed him though, horribly. Shaking off the sadness and disappointment as much as she could, she resolved to put the sadness and disappointment behind her. She had him tonight, and she might as well enjoy it while it lasted.

  They finished and quickly cleaned up the remnants of their small snack and returned to the task of creating Nicky’s roller coaster. Before Stacy knew it, she was up to her elbows in florescent card stock, tape, and numerous instruction sheets, enjoying it more than she thought possible. Nicky was regaling them with tales of misadventures he and some of the other children had had at day camp. Stacy laughed till her sides ached. Cade was quiet, but she found just his nearness was calming, soothing the longing that had been her constant companion lately. Hours slipped away easily. Before she knew it, there was the crunch of gravel in the driveway, and Nicky’s mother had arrived to pick him up. Stacy looked up and realized, to her surprise, the roller coaster structure was nearly complete. Cade and Nicky should easily be able to complete it before the competition on Friday. She got to her feet and began putting away card stock while Cade walked Nicky to the door. Nicky insisted on bringing his mother back to see his creation. He returned a moment later with a harried looking blonde woman trailing behind him.

  Stacy had never met Nicky’s mother, but she would’ve known her instantly had they met on the street. Her coloring was vastly different. She had pale blonde hair and blue eyes while her son was as dark as she was fair. Still, the resemblance between them was clear.

  “Stacy, this is Gail,” Cade said quietly, coming in behind them “Nicky’s mother. Gail, this is Stacy.” He didn’t have any other explanation for her presence. Clearly, Gail knew she was and no further explanation was needed. He didn’t need to call her his girlfriend, after all, if Gail already knew, no matter how much Stacy would’ve loved to hear him say it.

  Gail turned away from her son’s excited ramblings to shake Stacy’s hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said. “I’ve heard all about you.”

  Whether she had heard it from Cade or Nicky, she didn’t say. Stacy rather liked to think that Cade was at least thinking about and talking about her during all the time he was spending with Gail and Nicky lately. “It’s nice to meet you too,” Stacy said politely. “Nicky’s a great kid.”

  “Thank you,” Gail said, dropping a hand on her son’s head and fingering the dark curls gently. “I certainly appreciate you helping him, you and Cade. Now, though, it’s late and we need to get home.”

  After a brief protest that was finally ended by a stern look from Cade, she prodded a very reluctant Nicky to the door. Cade followed. Stacy tactfully stayed where she was though she watched them covertly over her shoulder. Cade paused in the doorway to give Nicky a last hard hug. Then, to Stacy’s great surprise, he did the same with Gail. Stacy fought down the wave of jealousy that welled in her. After all, she knew perfectly well that such thoughts were senseless. She had no reason to be jealous. Cade had made it very clear how important loyalty and respect for their relationship were to him, and a simple hug was certainly not enough to make her doubt it. It was common enough for people to hug friends, even friends of the opposite sex. She had done it herself. Gail was Cade’s best friend’s widow and his godson’s mother. It made sense for them to be close. She would expect nothing less. They were friends, nothing more. She had nothing to be jealous over. Still, the memory of that of that hug haunted her for days to come.

  It was about a week later that the rumors started or rather that she started to hear the rumors. She was under no illusions that they had only just started. The odd sense of loyalty to their own that was common to all small towns would’ve kept the initial whispers from her, at least for a while. Now, though, the rumor mill was beginning to gain momentum and even she, the perceived victim in the gossip, had begun to get wind of it.

  It started innocently enough. She was eating supper at the diner, alone once again, when she overheard another woman talking to her girlfriend. It seems the woman’s widowed neighbor was suddenly having an illicit romance. Apparently, a certain pickup truck had been seen at this neighbor’s house late into the night. At first, she had ignored it. The stories that went on in this small town were enough to keep the tablo
ids in business for years except that they often didn’t have enough truth to them to be worth the ink or the paper it would take to print them. After a while though, certain details begin to catch her attention. She wasn’t exactly eavesdropping, but she could still hear snatches of the conversation. She caught the word deputy and little boy and in the war. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out they were talking about Gail and Cade.

  Her first impulse was to jump up and tell them exactly how ridiculous that was, followed in short order by instructions to get the hell out of her life and stay out. There was a time she would’ve done it without thinking twice. After all, it was her boyfriend and his business they were spreading all over the neighborhood like yesterday’s trash, but Cade took a dim view of anything he could consider rude or disrespectful behavior. The way Stacy saw it they were being disrespectful to Cade in the first place, and anything she said to them was thoroughly deserved. Even so, out of respect for Cade and his feelings, she held her tongue. Though it took a great deal of self-control she didn’t know she possessed, she finished her dinner and walked out of the diner without a word.

  The rumors didn’t stop. Suddenly they were everywhere. It seemed no matter where she went, the grocery store, the diner, hell, even the gas station, there were whispers, and furtive glances and stares and conversations that stopped at the moment she stepped into the room. The one that really took the cake was when Glory asked her to come by the shop Wednesday afternoon after closing. Stacy thought nothing of it. Since she worked right down the street from Glory’s shop, they did this frequently and there was absolutely nothing unusual about the request.