The Wallet of Kai Lung

by Ernest Bramah

  CHAPTER II. THE STORY OF YUNG CHANG

  Narrated by Kai Lung, in the open space of the tea-shop of The Celestial Principles, at Wu-whei.

  "Ho, illustrious passers-by!" said Kai Lung, the story-teller, as hespread out his embroidered mat under the mulberry-tree. "It is indeedunlikely that you would condescend to stop and listen to the foolishwords of such an insignificant and altogether deformed person as myself.Nevertheless, if you will but retard your elegant footsteps for a fewmoments, this exceedingly unprepossessing individual will endeavourto entertain you with the recital of the adventures of the noble YungChang, as recorded by the celebrated Pe-ku-hi."

  Thus adjured, the more leisurely-minded drew near to hear the historyof Yung Chang. There was Sing You the fruit-seller, and Li Ton-ti thewood-carver; Hi Seng left his clients to cry in vain for water; and WangYu, the idle pipe-maker, closed his shop of "The Fountain of Beauty,"and hung on the shutter the gilt dragon to keep away customers in hisabsence. These, together with a few more shopkeepers and a dozen or soloafers, constituted a respectable audience by the time Kai Lung wasready.

  "It would be more seemly if this ill-conditioned person who is nowaddressing such a distinguished assembly were to reward his fine andnoble-looking hearers for their trouble," apologized the story-teller."But, as the Book of Verses says, 'The meaner the slave, the greater thelord'; and it is, therefore, not unlikely that this majestic concoursewill reward the despicable efforts of their servant by handfuls of coinstill the air appears as though filled with swarms of locusts in theseason of much heat. In particular, there is among this august crowdof Mandarins one Wang Yu, who has departed on three previous occasionswithout bestowing the reward of a single cash. If the feeble andcovetous-minded Wang Yu will place within this very ordinary bowl theprice of one of his exceedingly ill-made pipes, this unworthy personwill proceed."

  "Vast chasms can be filled, but the heart of man never," quoted thepipe-maker in retort. "Oh, most incapable of story-tellers, have younot on two separate occasions slept beneath my utterly inadequate roofwithout payment?"

  But he, nevertheless, deposited three cash in the bowl, and drew neareramong the front row of the listeners.

  "It was during the reign of the enlightened Emperor Tsing Nung," beganKai Lung, without further introduction, "that there lived at a villagenear Honan a wealthy and avaricious maker of idols, named Ti Hung. Soskilful had he become in the making of clay idols that his fame hadspread for many li round, and idol-sellers from all the neighbouringvillages, and even from the towns, came to him for their stock. No otheridol-maker between Honan and Nanking employed so many clay-gatherers orso many modellers; yet, with all his riches, his avarice increased tillat length he employed men whom he called 'agents' and 'travellers,' whowent from house to house selling his idols and extolling his virtues inverses composed by the most illustrious poets of the day. He did thisin order that he might turn into his own pocket the full price of theidols, grudging those who would otherwise have sold them the few cashwhich they would make. Owing to this he had many enemies, and his armyof travellers made him still more; for they were more rapacious thanthe scorpion, and more obstinate than the ox. Indeed, there is still theproverb, 'With honey it is possible to soften the heart of the he-goat;but a blow from an iron cleaver is taken as a mark of welcome by anagent of Ti Hung.' So that people barred the doors at their approach,and even hung out signs of death and mourning.

  "Now, among all his travellers there was none more successful, moreabandoned, and more valuable to Ti Hung than Li Ting. So depraved wasLi Ting that he was never known to visit the tombs of his ancestors;indeed, it was said that he had been heard to mock their venerablememories, and that he had jestingly offered to sell them to anyone whoshould chance to be without ancestors of his own. This objectionableperson would call at the houses of the most illustrious Mandarins, andwould command the slaves to carry to their masters his tablets, on whichwere inscribed his name and his virtues. Reaching their presence, hewould salute them with the greeting of an equal, 'How is your stomach?'and then proceed to exhibit samples of his wares, greatly overratingtheir value. 'Behold!' he would exclaim, 'is not this elegantly-mouldedidol worthy of the place of honour in this sumptuous mansion which mypresence defiles to such an extent that twelve basins of rose-waterwill not remove the stain? Are not its eyes more delicate than the mostselect of almonds? and is not its stomach rounder than the cupolas uponthe high temple at Peking? Yet, in spite of its perfections, it is notworthy of the acceptance of so distinguished a Mandarin, and thereforeI will accept in return the quarter-tael, which, indeed, is less than myillustrious master gives for the clay alone.'

  "In this manner Li Ting disposed of many idols at high rates, andthereby endeared himself so much to the avaricious heart of Ti Hung thathe promised him his beautiful daughter Ning in marriage.

  "Ning was indeed very lovely. Her eyelashes were like the finest willowtwigs that grow in the marshes by the Yang-tse-Kiang; her cheeks werefairer than poppies; and when she bathed in the Hoang Ho, her bodyseemed transparent. Her brow was finer than the most polished jade;while she seemed to walk, like a winged bird, without weight, her hairfloating in a cloud. Indeed, she was the most beautiful creature thathas ever existed."

  "Now may you grow thin and shrivel up like a fallen lemon; but it isfalse!" cried Wang Yu, starting up suddenly and unexpectedly. "AtChee Chou, at the shop of 'The Heaven-sent Sugar-cane,' there lives abeautiful and virtuous girl who is more than all that. Her eyes are likethe inside circles on the peacock's feathers; her teeth are finer thanthe scales on the Sacred Dragon; her--"

  "If it is the wish of this illustriously-endowed gathering that thisexceedingly illiterate paper tiger should occupy their august momentswith a description of the deformities of the very ordinary young personat Chee Chou," said Kai Lung imperturbably, "then the remainder of thehistory of the noble-minded Yung Chang can remain until an evil fate hasovertaken Wang Yu, as it assuredly will shortly."

  "A fair wind raises no storm," said Wang Yu sulkily; and Kai Lungcontinued:

  "Such loveliness could not escape the evil eye of Li Ting, andaccordingly, as he grew in favour with Ti Hung, he obtained his consentto the drawing up of the marriage contracts. More than this, he hadalready sent to Ning two bracelets of the finest gold, tied togetherwith a scarlet thread, as a betrothal present. But, as the proverbsays, 'The good bee will not touch the faded flower,' and Ning, althoughcompelled by the second of the Five Great Principles to respect herfather, was unable to regard the marriage with anything but abhorrence.Perhaps this was not altogether the fault of Li Ting, for on the eveningof the day on which she had received his present, she walked in therice fields, and sitting down at the foot of a funereal cypress, whosehighest branches pierced the Middle Air, she cried aloud:

  "'I cannot control my bitterness. Of what use is it that I should becalled the "White Pigeon among Golden Lilies," if my beauty is but forthe hog-like eyes of the exceedingly objectionable Li Ting? Ah, YungChang, my unfortunate lover! what evil spirit pursues you that youcannot pass your examination for the second degree? My noble-minded butambitious boy, why were you not content with an agricultural or even amanufacturing career and happiness? By aspiring to a literary degree,you have placed a barrier wider than the Whang Hai between us.'

  "'As the earth seems small to the soaring swallow, so shall insuperableobstacles be overcome by the heart worn smooth with a fixed purpose,'said a voice beside her, and Yung Chang stepped from behind the cypresstree, where he had been waiting for Ning. 'O one more symmetrical thanthe chrysanthemum,' he continued, 'I shall yet, with the aid of myancestors, pass the second degree, and even obtain a position of hightrust in the public office at Peking.'

  "'And in the meantime,' pouted Ning, 'I shall have partaken of thewedding-cake of the utterly unpresentable Li Ting.' And she exhibitedthe bracelets which she had that day received.

  "'Alas!' said Yung Chang, 'there are times when one is tempted to doubteven the most efficacio
us and violent means. I had hoped that by thistime Li Ting would have come to a sudden and most unseemly end; for Ihave drawn up and affixed in the most conspicuous places notificationsof his character, similar to the one here.'

  "Ning turned, and beheld fastened to the trunk of the cypress anexceedingly elegantly written and composed notice, which Yung read toher as follows:

  "'BEWARE OF INCURRING DEATH FROM STARVATION

  "'Let the distinguished inhabitants of this district observe the exceedingly ungraceful walk and bearing of the low person who calls himself Li Ting. Truthfully, it is that of a dog in the act of being dragged to the river because his sores and diseases render him objectionable in the house of his master. So will this hunchbacked person be dragged to the place of execution, and be bowstrung, to the great relief of all who respect the five senses; A Respectful Physiognomy, Passionless Reflexion, Soft Speech, Acute Hearing, Piercing Sight.

  "'He hopes to attain to the Red Button and the Peacock's Feather; but the right hand of the Deity itches, and Li Ting will assuredly be removed suddenly.'

  "'Li Ting must certainly be in league with the evil forces if he canwithstand so powerful a weapon,' said Ning admiringly, when her loverhad finished reading. 'Even now he is starting on a journey, nor will hereturn till the first day of the month when the sparrows go to the seaand are changed into oysters. Perhaps the fate will overtake him whilehe is away. If not--'

  "'If not,' said Yung, taking up her words as she paused, 'then I haveyet another hope. A moment ago you were regretting my choice of aliterary career. Learn, then, the value of knowledge. By its aid(assisted, indeed, by the spirits of my ancestors) I have discovered anew and strange thing, for which I can find no word. By using this newsystem of reckoning, your illustrious but exceedingly narrow-minded andmiserly father would be able to make five taels where he now makes one.Would he not, in consideration for this, consent to receive me as ason-in-law, and dismiss the inelegant and unworthy Li Ting?'

  "'In the unlikely event of your being able to convince my illustriousparent of what you say, it would assuredly be so,' replied Ning. 'Butin what way could you do so? My sublime and charitable father alreadyemploys all the means in his power to reap the full reward of his sacredindustry. His "solid house-hold gods" are in reality mere shells ofclay; higher-priced images are correspondingly constructed, and his claygatherers and modellers are all paid on a "profit-sharing system."Nay, further, it is beyond likelihood that he should wish for morepurchasers, for so great is his fame that those who come to buy havesometimes to wait for days in consequence of those before them; for myexceedingly methodical sire entrusts none with the receiving of money,and the exchanges are therefore made slowly. Frequently an unnaturallydevout person will require as many as a hundred idols, and so thegreater part of the day will be passed.'

  "'In what way?' inquired Yung tremulously.

  "'Why, in order that the countings may not get mixed, of course; it isnecessary that when he has paid for one idol he should carry it to aplace aside, and then return and pay for the second, carrying it to thefirst, and in such a manner to the end. In this way the sun sinks behindthe mountains.'

  "'But,' said Yung, his voice thick with his great discovery, 'if hecould pay for the entire quantity at once, then it would take but ahundredth part of the time, and so more idols could be sold.'

  "'How could this be done?' inquired Ning wonderingly. 'Surely it isimpossible to conjecture the value of so many idols.'

  "'To the unlearned it would indeed be impossible,' replied Yung proudly,'but by the aid of my literary researches I have been enabled todiscover a process by which such results would be not a matter ofconjecture, but of certainty. These figures I have committed to tablets,which I am prepared to give to your mercenary and slow-witted fatherin return for your incomparable hand, a share of the profits, and thedismissal of the uninventive and morally threadbare Li Ting.'

  "'When the earth-worm boasts of his elegant wings, the eagle can affordto be silent,' said a harsh voice behind them; and turning hastily theybeheld Li Ting, who had come upon them unawares. 'Oh, most insignificantof table-spoilers,' he continued, 'it is very evident that muchover-study has softened your usually well-educated brains. Were itnot that you are obviously mentally afflicted, I should unhesitatinglypersuade my beautiful and refined sword to introduce you to the spiritsof your ignoble ancestors. As it is, I will merely cut off your nose andyour left ear, so that people may not say that the Dragon of the Earthsleeps and wickedness goes unpunished.'

  "Both had already drawn their swords, and very soon the blows were sohard and swift that, in the dusk of the evening, it seemed as though theair were filled with innumerable and many-coloured fireworks. Each wasa practised swordsman, and there was no advantage gained on either side,when Ning, who had fled on the appearance of Li Ting, reappeared, urgingon her father, whose usually leisurely footsteps were quickened bythe dread that the duel must surely result in certain loss to himself,either of a valuable servant, or of the discovery which Ning had brieflyexplained to him, and of which he at once saw the value.

  "'Oh, most distinguished and expert persons,' he exclaimed breathlessly,as soon as he was within hearing distance, 'do not trouble to give somarvellous an exhibition for the benefit of this unworthy individual,who is the only observer of your illustrious dexterity! Indeed, yourhonourable condescension so fills this illiterate person with shame thathis hearing is thereby preternaturally sharpened, and he can plainlydistinguish many voices from beyond the Hoang Ho, crying for theHeaven-sent representative of the degraded Ti Hung to bring them moreidols. Bend, therefore, your refined footsteps in the direction ofPoo Chow, O Li Ting, and leave me to make myself objectionable to thisexceptional young man with my intolerable commonplaces.'

  "'The shadow falls in such a direction as the sun wills,' said Li Ting,as he replaced his sword and departed.

  "'Yung Chang,' said the merchant, 'I am informed that you have made adiscovery that would be of great value to me, as it undoubtedly would ifit is all that you say. Let us discuss the matter without ceremony. Canyou prove to me that your system possesses the merit you claim for it?If so, then the matter of arrangement will be easy.'

  "'I am convinced of the absolute certainty and accuracy of thediscovery,' replied Yung Chang. 'It is not as though it were an ordinarymatter of human intelligence, for this was discovered to me as I wasworshipping at the tomb of my ancestors. The method is regulated bya system of squares, triangles, and cubes. But as the practical proofmight be long, and as I hesitate to keep your adorable daughter out inthe damp night air, may I not call at your inimitable dwelling in themorning, when we can go into the matter thoroughly?'

  "I will not weary this intelligent gathering, each member of whichdoubtless knows all the books on mathematics off by heart, with arecital of the means by which Yung Chang proved to Ti Hung the accuracyof his tables and the value of his discovery of the multiplicationtable, which till then had been undreamt of," continued thestory-teller. "It is sufficient to know that he did so, and that Ti Hungagreed to his terms, only stipulating that Li Ting should not be madeaware of his dismissal until he had returned and given in his accounts.The share of the profits that Yung was to receive was cut down very lowby Ti Hung, but the young man did not mind that, as he would live withhis father-in-law for the future.

  "With the introduction of this new system, the business increased likea river at flood-time. All rivals were left far behind, and Ti Hung putout this sign:

  "NO WAITING HERE!

  "Good-morning! Have you worshipped one of Ti Hung's refined ninety-nine cash idols?

  "Let the purchasers of ill-constructed idols at other establishments, where they have grown old and venerable while waiting for the all-thumb proprietors to count up to ten, come to the shop of Ti Hung and regain their lost youth. Our ninety-nine cash idols are worth a tael a set. We do not, however, claim that they will do everything. The ninety-nine cash i
dols of Ti Hung will not, for example, purify linen, but even the most contented and frozen-brained person cannot be happy until he possesses one. What is happiness? The exceedingly well-educated Philosopher defines it as the accomplishment of all our desires. Everyone desires one of the Ti Hung's ninety-nine cash idols, therefore get one; but be sure that it is Ti Hung's.

  "Have you a bad idol? If so, dismiss it, and get one of Ti Hung's ninety-nine cash specimens.

  "Why does your idol look old sooner than your neighbours? Because yours is not one of Ti Hung's ninety-nine cash marvels.

  "They bring all delights to the old and the young, The elegant idols supplied by Ti Hung.

  "N.B.--The 'Great Sacrifice' idol, forty-five cash; delivered, carriage free, in quantities of not less than twelve, at any temple, on the evening before the sacrifice.

  "It was about this time that Li Ting returned. His journey had been morethan usually successful, and he was well satisfied in consequence. Itwas not until he had made out his accounts and handed in his money thatTi Hung informed him of his agreement with Yung Chang.

  "'Oh, most treacherous and excessively unpopular Ti Hung,' exclaimedLi Ting, in a terrible voice, 'this is the return you make for all myentrancing efforts in your services, then? It is in this way that youreward my exceedingly unconscientious recommendations of your veryinferior and unendurable clay idols, with their goggle eyes and concavestomachs! Before I go, however, I request to be inspired to make thefollowing remark--that I confidently predict your ruin. And now thislow and undignified person will finally shake the elegant dust of yourdistinguished house from his thoroughly inadequate feet, and proceed tooffer his incapable services to the rival establishment over the way.'

  "'The machinations of such an evilly-disposed person as Li Ting willcertainly be exceedingly subtle,' said Ti Hung to his son-in-law whenthe traveller had departed. 'I must counteract his omens. Herewith Iwish to prophecy that henceforth I shall enjoy an unbroken run of goodfortune. I have spoken, and assuredly I shall not eat my words.'

  "As the time went on, it seemed as though Ti Hung had indeed spokentruly. The ease and celerity with which he transacted his businessbrought him customers and dealers from more remote regions than ever,for they could spend days on the journey and still save time. Thearmy of clay-gatherers and modellers grew larger and larger, and thework-sheds stretched almost down to the river's edge. Only one thingtroubled Ti Hung, and that was the uncongenial disposition of hisson-in-law, for Yung took no further interest in the industry to whichhis discovery had given so great an impetus, but resolutely set to workagain to pass his examination for the second degree.

  "'It is an exceedingly distinguished and honourable thing to have failedthirty-five times, and still to be undiscouraged,' admitted Ti Hung;'but I cannot cleanse my throat from bitterness when I consider thatmy noble and lucrative business must pass into the hands of strangers,perhaps even into the possession of the unendurable Li Ting.'

  "But it had been appointed that this degrading thing should not happen,however, and it was indeed fortunate that Yung did not abandon hisliterary pursuits; for after some time it became very apparent to TiHung that there was something radically wrong with his business. It wasnot that his custom was falling off in any way; indeed, it had latelyincreased in a manner that was phenomenal, and when the merchant came tolook into the matter, he found to his astonishment that the least orderhe had received in the past week had been for a hundred idols. All thesales had been large, and yet Ti Hung found himself most unaccountablydeficient in taels. He was puzzled and alarmed, and for the next fewdays he looked into the business closely. Then it was that the reasonwas revealed, both for the falling off in the receipts and for theincrease in the orders. The calculations of the unfortunate Yung Changwere correct up to a hundred, but at that number he had made a giganticerror--which, however, he was never able to detect and rectify--withthe result that all transactions above that point worked out at aconsiderable loss to the seller. It was in vain that the panic-strickenTi Hung goaded his miserable son-in-law to correct the mistake; itwas equally in vain that he tried to stem the current of his enormouscommercial popularity. He had competed for public favour, and he had wonit, and every day his business increased till ruin grasped him by thepigtail. Then came an order from one firm at Peking for five millions ofthe ninety-nine cash idols, and at that Ti Hung put up his shutters, andsat down in the dust.

  "'Behold!' he exclaimed, 'in the course of a lifetime there are manyvery disagreeable evils that may overtake a person. He may offend theSacred Dragon, and be in consequence reduced to a fine dry powder; or hemay incur the displeasure of the benevolent and pure-minded Emperor, andbe condemned to death by roasting; he may also be troubled by demons orby the disturbed spirits of his ancestors, or be struck by thunderbolts.Indeed, there are numerous annoyances, but they become as Heaven-sentblessings in comparison to a self-opinionated and more than ordinarilyweak-minded son-in-law. Of what avail is it that I have habituallysold one idol for the value of a hundred? The very objectionable man inpossession sits in my delectable summer-house, and the unavoidablelegal documents settle around me like a flock of pigeons. It is indeednecessary that I should declare myself to be in voluntary liquidation,and make an assignment of my book debts for the benefit of my creditors.Having accomplished this, I will proceed to the well-constructed tombof my illustrious ancestors, and having kow-towed at their incomparableshrines, I will put an end to my distinguished troubles with thisexceedingly well-polished sword.'

  "'The wise man can adapt himself to circumstances as water takes theshape of the vase that contains it,' said the well-known voice ofLi Ting. 'Let not the lion and the tiger fight at the bidding of thejackal. By combining our forces all may be well with you yet. Assistme to dispose of the entirely superfluous Yung Chang and to marrythe elegant and symmetrical Ning, and in return I will allot to you aportion of my not inconsiderable income.'

  "'However high the tree, the leaves fall to the ground, and your hourhas come at last, O detestable Li Ting!' said Yung, who had heard thespeakers and crept upon them unperceived. 'As for my distinguishedand immaculate father-in-law, doubtless the heat has affected hisindefatigable brains, or he would not have listened to your contemptiblesuggestion. For yourself, draw!'

  "Both swords flashed, but before a blow could be struck the spiritsof his ancestors hurled Li Ting lifeless to the ground, to avenge thememories that their unworthy descendant had so often reviled.

  "'So perish all the enemies of Yung Chang,' said the victor. 'And now,my venerated but exceedingly short-sighted father-in-law, learn hownarrowly you have escaped making yourself exceedingly objectionableto yourself. I have just received intelligence from Peking that I havepassed the second degree, and have in consequence been appointed to aremunerative position under the Government. This will enable us to livein comfort, if not in affluence, and the rest of your engaging days canbe peacefully spent in flying kites.'"