I looked over to the reclining Buddha, whose face was carved in an expression of utter relaxation and Zen. “Spend some time with Landon Rhodes and we’ll see how long you stay at peace,” I muttered and headed for the bus to take us back to the ship.
I’d hoped that coming clean with Landon would give me some kind of closure, like tattooing over an old scar so you didn’t see it anymore.
Instead it felt like I’d just reopened the whole damn wound.
…
“You sure about this?” I asked Leah as I fastened her helmet so she could ride tandem with Wilder. The wind was steady on the ruins of Sigiriya, which was basically a huge plateau that rose out of nowhere. The sun shone perfectly above the lush, forested carpet hundreds of feet beneath us, and it struck me again how lucky I was to be able to get to do something like this. Securing permits to do this near these ruins must have cost Wilder a fortune.
“Absolutely,” Leah answered, her eyes clear. “I might not be up to the real Renegade status, but I’m actually learning to enjoy these things as long as I forget that there’s always this chance of death lurking.”
I laughed. “Yeah, dying would suck.”
She joined in, her smile wide and bright. “Totally. Death can be so pesky.”
I loved seeing her like this. She’d spent the years after her boyfriend’s death like a specter, barely functioning, but now she’d blossomed, and as much as I generally despised Wilder, I was immensely thankful for the unbelievable change in my best friend.
“You okay?” she asked softly, glancing behind her to where the cameras were pointed elsewhere. “Pax told me you and Landon had a showdown yesterday. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I forced a smile. “You have enough going on with your life, and for once you’re happy. I’m not dragging you down.”
“Rachel.” Her shoulders sagged.
“Don’t Rachel me. I’m fine. I was fine before I got here, and I’ll be fine after we leave. I just have to keep my defenses up around him.”
“Pax said Landon’s a mess.”
Speak of the devil… Wilder walked over, cutting our conversation short, and checked Leah’s helmet. What would normally drive me nuts struck me as sweet. He wasn’t taking any chances with her safety, and I respected that.
“I’m glad the weather cleared up,” Leah said as he tugged on her straps.
“Yeah, the rain has been ridiculous here this week. I thought we were going to have to cancel,” he said to her.
The curse of Rachel. I shook my head, trying to clear it. Funny how one little line in a blog could hit me so hard. Those first few months I’d read everything I could about Landon, unable to quit him cold turkey, but I’d never expected to be called out publicly as the reason he was off his game. Back then I’d been glad. It was something that told me I still affected him. Now I just wanted to put those days behind me.
Besides, it wasn’t like I could change the weather. Even my bad luck wasn’t that powerful.
“So, Rachel, do you want to review the hang glider procedure with me?” Wilder asked, all business even though his arm was draped across Leah’s shoulders.
“I would honestly rather not,” I said with a sweet smile. One day I would forgive him. Today was not that day.
He shrugged. “Okay, I’ll send Landon over.”
“Oh, hell no. I’d rather jump off this rock sans glider than spend unnecessary time with him.”
A snort sounded at my back.
“He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” I asked.
Leah bit her lip and nodded.
“Well, that doesn’t change the truth.”
“Yeah, we’ll leave you guys to it,” Wilder said, pulling Leah away as she mouthed, “Sorry!”
I sighed, steeling myself against the inevitable physical reaction of being near Landon. Then I turned to find him smirking at me. “You’d rather jump off? Really?”
“Yup,” I said, no apologies.
“Ouch. Well, let’s get you checked out. When was the last time you did this?” he asked as we walked over to my glider.
“Took a hang glider ride off a remote, giant rock in the middle of Sri Lanka?” I asked, trying to ignore the fact that Landon was taking care of me the same way I’d just gone all melty over Wilder and Leah.
“Nice, smart-ass,” he replied, setting my helmet on my head and latching it under my chin. His fingers caught one of my strands of dyed hair. “I like the purple.”
“I didn’t do it for you,” I snapped, remembering every time he’d smiled when I’d changed the color of my hair. Dealing with Landon flashbacks was the last thing I needed right now when I was still scraped raw from our fight yesterday. How the hell was he so unaffected, all smiles like we hadn’t drawn blood? I backed up a step so he wouldn’t touch me. Even just that small brush against my skin had been electric.
He raised an eyebrow. “Can’t even take a compliment from me?”
“I’m not taking anything from you,” I said, hating the way my body physically warmed at his smile.
“Yeah, okay. What we have here—”
“Is a typical A-frame with control bar and pod harness,” I finished.
“God, that’s sexy,” he said with a groan.
“We need to discuss your turn-on standards.”
“Any time, any place,” he answered, running his tongue across his lower lip with a slow lick.
Casanova, indeed.
“Just help me into my harness.” Crap, was my voice breathless? No. I refused to even acknowledge that possibility, or the effect he had on me.
Landon was all business as he buckled me in, double-checking each line and connection in a way that made me feel protected—cared for. Don’t be so stupid. He doesn’t care for you. He just wants to chase you now that you’re all shiny and unattainable again. His fingers lingered, caressing my bare skin where the harness met it, but not long enough for me to snap at him.
Just long enough to wake up every single one of my nerves, which were all pretty much Landon’s fangirls screaming that he was back. They fluttered like dancing butterflies in my stomach. No wonder he got laid so often. If he could set me on fire—given the way I felt about him—he must have had the other girls’ panties on the ground when he was done buckling them in.
Not that I should care who he was buckling next.
Fuck. I did.
“How do you feel?” he asked, low and serious as he scraped the stubble on his chiseled jaw.
Our eyes locked, his bordering more on the green side of hazel today, and I felt that same awakening ripple through me. Yup, the man was a panty collector.
Mine were not joining his trophy case.
“I’m good,” I answered honestly, knowing that now wasn’t the time to dish shit back at him. This was stunt time. “Wind looks great. I haven’t been hang gliding in about six months, but I spent some time with the practice rig Wilder set up yesterday, so I’m feeling really confident. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“I always worry about you,” he said quietly. “You put the insane in extreme.”
I scoffed. “There’s no insane in extreme.”
“That’s because you haven’t been around to add it in lately. I’ve missed the way you keep me on my toes.”
My heart jumped, and I shut up the fangirling butterflies in my stomach with a quick reminder of what it had felt like when he’d walked out on me. I undid the clasp on my helmet, needing to check it myself—to have not depended on him—and the damn thing broke in my hand.
“Seriously?” I asked the butchered plastic like it would answer.
“Did that break? Let me look at it,” Landon demanded.
I handed it over. “It’s not sabotage, or anything like what you guys just went through. Just my bad luck.”
He looked over my helmet, all trace of kidding gone. “You’re not bad luck.”
“Nova!” one of the Renegade girls called out to my right. “Want to do my double-check?”
>
“Yeah, Zoe, I’ll be right there,” he called back. “I’ll have a new helmet brought over,” he told me. Then he tugged at my rig one more time, nodded to himself, and went to lock in the girl who’d paged him.
God help me, I watched his every movement, analyzing the quick, efficient motions he used on her. There were no lingering caresses, no long gazes…well, from him. She looked like she was ready to eat him.
She probably already has at one time or another.
Ugh. I didn’t need to speak the thought aloud to know that it sounded like I was jealous.
I looked up and down the line of Renegades ready to launch. We were definitely guy heavy. Hell, predominantly guy heavy, with Penna out. But as I counted the girls, I couldn’t help but wonder how many of them he’d slept with.
My guess? All.
Well, except Leah, of course. I highly doubted Landon would ever make the same mistake twice.
He strapped into the rig next to me.
“What are you doing?” I asked, thankful the wind had calmed just enough to make my rig stop trying to take me backward.
“I figured I’d jump off this whole rock thing. You know, make the cameras happy.” He pointed to the camera crew who strategically walked up and down the lines, getting shots.
“Right next to me?”
“Yeah, well, like I said, I always worry about you.” He winked and finished strapping in.
My stomach tightened, and I cursed myself and my stupid, girly reactions to him. Inevitable, my ass. I was stronger than that.
“Holy shit. Rachel?”
I turned my head since my body was pretty much on lockdown and saw Little John coming toward us, a new helmet in hand. The guy was massive, at least six five, with a belly that far overshot his pants and a shaved-bald head. He was also the one Renegade I adored. My smile was instant and gloriously genuine. “John!”
He ducked under my canopy and enveloped me in a hug. “Damn, I’m glad to see you. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Ask Wilder. Long story.”
He nodded slowly. “Well, whatever it was that brought you back, I’m grateful.”
“I’m not back,” I argued. “I’m just…around.”
He glanced between Landon, whose eyes were locked on him, and me. “Well, it looks like not much has changed.” He handed me the helmet, and I slipped it on.
“Can you double-check me?” Landon asked as Little John adjusted my straps for a snug fit.
“No prob,” he said and went to Landon, doing his safety checks as the two mumbled to each other.
Watching John and Landon reminded me that I hadn’t just lost Landon when he’d walked out—I’d lost all the friends I’d made that year.
But I’d gained Leah, who was pretty priceless.
Once we were all locked in, the adrenaline flooded my system, my heart kicking up a beat as Wilder counted us down. This high, this rush…this was life. This was what kept me distracted from Landon in bits and pieces—well, that and taking care of Leah.
At the cue, I raced off the cliff edge, in sync with the others—and went airborne. My heart jumped into my throat as euphoria washed over me. Was there anything better than this? With a few practiced motions, I got my feet into the bottom of the pod harness and, once horizontal, settled into my flight. I tried to take in everything, every sight, feeling, smell, and sound. I wanted to savor this, lock it away in my memory so when I was back home next year, slaving away in the journalism department, I’d have this to remember.
Right now, nothing existed besides the rig and my own ability. I controlled it, careful to watch those around me, and when the signal came, we all pulled the synchronized turns. I checked my distance from the other Renegades, knowing there weren’t even inches to spare before we’d collide. From the ground it would look like we were one line of hang gliders maneuvering on a single string as we executed the turns, the dips, and pitch backs. My stomach lurched with every dip, then soared when I pulled up at the last possible second. Once those were complete, we all cheered. That was going to look badass on camera.
Then we were all free. I dipped and turned, laughing with the wind, the way my stomach plummeted only to come back to me when I came out of a dive. There was nothing to distract me. Nothing that labeled me broken or damaged. In those precious moments, there were no parents telling me I was a chronic disappointment, no Landon, no heartbreak, no feeling like I was never good enough for him to choose me.
But the problem with landing was that I knew as soon as I touched down, it would all be there waiting for me.
Especially Landon.
Chapter Nine
Landon
Sri Lanka
I turned my baseball hat backward and closed our suite’s door behind me as I left. An extra hour of working on my paper for Civ meant I’d missed the bus to Nuwara Eliya, but I’d already made arrangements, so I wasn’t stressed.
I walked down the hall and knocked on Penna and Rachel’s door. Rachel opened the door, her cheeks flushed, a slight panic in her eyes. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I replied, my heart jumping at the sight of her. Hopefully I’d start getting used to seeing her again, but so far it had hit me like a lightning bolt every time.
She rolled her eyes and pivoted, giving me a fantastic view of her ass in tiny board shorts. The neck of her bikini top was knotted just above the tank top she wore. All it would take was one little tug and the fabric would slide so easily—
“Talk some sense into her before we’re late!” Rachel yelled back.
Right. I wasn’t here to ogle my ex. I walked down the hall to see Penna on the couch, her leg elevated and a book in her lap. “Let’s go, Rebel.” I threw her stage name at her, hoping it would spark some of the fire she kept banked lately.
“And do what?” she asked. “They changed out the cast into what? Another non-weight-bearing one. What the hell am I supposed to do while you guys are in the jungle doing giant slip-and-slides?”
“Just be with the team?” I suggested. The glare she shot me suggested that I might need to duck if I opened my mouth again.
“You’re so right. It’s always been in my nature to tag along and watch.”
I got down to her level, staring at her until she looked me in the eyes. The normal sparkle in her baby blues had dulled to a defeated matte. “Penna,” I whispered. “You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened.”
“I can’t.” The straightforward way she said it sent a lump into my throat.
“I’m not going to be the jackass who tells you to get over it, or that I understand, because I don’t. I’ve never been through what you’re enduring. But I know what it is to nearly take this team down, and you did nothing wrong.”
She curved her shoulders, hunching in on herself. “I just don’t feel like me.”
I took her hand and brushed my thumb over her knuckles. “Well, the thing is that we don’t feel like us without you. Take all the time you need, but know that we’re here. We’re going to be here, knocking on your door, asking you to come with us, leaving your seat vacant.”
“Landon…” Her eyes squeezed shut.
“We’re going to beg, bribe, and everything short of bully you into getting back out there with us. And that seat will stay vacant, Penna. No one can replace you. But if you’re telling me that you’re not ready, that you still need to work some shit out, then I’ll respect it.”
She lifted my hand to her forehead and took a stuttered breath. “Thank you. I’m so sorry.”
I leaned forward, kissing her on the temple. “I love you, Pen. We all do. No matter what.”
“I love you, too,” she said with a sad smile. “Now get out of here before you miss the whole thing.”
My stomach sank, knowing that she was saying no. I’d never seen her so down, so unreachable. Brooke had destroyed more than Penna’s leg when she’d sabotaged us, and I had no clue what it was going to
take to bring her back.
Rachel’s eyes were soft as she leaned against the wall in the hallway, watching me. For that second, her guard was down and I simply saw her, not the walls she’d hidden behind since I discovered her on board.
She blinked rapidly and cleared her throat. “Yeah, so we should go.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Penna, you sure you’ll be all right?”
She waved us off, her mask firmly in place. “Absolutely. Take pictures.”
I headed for the door, Rachel following. We were silent as we made it to the thankfully empty elevator. The last thing I needed was any more of the girls I’d slept with on this boat getting near us. Oh, yeah, I was reaping what I’d sown, and it tasted rather bitter every time Rachel lifted an eyebrow at me in that knowing way she had.
“You really do love her,” she said softly as I hit the fourth deck so we could disembark.
“Of course I do. She’s the closest thing I have to a sister.”
She adjusted her backpack, the black straps thick above her swimsuit’s halter neckline. “It’s just nice to know that you are still the same in some ways.”
The numbers lit as we passed through a few floors, and I tried to gather my thoughts. To say something that would give me half a chance of Rachel being real with me at least for the next few hours. “I’m the same in almost every way that matters.”
“And those that don’t?” she asked as the elevator dinged.
“Some better, some worse, all the aftereffects of what happened with us.”
She stiffened, but her eyes didn’t. “I get that,” she said as she walked out in front of me.
We made our way quietly through the disembarkation area, empty since everyone with access to the VIP exit was already gone. Once our IDs were scanned, we headed down the ramp off the Athena.
Rachel’s shoulders slumped as we looked over the port of Colombo. “We missed the bus.” She turned, bumping into me.
Nova (The Renegades #2) Page 9