Nova (The Renegades #2)

by Rebecca Yarros

  “Yeah. If I’d never met Landon…never met you, I wouldn’t have been standing on that counter, trying to change a lightbulb in our brand-new apartment. I wouldn’t have fallen and broken my wrist and met Leah in the ortho office. Maybe we would have met at Dartmouth or not, but we were both so damaged that we kind of filled in each other’s cracks.”

  His forehead puckered, and he tilted his head. “If you’d never met Landon…”

  I sipped my coffee, cringing a little at the bitterness. “Right?”

  “You said that first.”

  I looked over at him and narrowed my eyes. “He never told you.”

  “Told me…?” He shook his head.

  I laughed softly. “I met Landon when I was seventeen. My dad was working on a Gremlin-sponsored event, he’d just taken over that division, and Landon was boarding—competing. I wasn’t good enough, of course, but I met him in Aspen over Christmas while we were on the slopes at a Gremlin competition.”

  “But you met me in February at the skate park.”

  I smiled. “Put it together, Wilder.”

  His mouth dropped slightly. “You knew him first.”

  I nodded. “Yes. I knew him first. We had that whole week together, but I wouldn’t give him my number. My dad was way against extreme athletes, given what he does, and Landon…”

  “He’s the most extreme of us all.”

  “Exactly.”

  “And your dad is fucking scary,” he said.

  “It’s that I-control-the-Gremlin-sponsorship-money thing.”

  “It’s the I-know-how-to-use-a-gun-because-I-used-to-be-in-the-military thing.”

  “Okay, I’ll give you that. So I returned home, and I met you…”

  “Landon was gone most of that spring for competitions,” he said, filling in the gaps to himself. “Even then he was dreaming about getting to the Himalayas.”

  “And when he walked into your house when he got back and I saw him…well…the rest is history. We never meant for it to happen. I swear. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s the truth. We talked a lot about our feelings, your feelings…but…”

  He rubbed his hand over his forehead. “I get it. I don’t want to get it, but I do. If Leah had been with someone else, nothing would have stopped me. That kind of need is a force of nature. Why didn’t he tell me that he knew you?”

  “Then? Because you were happy. He thought if he told you, you’d see right through us…and that was before anything had happened yet. It’s exactly what you said, a need. Animal, primal, and something neither of us could ever ignore.”

  “Why not after? Why would he carry that?”

  “My guess is that he refused to lessen his burden. He broke you, broke the team, and then broke me. Landon’s always been good at torturing himself. I’m just… I’m so sorry about what we did to you. It wasn’t right, and we hurt everyone in the process.”

  That sharp look in his eyes he’d had since the day we were found out faded. “It was nothing compared to what I did to you guys. Everything he’s become…it’s because of me, because I made him choose between you and our team. If I had to walk away from Leah, I’d be the same kind of hollow shell, but I’d never—” He paled.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “You’d never walk away from Leah. She’s good and honest and brings out the best in people. I’m not Leah, and Landon walked away. I think he always will.”

  That’s what it came down to. Knowing that it didn’t matter what he’d done, my soul would always reach for his, my body would always crave what I knew only he could give me. I knew that all with the certainty that if he were forced to choose between the Renegades and me, he’d walk again.

  “Rachel, that’s not—”

  “Rachel Dawson?” a young nurse asked.

  “That’s me!” I said, standing up and sloshing coffee on the floor. “Shit,” I mumbled.

  “Go, I got it,” Wilder said.

  “You’ll be okay?”

  “I’m fine. Leah should be here soon.”

  We locked eyes for a second, and it was easy to see why I’d been with Wilder in the first place. It was such a weird dynamic between us all with our history. But even as beautiful as Wilder was, he had nothing on Landon’s hazel eyes, the way he turned me on with just a raised eyebrow, or how he’d set my body on fire with a touch. It wasn’t just Landon’s body or face that made him spectacular—it was the effect he had on me. I’d liked Wilder, but I’d loved Landon.

  Because Wilder wasn’t meant to be mine, and I was never really his. But Landon…

  “Go,” he said softly, like he could read my mind. “Go to Landon.”

  I gave him a smile and then followed the nurse, nearly running to get to Landon. She led me down a series of hallways.

  “How is he?” I asked.

  “Awake,” she answered with kind eyes. “Your other friend is in surgery.”

  Relief sang through me, letting precious air fill my lungs fully for the first time since I watched the mountain consume him.

  “He is here,” the nurse said, opening the door for me.

  “Landon?” I asked, coming into the sterile hospital room. The dying afternoon light was soft on his face.

  “Hey, Rach,” he said, holding out his unbandaged arm.

  I flew around the other side of his bed and hugged him tight, burying my nose in his neck.

  “I’m okay,” he promised as I started to shake. “Rach…baby, don’t,” he whispered, but I couldn’t stop the tremors.

  It felt like every ounce of adrenaline, bravery, whatever had kept me going all simply drained away, leaving my body unable to cope.

  His hand swept down my back until he got a good grip on my ass, and before I could lecture him, he lifted me onto the bed, tucking me in next to him.

  “Landon, you’ll hurt yourself,” I protested.

  “Shut up and let me hold you.”

  I did.

  He lazily traced patterns on my arm, my back, my waist as I lay there, my head on his chest, listening to the utter perfection of his heartbeat. The shaking stopped, and a wave of sheer exhaustion swept over me.

  “Gabe is in surgery,” I told him. “He had some internal bleeding.”

  He nodded. “They told me.”

  “But you’re okay?”

  “Cut on my arm was pretty nasty, and I have a lovely concussion, but that’s it.” He tensed. “My board?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. It wasn’t with you.”

  His arm tightened around me. “Okay. It doesn’t matter. I’ll get another one sent to the next port.”

  “I’m sorry you lost your ridge.”

  He took a deep breath. “Yeah. Me, too. We can’t make it now, can we?”

  I shook my head. “We have to leave first thing in the morning to get back to port or we’ll miss the ship.” Gently pushing off him, I raised to see his face. “You okay?”

  He stared up at the ceiling. “As long as Gabe is, then yeah.”

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  “I know. I never imagined I would train all this time, work my ass off in planning, and then have that happen. I know it happens, I’m well aware of the statistics, but I never imagined it would happen to me.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, resting my chin on the scratchy material of his hospital gown. He brushed my hair back from my face, and I scrunched my nose. “I’m in desperate need of a shower.”

  He huffed a small laugh, but it was big enough to tell me he’d really be all right. “You are beautiful, always have been. And you have nothing to be sorry for.”

  Didn’t I? I was turning out to be the curse Penna had named me.

  “I feel like there are things to say,” I whispered.

  “Do you want to say them?”

  Every ounce of self-preservation in my body told me to shut the hell up. But I’d never gotten far in my life by taking the safe road. “I promised God that if you lived, I’d think about us.”

&nbs
p; His eyes widened. “And?”

  “And I’m thinking.”

  A slow, incredibly sexy smile spread across his face. “Okay.”

  “Are you thinking?” I asked.

  “Nawh. I already know.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Know what?”

  “I know that I want you to stay with me tonight. The rest we can figure out tomorrow.”

  I should have said no. He needed rest—well, what rest he’d get being woken up every few hours by the nurses. But the idea of leaving him so close to almost losing him was unthinkable.

  “Okay. I’ll stay. Just tonight. But no kissing. Don’t even think about it.”

  He grinned. “That’s a start.”

  Maybe it was.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Landon

  At Sea

  “You’re looking at another five days at least,” the on-ship doc told me, putting another bandage over the seventeen neat stitches in my arm.

  “And other than that?” I asked, already doing the math for the Jakarta stunt.

  He typed into his computer and then looked over the screen at me. “Other than that, Mr. Rhodes, you have a clean bill of health. How did Mr. Darro fare?”

  Every muscle in my body locked, including my jaw. I took a deep breath to loosen up. “He won’t be coming back with us. Too many broken bones, and he’s still recovering from surgery. But we have friends with him, and his parents are on the way to Kathmandu.”

  “Well, I’m sorry you boys got into trouble. Ever think about avoiding the trouble to begin with?” he asked without looking up.

  “That never did suit me,” I answered and glanced up at the clock. “If that’s all, I really need to get to class.”

  “Off you go. Come back in five days and we’ll look at your arm again.”

  “Four days?” I pushed.

  He looked up over his glasses at me and sighed. “Four days.”

  “Thanks, Doc.”

  I said my good-byes and ran out of the infirmary, clutching my Civ books with my good arm. Not that the right one hurt too much, but I figured if I gave it some time off, I might get those stitches out before the next stunt.

  Especially since I’d just blown the one I’d been planning for a year. It wasn’t just an accident, it was an epic failure that was no doubt going to be a great teaser for the documentary—where I would get to watch myself fail over and over again…with an audience. Unacceptable. What the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t get back to Nepal until after we finished the program, and by then it would be too late to put it into the documentary. It was bad enough that I’d failed myself, but to fuck up the one thing we’d been doing for Nick was incomprehensible. I was going to have to get ahead in all my classes and then pray I could find a couple days somewhere to get back up on that ridgeline. That was the only acceptable option.

  Of course the cameras had been waiting for me outside the infirmary, but at least Bobby was quick with the questions about how I was healing.

  An elevator ride later, I hit the eighth deck and headed for class. Five minutes early. Even Rachel will be impressed.

  “Hey, Nova,” a girl’s voice called from behind me.

  I turned to see a pretty brunette catching up to me with a sly grin, and the cameras still following me. Shit. What the hell was her name? Sandy? Sarah? It came to me with the memory of having her in my cabin one of the first nights on board.

  “Hey, Sabrina, how’s it going?” I asked, more than aware that we were being filmed. Shit, I was going to have to talk to Bobby about the image he wanted me to play.

  She looped her arm through mine, and I felt an odd twinge of unease. She wasn’t doing anything she hadn’t done before, but now it felt wrong. “I was wondering if you were going out tonight? I haven’t seen you at the club in forever.”

  Because I hadn’t been there. Since Rachel had come on board, I hadn’t gone in search of a woman, which meant I hadn’t gone to the club, much to the chagrin of Bobby, who was dying for more footage.

  “Yeah, it’s been a while. I spent break in Nepal. How about you?” I asked as we approached the door to Civ, which was propped open. Just a few more feet and I could slam the door in the camera crew’s face.

  “I did the Mumbai excursion,” she answered. “So I was wondering if you’d be at the club tonight.”

  “Actually, I will.” Mostly for work stuff. I’d promised Bobby a couple shots. I’d give him what he wanted one last time, but we were going to have to come to a new agreement.

  “Then I’ll see you later,” she said with a bright smile, then headed down the hall to her next class.

  “My God. Do you even realize the effect you had on that poor girl?” Rachel asked, leaning against the wall near the door to our class.

  “Well, good afternoon. What are you doing out here?” I asked as she pushed off the wall. She had part of her hair pulled up today, but there were strands that framed her face, drawing all of my attention to those warm brown eyes that were currently narrowed at me.

  “I was waiting for you, but I see you were otherwise occupied.”

  Wait. Had I been flirting and not even realized it? Huh. If I didn’t know better I’d think she was…

  “Jealous?” I asked as I followed her into class.

  “Hardly,” she shot over her shoulder as she sought her seat.

  Oh, this was too good. I couldn’t remember the last time Rachel had been worked into a tizzy over me.

  I slid into the one next to hers and turned my baseball hat backward. “Really? Not even a little?” My tone was joking, but damn if I wasn’t curious. I was jealous of anyone who had the right to breathe in her general direction.

  She shook her head as she opened her book. “Not one bit. Jealousy implies that I’d have a reason to be.”

  She trusts me!

  “And since I have no claim on you, or vice versa, and we’re not together, then there’s really no reason for me to give a hot damn who’s snuggled up on you. Right?” She gave me a smile that I couldn’t read.

  Well. Shit. That backfired.

  “So you—”

  “Welcome back from fall break. I hope you all had fantastic trips and chose to spend your time to its best advantage,” Dr. Messina said, cutting me off as she took the podium. “Anyone want to tell me how you spent your break? Diving into Indian culture? Hopping a flight to the Maldives? What about you, Mr. Rhodes?”

  I gave her a smile. “Took a little trip to the Taj Mahal with Miss Dawson, and then hit up Nepal, where I climbed to twenty-one thousand feet and had my ass handed to me by an avalanche.”

  Her eyebrows rose. “Well. Not quite what I was expecting.”

  “I can say exactly the same. What about you, Dr. Messina?”

  She smiled with a look of appreciation. I’d learned early that women didn’t just like to be heard, they needed to know you were listening. “Well, I was actually ship’s faculty during this break, so I mostly saw the port. Thank you for asking.”

  As she launched into our lecture today, this time focusing on the seven indigenous Indonesian tribes, I took careful notes, knowing we’d have a paper assigned after our shore excursion next week.

  “I’ve arranged for us to visit an isolated tribe, so make sure that your schedules are clear for the second day in port. This will count as class credit and you are expected to attend. This is quite an honor,” Dr. Messina told us. “Also, don’t forget that your outlines for your term research papers are due to me by the Sydney port, which is only ten days away. If your outline is approved, then you can begin your rough drafts. If not, it’s back to the drawing board.”

  “How is yours coming?” I whispered at Rachel.

  She shrugged. “I’ll let you know if I can open that line of communication with my mother without her sobbing hysterically that she’s not enough for me.”

  I cringed, remembering just how protective her mom was. “She loves you.”

  “She does,” she agreed.
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br />   “That’s all I have for you today. Make sure you’re caught up on your reading, and I posted an interesting article on eCampus that I’d like you to read before class on Wednesday. You’re dismissed.”

  Rachel gathered her books, and I did the same, getting to the door before she did and waiting for her.

  “Does it ever feel like we have two lives?” I asked as we walked down the hall. Thank God there were no cameras.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like in one life we’re college students, going to class, doing our homework, writing papers, and the other is out there on a limb somewhere snowboarding the Himalayas?”

  She glanced up at me briefly. “Yeah. I get that. At least for you. It’s like you’re two different people.”

  I hit the elevator button, and we waited with a group of students. “Like student Landon and extreme Landon?” I asked, side nudging her.

  She kept her eyes on the elevator doors. “Like Landon and Nova,” she said quietly.

  “Nova!” another girl called my name from the left.

  “Hey, Mandy,” I answered with a wave and polite smile to my physics partner.

  “Did you want to work on that project later?” she asked with a smile that said studying wasn’t all she had in mind.

  The elevator dinged, and Rachel got on, shooting me a look that said she’d heard Mandy’s implication, too.

  “You know, I have plans later, but maybe tomorrow?” I told the redhead as the crowd passed me to pile into the elevator.

  She twirled her hair as her gaze darted between me and Rachel. “Right, but it’s due in two days and we’re barely drafted. Not sure about you, but I can’t afford a bad grade on this.”

  Neither could I if I wanted to find some sliver of time to get back to Nepal.

  I sighed and looked into the elevator where Rachel stood, a single eyebrow arched.

  “Rachel…”

  “See you later, Nova.”

  Alarms blared in my head. Fuck. She called me Nova.

  The door closed.

  Never thought I’d wish to be back in that Himalayan blizzard, but she’d been warmer at eighteen thousand feet than she was at sea level.