Nova (The Renegades #2)

by Rebecca Yarros

  For the first time since I’d met him, he let me walk away without a fight.

  Chapter Thirty

  Landon

  Hong Kong

  Well, this plan was better in conception than execution.

  How did I not think to bring a book? I’d already been trapped in here the last half hour, and I was going to go out of my mind if I had to stay here much longer with only my thoughts for company.

  I checked my watch. She would board any minute now.

  Pray she doesn’t have to use the bathroom.

  I looked in the bathroom mirror, noting my bloodshot eyes and pale complexion. Good thing I’d managed to ditch the cameras. That had been the hardest part about arranging this whole damn thing—getting Bobby off my back.

  This had to work. I was out of fucking options if it didn’t.

  “Holy shit, a private plane?” I heard Rachel’s voice and tensed.

  She’s here. My breath suddenly came in harsh bursts, and I grabbed the soft hand towel off the rack, covering my nose and mouth to muffle the sounds. I was always shit at hide-and-go-seek.

  “I just asked Pax to get us there,” Leah said, her voice slightly nervous.

  “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the amount of money those guys drop.”

  “They’re insane, right?” Leah asked.

  “If you ladies will take your seats, we’ll begin takeoff procedures,” the flight attendant told them, his voice calm. At least he knew I was hidden in the damn bathroom.

  Of every way I’d ever tried to talk to Rachel, this had to be the most insane. She was also the only woman worth going to this length for. I refused to lose her. Not after everything that we’d been through. If I couldn’t make her listen, I’d make her see.

  If she didn’t beat the shit out of me first.

  Which is feasible considering it’s Rachel.

  “We’re almost ready for you,” the flight attendant whispered through the door.

  “Thank you,” I whispered back.

  My heart jumped as I heard rustling in the cabin. I pressed my ear against the door and listened. This was by far the stupidest shit I’d ever pulled, or the most epic. Only Rachel could decide.

  “You in good and tight?” Leah asked.

  “Yep, I’m good,” Rachel answered.

  “Good! So, I know this feels totally out of the blue, but you’ll understand in a minute.”

  “What—?”

  “When I was on Mykonos with Pax, his mom said something to me. She told me that even love couldn’t stitch together two souls that were too stubborn to bend.”

  “I’m sorry? What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Okay. Um. I’m saying bend. Remember that I love you, and that anything I do is always with your best interest at heart.”

  “Leah…”

  I almost laughed at the slight growl I heard in Rachel’s voice.

  “Remember when I didn’t want to come on this to start with? And you told me that I had to step outside my comfort zone?”

  “Seriously. What’s going on?”

  I heard the sound of a buckle coming undone. “Consider this me telling you the same. And you know…if it doesn’t work out right, then I can just hop the next flight.”

  “What? Where are you going? Why are you leaving? Leah, I’m going to Korea, not the freaking grocery store! You can’t just hop over—”

  “I love you!” Leah called out. “Bend!”

  “What?” Rachel shrieked. “How am I stuck? What the hell?”

  I heard the sound of the door closing, sealing the fuselage.

  “You can’t close that door! We’re not leaving without her!”

  “I’m sorry, miss. I’m under direct orders.”

  Then there was silence as the plane rumbled down the runway.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Rachel screamed.

  That was my cue.

  As the plane increased speed for takeoff, I passed the small couch in the back of the private plane and made it to the groupings of single seats that faced each other, using the seat backs as leverage. Fuck, we were going fast.

  “Landon!” Rachel hissed as I took the seat opposite hers and buckled in. “What are you doing? We’re taking off!”

  “If walking down the center aisle of a plane while it’s taking off was the most dangerous thing I did, I’d be out of a job,” I told her calmly.

  Her eyes flashed fire at me. “You’d better explain. Fast. I’m not in favor of being kidnapped, and if you think I’m headed to Nepal with you, you’re out of your goddamned mind.”

  I smiled. “God, I missed angry you. You’re so beautiful when you’re pissed.”

  “Oh, then I’m about to be fucking gorgeous,” she promised as we lifted off. “I can’t believe you would do something as low as this.”

  “We’re not going to Nepal,” I told her softly.

  Her eyes swung toward mine, wide and cautious. “I’m sorry?”

  “We’re not going to Nepal,” I repeated.

  She swallowed, and her hands finally stopped fidgeting with her buckle. Then she sat back in her seat and raised an eyebrow.

  My Rachel was back.

  “We’re going to Korea. I have the itinerary; the arrangements are all made.”

  “You hijacked Wilder’s private plane to take me to Korea?”

  My hackles bristled. “It’s not Pax’s plane. I chartered it for you, since I don’t like him taking care of what’s mine.”

  “How very alpha of you. Do you turn at the full moon, too?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

  “Maybe. When it comes to you, all bets are off, and I wouldn’t put it past you to bring out any sort of tendency in me.”

  She cracked a begrudging smile, and I almost fist pumped.

  “You told me that nothing I could say would ever make you trust me again,” I started, and my heart jumped into my suddenly dry throat.

  “I did.”

  “You also told me that you still love me.”

  Her eyes dropped before they slowly returned to mine. “I did,” she repeated in a softer voice.

  “You’re correct. There’s nothing I can say to you that’s going to make you trust me. I lost that right years ago. I realize that now, that while you’ve loved me these last couple of months, while we’ve been together, you’ve never fully trusted me, otherwise you would have listened to me when your dad dropped his little funding bombshell.”

  She remained silent, but she didn’t scream at me, so I counted that as a point scored.

  “I did that. I lost your trust, and though I won your heart back, I never worked on the trust factor. So I’m done telling you to trust me. I’m done telling you that I love you, that I need you, that you’re the only priority in my life. I’m going to show you instead.”

  Her eyes widened slowly. “It’s too late.”

  “No, it’s not. For a love like ours, too late is when we’re dead. It doesn’t matter how many years pass, you and I will always be drawn to each other, we’ll always find our way back. We’ll always have this between us. I’m not sure about you, but I’m not prepared to live my life like that, always wanting you, craving you, and not having you. That kind of life is bullshit.”

  “What do you recommend?” she asked, not giving away a damn thing. Just once, I wished that she’d wear her emotions instead of hiding them away like a weakness. But then she wouldn’t be Rachel.

  And I loved Rachel just how she was—stubborn and hard-shelled with a soft-as-caramel center.

  “I can tell you that I called your dad from Aspen and told him to fuck off—that he could stick his sponsorship deal up his ass. That there’s no amount of money that can buy you from me.”

  “Landon,” she whispered, her body sinking farther into the seat.

  “But I knew when we talked on the ship, that wouldn’t be enough. It wouldn’t be enough for me to tell you that I liquidated most of my savings with Wilder to finance the r
est of the year, since we lost every sponsor that we had.”

  Her mouth dropped slightly.

  “It wouldn’t be enough for me to tell you that I was sorry, that I was a stupid kid when I took the deal the first time. You think you weren’t enough to hold me, that I needed more—that I needed the Renegades. But that wasn’t the full reason. I’m sorry I made choices for you that I had no right to, but it was because I felt that I wasn’t good enough for you. You, who risked everything for me—turning down Dartmouth, walking away from the Renegades, your parents, everything you knew. I couldn’t let you walk away from an Ivy League education, from the life I knew you deserved—not when I had just lost my sponsorship and had no way to even take care of you. Your dad offered me a way to fix everything that I’d broken. All I saw was a way to give everyone back what they lost…except me. I put my heart in a box and became a shell until I found you again.”

  She looked away, and I forged ahead, knowing I had to drive it home, that I couldn’t go halfway with Rachel. She demanded everything, because that’s what she gave.

  “I knew it wouldn’t be enough to tell you these things, that I will walk away from this life if it’s what you need to believe that there’s nothing more important to me than you.”

  Her eyes jerked back to mine, widening with each word I spoke.

  “So I’m showing you. I canceled Nepal.”

  “Landon, no.” She shook her head softly, just enough to move her hair.

  “Yes. There is nowhere else on this earth that I’d rather be than here with you, and this is the only way I could think to prove it to you.”

  Watching her walls crumble was beautiful. Her mouth softened along with her eyes. But with the fortress down, I saw the pain there, how much I’d put her through.

  “I don’t…” She shook her head and then rested her forehead in her palm for a moment while she composed herself. “This is all…amazing, Landon. But I don’t know if I can trust you again.”

  I ignored the stabbing pain in the vicinity of my heart and nodded. “I get that. And I’m going to spend every moment of the rest of my life proving that you can. From now on you are my only priority. Everything else comes second. I’d rather have one of your kisses than win any competition, free ride any mountain, or even have a Renegade name. I’m yours to do with what you will.”

  Her teeth sank into her lower lip, and I would have given everything else I had to kiss it free, to show her with my body how perfect we were for each other, how nothing else would ever compare.

  “And you’re not kidnapped,” I told her with a small laugh. “The pilot is under your command. Wherever you want to go, we’ll go, which includes turning the plane around and leaving me in Hong Kong while you head to Seoul.”

  She tilted her head like she was considering it, and I almost regretted those words. But I was done making decisions for her. I needed her to choose me just as badly as she needed to be able to trust me.

  “But I’d really like to do this with you,” I requested softly.

  It felt like eons while she weighed her options, but I sat there quietly and waited. I’d learned my lesson when it came to pushing Rachel.

  Finally, she looked at me and lifted her chin slightly.

  “Okay. You can come.”

  Every muscle in my body relaxed as I sank back against the seat. “Okay.”

  She gave me a tentative smile. “And thank you. For the plane. For arranging it all when you didn’t have to.”

  Of course I’d arranged it. I wanted to see where my future wife had been born, the place she’d spent her earliest months. But I also knew she wasn’t ready for that future, not now…maybe not for years. I knew it with the same certainty that told me she was the only woman I would ever love, ever need enough to give up everything—even the Renegades—for.

  So I swallowed back the giant ball of emotions too numerous to be named and nodded. “Anything for you.”

  I just prayed she knew that I meant it.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Rachel

  Korea

  “Are you sure this is right?” I asked, the giant map taking over most of my view of the rural road. We were about an hour outside Seoul, which meant we were close. Supposedly.

  “Nope.” His answer was way too chipper. “Penna supplied the directions, and she could be getting back at me for any myriad of transgressions.”

  I snorted. “Great. You just watch out for mudslides, and I’ll try to figure out where we’re at.”

  He leaned over the steering wheel of the little SUV. “Blue skies, bright sun, no rain, no mud. We’re in the clear.”

  “You forget,” I said, trailing my finger down the skinny line of the road on the map. “You’re traveling with the curse.”

  He swerved onto the shoulder and hit the brakes.

  “For fuck’s sake, Landon!” I shouted, catching myself on the dash even though my seat belt locked me into place.

  He ripped the map down, more furious than I’d ever seen him. “Enough! You’re not a damned curse.”

  I rolled my eyes at his bluster. “Maybe we’re the curse.”

  His hands flexed on the wheel, and he took a deep breath, his eyes showing an unspoken battle.

  Then he lurched across the console, grasped the back of my head, and pulled me into his kiss. His mouth opened over mine, his tongue demanding entrance, and in my surprise, I gave it to him.

  Two seconds later, I melted, unable to resist the effect he had on my body, my heart. He kissed me breathless, until my tongue was as wild in his mouth as his was in mine, until I clutched the fabric of his shirt in my fists.

  Then he let me go.

  I blinked at him, dazed and more than a little turned on.

  “Does that feel cursed?” he asked.

  I touched my fingers to my lips. “Sometimes.”

  He sighed in exasperation.

  “Sometimes I hate the control you have over my body, the way I melt for no one else but you. But no, it’s not a curse.”

  He relaxed in his seat, checked the mirrors, and pulled back onto the empty road. “Well, okay then.”

  I hid my smile with the map and shook my head. As much as I hated loving him, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion in my life. And as much as I didn’t trust him, I also couldn’t ignore that he’d given up Nepal for me.

  He’d been right—showing me was the only way he could earn that trust back.

  And he was doing a damn good job of it.

  “Left up there,” I told him after I figured out just where we were on the map.

  He made the turn, and we were on an even more rural road, had that been possible. The hills rose up across the fields from us, but I saw the outline of a town ahead.

  “You ready for this?” he asked.

  “No,” I answered truthfully. “But it seems like it would be a shame to turn around and go home at this point.”

  “Truth.”

  My stomach tied itself in knots as we crossed the river and entered the small town. Everything was gray, but I didn’t know if that was normal or a consequence of the cold January weather.

  We passed through a small, thriving part of town, Landon’s head moving constantly as he drove—taking everything in. “There’s a hotel there,” he said.

  “How can you tell?” I asked, unable to see where he was gesturing to.

  “It says ‘Hotel.’”

  “Smart-ass,” I muttered, but it brought a much-needed smile to my face.

  A few more turns, and I was genuinely ready to puke. What the hell was I thinking? What was I going to do? Walk up to the door and assume they spoke English? That they’d have any idea what I was talking about? That this was the one-in-a-hundred chance that the same orphanage in the town my biological mother was born in would be the same orphanage I was adopted from?

  “You’ve gone silent. That’s never a good sign,” Landon commented.

  We came upon a large, gray building on the right-hand side.
“That should be it,” I said, matching it to the picture Penna had printed out for us.

  Landon pulled the SUV over and parked but didn’t shut off the engine. I cranked the heat, my hands suddenly cold.

  He reached for them and warmed the digits between his palms. “What do you need?”

  “I don’t have the first clue.”

  “You don’t have to do this today. We can fly back tomorrow afternoon and still make the boat. If you need time, I can give you that.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t come this far to chicken out.” My hand sought the door handle, and I pulled, a rush of frigid air hitting my face.

  “Do you want me to wait here?” Landon asked.

  My booted feet hit the pavement, and I looked at him watching me with no expectation, just overwhelming support. “Come with me?”

  He immediately shut off the engine and got out of the car, locking it as he made his way over to me. I took the hand he offered and squeezed, needing something solid.

  He opened a metal gate that was the only opening in a three-foot-tall stone wall, and we walked inside the small yard. There were no toys that would mark this as an orphanage, but there were two uniformed teenage girls sitting on a bench toward the back, their heads bent over a book.

  One of the girls looked up as we approached the door, and I had the weirdest chill slide down my back—like I was looking at an alternate timeline where I’d never left. A timeline where I spoke Korean and grew up surrounded by girls exactly like me. A timeline where I’d never met Landon.

  In every timeline. His comment from the courting ritual hit me, and I squeezed his hand a little harder as we ascended the half dozen stone steps that would bring us to the door.

  He lifted my hand and kissed the back.

  My breath caught, my heartbeats slowed, and the world around me paused as I crossed the last foot to the door. I lifted my hand to knock on the door but lowered it, looking at Landon. “Do I look okay?”

  He smiled and tucked a strand of my purple highlights behind my ear. “You look perfect. You are perfect. And no matter what happens here, I know exactly where you belong—with me.”

  I sucked in a full breath of air, turned to the door, and knocked three times.

  My heart raced, slamming against my ribs as the door opened a few seconds later.