Summer at West Sands Guest House

by Maggie Conway

  Anna and Eva had formed an instant friendship, bonding easily and quickly the way women with children often did. Anna had relayed Eva and Ben’s story to Molly. She had been a widow living with her son Jamie running this house as a guest house. Ben had moved up from London to teach physics at the university and had moved in to the next-door house. They had fallen in love and were now married – and if Molly’s suspicions were right, now expecting a child of their own.

  Eva and Ben’s story had filled Molly with hope on one level but fear on the other. What if she had missed her chance of happiness? She sighed heavily, tucking the thought away and turned from the window.

  After showering and dressing Molly followed the sound of voices to the kitchen. Anna and Lily were singing along to a song on the radio as they tidied away the breakfast things while Luke, being held upside down and tickled by Stuart, let out a squeal of delight. For some reason the noise and jovial atmosphere jangled Molly’s nerves. Perhaps she was more tired than she thought.

  ‘Aunt Molly, we’re going to see our new house today!’

  ‘Wow, that’s exciting,’ she said, forcing herself to sound cheerful.

  ‘We don’t know if it’s going to be our new house yet.’ Lily had stopped singing and shot her brother a withering look.

  ‘But Mummy likes it.’

  ‘Did you like the house, Aunt Molly?’ Lily asked her.

  ‘I loved it…’ Molly paused, feeling her phone vibrate, and, looking down, was surprised to see it was her estate agent calling from Glasgow. ‘I’m just going to take this,’ she said quickly, going to the hall. Answering it, Molly heard the chirpy tones of one of estate agents handling the sale of her house.

  ‘We’ve got some great news for you. We’ve had so many viewings and notes of interest in the house that we’re putting a closing date for this Friday and we’re expecting several offers.’

  Molly blinked. That quick?

  After listening to a few more details, Molly said goodbye, trying to get her head round the speed of the sale. She had guessed it would sell easily but hadn’t been prepared for it to be so soon. That was good, she told herself, they had done a good job. This was what she wanted. She swallowed hard, not understanding why she was experiencing a tight knot in her stomach.

  Anna, never one to miss a thing, looked at her when she re-entered the kitchen. ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘Um, sure. Just an update from the estate agent’s. Looks like the house will be sold pretty soon,’ she said brightly.

  ‘It’s all go on the house front for this family just now,’ Stuart commented happily. ‘You coming with us today, Molly?’ he asked.

  ‘Always glad to have you there,’ Anna added. She had wasted no time in arranging a second viewing for the house today and although Molly appreciated being included, she thought it best they look at what could well be their new family home without her being there.

  ‘Think I’ll give it a miss if that’s okay. There’s a couple of shops I haven’t had the chance to look at yet.’ She gave a bright smile, ignoring Anna’s look of concern.

  Molly felt something stirring within her, a sense of unease, and was suddenly impatient for everyone to leave. She really needed to be by herself for a while. After what felt like an age, they finally left and Molly was on her own. Except now, in the silence of the house, she felt restless. She paced about, unsure what to do.

  The beach, of course. A walk along the beach always helped put things in perspective and would help sort through the muddle of emotions welling up inside her.

  A quick look out the window confirmed the sun was still in hiding so she grabbed her jacket and headed out. Taking a different direction today, she made her way to East Sands beach. She breathed deeply as she walked along the picturesque harbour, hearing the lap of water against the small fishing vessels bobbing in the water. She passed a little café, chalked lettering on a blackboard telling today’s homemade soup was pea and courgette. Molly had no doubt it would taste delicious but her stomach churned at the thought of it right now. Inside she could see the café was bustling and it gave her a sudden, horrible feeling of being on the outside.

  She reached the beach, which thankfully appeared empty of people, only a few squawking seagulls circling overhead. She trudged along and kept her head down, enjoying the feel of the sand beneath her feet. On and on she walked, trying to work out what she was feeling.

  She thought of seeing Eva and Ben this morning and then her own brother and Anna. Everywhere she looked she was surrounded by happy families while what she’d had was broken. It felt as if her chances of having a loving family were slipping away. In a few days she’d be technically homeless as well as divorced and she suddenly felt very alone. Oh God, what a mess. Molly knew she was feeling sorry for herself but she couldn’t help it. She tried to count her blessings, she really did but she wasn’t able to prevent a cloud of isolation descending upon her.

  It was also the shock of the phone call from the estate agent. As much as she didn’t like the house, knowing it was to be sold this week felt so final. Her life with Colin really was over. She supposed she should probably let him know although she doubted he would be interested. She found herself wondering what he was doing right now, if he was truly happy. Did he have any regrets or had he really just flounced off without a backwards glance or thought for her. Had he thought so little of their marriage?

  His betrayal suddenly came crashing into her. For the first time since she’d discovered his affair, Molly felt raw anger and pain at what Colin had done. It had been hidden underneath all that pretence of normality. But now everything seemed to hit her at once.

  She stopped walking to look out at the horizon. Dark grey clouds hung heavily over the choppy water and the cool sea breeze stung her eyes. She stared out to the sea and stood motionless for a minute, a wave of misery building somewhere deep inside her. It started in the pit of her stomach, rose to her chest and then erupted in hot choking tears which spilled down her cheeks. The tears – which she’d been unable to shed before – were unstoppable. The brave face she had been putting on crumpled.

  Her armour – the one she had painstakingly built since Colin left – had well and truly slipped. She felt shocked, as if she had only just found out her marriage was over. All she had ever wanted – a home and a loving family – wasn’t going to happen. Perhaps she had sensed they didn’t want the same things and had protected herself by not admitting to herself just how much she wanted those things. Now it was too late. She was on her own.

  It was like grieving for something she would never have. She felt terrified and let down. A horrible hopelessness covered her. What was she going to do now?

  Soon she was in full flow. Everything seemed to ache; her head, her eyes, her heart. Her body was racked by heaving sobs making her throat constrict. She had never cried like this before, didn’t know she was capable of such a torrent of misery. As the waves of anger and hurt came crashing into her she knew she’d been holding herself in for a long time.

  Feeling weak, she sat down. The sand was cool and damp underneath her but she didn’t care. She gulped, trying to stem the flow of tears and took a deep breath.

  She hugged her bent knees to her chest and stared out to the sea, keeping her focus on the ebb and flow of the water lapping against the shore until slowly, very slowly the tears began to subside.

  She heard an uncomfortable cough from behind her. She ignored it – whoever it was could go away. Then a deep voice asked if she was all right. She knew it was him before she looked up.

  She turned swollen eyes to see Tom Kennedy looking at her, concern etched on his face. Given that she was sitting in the middle of a deserted beach with a tear-streaked face and looking like God only knows what, she didn’t think there was much point in pretending.

  ‘Not really.’

  He didn’t say anything, but sat down next to her. With his long legs stretched out before him, he followed her gaze out to sea.

 
‘What are you doing here?’ Instantly she regretted sounding so churlish. ‘I just mean it’s not exactly a day for the beach.’

  ‘I could ask you the same thing.’

  ‘Suppose.’ She shrugged. ‘I just needed to get away,’ she said by way of explanation.

  ‘Family holidays can be like that.’

  ‘What?’ She looked at him, frowning. ‘Oh, no. It’s nothing like that. It’s…other stuff.’

  ‘Anything you’d like to talk about?’

  With absolutely not a single intention of telling him anything she took a breath and turned to face him. His blue eyes were fixed on her so intently and in that moment she was lost. She felt what was left of her defences crumble under the scrutiny of his gaze and the words simply tumbled out.

  To her horror, she let out a sob. ‘I want a forever house.’ To her even greater horror, another round of tears began.

  ‘A forever house?’ He sounded slightly baffled.

  ‘You know, the house you live in happily for a long, long time with the people you love.’

  ‘Oh, right.’

  ‘Except now I might never get the chance to have that,’ she said flatly. She bent her head, picking at a shell embedded in the sand. The need to speak suddenly felt overpowering, almost physical. She had been desperate not to burden Stuart and Anna, determined to hold it all together. But the words, bottled up within her, needed to be unleashed. ‘I…I got divorced a few weeks ago.’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’

  She exhaled. ‘And I just found out our house is to be sold this week.’

  ‘And that was your – um, forever house?’

  ‘No – I didn’t even like it,’ she told him shaking her head. ‘I suppose it just makes everything feel real, it’s really happened.’

  Padding her pockets uselessly for a tissue, Molly resorted to a loud and rather inelegant sniff.

  ‘How long were you married?’

  ‘Almost five years.’

  He paused and then spoke gently. ‘What happened? I mean, you don’t have to tell me.’

  Molly hesitated for a second, aware she was telling him much more than he probably needed or wanted to know. But now she’d started, she didn’t seem to be capable of stopping.

  ‘I found out he was having an affair.’

  ‘I’m sorry, that must have been tough.’

  ‘It was,’ she sniffed. ‘But the thing is…I’m not sure how well things were going with the marriage anyway. It ended when I found out about his affair but I think Colin had left the marriage long before then.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Molly thought back to the small cracks that had started to appear in their relationship, a vague sense of them growing apart, two people together yet somehow separate. And she realised, it all revolved around his career.

  ‘Colin worked for a financial company and worked hard. He always seemed to be getting promoted, earning lots of money which was important to him. And he enjoyed the trappings of his success but he liked them to be obvious, for all to see.’ She waved a hand vaguely in the air. ‘The fancy holidays, the expensive car, the exclusive gym membership. They were all that seemed to matter to him.’

  Molly realised there was a point where perhaps she could have changed to what Colin wanted. But she knew she could never be that person. She shook her head sadly. ‘I – I don’t think I recognised him anymore as the man I married.’

  ‘People change and not always for the better. Maybe it’s as well to find out sooner rather than later.’

  ‘I suppose,’ Molly agreed before continuing. ‘I knew I no longer fitted in with what he wanted – my job, my clothes, even the car I drove. I think he wanted this polished, manicured, high-achieving wife. I felt like I was constantly trying to do and say the right thing. Now I can see how awful that was.’ She shook her head almost in disbelief.

  ‘It’s hard trying to be something you’re not.’

  Molly turned hearing the slight edge to Tom’s voice. Staring into the distance, his eyes hardened for a fleeting moment before he blinked, pulling his gaze back to Molly.

  ‘You must have had some good times though?’

  ‘At the beginning, yes.’ Molly stared down at her fingers, thinking. And as they continued to sit on the empty beach, Molly talked. It felt slightly surreal but she found herself telling Tom how she’d married Colin after university, how they’d bought the house on the outskirts of Glasgow. How everything seemed to be okay until Colin’s promotion and then the marriage slowly started to fall apart. And how she was using this time to decide what came next. She wasn’t quite sure how it happened but she found herself telling him things she hadn’t told anyone else.

  Perhaps it was his voice gently coaxing things from her or perhaps it was because he was looking at her with what appeared to be genuine concern. Either that or he was making a very good job of pretending.

  ‘I guess I’ve been putting on a brave face and it all came tumbling down now. The thing is, I thought I was doing okay. Managing, you know. Up until about an hour ago and it all started to unravel.’ She gave him a rueful smile. ‘And I’m afraid you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.’

  ‘Or the right place at the right time,’ he countered.

  Molly wasn’t sure how to respond to that except she knew it made her feel a whole lot better for some reason.

  A distant sound made them look up and Molly blinked in surprise to see a horse galloping along the beach. They sat and watched, something hypnotic and beautiful about the power and rhythm of the rider and horse as they galloped along the water’s edge.

  The unexpectedness of it seemed to bring Molly to her senses, pulling her back to reality. The reality being that she was sitting on a beach pouring her heart out to Tom Kennedy. She lifted her eyes to him, suddenly so aware of him. He really did have the most mesmerising, blue eyes and when they turned on you the effect was quite devastating. She suddenly felt self-conscious and attempted to smooth down her hair, hoping she didn’t look quite as bedraggled as she felt. She was pretty sure Tom had somewhere to go, somebody to be with.

  ‘Anyway, um, thanks for listening. And I’m sorry. I’m sure you didn’t need to hear all this.’

  ‘You don’t need to apologise. Sounds like you’ve had a rough time.’

  She sat up inhaling the air, noticing she did feel better, like a weight had been lifted. ‘Are you sure you’re not some sort of therapist as well as a golfer?’ she joked feebly.

  He let out a low chuckle. ‘No but I know plenty of people who use the golf course as a way of escaping things in life.’

  A sudden cool breeze had picked up and Molly realised she could no longer feel her fingers and her backside was frozen. She shivered and felt Tom’s gaze on her.

  ‘Listen, how about we move from here. Go for a walk or maybe get a drink to warm you up?’

  ‘That’s all right. I’m fine now, honestly.’ She hated that he might feel obliged but his gaze remained focused on her.

  ‘I’m not leaving you here,’ he stated.

  She looked at him through her lashes. ‘Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?’

  ‘Nothing that can’t wait. Come on,’ Tom said, starting to move. He held his hand out to help her up and as Molly placed her hand in his, the touch of his skin sending a jolt of heat through her body. She suddenly became very focused on brushing sand from her jeans, giving her time to compose herself. They started to walk back towards the harbour, Tom pointing out various golf courses dotted along the coastline and a particularly noisy seagull made them laugh with a comical squawk. Molly looked up and saw some of the grey clouds had parted now, making way for glimpses of blue sky.

  ‘How is Beth?’ Molly asked suddenly, feeling terrible for not asking sooner.

  ‘Still in hospital – they’re keeping a close eye on her. Joe’s spending as much time as he can with her.’

  ‘What about the tournament?’ Molly frowned, remembering it was in a couple
of weeks.

  His mouth tugged down at the corners. ‘I might have to think about cancelling it. I mean, I don’t want to but we’re not organised for it properly.’

  They had reached the café now that Molly had passed earlier and Tom suggested a hot drink. Molly, who was now chilled to the bone, didn’t hesitate. The thought of something warm was simply too tempting.

  Molly found a seat while Tom organised the drinks, bringing back mugs of tea to the table.

  ‘Is this all right for you?’ He looked at her with concern.

  She nodded. ‘I passed this place earlier and looked in, thinking how cosy it seemed.’

  Molly warmed her hands on her mug, blowing gently on the steaming liquid before taking a sip.

  ‘That’s good, thanks,’ she said gratefully, with a small smile.

  She had only met him a few times and became conscious now of how much she had revealed to him today without really knowing much about him at all on a personal level. For all she knew, he might have someone special in his life.

  ‘What about you – are you involved with anyone?’ she asked tentatively.

  ‘Not now.’ He paused briefly. ‘There was someone for a while. She worked as one of the physiotherapists on the tour. I had gone to her with a wrist injury and we started to see each other. Touring isn’t always conducive to relationships so in that respect it worked well as we both understood the pressures of the lifestyle. It lasted a couple of years but ended after my accident. I had to focus on my recovery but Jen made it clear she didn’t want to give up so she ended it.’ He gave a small shrug. ‘She liked her work and she liked the excitement of the tour. She’s still with the tour as far as I know.’