Unplanned

by Sarah Biglow

  “Renee Blackwell.”

  Renee stood up and followed the woman into an exam room. Renee sat down in a chair and waited for the nurse to say something.

  “So, Renee, what’s been bothering you?”

  “I’ve been feeling dizzy lately. Like when I go outside. I thought I was spending too much time inside at work, but I don’t know if that’s it. And smells have been really weird.”

  “Weird how?”

  “Overpowering. I was at work earlier, and smells that don’t normally bother me nearly made me vomit.”

  “Any other symptoms? Aches and pains?”

  “General headache.”

  “Okay. Well, I’m going to run some tests, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  The nurse took vital signs and shined a light in Renee’s eyes. It didn’t help the headache, but she tried not to complain. Not if it meant making her better. The nurse disappeared and returned with a cup. Renee gave a shy smile but took it and followed the woman down the hall to the bathroom.

  “You can leave that in here when you’re done,” the nurse instructed.

  “Okay.”

  The door shut, and Renee exhaled and glanced from the cup to the toilet and back again. No sense in putting it off, even if it made her feel uncomfortable. A frustrating ten minutes later, she returned to the exam room. Lacing her fingers together, she waited for the nurse to return. She didn’t know how fast they could get results, but she hoped she could walk out with a prescription today.

  A knock on the door caught her attention. She looked up as a man with thinning gray hair walked in. He gave Renee a calming look and took a seat in the vacant chair.

  “Renee?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hi, I’m Dr. Fillmore.”

  She gave him a nod.

  “How are you doing?”

  “Um…not great.”

  “Well, hopefully we’ve got some good news for you.”

  “The tests are done already?”

  Dr. Fillmore nodded and leaned back in the chair. She watched him watch her, and the tiny hairs on the back of her neck prickled. What’s wrong with me? Horrible scenarios raced through her mind as she waited for the doctor to explain her condition.

  “You said you’ve been feeling generally dizzy the last few weeks? And smells have been bothering you?”

  “Yeah. I already told the nurse that.”

  “With headaches and nausea?”

  “Yes. What the hell’s wrong with me?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you. You aren’t sick.”

  “That’s ridiculous. Your tests are wrong.”

  Dr. Fillmore held up a hand to silence her. Renee bit the inside of her lip and hoped the nervous butterflies didn’t overtake her.

  “Our preliminary tests indicate you’re pregnant.”

  It wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility, but it had to be something else. She wasn’t ready to have a baby.

  “Are you sure? I mean, it’s a preliminary test, right?”

  “Yes, it’s preliminary, but it’s conclusive. From what you’ve been describing, it sounds like you’re still early in the first trimester.”

  Renee sank in her seat. She could feel the color drain from her face as his words took hold in her head. She was pregnant. No question about it. All of her fears of horrible symptoms and diseases were replaced by a cascade of other worries.

  “Renee?” Dr. Fillmore’s voice sounded miles away.

  “Huh?”

  “I asked if you’d like me to refer you to an obstetrician.”

  “No…I have my own…I’m really pregnant?”

  “I’d recommend getting blood work done to determine how far along you are.”

  “Okay. Uh, thanks for everything. I pay out front, right?”

  Dr. Fillmore stood and offered his hand. She took it and allowed him to pull her to her feet. He seemed nice enough and escorted her out to the waiting area. She paid for the visit and walked out into the sweltering, summer afternoon heat. Luckily, the sun had begun to set. Renee wandered the streets outside the T stop to clear her head before she started home. Unfortunately, her phone interrupted alone time. Groaning at the display, she let it ring twice more before mustering up the courage to answer it.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, babe,” a male voice responded.

  “What’s up?” Renee asked, moving out of the flow of pedestrians heading for the T.

  “Nothing. Just getting ready for work. Where are you?”

  “Uh…just heading to the T. I should be home soon.”

  “Okay. I’m heading out in probably forty minutes, so I’ll catch you before I leave.”

  “All right. I love you. Bye.”

  Renee ended the call and willed away the urge to vomit. A part of her—a pretty big part, in fact—hoped her path didn’t cross with Bryce’s tonight. She wasn’t ready to dump this on him. Still, she knew it was the mature thing to do. So, pulling her Charlie Card from her purse, she bounded down the stairs and hopped the red line to Braintree.

  Stepping off the train at Park Street, she bounded upstairs to the green line platform. There, she scanned the trains pulling in to the station: Cleveland Circle and Heath Street. She’d have to wait. Renee rested against one the supports on the platform as more people funneled up from the red line. Just as the mass of people started to make her feel overwhelmed and claustrophobic, a train approached heading to Riverside. It stopped, and she climbed aboard, counting the stops in her head as it left the center of the city.

  “I’m home,” she called as she walked through the front door of their apartment some twenty minutes later.

  Footsteps echoed in the kitchen, and Bryce appeared. He was dressed in a red jacket and black pants—standard valet fare.

  “Hey.”

  They shared a brief kiss before Renee headed for the fridge. She pulled out a bottle of water and downed half in one gulp. Maybe not the best idea, given how easily her stomach did somersaults these days.

  “Whoah, take it easy, Nee.”

  “Sorry. It’s hot out there. I was thirsty.”

  The less she had to talk right now, the better. She wouldn’t spill the beans about her doctor’s visit that way. She only hoped he hadn’t seen the note on the calendar. He glanced in the direction of the calendar, and she winced.

  “You had a doctor’s appointment today?”

  Busted.

  “Yeah. I’ve been feeling a little off the last few days. Thought maybe I was coming down with a cold or something. Kids get germs everywhere at the aquarium.”

  “What’d they say?”

  Renee twisted the bottle cap between her fingers and searched for something, anything, to deflect his question. The time flashed at her from the microwave.

  “Aren’t you going to be late for work?”

  Bryce shrugged and wrapped her in his arms.

  “I can be a little late.”

  Damn him.

  “They did some tests.”

  “Okay. Well, do you need me to pick up anything?”

  “That’s sweet, honey. No. I’ll be okay. Now get going.”

  She swatted him on the butt and watched him grab his keys and leave. Slumping against the sink, she sighed with relief at barely avoiding that disaster. Renee set about making some dinner and watching the news. Nothing really kept her attention. Her thoughts constantly drifted to Dr. Fillmore’s words. You’re pregnant.

  The reality was setting in fast, and she couldn’t keep it to herself. She grabbed the phone and dialed her mother’s number.

  “Hello?”

  “Max? What are you doing at Mom and Dad’s place?” she asked her younger brother.

  “They invited me and a couple of friends for dinner. Not going to pass up Mom’s cooking.”

  “Is Mom there?”

  “Yeah. You want me to put her on?”

  Renee exhaled in annoyance. “No. I was just asking for the hell of it. Yeah, I want yo
u to put her on.”

  “Don’t have to get all bitchy with me.”

  She could hear footsteps on the other end as her brother went in search of their mom. Moments later, the sound of the phone changing hands filled Renee’s ear.

  “Hi, sweetheart.”

  “Hi, Mom. Do you have a minute to talk?”

  “I just served dinner. Can I call you back in a little while?”

  “It kind of can’t wait.”

  “Of course. What’s up?”

  “I went to the doctor today. I’m pregnant.”

  Silence on the other end lasted an interminable time.

  “Mom?”

  “Yeah. I’m still here. Are you sure?”

  “They did a test and everything.”

  “This is…unexpected.”

  “No kidding.”

  “Have you told Bryce?”

  “No. I’m kind of scared to tell him.”

  “You should tell him right away. Don’t wait.”

  “He’s already at work. I…I just don’t know what to do, Mom.”

  “You need to make an appointment with your obstetrician and go for an exam.”

  Renee bit the inside of her cheek to keep calm. “Okay. I can do that.”

  “Do you need me to come over, Renee?”

  Renee weighed the options. She could use someone to stay with her for a few hours. It would save her from going stir crazy.

  “Yes, please.” She couldn’t keep the signs of an imminent breakdown out of her voice.

  “I’ll be right over.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  They ended the call, and Renee rested her head against the couch. She had to keep it together long enough for her mom to arrive. She got to her feet and began pacing until she heard a sharp knock on the front door. She crossed the length of the apartment in three big strides and yanked open the door. Her mother stood opposite her, and Renee couldn’t help but fall into her mom’s arms. They ended up on the couch, curled up with a tub of ice cream between them. The best treatment for a bad day, ever.

  “Did they say how far you are?” her mom asked and ran a hand through Renee’s hair.

  “They weren’t sure but thought maybe six or seven weeks.”

  “You didn’t notice you’d missed your period?”

  “I had some spotting. I thought it was just light. God, Mom, what am I going to do?”

  “That’s your choice.”

  “I’ve always wanted to have kids. But…I’m not sure I’m ready now.”

  “You won’t be in it alone. Your father and I will support you, whatever you decide to do.”

  “Thanks. Sorry I pulled you away from dinner.”

  “My baby girl needed me.”

  Renee gave a watery smile and yawned.

  “Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you into bed.”

  Renee didn’t argue as her mother ushered her into the bedroom. Renee stripped down to her bra and underwear and crawled beneath the covers. Exhausted from all the stress and the crying, she didn’t have the energy to put on night clothes.

  “You want me to stay the night, Nee?” her mother asked as she perched on the edge of the bed.

  “No. I’ll be okay. Thanks for coming over.”

  “All right. You really should tell Bryce in the morning, honey.”

  “I will.”

  Renee curled up and let exhaustion take over. She didn’t hear her mother leave the apartment or Bryce return at his usual time of half past two. She was only conscious of his return as the bed shifted beside her and he pressed his lips to her shoulder. Despite the heat, Renee curled up against his chest, wishing it was all just a dream. His arms wrapped tight around her stomach, and she was safe. Too bad the crushing weight of reality filled her dreams.

  4

  August 21st

  Erika Lind lay in bed, chest heaving from the exertion while some guy she didn’t quite know sighed beside her. Somewhere in the distance, music pounded, and the walls vibrated with the bass. The voices of the people beyond the bedroom were low in comparison to the booming of the rest of the surroundings.

  “That was amazing,” he said and kissed her shoulder.

  She looked at him, his face fuzzy from her stupor.

  “Yeah. Great.”

  She could make out a half-smile painted on his lips.

  “What?” she asked.

  “We could…go again.”

  She rolled over, and her head throbbed along with the bass in a very uncomfortable rhythm. All she wanted was for the sound to stop and to be left in peace. She needed the quiet, or she was going to explode.

  “Erika?”

  She moaned and stumbled out of bed. As best she could, she pulled on her skirt and top and threw herself into the din of the party beyond the bedroom. Maybe she could get people to leave early. Erika searched faces, looking for anyone remotely familiar. She finally found one. Dane. He leaned against the stereo system, a plastic cup in his hand.

  “Hey, Erika. Great party.”

  “Make them go, please,” she begged, latching on to his shoulder before she tripped over open air.

  “Babe, you okay?”

  “I’m just tired. I need to sleep. Can’t sleep with everyone yelling.”

  “But it’s only two o’clock.”

  “Please?”

  “Okay, okay.” He set his drink down and cut the music. “Everybody, party’s over. Get gone.”

  Loud protests filled the room, and it was all Erika could do to block it out. She let Dane lead her to the couch and sank onto the soft cushions. What would she do without him? She had no idea how long it took to get everyone to clear out, but the next time she looked around, Dane sat on the table across from her.

  “They gone now?”

  “Yeah.”

  The bedroom opened and closed, and the guy sheepishly walked out. “She okay?”

  “She’s fine. Party’s over. Get out.”

  “Okay. Jeez, don’t have to be an ass about it. I had a great time, Erika.”

  “Bye.” The one word response squeaked out. It was all she could manage.

  She thought she saw Dane give the guy a withering look but everything tilted, and she curled into herself.

  “You want to go to bed, babe?”

  Erika shook her head. “Couch is comfy.”

  “Well, scoot over.”

  She curled up against the couch and let Dane snuggle with her, relishing his muscles and beer-scented body. Sometime later, a loud beeping filled Erika’s ears. It roused her from sleep, and she stumbled off the couch in search of the noise to shut it off. The source was the alarm in her room. Seven thirty in the morning. Groaning, Erika made her way to the bathroom. She couldn’t show up at work looking like crap.

  The water felt amazing as it peppered her neck and shoulders. The steam wrapped its tendrils around every inch of her body until she could at least see straight. By the time she dried off and stepped out of the bathroom, Dane was sitting up on the couch.

  “You’re up early.”

  “I have work.”

  “You need me to drive you?”

  “No. I’ll catch the T.”

  Dane shrugged and followed her into her bedroom. She didn’t bother shutting the door—he’d seen her naked plenty of times. Even if it was in the distant past. She ran a comb through her hair and donned make up. She was an expert at covering up dark circles. A couple of drops, and the redness in her eyes disappeared.

  “That really was a good party last night,” he said.

  “Thanks.”

  He walked up and wrapped his arms around her waist. Always the flirt. Too bad they were over. He ran a finger down her right arm, landing on the yin yang inked on her wrist.

  “You remember when you got this?”

  “Eighteenth birthday. You were trashed,” she said.

  “So were you.”

  “I was not.”

  “Oh, come on. Admit it.”

  “I was a little buzzed
. And besides, it wasn’t like the tattoo guy even cared.”

  “I miss college,” Dane said with a laugh.

  “You could always go back.”

  She pushed away from the mirror and made a beeline for the kitchen with only enough time to butter some toast and run to the T before being late for work. Again.

  “Call me if you want to hang later or something,” Dane said as he walked her out of the building.

  “Sure. Later.”

  She munched her toast as she crossed the street and ducked through the turnstile at Brookline Hills. She waited with the mass of other people on the platform for the train to arrive. She looked at all the men and women dressed in suits with briefcases. She couldn’t help but laugh a little. What a bunch of uptight people. Some five minutes later, a train heading to Government Center arrived, and she climbed on, managing to snag a seat. After all, it was a good half hour to Park Street.

  The rumbling of the train echoed the rumbling in her stomach as she digested the toast. At least she had food in her. By the time she stepped off the train at Park Street and walked up to street level, the sun was already beating down. She brushed sweat from her neck and walked the two blocks to the temp agency. It wasn’t real work. Not like all the people with “real” degrees had. But it worked for her.

  “Morning, Erika,” her boss said the minute she walked in.

  “Hi, Maggie.”

  “You’re late.”

  Erika followed the woman back to her desk. A list of phone calls awaited her. Just what she wanted to do with a raging headache. She sat down and forced a smile.

  “Have fun,” Maggie said before disappearing around a corner.

  “Yeah, lots of fun,” Erika said under her breath before picking up the phone and dialing the first number on the list. She really hated being the one who had to do to follow-up on all the temp employees who got fired.

  By lunchtime, she’d called back everyone on her list and spent a good forty minutes being berated by some woman who kept insisting Erika had the wrong number. Her arm tingled with pins and needles as feeling surged through when she finally changed position. She took a trip to a nearby Mexican place and ordered a burrito. Steak with extra sour cream and guacamole. She paid and went to eat out by the Common. Swallowing the first bite, she had to fight off the urge to vomit. Maybe this hadn’t been the best food choice after a night of partying, but Erika forced it down and returned to her cubicle to make more calls. That lasted maybe five minutes before she found herself hugging a toilet in the women’s bathroom. Everything came up. And the sight made her dry heave.