Ride, Cowboy, Ride!
Page 1
ALSO BY BAXTER BLACK
The Cowboy and His Dog
A Rider, a Roper and a Heck’uva Windmill Man
On the Edge of Common Sense, the Best So Far
Doc, While Yer Here
Buckaroo History
Coyote Cowboy Poetry
Croutons on a Cow Pie
The Buckskin Mare
Cowboy Standard Time
Croutons on a Cow Pie, Vol. 2
Hey, Cowboy, Wanna Get Lucky?
Dunny and the Duck
Cow Attack
Cactus Tracks and Cowboy Philosophy
A Cowful of Cowboy Poetry
Horseshoes, Cowsocks, and Duckfeet
AgMan; the Comic Book
Hey, Cowgirl, Need a Ride?
Blazin’ Bloats and Cows on Fire!
The World According to Baxter Black; Quips, Quirks and Quotes
The Back Page
Lessons from a Desperado Poet
Rudolph’s Night Off
RIDE, COWBOY, RIDE!
8 Seconds Ain’t That Long
A rodeo novel
BAXTER BLACK
Copyright © 2012 by Baxter Black
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed to Globe Pequot Press, Attn: Rights and Permissions Department, PO Box 480, Guilford, CT 06437.
TwoDot is an imprint of Globe Pequot Press and a registered trademark of Morris Book Publishing, LLC.
Project editor: Meredith Dias
Layout: Sue Murray
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Black, Baxter, 1945-
Ride, cowboy, ride! : 8 seconds ain’t that long : a rodeo novel /
Baxter Black.
p. cm.
Summary: “This hilarious new novel by America’s best-selling cowboy
poet, Baxter Black, offers a funny, fast-paced inside look at the lives
of rodeo cowboys and the women they love—or that they want to love”—
Provided by publisher.
ISBN 978-0-7627-8046-4 (hardback)
1. Cowboys—Fiction. 2. Rodeos—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3552.L288R53 2012
813'.54—dc23
Printed in the United States of America
E-ISBN 978-0-7627-8760-9
CONTENTS
PROLOGUE: The Present
March 3, Lafayette, Louisiana
Cooney Looks Back
CHAPTER 1: February, One Year Earlier
The Tucson Fiesta de los Vaqueros
CHAPTER 2: February 28, Monday
A Visit to Benson
CHAPTER 3: March 1 and 2, Tuesday and Wednesday
Valley City, North Dakota
CHAPTER 4: March 16, 12:01 a.m.
On the Road from Houston to Austin
CHAPTER 5: March 16, Wednesday
Pincher Creek, Alberta
CHAPTER 6: March 16
Rodeo in Austin
CHAPTER 7: March 17
Cooney Awakens in Ruta’s Apartment and Rides in Austin
CHAPTER 8: March 27, Easter Morning
Somewhere on the Road
CHAPTER 9: May 2, Morning
In a Motel in Leduc, Alberta
CHAPTER 10: May 10, Monday
OVER THE TOP ATHLETIC COSMETICS Offices, Denver Tech Center
CHAPTER 11: May 19, Thursday
Straight Hooks Up with OTT and Goes to Miles City
CHAPTER 12: May 20, Saturday
Cooney Arrives at Miles City
CHAPTER 13: May 21, Sunday
Miles City, Morning After
CHAPTER 14: May 2, Sunday
Rodeo, Canadian Style
CHAPTER 15: May 27, Friday
Pica Has Interview in Denver
CHAPTER 16: May 28, Saturday
Pincher Creek, Alberta, Supper and a Do
CHAPTER 17: May 31, Tuesday, Day after Memorial Day
Oui Oui’s Interview with Turk and Company, Denver Tech Center
CHAPTER 18: May 30, Monday, 11:00 a.m.
On the Road
CHAPTER 19: June 27–July 4, A Particular Thursday, June 30
Greeley, Colorado
CHAPTER 20: August 5,
The Republican River at the Willa Cather State Historical Site
CHAPTER 21: August 15, Monday
Boise Airport
CHAPTER 22: August 15, Monday Evening
Caldwell, Idaho
CHAPTER 23: August 17, Wednesday
Caldwell Night Rodeo
CHAPTER 24: August 19, Friday
Caldwell Night Rodeo
CHAPTER 25: Last Ten Days of August
Pica’s Story
CHAPTER 26: August 21, Sunday Morning
Detour to Goose Valley
CHAPTER 27: August 21, Sunday Evening
In Stone’s Sweat Lodge
CHAPTER 28: August 22, Monday
Owyhee County, Idaho
CHAPTER 29: August 25–27
Kennewick, Washington, to San Juan Capistrano Rodeo
CHAPTER 30: August 27
San Juan Capistrano, Party Time!
CHAPTER 31: August 27, Saturday Night
The Llama Ride!
CHAPTER 32: September 6, Tuesday, 1:00 p.m., Day after Labor Day
Miami Airport
CHAPTER 33: September 8, Thursday
Moses Lake, Washington,On the Road
CHAPTER 34: September 26, Monday
Oklahoma City Airport, Cooney Goes to Alberta; Straight Goes to Denver
CHAPTER 35: September 27, Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.
Pincher Creek, Alberta
CHAPTER 36: September 27
Pincher Creek, Alberta, on the D’TroiT Ranch
CHAPTER 37: September 28, Wednesday
Denver Airport
CHAPTER 38: September 29–October 1
Omaha Qwest Center
CHAPTER 39: October 1, Saturday Night
Omaha after the Rodeo Party
CHAPTER 40: October 1, Late at Night
Omaha, Cooney Calls Pica
CHAPTER 41: October 18, Tuesday
Denver, Colorado, Meeting at OVER THE TOP ATHLETIC COSMETICS Headquarters, Denver Tech Center, 10th Floor
CHAPTER 42: October 19
On Highway 90 between Houston and Beaumont
CHAPTER 43: November 15, Tuesday, Five Weeks Later
On the Road to Alberta
CHAPTER 44: November 15, Tuesday, 2:00 p.m.
Lethbridge, Alberta
CHAPTER 45: November 19, Saturday, Midday
Hunting Trip
CHAPTER 46: November 19, Saturday Afternoon
The Bear Attack
CHAPTER 47: November 25, Day after Thanksgiving
Philip, South Dakota
CHAPTER 48: November 24–November 30
In Cyberspace
CHAPTER 49: December 1, Thursday
Las Vegas, Wrangler National Finals Rodeo
CHAPTER 50: December 1, Thursday Night
Las Vegas, First Performance of the Finals
CHAPTER 51: December 5, Monday
Fifth Performance of the National Finals Rodeo
CHAPTER 52: Oui Oui’s Background to Bring Us Up to Date
CHAPTER 53: December 8, Thursday, Midday
South of Waterton Park, Alberta
CHAPTER 54: December 8, Thursday, Noonish
On a Side Road off Highway 89 near Browning, Montana
CHAPTER 55: December 8, Thursday
Still on the Trai
l with Pica
CHAPTER 56: December 8, 9:32 a.m.
Innercom Hotel, Las Vegas
CHAPTER 57: December 8, Thursday, Midday
On Interstate 15 in Montana, In Teddie Arizona’s Car
CHAPTER 58: December 9, Friday Night
Ninth Performance of NFR
CHAPTER 59: December 9
The Ninth Performance Continues
CHAPTER 60: December 9
Ninth Performance, Cooney’s Bull Ride
CHAPTER 61: December 9, Friday
After the Rodeo in the OTT Booth
CHAPTER 62: December 9
Cooney and Pica Meet after the Rodeo
CHAPTER 63: December 9–10
Pica and Cooney Plan an Attack on Oui Oui
CHAPTER 64: December 10, Late Afternoon
Pica Gets Caught in Oui Oui’s Room
CHAPTER 65: December 10, Saturday Afternoon
Oui Oui’s Hotel Room, Feliz’s Fashion Show
CHAPTER 66: December 10, Saturday, After Dark
Feliz Convinces Pica to Model
CHAPTER 67: December 10, 8:00 p.m.
Pica Models, Cooney to Rescue!
CHAPTER 68: December 10, Saturday, Final Performance of NPR
Straight Turns Out His Horse
CHAPTER 69: December 10, Saturday, Getting Late!
Pica and Cooney Escape Down the Zipline
CHAPTER 70: December 10, Saturday, 8:30 p.m.
Cooney and Pica Escape the Casino/Hotel
CHAPTER 71: December 10, Saturday, 9:00 p.m.
The Wedding
CHAPTER 72: December 10, Saturday Night
The Big OTT Party After The Last Performance
CHAPTER 73: December 10, Saturday Night
Still at the OTT Party
CHAPTER 74: December 10, Saturday Night
Party Aftermath
CHAPTER 75: December 11, Sunday, 12:13 a.m.
Palms A GO-GO Motel
CHAPTER 76: December 11, Sunday Morning, 3:44 a.m.
Consummation
CHAPTER 77: December 11, Sunday, 7:30 a.m.
In the Hotel Room with the Bedlams
CHAPTER 78: December 11, Sunday, Midmorning
Waking Up to a New Day
CHAPTER 79: December 11, Sunday Afternoon
The Bedlams Leave Town
EPILOGUE
February 27, 6:00 p.m., Sunday Night, Two Months after the NFR
At La Fiesta de los Vaqueros in Tucson
The Real End
Pistol-Packin’ Pawnshop Pinup Girl
Acknowledgments
About the Author
This novel is dedicated to all those people who work behind the scenes in rodeo to make it run smoother, look better, and stay on course. In particular, stand-outs like Sonny Linger, Darrell Barron, Sunni Deb Backstrom, and Linda Santos
THE HELL CREEK BAR
In the Hell Creek Bar by the light of a star, you’ll find yourself where the cowboys are all talkin’ ’bout horses they’ve rode. The buckers they’ve known, the times they’ve been thrown, and the stories they tell might cut to the bone . . . long as the whiskey flowed.
And amongst this crew who’d forked a few, they could rally on and bally hoo and make you buy a round or two just to hear one more. They’d crack a smile like a crocodile then try to put the truth on trial and all the while their lies would pile like beernut bags on the barroom floor.
They were kinda loud for a Hi-Line crowd, Jordan tough—Dakota proud, where drawin’ out just ain’t allowed and you better back your claim. They might concede Texans succeed but the bulk, they’d say, of the saddle bronc breed comes from the land of the Sioux and the Swede and proudly carries the flame.
And I learned right quick in their bailiwick it didn’t even count a lick if you were a bareback man. “That’s child’s play,” they’d sneer and say, “The only game there is to play is saddle broncs, ’cause that’s the way it is in ol’ Montan.”
To slap yer hide on a bareback snide ain’t nothin’ but a dishrag ride. A good cowboy just can’t abide floppin’ around that way. Ridin’ broncs is an eagle’s wing, a prehistoric reckoning, a panther’s pulse about to spring, a buckin’ horse ballet.
Like skippin’ rocks or tickin’ clocks, an army tank with Mustang shocks, a magnum load with the hammer cocked, a moment caught in time. Suspended there, this purist pair, with Casey-Necktie savoir-faire, two poets in an easy chair makin’ ridin’ rhyme.
And I’ll make a stand that a good one can ride through a storm in ol’ Cheyenne, a Champagne glass in the hack rein hand and never spill a drop. ’Cause he’s a strain of the old time chain who’d ear’em down, grab a hank of mane then swing aboard the hurricane and fan ’im ’til he stopped.
“So, how ’bout you? You forked a few?” He meant to let me parlez-vous and prove for true I’d been there, too, whenever the flankman pulls. I said, “Oh, well, I rode a spell,” but more than that I didn’t tell this hardcore Hell Creek clientele ’cause, hell, I used to ride bulls!
PROLOGUE
The Present
March 3, Lafayette, Louisiana
Cooney Looks Back
A rugged, kinda good-lookin’ cowboy was standing at the counter of a pawnshop in Lafayette, Louisiana. He was staring at a poster on the wall.
“I know her,” he said.
The dark-haired man behind the cash box looked up at the poster, then back at the cowboy.
“Sure,” he said and went back to counting his money.
Cooney Bedlam let his eyes linger on the poster.
It was her, all right—the former Miss Pica D’TroiT, with a long Eye and capital Tease.
She was standing in an aerie on a rock cliff, her fiery reddish-blonde hair fanning out behind her like flames on Batman’s cape. Black leather bandoliers crossed her white tank top while a falcon perched on her gloved right hand. In the other she brandished a black and silver Model P2 .44-caliber automatic pistol.
Powder River Projectiles, Maker of Fine Firearms was emblazoned across the bottom of the poster.
But it was her cocky smile that held him. Alluring certainly, but hinting of a slightly hazardous, slippery-when-wet sort of danger. A predator’s smile, one that should be labeled Watch Your Step.
Cooney remembered the first time he’d seen it, the smile, that is: in Tucson, at La Fiesta de los Vaqueros Rodeo in February, a little over a year earlier. Gosh, it seemed like it had been ten years. He had won the saddle bronc riding that afternoon, which qualified him to compete in a match bronc riding with the reigning Pro Rodeo Cowboys Association (PRCA) world champion saddle bronc rider.
At the party afterward, Cleon List had offered a toast to two of the best saddle bronc riders in the world today. But there weren’t just two at the party. There was another full-fledged, all-natural, bronc-forkin’, rough stock rider in the crowd . . . with painted toenails. It was none other than Pica D’TroiT, distaff cowboy and part-time Powder River pistol-packin’ pawnshop pinup girl.
Looking up at the poster in the pawnshop, Cooney realized he was holding his breath. He took a deep one and let it out.
ACT I
CHAPTER 1
February, One Year Earlier
The Tucson Fiesta de los Vaqueros
The matched competition was a post-rodeo event that had become a local feature at the Tucson Fiesta de los Vaqueros Rodeo. Not officially sanctioned by the PRCA, a rodeo committee member, Cleon List, exuberant fan and high roller, had devised it as a way to have one more party, putting up $5,000 for the winner, $2,500 for the loser. If they both bucked off, two more horses were drawn, and they tried again, ad infinitum. In the past ten years they had never gone past round 1.
Cooney’s competition was Lionel Trane, the current world title holder. He was the man to beat. Lionel epitomized the traditional saddle bronc rider—aristocratic, seamless, elegant, graceful, made of steel that bent like an epee.
He was purpose, poise, and power, poetry in pursuit of perfection.