by Lisa Shelby
For a few moments nobody says anything. Then Mr. F leans forward and scoots to the edge of his chair and gets a very serious look on his face.
“Do you still love her or do you love the idea of her and what you had that week?”
“I love her, Mr. F. I’ve had a dark cloud hanging over me since she walked away, then I lost Matt and then Mom. The moment I saw her, the clouds started to fade away. Yes, she’s beautiful but she is also kind and funny and seeing her with Ireland is amazing. As glad as I am that I didn’t have a child out there that I didn’t know about, seeing them together almost makes me wish I had been Ireland’s dad. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true.”
“You know, the fact that there is a child involved takes this to an entirely different level, right son?”
“I do know that, but I also know that she’s the one.”
“That’s a big deal, Jonathan.”
“It is. But she just wants to be friends.”
“So, you’re saying that she’s ‘the one’ but you aren’t going to fight to change her mind?”
“Of course I am, but I have to go about it the right way. She has trust issues and has been screwed over so many times. After living through what her father did to their family, and then Ireland’s dad and his disgusting behavior, I get it. I know that I have to do what I can to make her see that I’m not them but I also don’t want to scare her away. The fact that we’re texting every day is just the first of many steps, I know, but it gives me hope.”
“If you love her and you are really as okay as you say you are about Ireland, then you have to fight for her. Make her see the man we all know you are. It sounds like she knows it too and you haven’t done anything to make her doubt you, but with her past you’re going to have to work extra hard. Sounds like she’s worth it though, son.”
“She is. They both are.” I say with confidence.
“Well, that settles it then. You two can stay up and come up with the plan for ‘Operation Get The Girl Back’ but this old man is tired and hittin’ the hay. I’ll see you two in the morning.”
“Night, Dad.”
“Night, Mr. F and thanks for listening.”
“Anytime, son. Night boys.”
The next morning Robert is having his coffee and reading the paper in the kitchen, Kate is still asleep and Liam and I are getting ready to head out to The Gym when Fiona asks me to help her with something in her room.
When we reach my room, which I insisted they take while they’re visiting, I ask, “Whatcha need, Mrs. F?”
“Have a seat, Jonathan,” she says as she shuts the bedroom door.
I take a seat on the bed and she moves the little chair from the corner of the room over so that she’s sitting directly across from me. She is scaring the hell out of me and I feel like she’s about to give me some very bad news or I’m about to be scolded for something. I can’t think of what I could have possibly done wrong in the time since they got here. This woman, who is all of five feet tall, has me feeling twelve again.
“Is everything okay, Mrs. F?” I ask cautiously.
“Everything is fine, sweetie.” She takes one of my hands in both of hers and gives it a squeeze. “Jonathan, you know that I would never try to replace your mother. I don’t ever want to over-step my role in your life, but I think you know that I think of you as my son and I love you just as much as I do those other two yahoos down the hall. You know that, right?”
I can barely breathe I am so filled with emotion. It takes everything I have to whisper. “I do.”
If she only knew just how important she is to me.
“Good, now as you know I have to sleep with the window open no matter the weather—so please know I was not eavesdropping—but I did hear your conversation with Robert and Liam last night, about Emily.”
I exhale the breath I was holding and with it the huge ball of anxiety that had been sitting in my chest. I let out a soft chuckle when I say, “You want to talk about my love life?” She nods her answer. “Thank God! I thought you had something serious to tell me.”
“There’s nothing more serious than love, my boy. From the sound of it, that’s what you and Emily have but she may not be able to accept it yet?”
“I keep telling myself that we were only together nine days, and that was five years ago but I just know . . .”
“What do you know, Jonathan?”
“I know that she’s the one and I love her. I’m sure that everybody thinks I’m nuts, but my time with her made me a better person; made me look at strangers differently because she treated everybody the same whether she knew them or not. She’s an amazing person and she makes me better. I know that for sure.”
“Jonathan, you were your mother’s world. Her biggest wish for you was that you find somebody to love and that one day you would be whole and happy again. Your dad really was the love of her life and she was his. Your momma would want you to find somebody that you love just as strong as she loved your daddy. I wish you had been able to see how wonderful they were together. It was a sight to see, Jonathan. They loved each other from the day they laid eyes on each other and nothing was going to get in their way.”
“You know, I used to wonder why my mom never found anybody else. Why she never remarried, but I get it now. When you find the person you’re supposed to be with nobody else compares, and that’s how I have felt since the day she walked away from me.” I look up to the ceiling and say, “I understand now, mom.”
Fiona gives my hand a squeeze and continues. “If you love her as much as you say you do, and she is worthy of your love, then you go and get her and her little girl.”
“That’s the plan, Mrs. F.”
“You ready and willing to be an instant family and become this little girl’s daddy if you fight for her?”
“I am.”
Wow, I never really thought about that but by asking her to try it means the possibility of becoming somebody’s daddy. That’s kinda huge. I get why she wouldn’t just jump in so easily and why just the sight of Courtney was enough to slow her down.
“You ready to lose them both if this doesn’t work out?”
“I can’t let that happen. It’s not an option.”
“But if it does it’s gonna hurt twice as bad, kiddo.”
“I can’t let that happen.”
“You think your momma would like her?” She asks with a small smile.
Smiling back, I assure her. “Momma would love her!”
Sitting back in her chair she asks, “So, whatcha gonna do?”
“Mrs. F, at the moment I am just going to go with baby steps. She just wants to be friends right now and as scared as she is of relationships she would probably move to New Zealand to get away from me if she heard me saying the “L” word. I don’t even want to think about how bad she would freak out. I can’t go full throttle or I am afraid I’ll push her away. For now, friends, and we work our way to more from there.”
“It sounds like your connection is pretty strong and I hope it doesn’t take her as long as you think it might. It’s good that you respect where she’s coming from though. Remember she’s a momma now and we are fierce when it comes to our babies, so you have an extra mountain to climb, but I know you’ll make it to the top.”
“Thank you. You don’t know how much you guys mean to me and it means so much that you all flew out here to see the house. You know this should have been mom’s house. I tried to have it built with all the things she had dreamed of. There are little things, like the big sink in the laundry room that always make me think of her.”
“Honey, the fact that after losing three people you loved in a matter of months, you didn’t do what a lot of young people would have done and blow through your momma’s life insurance and your savings that you worked so hard for. Honey, that’s a big deal. And it’s somethin’ your momma would be so proud of. This house is beautiful and I hope that someday soon it’s filled with your own family and all the love that you deserve
.”
She stands and pretends that she’s getting rid of non-existent wrinkles in her shirt, picks up her little chair and returns it to the corner I put it in just for her. I can tell she needs this moment to collect herself so that the tears that were filling her eyes don’t fall, and I give her that. Truth is, I need it just as bad as she does.
“Now, give me a hug and go get your work out on. I plan on hitting up as many food carts and yummy restaurants as possible while we’re here so you are gonna need to burn some calories. I love you, kiddo. Now go on and get.”
I give her one more little squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before I let her go.
“Love you too, Mrs. F. Thanks again.”
It’s Saturday night and we’re all sitting around the fire pit in my back yard talking about the day. Devon and Gabby joined us today and the seven of us—well eight if you count Frances—had a great day. After stuffing ourselves Friday on food carts and late night funky flavored ice cream at Salt and Straw, we decided to take it a bit easier on the calorie intake today. We took the Fanuas to see Multnomah Falls since this is an obligatory must see for first timers to Portland. The drive through the Columbia River Gorge is beautiful and the falls are the added bonus at the end of the forty-minute drive. After getting in all the mandated photos that Mrs. F and Kate insisted on we headed to Wachlella Falls Trailhead for a nice little two-mile hike. We spent the rest of the day hitting other local stand outs, and taking in as much of the outdoors as possible. It’s late September, but the weather is still great and we’re trying to soak up every bit we can.
As I look at everybody important to me, outside of my work brothers, I am completely at peace . . . almost. There are two little ladies I would love to add to this group and then it would seem as though everything was right in the world. As if reading my mind, Liam decides it’s time to bust my balls.
“So, Devon . . . did J tell you I met Emily yesterday?”
“No, he did not.”
“Well, I did. She was coming out of spin class at The Gym when we got there.”
“Told you Devon, she is hooked! I knew once we got her there she would love it. Besides I teach the class, so you know she loves it.” Gabby gives D a wink and then motions to Liam to carry on.
“Did you embarrass our boy?” he asks, hopefully.
“Nope, I was on my best behavior. Don’t want to make things any harder for him. He can do that all on his own. Besides, I’ve heard about her for so long now that I was surprised to actually be meeting her. She really is a real person. Who knew?”
I flip him off from across the fire and he just shrugs.
“Dang, I’m sure that’s not the way she would have wanted to meet you Liam. All sweaty, no hair and make-up and a mess after working her butt off. Of course, she doesn’t need hair and make-up. That girl always looks good. It’s just not fair,” Gabby says, speaking the truth.
Kate throws a marshmallow at her, from what’s left of our roasting earlier, and says, “Who’s talking? You are perfect! You could be Kelly Rowland’s twin for God’s sake! I don’t want to hear it, Gabby!”
Before Gabby can reply Liam breaks in with, “She’s not playin’, D, you done good. I can’t believe she liked you way back when you were just a scrawny little kid. You know how lucky you are, right?”
“Yes, I do Liam. Yes, I do.” Devon answers and leans over and kisses Gabby on the cheek and she mouths ‘I love you’ to him.
“Anyway, back to lover boy and Emily over here. Gabby, you’re right she didn’t need any make-up, but I could tell she was embarrassed. I haven’t decided if it was meeting me all sweaty or seeing J for the first time in person since she drunk texted him. Of course, I really think it’s because she’s in love with this idiot over here. I can’t account for her taste in men but she seemed like a sweet girl in the few minutes I talked to her. What’s your take, D?”
“She really is a sweet girl, Liam, and I think she’s crazy about this idiot over here too.”
“Uh, guys. I’m sitting right here. You can stop talking about me like I’m not here,” I interject to no avail. They just carry on. Even Fiona.
“Oh, I wish I had gone to The Gym. When Liam told me he got to meet Emily, I was so jealous.”
“Honey, I think it’s best that you didn’t meet her. If she’s as frightened as the boy says she is about relationships . . . you would have scared her to death. You probably would have been taking her measurements so you could start on the wedding dress. The poor girl doesn’t need all that.”
“Amen, Daddy!” Kate chimes in.
Devon leans forward towards Liam and continues to pretend I’m not sitting right here.
“Liam, she’s a sweet girl and I was there all those years ago and got to watch it from the start. I can tell you, this thing between them, it’s the real deal. Now if we can just figure out how J can snap her out of keeping him in the friend-zone, and how he’s gonna deal with her big brother, life will be sweet.”
In unison Kate and Fiona ask, “Big Brother?”
D takes pleasure in filling them in . . .
“Oh, did he leave that out? Her big brother works with our boy here and is also a cop. He’s not just a co-worker, but he is Mickey Freaking Jacobs. He’s a bad man that you don’t want to mess with. He’s also very protective of Emily and Ireland. This could become a situation if he found out about our star-crossed lovers,” he says leaning back in his chair with a look of satisfaction on his face.
“Wow, this just gets better and better dude,” Liam says with a shake of his head.
“I still can’t believe that her daughter is named Ireland . . . it’s like it was meant to be or something.” Kate says with a dreamy look on her face.
“Oh good God, she didn’t name her after me! Her Grandmother’s maiden name was Ireland! Enough about my non-existent love life people. Let’s play a game or something. I can’t take much more of this!”
“Spoil sport . . . as for the game how about Would You Rather?” Liam chimes in and we all groan at his suggestion.
The next morning the five of us get up early so we can get to Pine State Biscuits for breakfast as soon as they open. Then we take a whirlwind trip to the waterfront so that the Fanuas can visit the Saturday Market before they leave. It’s a good thing we ate at Pine State first or we would have never gotten out of the Saturday Market in time with all the food options they have.
We make it back to the house by noon and when we walk in the door I see their packed suitcases waiting to be loaded into their rental car. My chest tightens at the thought of them leaving. I loved having them here and I’m actually starting to miss home for the first time since moving to Portland.
I help them load the car and Kate, Robert and Liam give me hugs, thanks for having them and see you laters. Liam and I both hate goodbyes so this works for both of us, and besides, we text so often it’s like we talk all the time anyway.
Fiona stops me outside the closed passenger side door and takes one of my hands in hers and cups my cheek with the other. She has tears in her eyes, but she isn’t letting them fall. This is something she seems to have perfected over her years of raising kids.
“Dear boy, your mother would be so proud of you. You have a good job that means something to you, you have a beautiful home, a beautiful heart and most importantly you are a good man. We love you so much and if you need anything, even just to talk, you know that we’re all here for you.”
“I know, Mrs. F.”
Letting go of my hand and my cheek she pulls me in for a hug and whispers in my ear. “You stay safe out there, honey. Go get your girl and once you have her you better bring her home to meet me. Now give me a kiss and let this old lady go so I can cry in the car.”
I give her a kiss on the cheek as I let her go.
“Love you, too. Safe flight home,” I say quietly.
She nods, gets in and Robert reverses out of the drive to head to the airport.
Frances and I watch until we can
no longer see their car.
Stressed Out
Emily
It’s been a week and Jesse still isn’t back in class. I sure hope that I did the right thing. It really worries me that he hasn’t been back. It’s been keeping me up at night that he hasn’t returned and I don’t know what to do. I’m a member of the staff here and it wouldn’t be professional for me to reach out, but I am going to make a point to stop by the office today and see if they will tell me anything at all. I’m sure they won’t as it’s all confidential, but it’s worth a try.
In the meantime, I need to focus on the kids that are here in class today, one of those kids being Austin. He seems to have a bit of hero worship going on since I helped Jesse. Some of these kids don’t have the support that they need at home, so the fact that an adult actually took his concern to heart and acted upon it, means a lot to him. I think it helps for him to feel as though he has somebody on his side now, but I’m afraid that he’s starting to feel a bit too close to me.
“Hey Austin, how’s it going? Any missing assignments?”
“Nope, I’m all good Miss Jacobs.”
“Good, need any help with math this week?”
“Nope, not so far.”
“Hey, you heard from Jesse?”
“I haven’t talked to him myself, but from what I hear he’s ok. His dad’s in jail and he was staying with his aunt, last I heard.”
“What do you mean was?”
“I think he’s back at his house with his little brother. He turned eighteen this weekend and I think it was cool for him to go home.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear he’s okay,” I say to Austin, but it does concern me he and his brother are home alone.
Class is over in the blink of an eye and my day here at school is done. I don’t stop by the office after all, now that I have a bit of an update from Austin. I decide to let it lie for the time being. I head to my car and notice there’s a note under my windshield wiper.