Catching my eye, he lifted his chin, and I lifted mine back.
Saber is such a good guy. But reminding myself didn’t stop my cheeks from warming or my stomach from fluttering when I looked at Journey.
The guys followed Miranda to the private semicircular booth. Apparently, they’d called ahead, or she was just giving Saber preferential treatment. She removed a private party plaque from the table. The guys all slid in, all being Saber, Journey, Shield, and the thin guy with long black hair that I didn’t recognize. Probably the new bassist.
I refocused on my work, filling order after order. The night edged on toward midnight. Saber knew to leave me alone when I was on my shift, but the thin guy didn’t get the memo.
“Hey, darlin’,” he said low, leaning an elbow onto my section of the bar. “I’m Ted. My buddies and I’ve been waiting thirty minutes for some tequila shots.” He slid me a twenty. “You wanna bump our order up?”
I took his cash. I needed it, and his order was up next anyway.
When I spun back around with the glassware for his shots, he’d moved directly in front of me. Ignoring him, I set the glasses down and tipped up a bottle of Reposado, knowing that was the tequila Saber preferred. I filled the glasses and started to signal their waitress, but Ted put his hand on my arm.
“I’ll take it to the table, darlin’.”
He gave me an I’m imagining you naked scan and squeezed my arm hard, too hard. I winced. He’d scratched me with his blunt nails.
“I’ll take care of you later,” he said with a leer. “What time do you get off, so I can get you off?”
“Take your hands off her now.”
Journey stepped up next to him, his growl making the fine hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Ted narrowed his beady eyes.
“You know who I am.” Journey’s brown eyes glittered with menace. “And all you need to know about her is that she’s off limits. She’s Saber’s—”
“I’m my own defender. I’ve got this,” I said quickly, cutting in before I glared at Ted. “Let go of me, asshole.”
Yanking my arm free, I nearly knocked over the shot glasses I’d just filled. I didn’t get why guys assumed they were free to hit on me and be assholes whenever I was standing behind the bar.
“I’m a bartender, not a hooker. But clue in. Even if wasn’t working, I wouldn’t be interested. I’m not a big fan of guys grabbing me. Go have a seat, and I’ll send the order over when it’s ready.”
“Bitch,” Ted mumbled as he turned and moved away.
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t care what he thought of me.
“You need to go too, Journey.” I swung my gaze to him.
Tall, tatted, and sexy as sin in that powder-blue muscle tee of his and those jeans that clung to all the rest of him, he did a number on my equilibrium standing so close. And I wasn’t the only one affected. Most of the women in the bar were watching him.
“We need to talk,” he said in a low rumble that revved my already heightened libido.
“We already talked.”
“We need to talk again.” He leaned in. His fresh aquatic scent washed over me, making my legs tremble and other parts of me melt.
“I’m working,” I said stubbornly. It irritated me that he was immune to me while I was the complete opposite.
“After your shift,” he said, insisting.
“I’m closing.”
“After that then.” His eyes narrowed. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid.” Not of him exactly, more of myself and my nonimmunity issues regarding him.
“If you say so.” Journey swept his gaze over me. “I signed a contract. I’m now officially a member of the band.”
My eyes widened. “That was fast.”
“Yeah, so we gotta talk about what happened.” He dipped his chin, his thick hair sliding forward over his brow. “Decide what we’re going to say, so we’re on the same page and don’t get tripped up going forward.”
“There is no we in this scenario, as I believe you already pointed out,” I said, and his eyes narrowed in response to my dig. “Anything I decide, I decide on my own.”
“Your guy’s pretty crazy about you. I’m not planning to mess that up.” Journey gave me a hard look. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”
I was worried about that. My stomach was clamped in a vice as I worried about that and a whole bunch of other things involving the man in front of me.
“He knows I slept with someone else,” I blurted. “I’m going to tell him it was you.”
Journey frowned. “That’s not a good idea, babe.”
“I’m not your babe. Not your anything. You don’t get a say,” I said stubbornly, still registering the burn of his rejection. Deeply. “I—”
“Hey, Lotus.”
Saber’s expression was casual as he approached us. When he reached the bar, he took my hand and pulled me forward across it to lay a big one on me. Casual, he might appear to be, but his kiss was not.
“Saber!” I hissed his name as he released me, licking the tequila-tanged taste of him from my lips as I tried and failed not to notice Journey’s scowl. “You can’t do that while I’m working. You’ll get me fired.”
“It was rush hour over here.” His eyes narrowed on Journey.
I think he had suspicions, which seemed to support my decision that l needed to come clean. A reboot of a relationship couldn’t withstand a lie, even one of omission.
Saber gave me a tight smile. “Didn’t think you’d mind one more. Especially since I’m the only one who has a right to be here.”
“No one has a right to be here while I’m working but me,” I snapped, lifting my chin. “Go away. Both of you. I have a job to do.”
Storm
IT WAS LATE, ten minutes to midnight . . .
Again, lyrics surfaced in my mind. They’d been pinballing around in my skull from the moment I clapped eyes on Lotus. Music might be my solace, but that was only a state of being. When we’d been best friends all those years ago, she’d been a real-life refuge.
Saber and I were the only ones left at our table now. Lotus was at her spot at the bar.
I should get up and leave. Not that I had anywhere to be, anyone to be with, or far to go. I was staying at the OB Hotel tonight, but I did have a long day in store tomorrow. I had to return to LA, get my things, and then find a place to rent in OB.
So, why was I still at the Deck Bar?
Saber had gone silent for a while. There was only one patron left at the bar, and another by the window. The staff was hovering, ready to go home. Shield had already taken off with two girls. Loser Ted had left without anyone. Yet here I remained, lingering.
It wasn’t all about Lotus. I could feel it in my bones that there was more that Saber wanted to say. There was certainly lots I was curious about. And then, of course, there was Lotus. A ton of unresolved stuff swirled inside me concerning her.
Asshole Ted should have never touched her. I’d wanted to rip his arm off. He hadn’t only come on to her, he’d hurt her.
Things leaned toward violence with Saber too. I was pretty sure if Ted wasn’t Ash’s pick and didn’t play the bass at the impressive level that he did, he would have been out of consideration after that stunt. Saber had been direct with Ted about his displeasure. I suspected my brother warned most guys off when it came to her. I didn’t fail to note how most kept their distance from Lotus while she was working.
“Last call on drinks.” Our waitress, a pretty blonde, stopped in front of our table. “Do you want anything else?”
She gave me the eye again, but I’d gotten the message the first time. I wasn’t interested, not in her, but she didn’t get it. I didn’t quite get it myself, but then no woman had ever affected me like Lotus did.
Every thought since I’d spotted her at the concert circled around her. But even before that, had I ever really forgotten my childhood be
st friend?
“I’m good, darlin’.” I gestured to my half-full mug of beer.
“I’ll take the check,” Saber said, but I held out my hand.
“No, man. Let me.”
“I’ll just leave it here and let you two decide.” Reaching in her Deck Bar embroidered apron, the waitress produced the bill and slid it onto the table toward me. “If you need me to run a credit card, I’ll be your cashier whenever you’re ready.” She looked pointedly at the receipt before sashaying away.
Saber glanced at the bill. “She wrote her phone number on here.”
“Yeah. Figured. You want it?” I raised a brow, but Saber shook his head.
“No way, dude. She left it for you. It’s Lotus for me. There was a misunderstanding between us, so we had a tiny break that was her bullshit and not something I agreed to, but we’re solid again. Though we’re taking things slow and starting over again, she’s been the only one for me for a long time now. Everyone around here knows it, knows how it is with us.” Giving me a dark look, he said, “But just in case you don’t . . .”
“I get it. She’s your girl. She’s an uncrossable line.”
Problem was, I’d already crossed it. Though it turns out, I’d judged Lotus unfairly.
I threw some cash onto the table, and Saber did too. Then I made a show of pocketing the receipt with the waitress’s phone number. As I did, I felt someone’s gaze on me, someone whose attention made my pulse pound hot.
I looked up and my eyes met Lotus’s. They were usually brown, but right now they were umber.
Fucking hell.
Just a look, and my cock went hard. I still wanted her. Badly. But she was with Saber.
She wouldn’t even talk privately to me. Obviously, she didn’t feel the same need.
Dropping her gaze, she went back to wiping down the bar.
“Do you want some help moving your stuff tomorrow?” Saber asked.
“Nah.” I refocused on him and noted his eyes were narrowed. I think he’d picked up on the undercurrent between Lotus and me. I wasn’t sure there was much he missed when it came to her. “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t have a lot. Just a couple of guitars, some clothes, and a couple of boards.”
“You surf?” he asked, his eyes sparking with interest.
“Hell yeah. Any chance I get. Don’t take jobs that take me far away from the coast anymore if I can help it.”
“Yeah. I feel you, for sure. I did the college gig only because I had to for my old man. Managed one of the surf shops here in OB for a while. But I fucking hated it.” His mouth turned down.
“Why? I’ll bet it paid good.”
I’d gone instantly tense at the mention of our father. It sounded like he’d put the clamps down on Saber too. But I always thought Saber had wanted what Dad wanted.
“It was all right,” Saber said. “But money’s not everything.”
“I agree. For me, my freedom to live how I see fit is.”
“Yeah, man. Exactly. You totally get it.” His gaze took on an unfocused faraway gleam. “It took me a while to get to the point where I wasn’t trying to live somebody else’s life. Though I should have seen the writing on the wall a while back with my brother leaving like he did, but you never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”
“How do you mean?” I asked.
“I had a brother who valued his freedom above everything, a lot like you and I do. He took off right before he turned sixteen to live his dream, free of all the bullshit expectations of our old man. It broke something in my mother’s heart, him leaving like that without another word, but it was a wake-up call for me.”
“What sort of wake-up call?” I managed the question, though my throat was tight, and my gut churned at the knowledge that my leaving had hurt my mom. I’d just assumed her life would be easier without the tension of me being around.
“That life’s short. You never know when it’s going to take an unexpected turn. That what gives life meaning isn’t money, conforming to someone else’s ideas of success or anyone else’s expectations of who you should be. It’s about being yourself, being with the people you care about, and doing what you love with them.”
“Fuck yeah,” I said, then cleared my throat.
Damn, I’d missed my older brother, missed out on seeing the man he’d become. Sure, I was free now, living moment to moment. But I’d been doing that alone without anyone I cared about or anyone who cared about me.
“Given a choice, I’m in the water, making music, or making love to my girl.” Saber’s brows dipped, and concern seemed to darken his brown eyes. “But those priorities will change for me, for all of us, if the band takes off and Ash sends us out to tour.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “You’re right.”
“That going to work for you?” Saber asked, his sudden directness reminding me of the way Lotus had blindsided me with her feelings.
“It worked for Ash.” I shrugged. “And the Dogs.”
“They retired early.”
“Seems like a good goal if you can swing it.”
“Exactly.” He nodded. “That’s exactly my goal. Out on the road short term making bank to achieve the longer-term goal of being here in OB afterward, doing what I want to do twenty-four/seven.”
Then it hit me. His focus. And the fact that I should just tell him who I was.
Saber didn’t seem to hate me for leaving, but something held me back.
A big part was that I just wasn’t ready yet. I had a feeling once the truth was told, I would lose the freedom to take off if I needed to a second time. I wasn’t certain and laser focused like him. I’d been in survival mode a long time and didn’t have any long-term goals.
My brother tilted his head, giving me a speculative look.
“It’s weird, but I feel like I know you. Like we understand each other. Glad we had time to chat, just the two of us.” He thumped me on my back, and emotion completely blocked my throat. “Glad Ash recommended you. Glad you’re part of the group.”
My eyes burning, I could only nod as he exited the booth and went to claim his girl. Rather than watch that shit, I got up and shot out of there.
But the question remained. The one I’d been asking myself in one form or another all fucking night.
Why am I here?
Lotus, yeah. My brothers. The band. Music, sure. But also, my own life.
Did freedom and all those unencumbered moments mean anything without someone to share them with?
Lotus
“WHAT DID YOU want to talk about?” Saber asked, sitting on a stool at the bar while I totaled receipts.
I looked up at him, my stomach churning. “About what happened in LA.”
His expression darkened. “I know you were with someone.”
“Yes, but the—”
“We’re starting over,” he said quickly, his brows forming a V. “Right?”
“Yes.” My stomach hurt, and so did my heart. Had I eaten today? I felt sick.
“Do I really need to know the details?”
After a moment’s hesitation, I shook my head. He took my hand, and I forced myself to set down the cash I’d been counting to look at him. I wished I hadn’t. Pain shadowed his gaze.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I said as tears pricked my eyes.
“I know you didn’t. I know you, Lotus. That makes this easier but also harder to start over.”
“How so?” I asked.
“I trust you. I know your heart, and it’s a good one. You’re led by the currents inside it. So that’s the easy part. The hard part is taking it slow with you again, rebuilding us after I’ve already been with you, after I already know how good we can be.”
“I understand.” I fought harder to keep the tears and the guilt at bay.
“I’m not sure you do, exactly.” He stroked my skin with his thumb, making me feel things, familiar stirrings from his touch that were magnified with his gaze on me. “You’re beautiful an
d sexy, but you don’t seem to notice. You’re unassuming and a kind, gentle soul. All those things together pack one hell of a punch.”
I liked that he saw me that way. A lot. “Thank you, Saber.”
“Just speaking truth, babe. But I have to warn you about the new guy.”
“Ted’s an asshole, no warning necessary. I’ll be cautious around him.”
“Not him. I’m not even sure I want Ted in the group. I’m not in any rush to make a final determination. I’m talking about Journey.”
“Ah.” My cheeks warmed.
His gaze narrowed. “You caught his eye.”
“I don’t . . . I mean, I didn’t . . . I’m not trying to . . .” Frustrated, I blew out a breath.
“You don’t have to try. But just be aware and look for an opportunity to let him know where you stand. I certainly let him know that we’re together.”
“Okay. I’ll do that.” But the truth was, where I stood with Journey was ground as crumbly as the warning-laden unstable edge of the cliffs.
“Good.” Saber brought my hand to his mouth and pressed his warm lips to my skin, making my heart flutter. “You want me to walk you home?”
“That would be really nice.”
“It would be my pleasure. I’ll get out of your way while you close.” He hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll wait for you outside.”
“Okay.” I watched him move away. Saber with his confident stride in jeans that fit him snug in all the right places was something not to miss.
But then I got to work. I couldn’t count and look at him at the same time. Not as tired as I was and after missing an entire night of sleep. Plus, the reason I hadn’t slept was here and a member of Saber’s band now. It was already difficult enough to concentrate.
After several attempts, I found a groove that involved my not focusing on two hot guys. I was marking down the amount consumed on the last bottle when Tess Durant came over.
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