“Okay. We’re listening.” Saber lifted his chin.
Shield nodded, listening now too instead of popping off.
Ash fixed his blue gaze on Saber. “But neither of those things are going to occur with a second-rate guitarist and a bassist whose only real qualification is being your friend.”
Ultimately, it was Saber’s band. Ash had made that clear during his pitch. But he hadn’t mentioned changing the bassist position. He was majorly switching things up.
I forced myself to focus more closely on the conversation, which meant trying harder to ignore the woman beside me and how good she smelled and looked.
And how badly I want her.
“Alex and Randy aren’t all that bad,” Saber said through gritted teeth. He was pissed. He had a longer fuse than mine, but once it was lit, it was lit. His fingers were curved into fists so tight, his knuckles were white.
“You’re right. They’re worse,” Ash deadpanned.
I noticed Lotus’s lips twitch. My plan to ignore her wasn’t working.
For one thing, I could see her out of the corner of my eye. Furthermore, I could smell her. Every time I inhaled, I drew her sweet and intoxicating scent into my lungs. I didn’t know what the fuck that fruity fragrance was, but it made me think of a pineapple submerged in the deepest, purest blue water. I could feel her body heat too. Being this close to her, my entire body buzzed like I was a guitar plugged into an amp with too much electrical current.
“Which other instruments do you play?” Saber asked, training his gaze on me.
“Guitar, mainly,” I said, steadily returning his stare.
Physically, Saber was basically the same as I remembered, though there were a few new finely etched lines around his eyes. It seemed that I’d undergone more changes than he had. My voice was deeper now, and I’d grown several inches. I’d also bulked out.
My jaw was stronger after being wired shut and more defined, but those scars were hidden beneath my beard. I certainly had deeper uglier scars inside me. Overall, my features were harsher and representative of those emotional wounds.
Hardly any of the kind boy Lotus had cared for remained. I believed what I’d told her—I was a different person now. A thin justification, in my mind, though every time she’d looked at me with her eyes soft and called me Journey, not Storm, it had made me unjustifiably angry.
“Journey is a highly sought-after studio musician.” Ash leaned forward, his hands clasped together. “He sings. Composes. Writes his own lyrics. He’s accomplished with any instrument with strings. He’d be an amazing addition to OB Hardy.”
“That’s quite a fucking résumé,” Shield said, sarcasm dripping from his tone. “I’m willing to give him a listen. Randy’s a douche anyway.”
“In what way?” Saber gave Shield a sharp look.
“He took all the best pussy.”
“Shield.” Saber let out an exasperated breath, giving our little brother a side glare. Shield had always been a handful, and apparently still was. “C’mon, bro. My girlfriend’s present.” His brows snapping together, he glanced at Lotus.
At the reminder of what Saber and Lotus were to each other, my veins popped and surged like they conducted sparks of electricity rather than blood. Though, to be honest, I’d been angrier in LA. I’d just had her, and I’d been far from done. Actually, I’d been about to tell her who I was. I’d thought . . . I’d hoped, but then came that illuminating phone call from Saber
On a break with her boyfriend, my ass.
Didn’t sound or look like any break I’d ever seen. They were tight. In love. A bunch of bullshit that was. I wondered if Saber knew she’d hooked up with someone in LA, or that she’d been with a young surfer at the cliffs just before this meeting.
If she was yanking him around, it might be that Lotus had changed more than I had.
“Don’t c’mon me, Saber.” Shield threw up his hands, and a bunch of assorted braided bracelets slid down his right arm. “You said shit like that yourself about Randy before she came along.”
Saber thumped his fist on the table. “We’ll give Journey a try.”
“Fair enough.” Ash pushed back his chair and stood. “I’ll leave you to it while I make a call to see why my bassist candidate is delayed.”
“You bring a guitar?” Saber asked me.
Of course I fucking did. I knew the drill. Even just for studio gigs, I had to try out. However, I restrained the sarcasm and only gave him a curt nod.
“You know any of our songs?”
“No, dude. Ash only told me yesterday about this opportunity.”
“You live in LA?” he asked, still hammering me with questions.
Typical Saber.
“For the past few months,” I said.
“Doing what?”
“Filling in. Black Skulls had an injured band member. I played Ash’s concert thing with them. That’s where I ran into Ash.” I figured I’d better go ahead and get that factoid out there.
Saber’s gaze narrowed. “You see my girlfriend there?”
Bingo. Saber wasn’t dumb, and he was possessive. That had been obvious on the phone call.
If I had Lotus, I’d be possessive as shit too. She was all the potential I’d only gotten a glimpse of when we’d been kids, and then some.
“Yeah, I saw her. How am I not gonna notice a chick who looks like she does? She was at the rail during the Skulls’ performance, and then she was working the bar later at the after-party shit.” I turned to her. “You were the bartender, right?”
“Yeah,” she said, twisting her hands tightly together in her lap. She was nervous, probably wondering what I would reveal.
“Why didn’t you say something as soon as you saw him?” Saber’s eyes narrowed on her now, instead of me.
“Didn’t get a chance to.” Her brown eyes were steady on his, but full of fiery red sparks. She didn’t appreciate him insinuating she was being deceitful. Douchebag move on his part to do that in front of everyone.
Saber squinted at her. “Hmm.”
He wasn’t entirely buying her answer. And I wouldn’t have either.
Storm
“WE’LL DO A few covers to warm up,” Saber said, adjusting the strap on his guitar and the height on his vocal mic. “Then we’ll go from there.”
“Sure.” I picked up on what he didn’t say. What he meant was if we went further from there.
Saber continued to watch Lotus closely, and me with a great deal of skepticism. Though I noted that my SG with the ebony fingerboard and high-gloss finish got the proper respect.
I tried not to glance at Lotus too much. I noted her location in an old worn-out leather recliner in the corner. It was impossible not to be ultra-aware of her in the small studio. Her every low-key movement drew my attention and unleashed her pineapple scent.
She was comfortable with my brothers and accustomed to being at Outside. I remembered her talking about working here. In fact, I remembered everything she’d said, and how she felt, smelled, tasted.
Fucking hell. My cock went rock hard again as I watched her shift her shapely sun-bronzed legs underneath her. I imagined running my tongue over every single inch of her warm, slightly salty skin. That had been on my agenda before Saber’s phone call.
My own brother with Lotus.
In love with her. Her with him.
Fuck me.
“Journey.”
“Huh?” I shifted my gaze to Saber.
“You ready to play, dude?”
“Born ready,” I said. Music was what it had always been to me, a refuge from the world. The only place where I could be myself, apart from Lotus.
At my words, Saber tilted his head reflectively.
Shit. That was a phrase I’d used growing up when asked about my music. It was everything then, and it was all I had now.
“Okay, you know ‘Bored to Death’?” he asked.
Blink-182.
“Sure.” I nodded. “Awesome song.” And off a fuc
king amazing album, but the title was a dig.
Saber gave me a long look, just in case I was unclear. But I wasn’t. The dig was a power play, a dick move by him.
But it was a shit move on my part not telling everyone who I was. It was easier to hide from them than I thought it would be.
But I guess when you’re hiding from yourself, how can anyone else ever be expected to find you?
But I was mostly just winging this whole deal, risking discovery and a lot of fucking drama because of that woman in the corner.
Seeing Lotus in the audience in LA and realizing who she was had knocked me out of the tired loop I’d been continually cycling around. Left to my own devices, I wouldn’t be here. I would have continued in that loop, continued wandering on.
At that thought, I had the sudden urge to jot that line down. But I filed it away instead for later. I was here, back in a town I’d vowed never to return to.
Only Ash knew me, and that anonymity bought me some time to sort this out with her. One step at a time. See what happens. That was my loose plan.
“I’ll start us out.” Saber poised his pick over the strings of his Paul Reed Smith SE 245 electric guitar with a gig-bag charcoal-burst pattern. “Give me the beat, Shield.”
Sweet instrument. Only Lotus being in the room had kept me from noting it until now.
“You got it.” Shield clacked his sticks together.
Saber sang while playing the introductory chords. I let him have the lead on guitar.
Frankly, I needed a moment to absorb the fact that my older brother sounded the way he did on the microphone, raspy and real. When we were young, I’d heard him humming along to shit on the radio, but never amplified like this.
He was better than good. Better than he sounded on the demo file Ash had forwarded to me.
Listening to it on the drive from LA had been rough. I hadn’t really been all that impressed by the overall sound, but I was now. However, impressed or not, I wasn’t going to continue letting him have the lead. I grabbed it on his next line, harmonizing with him and going crazy on my guitar.
He stumbled on his next line, and I felt a check of my own inside. The synchronicity between the two of us, vocally and musically, was radical.
Saber righted himself smoothly. I stomped my footboard, elevating the sound, getting a little chime on a couple of chords, then really going to town on the chorus. When his eyes widened, I started showing off because I could. He was good on his guitar, but I was better.
Lotus leaned forward, her interest palpable. She’d always shared my love for rock music. It spoke for us, voiced our pain.
Her pain was different. She had abandonment issues because of her mother. I had a lot of anger because of my asshole, overbearing old man who never accepted or even attempted to understand me.
But pain was pain, and music was my only solace. Both were my companions wherever I roamed.
Watching me closely, Saber kicked up his fingering speed and we started playing off each other. It was fun.
Shield whacked the shit out of his drums behind us. He was insanely good. I’d noted that on the demo, and now was no exception. Although maybe he was a little better.
There was something here, an energy with the three of us together. Though, of course, there was a hole instrumentally where the bass should be.
Ash stepped into the open doorway and nodded approvingly, his gaze bright. He’d been around the music scene long enough—both as a performer and a producer—to understand, to know, to feel it like I did.
Chemistry, synergy, a feel for each other, those were things a band either had or it didn’t. It couldn’t be taught or faked. It had to come from somewhere deep inside you.
When we ended the song, Saber bridged the space between us. “Job’s yours, man, if you want it.”
“Yeah, I want it.”
Saber leaned in, extending his hand toward me. Clasping his hand in a firm grip, I looked him in the eye and nodded once. Shield came up behind us and patted me firmly on the back.
My brothers’ approval rocked me in a surprisingly intense way. A dark ugly gash inside me, where all the hatred and anger poured out like pus from an infected wound, now seemed almost potentially healable.
Wanting to know what Lotus thought about all of this, I glanced at her chair, only to discover that it was empty.
Ash, Saber, and Shield seemed to have accepted me, welcoming Journey into the fold. But it seemed pretty obvious there was one person who wasn’t happy about me being around.
Lotus
I KNEW TWO things for certain.
First, I wasn’t nearly over Journey.
Him holding me for those few seconds before the meeting made every nerve ending in my body come to life. Looking at him made my heart race. Sitting next to him made it difficult to breathe. Even shallow breaths were laden with his scent.
But more than that, all my thoughts careened back to us being in his bed.
I recalled both the power of his possession and his tenderness. I wanted both again. In short, I wanted him, which didn’t bode well for a reboot of my relationship with Saber.
Except that Journey didn’t want me. Not more than a single time. I needed to remember that.
The second certainty? OB Hardy needed Journey.
It was obvious he was the piece they had been missing. Ash was right about Alex and Randy. Journey was meant to be the lead guitarist in OB Hardy. He’d been good with Black Skulls, but he was unforgettable with OB Hardy, and the band became a musical force when he joined the mix.
It felt momentous, like history unfolding, listening to him audition for them.
I knew those two things, but I had more questions than answers. Uncertainty was dangerous. The vast amount of what I didn’t know could cause a lot of trouble.
A lot of trouble for me.
Why had Journey come? He had to know the Saber I’d been talking to while in his apartment was the same Saber who fronted OB Hardy. It was too uncommon of a name not to make the connection.
And I had to wonder . . . Did Journey accept Ash’s offer to try out for the band before or after we slept together? How did that factor in? Did it factor in? Had he known I’d be at the meeting? And had that been him at the cliffs earlier?
Huffing down the hallway with questions cluttering my mind, I barely noticed my surroundings besides the fact that Penny had gone home for the day. Once outside the building, I tried to tap out a quick message to Saber on my phone, but my hands were shaking so badly from nerves and adrenaline that it took me several attempts.
Lotus: Sorry I had to leave. I’m late for work. Can we talk after my shift?
I was going to have to come clean with Saber about Journey. Now that he was probably joining the band, I couldn’t keep my night with him a secret. Saber knew I’d been with someone. But now that someone was a significant someone.
The sooner that truth was out in the open, the better for everyone. Right?
I speed-walked across the public parking lot and onto the sidewalk that bordered the sand, mumbling hellos to the usual crew who congregated along the low wall separating the street level from the beach a couple of feet below. Most of them were homeless. Ganja reigned on that wall, its fumes pursuing me like guilty thoughts as I hurried to work.
At Newport, I dashed through a break in the steady line of vehicular traffic. Once across, I stepped up on the curb and skirted the outer corner of the OB Hotel before flying across an alley, then raced up the steps to the Deck Bar.
Unfortunately, I didn’t manage to sneak to my post at the center bar unnoticed. My boss caught me at the hostess stand.
“Lotus.” Frowning, he shook his head. “You’re late.” He set aside the laminated menu he’d been wiping down. “This is the second time this month.”
“Sorry, Mr. Macari. But it’s only two minutes past this time.”
“Your station isn’t prepped.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll stay late and close.” That
would make it late when I talked to Saber, and later still when I got home to fulfill my promise to my brother. But like a lot of things, it couldn’t be helped.
“Fine.” Mr. Macari nodded curtly. “You’re one of my best employees. I don’t mean to be a hardass, but I have to treat everyone the same.”
“I understand.”
I marched to the bar, tucked my purse under it, and grabbed my work things. Choosing a purple bandanna to go with my tube top, I laid it over my hair and fastened it under my braid. Bar apron on, I went to the prep sink, washing and then drying my hands.
“Hey, Lotus.” Jeff, another bartender who was scheduled to work the other half of the circular bar tonight, acknowledged me from his side with a chin lift. “Missed you here on Friday night. We were slammed. How’d LA go?”
I had a one-night stand. It was amazing. He was amazing, except for the part where he got angry and dumped me immediately afterward. Now he’s here, probably joining my boyfriend’s band. And, oh yeah, he thinks I’m a cheating slut.
Maybe I was a slut. Maybe I was in denial.
But instead of all that, I simply said, “Fine. It went fine.”
I didn’t blab my inner turmoil. That was something I could only share with Sophia, but I couldn’t call her from work. I’d have to pull my own self together.
We got slammed again. Not unusual on any night at the Deck Bar, but the weekends were reliably busy and when I made most of my income. Every table was filled. All the high-tops. The coveted semiprivate booth by the mermaid. The individual seats by the windows. All the communal tables. My tip jar was filled by nine, and I still had three more hours on the clock, plus closing duties.
I pasted on my efficient bartender’s work smile and continued filling orders. I had a tray of six of my special pineapple margaritas with sugar rims going but froze solid when I saw Saber arrive with Journey, Shield, and a guy I didn’t know. The hostess greeted them.
Miranda was overfriendly with Saber. She’d been chasing him after having had a fling with him before he got together with me. She placed her hand on his arm and leaned heavily into him. Pressing her side boob into his arm, she batted her eyes with the glued-on extended lashes at him, but he ignored her. Since we’d started dating, he ignored all the women who threw themselves at him.
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