Sugar & Ice

by Brooklyn Wallace

  “Oh, fuck,” she panted. I lifted my head and locked our gazes, her eyes wide and bright and wanting, and shivered straight down to my toes.

  I bent my head again, and her taste burst over my tongue. I wouldn’t allow my brain to supply any flowery bullshit about the way she tasted, or the way she looked with her head thrown back and her dreads curled around her head like a halo. Instead I tightened my fingers on her thighs and dove in like a woman starving.

  She squirmed and moaned and whimpered underneath my hands and tongue like she’d done what felt like a thousand times before. And no matter how many thousands of times we did this, I was never going to get tired of it.

  Long fingers twisted in my hair, not pulling or pushing, but holding like an anchor. Blunt fingernails scratched my scalp in gentle encouragement. I moaned, and she echoed it wantonly.

  “You’re gonna fucking kill me,” she groaned, bucking up into my mouth.

  Hey, that’s my line, I thought, but couldn’t say with my lips around her clit.

  I knew her well enough to know when she was getting close. The patterned hitches of her breath and her shaking thighs spurred me on even as my jaw and wrist began to ache. When she came, it was with a full-body shudder and a whimper of my name.

  I pulled away and looked down at her with a grin. Big hands reached out for me and curled around my arms, tugging. “Come here,” she rasped in a wrecked voice.

  We kissed without finesse or care. She had to taste herself on my lips and tongue. The thought made me throb with even more urgency. I let myself fall into the circle of her arms and gripped at her biceps, knowing I wouldn’t be left wanting for long.

  She pulled away and started sucking kissing into my neck. I tightened my fingers around her and breathed, “Jackie.”

  “I love you,” she whispered, like it was a secret and we were the only two in the world deserving to know. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I whispered back, feeling a wave of emotion from awe to panic at the realization that yes, yes, oh holy shit, I loved her.

  Then she looked up at me awed and reverent and I forgot to freak out that this woman loved me, and that I loved her back.

  “I love you, too,” I whispered again just to keep that look on her face.

  She grinned ear-to-ear, then flipped us over so she was covering every inch of my body. I wanted to say it again—I love you, Jackie Dunn. Like a widowed Lifetime movie heroine loves her mechanic, like a brooding teen vampire loves a normie, like McAdams loves Gosling—but then she threw my legs over her head and stuck her face in my pussy and I lost the ability to form words after that. Instead I scratched the words into her back and let myself sink into her.

  Fifteen

  Jackie

  Today was what Gwen called D-Day and what other, non-dramatic people called Election Day. She and Jeffrey had a tradition of renting out a hotel room and tuning out the world until the election results were all in. She roped me into driving up with her, batting her eyelashes and spouting something about emotional support I didn’t fully understand since her fingers were knuckle-deep in me at the time. That’s why I woke up at ass o’clock running to grab her suitcase from her house, then looping back around on the other side of town in early California traffic, all with only one measly cup of coffee with only two packs of Sweet'n Low to tide me over. It was worth it to see her bleary-eyed and mussed searching for coffee in the morning. I didn’t think I would ever take that for granted.

  Our conversation from last night was still fresh in my mind. We’d ended in a good place—obviously, I thought as I flexed my stiff fingers—but there was no denying that there had been a noticeable shift in our relationship. A good one. I’d said I loved her and she’d said it back. I was going to be riding that high for a really long fucking time.

  There was still a lot more to talk about, but today was her day to wind down and I didn’t want to distract her. Besides, we had all the time in the world.

  I smiled at the thought as we pulled up to the Beckford Place Hotel. The bellhops carted her luggage away almost the second we got out of the car. Jeffrey, whose face I knew from bus advertisements and morning talk shows, stood leaning casually near the front entrance. He spotted us and jogged over.

  He enveloped Gwen in a hug and then held her at arm’s length. “Gwen! You’re late.” His gaze turned to me and he dropped his hands. “Ah, that’s why.”

  She rested a hand on my arm. “You know Jackie. Jackie, this is Jeffrey.”

  He held out his hand and I stared at it dumbly before shaking it. Gwen dug around for something in her purse, either oblivious or really fucking good at pretending she didn’t sense the awkwardness in the air.

  He turned to Gwen. “How about you go check us in?”

  Gwen, who had retrieved her phone from her purse and was typing furiously on it, looked up and narrowed her eyes. “Why do I get the feeling you’re trying to get my girlfriend alone so you can grill her about me?”

  “Perish the thought. Let hospitality know I want hot towels, please.”

  Gwen gave a halfhearted scowl but took the hint and went inside. Jeffrey waited until she had cleared the double doors before extending his hand to me and smiling with a row of perfectly white, perfectly politician teeth.

  “So you’re the amazing Jackie I’ve heard so much about. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  I took his hand and tried to smile back. “Amazing Jackie, that’s me. You must be the incredible Jeffrey, then. I’ve heard a lot about you, too.”

  “No, you haven’t. It’s okay, you don’t have to lie.” He winked like we were sharing a secret.

  I guess in a way we were. We were both a part of the Have Been in Love with Gwendolyn Crawford club. So I grinned back and said, “That obvious, huh?”

  He laughed and shook his head. “No, no. It’s just Gwen’s way. She’s crushingly reserved. You know I didn’t meet her mother in person until the day of our wedding?”

  I laughed. “That definitely sounds like her.”

  He looked back over his shoulder at the hotel. “I wish we had gotten a chance to meet under different circumstances.” He checked his watch. “I’ve got about five minutes before my phone and any other access to the outside world is confiscated.”

  “The whole ‘calm before the storm’ idea is pretty cool, though. You nervous?”

  He laughed a little desperately. “Oh, geez. Nervous doesn’t begin to cover it.”

  I stuffed my hands in my pockets and shrugged. “Well, you’ve got my vote.”

  He grinned. “I’d better. You are sleeping with my campaign manager, after all.”

  I laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of my neck. “Yeah, well, besides that, that Osten dude is still a douchebag. You’d have to be an idiot to not see how much better you are than him.”

  “Mind if I use that in my next campaign? ‘Jeffrey Crawford: Better Than Your Average Douchebag.’ That’s the ‘Hope and Change’ of our generation.”

  “Oh, please do.”

  I was admittedly stumped for conversation, but Jeffrey kept things rolling smoothly. That was probably the politician in him. He was funny and polite, and even if he made a little too much eye contact, it felt like more of a charming quirk than anything.

  I thought I should maybe have felt more jealous or threatened by Jeffrey, but I didn’t. Not just because Gwen was a lesbian, but because he was so damn charming. No wonder the guy was up in the polls. If I wasn’t already obligated to vote for him on the threat of withheld sex, he would have earned it by now.

  “So, Gwen told me you’re doing a charity bout thing for NBA Cares?”

  I smiled wryly. “Uh, not so much anymore. Something came up.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What came up?”

  “Me not wanting to do it.”

  I winced at that how that must have sounded. Jeffrey might not have known about my bad blood with the Sonics, so to him I probably just sounded like some deadbeat who ki
cked underprivileged kids.

  He threw back his head and laughed. I relaxed with a grin.

  “Say no more.”

  After recounting an embarrassing story of Gwen falling down the steps of the State Capitol back in her congresswoman days, Jeffrey suddenly sobered. “Jackie, can you do me a favor?”

  I blinked, confused. “Sure.”

  He glanced back at the hotel before locking imploring eyes onto mine. “Take care of her. Okay? She won’t let you—in fact, she’ll probably fight you all the way—but . . . try. I know sometimes it feels like she’s larger than life, but she needs someone to keep her grounded and let her know she’s not alone.”

  The thought of not being there for Gwen seemed as laughable an idea as her ever needing me to take care of her. I was in this with her fully, tangled up in her laughter and her troubles and her smile, and happily content to float outside her orbit. Whether she needed me in the same way as Jeffrey was describing was alien, but I knew in that moment I’d do anything for her. I nodded.

  Jeffrey grinned and slumped forward as if he’d been holding his breath waiting for my answer. He quickly let go of my arm and patted it in apology.

  “Good,” he breathed with a nod that seemed more to himself than to me. “Good, thank you.”

  The lobby doors opened and Gwen stepped out with narrowed eyes. She looked between us with suspicion before zeroing in on Jeffrey.

  “If you’re done gossiping with my girlfriend, I’d like to say a proper goodbye.”

  Jeffrey lifted up his hands in surrender and slowly backed away from me. He winked at me again and gave a tiny wave.

  “Pleasure meeting you, Jackie.”

  “Thanks. You too!”

  On his way into the lobby, Gwen passed him a keycard. She waited until the automatic doors closed behind him before stepping into my space and wrapping her arms around my waist.

  She stared up at me with a soft, teasing smile. “So, what do you think?”

  The warmth of her breasts and the smell of her perfume made it difficult for me to process what she was referencing.

  “He’s nice. Are you sure he’s a politician?”

  “The best politicians always make you think they’re nice. Jeffrey’s only problem is that he really is.”

  “Good thing he’s got you then, huh.”

  Nails grazed down my spine, sending shivers through me. I hadn’t forgotten that we were outside a hotel at an ungodly hour, but with her arms around me I couldn’t bring myself to care.

  She quirked her eyebrow knowingly with a grin.

  “Are you implying I’m mean?”

  “Why, I’d never.”

  She kissed me, most likely just to shut me up. I happily let her.

  She pulled back as her expression shifted slightly. “What were you two talking about out here, anyway?”

  I frowned. Jeffrey hadn’t asked me to keep our conversation private, but it still felt like something he wouldn’t want Gwen to know. Still, the conversation had been about her, so didn’t she deserve to know?

  I struggled to find the words to say to answer her question without betraying anything.

  “He cares about you. A lot.”

  Her eyes softened to something shy of sadness. “I know.”

  I ventured a little more toward the truth. “And he worries.”

  The snort of indignation I was expected was instead replaced with a soft chuckle.

  “I know.”

  “He wanted to know if I was going to stick with you.”

  Gwen looked surprised, but her expression quickly smoothed into something neutral. “Oh?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And what did you tell him?”

  I hadn’t actually said the words out loud. They had been swimming in my head, written and rewritten, edited and destroyed and brought back to life again until I finally had the right words to say.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  She smiled a purple smile. “As if I’d even let you.”

  A million mushy and snarky things swirled in my mind, but my watched beeped its alarm and I groaned. “Ugh, I’m going to be late.”

  “That’s nothing new,” she drawled. “What is it? Did a Cane Sugar truck turn over somewhere?”

  “Still sore about that mean quip, huh?”

  “Me? Actively holding a grudge? Never.”

  “I’ve got a meeting with Coach Murphy,” I said. “I decided I’m not doing the bout.”

  Ruby-red lips stretched into a wide, toothy smile. “Well praise be.”

  I grinned in kind. “I love game, but I don’t want it like this. That’s not what I want to do.”

  “So what is it you do want to do?”

  I tilted my head and tried to piece together what I was feeling. “I guess what I really want is to feel like a person again.” I chuckled, small and helpless. Gwen ran her thumb over the soft crook of my elbow. “I’m not going to get that by living in the past.”

  She smiled. “Good for you. How’d your agent take it?”

  “Better than I expected, actually. She thinks this is a prime opportunity to write a tell-all or join Twitter. Both of those things sound equally as appealing.”

  Gwen laughed. “So, what, can I expect to see Twitter lighting up about Jacklyn Dunn’s old-ass girlfriend?”

  “I think you mean Jacklyn Dunn’s distinguished-ass girlfriend. And, I don’t know, maybe. I told her maybe I’d work up to Twitter. It’s the least I can do.”

  Her eyes softened, and she grazed my cheek with her red nails. “Well, I’m glad. Not about Twitter—that’s the devil’s machine—but about you deciding what you want.”

  I smirked, gripping her hips. “You proud of me?”

  She rolled her eyes but softly said, “Always.”

  My heartbeat quickened and I crowded in impossibly closer. “And you love me?”

  She laughed that sweet belly laugh I loved so much and nodded. “And I love you. Now go to your meeting before I make us both late to our respective obligations.”

  I showed up fifteen minutes early to Lorne’s office. I’d planned on beating Coach Murphy to the meeting, but when Lorne’s assistant let me inside, I saw there was a steaming cup of coffee and a bowl of sugar packets already on the table. Coach Murphy sat at the edge of it, expression unreadable.

  I sat down and began mixing my drink.

  Coach Murphy sat at the conference table with his fingers clasped on the surface. The tattered plaid shirt and Nike cap he wore made him look just as out of place in Lorne’s pristine office full of expensive knicknacks as he had the first time around. My heart sank a little lower in my chest as I slipped around the other side of the table to sit.

  “Hey, Coach,” I said softly.

  The corner of his lips twitched up. “Jackie girl. Glad I got to hear back from you.”

  “Sorry I asked you to come alone. I know Michael would be interested.”

  “Eh, the guy’s a jerk. I don’t mind.”

  I laughed. He mirrored it, even as his eyes stayed curious.

  “Where’s that agent of yours?” He looked around the room as if she would materialize out of thin air.

  “I asked her for some privacy. She already knows about this, anyway.”

  “You’re not doing the bout, are you?”

  He didn’t sound surprised or even disappointed. My stomach churned all the same.

  “No, I’m not,” I said softly. I cleared my throat and forced myself to maintain eye contact even though my instinct was to drop my gaze in shame . “I’m really sorry, Coach.”

  Before I’d even finished, he was shaking his head. “What are you sorry for, Jackie girl? It’s okay. I know it was a lot to ask of you, with what you’ve been through . . .”

  I’d practiced this speech practically from the moment I’d decided I wasn’t going to do it. Steel my voice and thank him for being a father figure to me for all those years, but leave no doubt of where I stood on this. Being assertive, lik
e Gwen and Olivia. That was why I hated it when I felt a lump swell in my throat.

  My voice shook. “I—I know this was really important to you. Getting us back together. Now that you’re retired, it must feel like—”

  He chuckled sadly. “If anything, I was being selfish. I always said you girls were like my own children. Now that I’ve retired, I . . . I guess I just wanted to relive the glory days a little bit. I let Michael talk me into contacting you after all this time because I thought, well, you know.”

  I smiled. “I know. Me, too.”

  He took a deep breath and gazed out the window wistfully. “Don’t it always seem like the good times are in the rearview?”

  I thought of Gwen and Olivia and Lorne. “That doesn’t mean there can’t be good times ahead, too.”

  He turned to me, eyebrows raised. “How’d you get so wise, Jackie girl?”

  “A whole lotta trial and error.” I tilted my head. “I hope Michael can fill in my spot. I’d hate to have caused any problems.”

  He waved me off. “We’ve got alternates. Michael’s a slick son of a bitch, but he’s nothing if not prepared. There’s other girls doing it. They’ll understand.”

  I didn't know how true that was, but I chose not to dwell on it. It wasn’t my problem. The thought made me feel selfish, and a familiar feeling of guilt panged in my chest, but I pressed through it. I had to care about myself now.

  “I’m glad,” I said. “I’ll make sure to catch the game live when it happens. I also had Lorne cut a check for the Boys & Girls Club of America. I hope that makes up for me not being there.”

  “Does that mean we won’t see you in the stands or at the pregame?”

  I shook my head. “No, no. I’m trying to stay outta the limelight. For now, at least.”

  He nodded. “If you’re done with all the flashing lights, more power to you. I just hope it’s because that’s what you want.”

  “It is. What happened to me . . . That sucked ass, Coach.” I laughed helplessly. “For the longest time I felt like I’d deserved it after the arrogant way I acted, and what the girls said about me after only solidified it. I spent most of my time postretirement spiraling and feeling sorry for myself. Basketball was a big part of me and it still is, but it’s not all I am, you know? I want to get back to it, but first I have to find out who I am not. Doing the bout, reliving everything . . . that wasn’t going to help.”