Wish of the Heart

by Malia Mallory

  ~ * ~ * ~

  Macie paced around her living room, her thoughts jumbled and confused. Seeing Rylan brought the pain back, sharp and fresh. She ripped off her clothing as she stalked down the hall. Turning on the shower as hot as her skin could stand, she stepped inside. The stinging needles of water hit her face, and she welcomed them. Her tears mixed with the flow and washed down the drain.

  For months, Macie thought she had a handle on her grief. She’d made a conscious decision to put it all behind her. The fixation with her sister’s death had been an ever-growing cancer within her, threatening to tip her into obsession, like her mother. She’d taken back her life and convinced herself that finding justice wouldn’t bring her sister back. She thought she’d released it all. It seemed she was wrong; the wound was only scabbed over, waiting to be ripped off.

  Macie turned off the water, slipped on a terry cloth robe, and flipped her soaking hair over her shoulder. Wet footprints marred the floor as she walked back to the living room.

  She opened her laptop on the table. Work would take her mind off things. She would lose herself in the logical order columns of numbers provided.

  A small beep signaled a new email, and without thinking, Macie clicked it open.

  Rylan!

  Macie gasped and choked as her eyes scanned the screen, catching words but not reading.

  Everything within her screamed no! She deleted the email and shut the computer, barely resisting the urge to slam the screen down.

  Chapter 3

  Macie used the weekend to try to put it all behind her again—to compartmentalize her grief, expunge her anger, and forget about her contact with Rylan. By Monday, she felt more in control, though not back to normal.

  Work was solace. The familiarity of the flickering fluorescent lights, the clattering photocopier, and the ringing phones distracted Macie as the seconds slid by, turning morning into afternoon.

  She had dinner plans with a college friend who was in town on business. Macie didn’t feel up to it, but canceling last minute seemed rude. She wanted to see Abby. She just didn’t want to see her today.

  It was like waiting for the three o’clock bell on the last day of school, but finally she could safely leave. If it was a little early, Macie didn’t care. She often stayed late, a fact she would be more than happy to point out to anyone unwise enough to comment on her departure.

  Macie arrived at the restaurant well before her friend. Abby wouldn’t be coming for another thirty minutes at least. She ordered a drink and then another. When her head began to swim, she requested an appetizer. She was munching on chicken wings when Abby slid into the seat across the table.

  Abby’s brow lifted as she noticed the empty glasses. “I didn’t think you were much of a drinker.”

  “I’m not.” Macie bit into the chicken wing, savoring the sweetness of the honey barbecue sauce. Her head spun just enough to cloud her thinking.

  Abby nodded knowingly and ordered a lemonade for herself.

  Macie sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m poor company. I should leave.”

  Abby reached across the table and grasped Macie’s hand. “No, stay. It’s fine.” Abby released Macie and launched into a humorous recitation of her trip. She detailed her flight, including an overly talkative seatmate, and related the trials of her long, boring meeting.

  After a while, Macie’s head cleared. “I’m sorry.” What must Abby think of her?

  “Macie, don’t be sorry. We’re friends, right?” Abby’s soothing voice eased the tightness in Macie’s chest.

  “Yes.” Macie and Abby spent many a late night together in college, drinking diet soda and hitting the books. She’d been a good friend then and an anchor for Macie when Karen died.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Abby’s sympathy invited confidences.

  No was on her lips, but she hesitated. “My sister’s boyfriend contacted me.”

  “Oh. Wow.” Abby’s eyes widened.

  Anger sparked in her again. “He wants something. I don’t really know what. I didn’t give him a chance to say.” Macie used a wet wipe to clean her sticky fingertips. “What would he want after all this time?”

  “I don’t know, but I can’t imagine it was easy for him,” Abby said.

  Macie straightened in her seat. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, he was a suspect, wasn’t he? Was questioned? Had to get a lawyer? Plus, his girlfriend was killed. I don’t see him wanting to stir all that up again.”

  “He might have done it. My parents think he did.” Macie’s jaw tightened.

  “There was no evidence, though, was there?” Abby asked.

  “He was at work. He could have slipped out.” Rylan’s alibi hadn’t been airtight, not as far as Macie was concerned. Even the investigating detective spent a very long time trying to poke holes in it.

  “And the why?” Abby asked softly.

  “Maybe Karen broke it off,” Macie said. Her irritation rose even though she knew Abby was being reasonable. Macie didn’t want to debate; she wanted someone to agree with her.

  “Do you believe that?” Abby leaned across the table.

  “I don’t know. The police ruled him out, but there was no one else.” Macie’s voice was tight. A breakup was unlikely and she knew it. She’d shared that with the police at the time. Karen would have told her if things weren’t working out, wouldn’t she?

  “I’m not on his side, Macie. I don’t even know the guy.” Abby patted Macie’s hand and straightened in her seat.

  “I know. I know. I just …” Macie broke off as emotion overwhelmed her.

  “Just what?” Abby asked.

  “I tried to put it behind me. I thought I had. I thought I’d moved on.” The meeting with Rylan proved she hadn’t made as much progress as she believed. She loved her sister and missed her terribly, but Macie didn’t want her life to be dictated by tragedy.

  Abby clasped her hands. “Macie, I’m not sure such a thing would ever go away or that you should expect it to. You were close to your sister and what happened was terrible.”

  Macie’s mind flashed to her sister’s funeral. Karen’s serene face as if she were only sleeping. The killing wound on her head hidden under her hair. Macie swallowed the bile that rose in her throat.

  “What reason would he have to bother you?” Abby asked.

  Macie pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

  “Maybe you should find out,” Abby suggested.

  “Maybe I should.”

  ~ * ~ * ~

  Macie drummed her fingers on the table. She hadn’t spoken to Detective Cruz in over a year. There’d been no reason. The leads on her sister’s case went cold and then he’d retired. He’d mentioned plans for Florida, but apparently they hadn’t materialized yet. Karen’s case was shuffled to the side, to be reexamined only if there was a new development, which was a remote possibility at this point.

  Seeing Rylan brought back the urgency to check on the case. When she contacted Detective Cruz, he was kind enough to meet her, even though he had no obligation to do so.

  Cruz walked into the living room, a steaming coffee cup in each hand. “Do you want milk or sugar?”

  “No. Black’s fine.” Macie took the proffered cup, still trying to put her thoughts in order. She inhaled the aroma, savoring the sharp smell with a hint of vanilla.

  When she contacted Cruz, she hadn’t told him what she wanted, though obviously it was about her sister’s case. He’d invited her to his home, which surprised her, but she accepted readily.

  His curious eyes were fixed on her, but he waited. Years on the police force had honed his patience.

  There was no need to dance around, Macie decided. Cruz was as straightforward as they came and no doubt he would appreciate that quality in others.

  “Rylan Vaughn contacted me,” Macie blurted out.

  Cruz didn’t hide his surprise. “He did? I’d think he’d stay as
far away as possible.”

  Macie sat back in her chair. “I would have thought so, too.”

  “What did he want?” His voice gave nothing away.

  “I don’t know.” Her mind ran through the possibilities again and again, trying to guess.

  Cruz grunted. “So what do you want from me?”

  “Did he do it?” Macie blurted.

  Cruz set his coffee cup down, considering her question. “He didn’t ring for me.”

  “Why not? His alibi wasn’t completely solid.” Macie’s cup clinked against the saucer.

  “It wasn’t only the lack of evidence. He didn’t care enough. He liked your sister. He was upset about her death. But he didn’t love her. When it’s a boyfriend or husband, usually there’s strong emotion involved, either positive or negative.” He spoke with the authority of years of cases.

  “How do you know he didn’t love her?” Macie asked.

  Cruz shrugged. “He spoke of her like a friend, not a lover.”

  “But there was no one else,” Macie insisted.

  “Obviously there was.” Having no one to blame almost made her more uneasy.

  All this time, a deep place still screamed inside her at the thought of Rylan escaping justice. Her parents needed someone to blame and they’d blamed Rylan. She’d blamed him right along with them. When the private detective they hired turned up no more evidence than the police, it hadn’t lessened the grip of their belief, especially not for her mother.

  Macie gripped her hands tight until her knuckles showed white.

  Cruz leaned in and covered her hand with his. “I’m sorry. Your sister’s case was one of many I couldn’t get justice for.” He released her hand. “They weigh on me. They all do.”

  “I thought I’d moved on.” Macie had been desperate to move on. Karen would want her to be happy. She’d want justice, but not at her family’s expense.

  “It’s hard to accept that sometimes we won’t have answers,” Cruz advised.

  Without answers, Macie wondered if she could put it all behind her for a second time.

  ~ * ~ * ~

  The subway car sloped down as it passed under the East River. The smell of dampness entered the train. Macie tried to wrap her head around her meeting with Detective Cruz. Former Detective, she supposed, since he’d retired.

  There had been no sign of forced entry at her sister’s apartment. Cruz had been convinced the apparent search and robbery of the apartment had been staged. Nothing beyond her sister’s laptop had been missing as far as they could determine. Jewelry and other small electronics hadn’t been taken, even though they’d been tossed around.

  Her sister didn’t have any enemies. Everyone loved Karen. Her outgoing personality attracted those around her. She hadn’t been a risk taker, either. She hadn’t frequented seedy clubs or engaged in unsafe behaviors, but in the end, it didn’t matter. She was dead, anyway.

  Suspicion pointed to Rylan, but it hadn’t stuck. He’d been to Karen’s apartment on multiple occasions when they dated, so prints and hair were explained away.

  If Karen interrupted a burglary, why hadn’t they taken anything more? Had the apartment been searched before Karen arrived and not after? Maybe the perpetrator had been spooked by the confrontation and fled. It was as good an explanation as any, which meant it was no explanation at all.

  Chapter 4

  Macie tossed her purse on the table, still trying to shake off her unsettled emotions. Had Cruz ever shared his final thoughts on Rylan as the perpetrator? She couldn’t recall now. She didn’t think he’d been so emphatic before. Maybe he couldn’t be while he was actively involved in the investigation. Maybe he’d said, but she hadn’t been in a place where she could hear it. She didn’t know. That whole period was a jumble.

  If Rylan had something to tell her, she needed to hear it. Before she could talk herself out of it, she texted him.

  What do you want?

  She didn’t have to wait long for a reply.

  Let’s talk in person. I’ll come over.

  Macie’s mind rejected that immediately.

  No. Let’s meet in the park.

  Rylan didn’t respond. Macie’s nails bit into her palm as she waited.

  When?

  Macie’s skin itched with nerves as she typed her response.

  Now. I’m leaving now.

  Macie didn’t wait for an answer. She grabbed her purse and headed out.

  ~ * ~ * ~

  Macie’s feet pounded on the pavement. Her eyes strayed to the bandshell. Cracks and gouges in the carved stone showed its age. She dodged a boy on rollerblades as he skated over the bricks and hit a tennis ball with a hockey stick. Close by, wooden benches lined the walkway and Macie sat, grateful to catch her breath.

  How long would it take Rylan to get here? She had no idea where he lived now. When he’d been with Karen, she’d raved about the view from his apartment in mid-town.

  Macie fidgeted and the planks of the bench bit into the backs of her legs. Walkers and joggers moved up and down the promenade. A woman in heels strutted by, a tiny fluff ball of a dog peeking out of her tote bag.

  Normally, such a cute animal would have Macie smiling, but not now. Her stomach twisted, and she rubbed the strap of her purse between her thumb and forefinger.

  Macie spotted a man in the distance, his legs eating up the space between them. She knew his broad shoulders and the tousled brown hair whipping in the breeze. It was Rylan, and again she experienced that unwanted spark inside—that spark she’d always ignored. First, because he was her sister’s, and then because of the horror that lay between them.

  It was crazy. Macie didn’t understand how she could be even remotely attracted to Rylan. He represented one of the lowest points in her life. Then there was the guilt. The gut-wrenching guilt. She’d never told Karen and, at the time, she hadn’t intended to. How could this man turn her upside-down? She should hate him, and she did, didn’t she?

  He wasn’t that special. He was handsome, but so were many men. Successful, hard-working. Again in New York, that described a thousand men. A million men. Even after all this time, there was something in his smile, something that flickered in the corner of his eye, that was burned into her memory. The curve of his ear. The bridge of his nose. His strong, capable fingers. Stop, just stop. She mentally shook herself.

  Macie looked away, focusing her eyes on the sidewalk cracks. She inhaled deeply, trying to calm her racing heart as her gaze traced the wayward patterns on the ground.

  “Macie.” His low voice washed over her.

  Her eyes flickered up. “Yes.”

  Rylan sat beside her on the bench, his hands balled in the pockets of his jacket. “Thank you for meeting me.” He didn’t say the “finally” but it hung unspoken in the air.

  Macie turned away. “I didn’t want to, but if you have something to share about Karen, I want to hear it.”

  “I moved,” Rylan said simply.

  “Did you?” What this had to do with Karen, Macie couldn’t imagine.

  “A month ago. To a place on Riverside Drive.”

  “River views?” she asked automatically. Riverside Drive was known for its quiet buildings and Hudson River scenery.

  “Yeah.” Rylan coughed.

  The stilted small talk was excruciating. “Tell me what you want,” Macie demanded.

  Rylan nodded. “I have Karen’s laptop. At least, I’m pretty sure it is.”

  “What?” Macie was floored as the idea sank into her mind.

  “When I moved, I went through everything. I found it in the bottom of a chest in the closet.”

  “Did you inform the police?” she demanded. After all this time, it was hard to imagine the laptop had been located. Everyone always assumed her sister’s assailant took it.

  Rylan shook his head. “No. I didn’t know what to do for a while. It would be hard for me to prove I didn’t put it there. And your mom …”

  “Yeah.” The police would inform
her parents they’d found the laptop, and any progress her mother had made would probably be wiped out immediately. “I thought they searched your place.” Macie shifted on the bench, putting more distance between them.

  “They did. The chest has a false bottom. Your sister knew about the chest. I showed it to her after she admired it. The laptop is the right model. It seems too coincidental to be anyone else’s.”

  “Did you turn it on?” Macie asked.

  “Yeah, it’s password protected.” He paused. “I don’t want to dredge up a lot of crap if by chance it isn’t hers.”

  Macie stilled as the possibilities assailed her from all sides. “Why would she put her laptop in your trunk?”

  “That’s a very good question.” Rylan didn’t sound like he had a good answer.

  Macie took a deep breath. “Did you do it?”

  “No.” His gaze was steady. “I didn’t. Karen was a lovely person. There was no reason.”

  “Was she breaking up with you?” Macie asked.

  “I think one or the other of us would have broken it off before too long. We liked each other, but it wasn’t there. That doesn’t mean I wanted to hurt her.” Rylan turned his head as a bicyclist passed.

  He was telling the truth. Macie wasn’t sure how she knew, but she felt it. He didn’t have to contact her about the computer. Hell, he could have disposed of the laptop—thrown it in a landfill somewhere. But he hadn’t done that. He hadn’t gone to the police either, but she could almost understand. It would have resulted in questions, maybe even an arrest.

  “You want me to log in,” Macie surmised.

  “Yes. I tried obvious things. The names of family members. The street where she lived. Maybe you’d have better luck.”

  “Okay.” Her hands were shaking. “Okay, but I need a little time. Bringing all this craziness back …” Macie closed her eyes. “I need to think.”

  “I understand,” Rylan responded.

  Macie could tell he was disappointed. She stood and her eyes flickered over the landscape, unfocused. The air closed in around her.