Won't Miss You: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (We Shouldn't Book 4)

by Lilian Monroe

  When he glances over his shoulder, a light gleams in his eyes. Fire licks my thighs, and I want to move closer to him. When he hands me a flashlight, our fingers brush, and electricity jumps over my skin. Benji’s eyes shift to meet mine, an unreadable expression swirling in them.

  The air crackles. The lights fizz. Every atom around us can feel the tension building.

  Benji shifts his weight, taking a step closer to me. There’s a breath of distance between us, and all I want to do is erase it. His broad chest is screaming for my hands. His shoulders begging for me to wrap my arms around them and pull him close.

  I don’t move.

  I can’t.

  But I want him.

  Need, need, need.

  The feeling courses through me like a hurricane, its winds whipping at my defenses. I stand in the eye of the storm, staring at the man who created it.

  I shouldn’t want him. Shouldn’t kiss him. Probably shouldn’t even be here.

  Yet, I am.

  And I want more.

  Like two magnets drawn together, Benji moves closer. His chest is against mine now, and I know he feels the pebbled nipples under my shirt. My back is against his old car, and Benji places his hands on either side of my head. Caging me in. Trapping me—not that I’d want to be anywhere else.

  I put the flashlight on the hood of the car. Then slowly, tentatively, I bring a hand up to his chest. As soon as I feel the warmth of his body beneath his layers of clothing, I let out a sigh.

  “What are you doing here, Rae?” he asks softly, barely a whisper coming from him. “Why did you come to my house tonight?”

  “I don’t know.”

  It’s the truth. I thought I was here to ask about my brother, but that doesn’t seem so important anymore. Right now, there’s a big, rugged man caging me against the outside of a car. His eyes are at half-mast as they drift down to my lips.

  Almost instinctively, my tongue slides out to lick them. A low growl rumbles through him, shaking through me and rattling more embers loose in my veins.

  Need, need, need.

  Is it wrong to want a man? To need a man? Is it wrong to give in to my desires, just once? To put myself first, instead of thinking of my family?

  Yes, my brain tries to scream, but the voice is muffled by the roar of my lust.

  My hand slides up to his neck, the tips of my fingers brushing his stubble. Benji presses his body into mine, leaning his head down a bit further.

  His lips are so close. His scent is all around. His body feels so right.

  I could be a woman tonight. I could let him take me. Devour me. Ravish me. Destroy me. I could tear those clothes off his body and run my fingers over his warm skin.

  When was the last time I was attracted to a man? Really attracted to him? In the way that makes your stomach twist into knots and your thighs clench together? In the way that makes you hungry. Ravenous. Needy.

  My breath comes in short, shallow gasps. My fingers tease the edge of his jaw, his beard, his cheek. Benji turns his head, laying a soft kiss on my palm.

  I melt.

  Such a big man. Such a gentle kiss.

  But when he turns back to look at me, there’s nothing gentle in his eyes.

  11

  Benji

  I should resist. I should stop. I should turn around and give Rae my back, telling her to leave.

  But she’s here, invading my space, looking at me with those big, brown eyes of hers—and I can’t. I can’t resist. I can’t stop myself. My body moves toward hers like it’s where I’m supposed to be. She leans her back against my car, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth.

  I groan.

  Neither of us speaks. What would we say?

  We both know she shouldn’t be here. We both know we’re playing with fire. We both know we want to burn.

  Her palm is still on my cheek, and I sweep my fingers up her sides. She shivers, closing her eyes at the touch. I lap up every expression on her face. Devour every noise she makes, no matter how soft. She feeds the beast inside me.

  Her lips, moistened by her tongue, call out to me. They scream to be kissed. To be taken. To be branded and claimed.

  They should be mine.

  Mine, mine, mine.

  Hesitation swirls around me, whispering Sawyer’s name. Hissing in my ear, telling me to stop.

  But I brush it away. It doesn’t take much effort. Rae is so close, and Sawyer’s so far.

  Is she really as bad as he says? It doesn’t seem like it. It sounds like he left in a huff, and never gave her the chance to explain. It seems like she really, truly cares about her family. Just like I do.

  And her lips are right here. So soft. So kissable. So pink. Calling out to me, louder than any hesitations I might have.

  Rae’s fingers tease my jaw, moving back to tickle the hair at the nape of my neck. I lean in, inhaling the magic that surrounds her.

  I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Too long.

  Rae has awoken something inside me that can’t be denied. A beast. An animal. A carnal urge, roaring within me. With her body pressed up against my car, and my chest against hers, I can feel every movement she makes. Her eyes move to mine and her hand cups my neck.

  I know what that means.

  I angle my head toward hers as my heart stutters. I nestle a leg between hers, the heat of her core pulsing against me. I groan, and the beast roars once more.

  I need her.

  Need to have her. Take her. Give her everything she’s been missing. I need to draw a sigh from those perfect lips and hear my name panted as she comes. I need to feel her nails digging into my shoulders when I plunge myself deep inside her.

  Mine, mine, mine.

  Her breath is shallow. Her eyes pleading. I drop my hand to her waist, pulling her close as I growl. There are no words now. Nothing said. We’re speaking a different language. One with only looks. Soft grunts. Growls. Sighs. Moans.

  When I brush my lips against hers, ever so gently, I feel her tremble. She’s like a coiled spring. Tightly wound. Trembling.

  Ready to be released.

  My hand sweeps around her back, and her body melts into mine. Exactly where it should be. Exactly how we should be. Right here, our bodies pressed together, with hardly a breath of space between us.

  Another growl rumbles through me as I lay a soft kiss on her jaw. She lets out a sigh, whispering my name. My whole body thrums at the sound of it.

  How sweet is it to hear a beautiful woman saying your name? How good does it feel to know her heart is thumping for you? Her lips are begging for you? Her body is yielding to you?

  I kiss her jaw, tasting her skin. Sweet like candy. Soft. Perfect.

  My lips brush back as I try my best to take my time. I need to enjoy this, otherwise I’ll destroy her. I won’t be able to stop once I start. I close my eyes, loving the way she arches her back against me. Her hands slip around my waist, tugging at my shirt as she slides her hands against my skin.

  When her palms sweep over my back, I’m done waiting.

  I angle my lips, inhaling her breath. I need more. I need her.

  All of her.

  But just as my lips brush against hers, the air shifts. As our breath mixes, and I know I’ll finally get to taste her mouth, she angles her head away from me. Then, she says two words I didn’t think I’d hear.

  “Benji, wait.” It’s a sigh. A whisper. A trembling breath.

  I freeze, backing away a fraction of an inch.

  Rae’s eyes drag up to mine, conflict swirling in them. Little flecks of gold glow in her dark brown irises, her face pinched in regret.

  “We can’t do this.”

  Her voice might be barely above a whisper, but I hear it loud and clear. Rae’s hands drop from my back, and she places them gently on my chest. She pushes me softly, curling her fingers into my shirt.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to.” She huffs, drawing her brows together. “I want to. Trust me. I…” Sucking a
breath in, she shakes her head. “I just…I can’t do that to Sawyer. You’re his friend. You know him. I just…can’t. Not until I see him. He’d never forgive me, ever.”

  Her eyes plead. Her fingers stay curled in my shirt. I place a palm over hers, letting out a heavy sigh.

  I nod. “Okay.”

  “I like you, Benji—”

  “You’re right, Rae,” I rasp. The words tear out of my throat, not wanting to be spoken. There’s steel in my pants. My heart is racing. Every cell in my body is screaming for Rae. Begging for me to change her mind. To show her what she does to me.

  My body fights me, but my mind wins. I pull away, clearing my throat.

  Rae turns away from me, her shoulders sagging. After a moment, she straightens herself up and steps to the side. The distance hurts.

  When she drags her eyes up to mine, regret howls between us. She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. When Rae’s eyes flick to my lips, I know she feels what I feel.

  She wanted me. Still wants me. Her body is fighting her, too.

  But she’s choosing her brother over me. She’s putting her family first, and how can I be mad at that? Rejection stings, but I know she’s right.

  Rae pinches a smile at me, then ducks her head and walks away. I listen to her footsteps fade, then let out a sigh and close the garage door. The flashlight stays forgotten on the hood of my car, and I leave the scene of the crime without looking back.

  When I get inside my house, I pull out my phone and fire an email to Sawyer. I know he’ll see it. He told me he’d check his messages.

  I don’t say much. Just six words: I think you should come back.

  I hit send and stuff my phone back in my pocket, feeling betrayal swirl in the pit of my stomach—but I’m not exactly sure who it is I’m betraying.

  Rae is in the office when I get to work. Through the window, I see her on the phone, dragging her hands through her hair. She pinches the bridge of her nose, then lets her shoulders drop.

  I turn away from the sight, not wanting to feel the pull in my gut that always seems to drag me toward her.

  Oliver walks through the garage door, smiling at me. “What’s on the schedule today, Benji?”

  “The Aston Martin,” I say, jerking my chin at Rae’s car.

  Oliver’s eyebrows jump up, but he says nothing, and we get to work. It takes a few hours for us to get Rae’s car running again, but when it purrs to life in the shop, I let out a satisfied nod.

  I wouldn’t mind taking this thing for a drive. It’s a ten-year-old model, but it’s a beautiful car. Rae has good taste—I can admit that even if I judged her when she first drove in.

  Taking the keys out of the ignition, I head for the office. When I stand outside the door, I hear her voice.

  “I don’t want the board position, Dad.” She sighs. “You know I’ve always wanted to start my own business.”

  I freeze.

  I’ve never thought of myself as the type of guy who would eavesdrop, but her words stop me in my tracks. I lean toward the thin door, angling my ear toward her.

  “What? Why are you checking my accounts, anyway? How did you get access to them?” Pause. “Well, I need to fire my accountant then, don’t I? Yes, I’m sure I don’t want your money. No, I won’t tell you what all the expenses are or who I’ve been transferring money to.” I can hear her frustration rippling through the door. “I already told you, I don’t want to be on the board. I’m on vacation. I have to go. Goodbye.”

  My eyes are wide. Just the other night, I refused money from my own father. I thought Rae stayed behind to live off her parents’ wealth? I thought Sawyer said that was the whole reason she stayed behind was to use their support and live an easy life.

  If she’s taken their money before, why would she refuse it now? How does that make any sense?

  I lift my fist to knock on the office door just as it’s ripped open from the inside. Rae yelps, her eyes wide.

  “Oh, Benji.” She sighs. “It’s you.”

  I search her face, looking for some hint as to what her conversation was about. Rae just looks tired.

  I hold up the keys to her car, giving her a tight smile. “Running like a dream now.”

  Her fingers curl around the keys, carefully avoiding any contact with my skin. She gives me a pinched smile and nods. “Thanks, Benji.”

  “You okay?”

  She avoids my gaze. “Fine.”

  She hesitates, standing close enough to touch.

  I suck in a breath. “Look, if this is about last night, don’t worry. No hard feelings. You were right.”

  Finally, Rae looks me in the eye. She dips her chin down ever so slightly. “I appreciate that. Excuse me.”

  I watch her sidestep around me and head toward the garage. A few moments later, her car turns on, and Rae drives away.

  12

  Rae

  It’s been three days since I almost kissed Benji, and my body still hasn’t recovered. Every time I see him, fire roars to life inside me.

  How it is possible for one man to have that much effect on me?

  Maybe it’s the softness of his gaze, juxtaposed with the strength of his body. Whatever it is, I always find myself slipping my hand between my legs late at night, imagining what it would feel like to have him on top of me.

  Then, when I see him in the garage, my whole face turns red and my heart starts to thump.

  Vicious cycle.

  Stupid girl.

  Irresistible man.

  Today, though, I have something else on my mind: My dwindling bank account balance. In my attempt to provide for Lucy and Roman while setting up the garage for Sawyer to take over, I’ve somehow miscalculated my cash needs.

  My parents noticed and won’t stop calling me. Yes, I’m going to fire my accountant, and yes, I’m going to change my bank account details. I may be strapped for cash right now, but I’m not going to rely on my parents anymore.

  I have another solution.

  Lucy doesn’t approve. She stares at me with those big, sad eyes.

  “Rae, you love that car!”

  I shrug. “It’s just a car.”

  “I won’t let you sell it.”

  “I have to, Lucy. We don’t have enough money to furnish this house and make sure Roman can be in daycare when your classes start. I need a little bit of cash until I can go back to work. I might be able to get some freelance landscape design work, too. Willow said she’d look at a proposal for the Black Estate, but it could be weeks until that money comes in.”

  “You can’t, Rae. You got that car when you were sixteen. I’ve seen the way you take care of it.”

  “Which is all the better now that I’m trying to sell it.”

  “No.” She crosses her arms, shaking her head. A tendril of hair trembles as she stares at me. “I won’t let you, Rae. You’ve sacrificed too much for me. That car means everything to you.”

  I sigh, shrugging. “It did when I was a teenager. Not anymore.”

  “What about the garage? Isn’t that providing some money?”

  “The books are a mess. I don’t want to give myself a wage until I’ve had a good accountant look through it all.”

  “So, you bought a business without looking at the books? You moved us over here without talking to Sawyer first? You want to move up here with no income? Come on, Rae. That’s too much sacrifice. Too much risk. You don’t need to do this. Roman and I will be fine.”

  “It’s just a car, Lucy.”

  “It’s your car. It’s the last thing you have that’s all yours. You bought the garage for Sawyer, and you bought the house for me. What about you? When are you going to do something for yourself?”

  I grimace, shaking my head. “I’m doing this for me, Lucy. Bringing us and Sawyer back together and having a real family again is for me, too.”

  “You can’t sell it. I’ll get a job in town. Maybe Sarah knows someone.”

  “And your paycheck will all go to daycare for Roma
n, and we’ll be right where we started. You know that. We need cash, Lucy.”

  “Ask Mom and Dad for some.”

  I scoff. “Dad called me last night to chew me out about my bank account balance. Started telling me I needed to learn to manage my money better and tried to guilt me into taking the board position.” I shake my head. “If I take their money, they’ll hold it over my head until the end of time.”

  “But Rae.” Lucy sighs, shaking her head. “You can’t keep giving everything up for me and Sawyer. We don’t even know if Sawyer wants to see us.”

  “I’m not giving anything up, Lucy,” I lie. “This is what I want.”

  Her bottom lip juts out, and I wrap my arms around her.

  “You do too much, Rae,” she says, her voice muffled in my shoulder.

  I pull back, smiling at her. “We’ll see Sawyer soon, and it’ll all be worth it.”

  “I admire your optimism.”

  “Learned it from you.” I smile. My phone buzzes, and I let out a sigh. “The buyer is here.”

  Lucy’s eyebrows draw together, but I turn away before she can say anything else.

  Of course I don’t want to sell the car. It’s a last resort, but it’s something I have to do. Lucy and I need some cash for the next few months, and I won’t ask my parents for money. That’s a surefire way to get wrapped deeper into their world, when I’m trying to get out. I need to prove to myself that I can stand on my own two feet—and I need to prove it to Sawyer, too.

  I’m here to bring my family back together again. That’s the goal. That’s what I’ve been working toward for three and a half years. That’s what will make it all worth it.

  Sawyer will understand that, won’t he?

  When I get outside, two middle-aged men are admiring the bright, white Aston Martin in the driveway. I flash them my best smile, spreading my arms.

  “What do you think? Want to take it for a test drive?”

  “Hell, yes!”

  I laugh, even as a crack splits across my heart. The three of us climb into the car. I take the passenger seat and hand the keys over, ignoring the pain in my chest. The prospective buyer is a man with gray hair. He lives in the next town over and sent me a message about ten minutes after my listing for the car went up.