"He cheat on you?" Cam asks.
I shake my head. "He can't cheat on me if he's not my boyfriend."
"You've been seeing him for months, of course he's your boyfriend!" Cam's getting upset on my behalf. I'd expect nothing less, but in this moment, it's just not helpful.
"Can you stop being my defender right now and be objective please," I ask.
"I'll never stop being your defender, Ror, but I can also be objective, and whether you two have discussed it or not, you have the right to expect more from him." Cam shakes his head, incredulous. "He told you he's seein' someone else?"
"No."
"So why do you think he's steppin' out on you?"
I take a deep breath. "Last month, when I stayed over, I'd hung out with the girls and he went out with his buddies. He got home real late, but he came upstairs to give me a goodnight kiss-"
"Just a kiss?" Cam interrupts.
"Yeah, Cam, just a kiss," I confirm. That time. "I uh... I thought I smelled perfume on him," I explain.
"It coulda been Lacey's," Cam offers. "Or one of his boys coulda had a girl with him."
"That's what I thought," I say, though I didn't really. Even then, I knew what it had meant. "No, that's not true. I suspected something. I knew he wanted more and I just wasn't ready."
"Wanted more?"
"More than kissing."
Cam lets out a growl. "Dammit Ror! A man doesn't step out on his girl because she ain't ready to sleep with him!"
I don't reply. I'm not sure he's right.
"I was looking for them tonight. So we could go home. I overheard Robin talkin' with Marcus and their boys..." I trail off, remembering how Robin had said such sweet things... before saying that one horrible thing.
"And..." Cam prompts.
"Marcus said somethin' about me. How Robin ain't gettin' any because I'm like a nun. Robin defended me. He yelled at them not to even look at me because I was his. Basically that their girls were sluts, but I was the kinda girl he'd marry - pretty things, really..."
Cam rolls onto his side so he's looking down at me and I meet his gaze. There are tears in my eyes, I know, but they don't fall. "And then...?"
My voice comes out a whisper. "And then he said that just because he ain't gettin' any from me, doesn't mean he ain't gettin' any."
Cam just stares down at me for a few moments. He reaches down and brushes away the one tear that wouldn't just stay put before breathing, "The son of a bitch."
I look away, ashamed. This is the crux of the issue: I don't want to do anything but kiss - there's something wrong with me. Me, not Robin. How could I expect him to only want me when I'm giving him nothing. I'm just not enough. How could I be?
When I glance back at Cam, he's quietly seething, I can tell.
"I'm gonna fuckin' kill him," he growls before jumping up from the bed.
"No, Cam," I jump up after him, and he turns back to me.
"Yes, Ror. That threat? It wasn't a threat, it was a fuckin' promise. I warned him not to hurt you, he fuckin' knew better!"
"It's not his fault!" I shout, and the words are out of my mouth before I can even process them. Cam glares at me. "It’s... not." I shake my head. "He's been waitin' on me for months. I just wasn't ready. I can't expect him to... and I never asked him to either. I never told him I didn't want him seein' anyone else, never even brought it up. He didn't hurt me. It's... it's my fault," I murmur, defeated. Cam takes two giant steps until he's right in front of me and once again I'm struck by how inherently male he is. So handsome, so big and strong. And so damn good to me.
He reaches up to brush away my tears again, then holds up his damp thumb for me to see. "See these? These tears, from these innocent brown eyes? These are because of him." His fingers brush down my neck and land on my chest, over my sternum, safely above the humble swell of my breasts. "This here? This is the sweetest, most beautiful heart in the goddamn world. And it's hurting. And that's because of him, too. He is the luckiest bastard on fuckin' earth, havin' a chance with my best friend in the world. And instead of cherishing that, he's goin' out with you, and messin' around on the side with some slut who couldn't hold a candle to you, Ror."
I say nothing. I just stare up at Cam, mesmerized.
"I warned him, Ror. He fuckin' deserves it," he murmurs before turning to his bedroom door. It takes me a moment to realize he means to go after Robin.
"No, please, Cam!" I grab his arm, and he turns back to me. I step into him and wrap my arms tightly around his waist. My ear is pressed against his heart; it's beating so fast. Slowly, his breathing returns to normal and I know he's calming down. His arms envelop me. "I'm so tired. I don't want to think any more tonight. Do you think we could just go to bed?" I plead.
Cam considers me a moment before sighing. "Sure, Ror, but this ain't over. You go on and get into bed."
I obey immediately, exhausted. Cam opens his closet and reaches up to the top shelf to retrieve his sleeping bag. I scoot over to what was my side of the bed when we were kids and flip the covers open. "Cam?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you can handle sleepin' in the bed with me?" My voice is small. I know it's not a normal request, but I just really need him right now.
Cam stares at me, conflicted. "You need me to hold you?"
I nod and Cam sighs, dropping the sleeping bag and after he pulls off his jeans, he scoots in behind me under the covers. He slides one strong arm under my neck and slings the other over my waist like it's the most natural thing in the world. And the truth is, it feels like it is. I feel safe. I can feel Cam's warm breath on the back of my neck and I breathe in the sweet, clean, masculine scent that is only Cam, and it's beyond comforting. I cuddle back against him. He kisses my hair.
"Night, Ror," he whispers.
"Night, Cam. I love you."
I can both hear and feel his sharp intake of breath. "Me too, Ror."
****
I awaken still in Cam's arms, but we're facing each other instead of spooning. He's already awake and watching me. It should be awkward, but it's not, it’s... home.
"Mornin'," I croak, and Cam smiles wistfully.
"Mornin' Rory girl. You sleep good?" he asks. I nod. I really did.
The muffled sound of loud knocking echoes from the front door and we both jump. "Your mom forget her key or somethin'?" I ask. Cam's mom is a doctor and works at the hospital doing a lot of overnight shifts and his dad died when we were kids.
He shakes his head. "Nah, she's not due home 'til this afternoon."
The knocking sounds again, louder this time. Cam looks at me meaningfully before tucking my sleep mussed hair behind my ear. "Stay here."
He stands and jogs out of the room, still in the boxers and tee shirt he wore last night. I follow him to the landing, but hang back while he makes his way through the front hall. The door is hammered again and I jump and gasp. Cam shoves his hand through his hair and looks back at me up on the landing.
"Damn it, Ror! Get back in my room!"
I swallow anxiously, but shake my head. I'm not leaving him.
Bang bang!
"Stop that already! Who's there?" Cam shouts.
"Let me in, Foster! I need to talk to her!" Holy shit, it's Robin. He called and texted me a hundred times last night, but I just shut off my phone and haven't yet turned it back on.
"Go away, Forbes!" Cam calls back.
"I know she's in there! You have to let me talk to her!"
I was afraid he'd be angry after I ditched him last night, but there's no anger in his voice. He's upset, yes, but he sounds... desperate.
Cam glances back at me again before opening the door, stepping out onto his front porch, and closing it quickly behind him. I hurry downstairs but stay inside, watching through the window from behind the curtains.
"Calm the fuck down, Forbes. You need to go home. Now." Cam is standing with his back to the door, his arms folded over his chest in challenge.
Robin has backed away from
the door, but doesn't back down. "I ain't leavin' 'til she talks to me," Robin replies, then turns his gaze to the door. "Come on, sweetheart, talk to me! Why'd you run off on me?!"
Cam takes a step toward him. "You leave her alone! You fuckin' bastard! Don't you even dare address her!" Cam growls.
Robin blinks back at him, stunned for a moment. "She ain't yours, Foster. I know you want her, you've always wanted her. But she. Ain't. Yours," he says carefully. Cam takes another step forward and his arms unfold from his chest and fist at his sides.
"And yet it was my arms she slept in last night."
Robin's eyes widen and his nostrils flare, but just as he takes a step toward Cam, I rush outside between them before they can come to blows. God, I wish Cam hadn't said that. Robin will take it the wrong way. And Cam had to know that, in fact it's probably the reason he said it, but it's not going to get Robin to back off, it's just going to make him angry. And maybe that's what Cam wants. A fight.
"Stop it!" I shout at the both of them. Robin takes a step back, his gaze softening at my presence. Cam glares at me.
"Get back inside, Ror, I got this," he murmurs, but I shake my head.
"No, Cam, I got this," I reply, and turn to face Robin. Robin looks... hurt.
He nods toward Cam, but he's looking at me. "You sleep with him?" Robin asks. I shake my head because I think he's asking if I had sex with Cam.
"Not like that. Just sleep," I assure him.
"You don't owe him shit, Ror. Don't explain anything to that son of a bitch," Cam growls.
"You think it's okay to sleep with another man when you're my girl?" Robin asks quietly.
Now I get angry. Moisture pricks at my eyes and I hate that I can't just be mad without crying. I take a deep breath.
"You think it's okay to fuck other girls when I'm your girl?" My voice is shaky and I wish I was stronger. Cam stands completely still behind me and Robin is momentarily stunned. Maybe at my gall? Maybe because he's never heard me curse before.
Robin takes a step toward me and reaches up to take hold of my arm, but in a flash Cam is a wall between us.
"Don't you fuckin' touch her!" Cam snarls. Robin ignores him and starts pacing.
"Where'd you hear that?" he asks. What? Is he going to try and deny it?
"What does that matter?" I shout back at him. Cam remains a shield in front of me as Robin stops pacing and meets my gaze.
"It ain't true, sweetheart. But we never said we were..." he trails off and rakes his fingers through his hair. "Can I talk to you in private?" he asks, now glaring at Cam.
"No," Cam answers immediately.
"I ain't askin' you, Foster." Robin replies. "I'm askin' my girl."
"So now she's your girl? When you want to run around behind her back it's cool because you never said you wouldn't, but now she's your girl, is she?" Cam voices my exact thoughts.
Robin starts pacing again, but stops when his eyes find mine again. "Five minutes, Rory. Please. Let me explain. You owe me that much."
"She doesn't owe you shit," Cam answers for me.
"Please, sweetheart," Robin begs.
I put a hand on Cam's bicep from behind him and he turns to meet my eyes. He knows what I'm asking without my having to say a word. He shakes his head.
"Cam, please, I'll be okay. You'll be right inside," I offer.
Cam takes care to block my view of anything other than him. "You don't owe him anything. You hear me? You don't gotta talk to him if you don't want to."
"I do want to."
That throws him. I don't want to upset Cam, always my protector, but I want to hear Robin out. Even if we're just going to end it, I want to have the conversation one way or another and be done with it. Cam glares at me a moment, the frustration just radiating out of his every pore. With reluctant acceptance, he turns back to Robin.
"I will be right on the other side of that door." He points behind me to his front door. "If you so much as raise your voice to her, I swear to God, Forbes, I don't care if I get kicked off the team, I don't care if I end up in fuckin' jail, you got me?"
Robin doesn't respond. I know he's holding back, he's not one to let something like that just go. Cam turns back to me.
"Cam, really that wasn't-"
"It's the truth, Ror. You deserve better." He takes a deep breath and roughly runs his fingers through his still-sleep-mussed hair. "Stay on the porch, alright
I nod. Cam turns back to Robin to give him one more death glare before heading inside and closing the door lightly behind him.
Robin takes a step toward me, but I hold out my hand to stop him.
"Sweetheart-"
"Just don't, Rob," I murmur defeatedly. I cross my arms in front of me protectively. Robin's hazel eyes are almost green today, but they have dark circles under them, as if he hadn't slept. His blonde hair, usually perfectly in place, is unkept too. He's still so good looking, and I worry that if he says some pretty things to me I might lose my resolve.
My resolve for what, I wonder. I'm not even sure what I want right now.
"You gotta talk to me, darlin'. Let me explain-"
"What do you need to explain, Robin? That you can fuck whoever you want, but I can't sleep over with my best friend like I've been doin' my whole life?" I find my voice, still shaky, but able to make my point.
"I swear to God I haven't slept with anyone since I started seein' you."
Now that throws me. I hadn't expected him to outright deny it. He sees he's surprised me with his denial.
"You wanna sit down?" he asks, gesturing to the two front porch steps. I shake my head and hold my ground. Robin sighs. "Well I'm gonna sit, if you don't mind." I shrug and he sits sideways, one leg outstretched, his elbow bent on his opposite knee.
"I know you're lyin'," I hedge, but he shakes his head in denial.
"Look Rory, I've made mistakes. I won't lie to you, okay? I haven't been perfect, but I haven't fucked anyone since last summer, I swear it."
I blink down at him. What does that even mean?
"If Foster said otherwise, it's because he's jealous, sweetheart. I know you don't wanna see it, but he wants you."
I shake my head again. "You're wrong. You're so damn wrong, Robin, but the fact is, I didn't hear it from Cam. All he did was comfort his friend when she was upset. I heard it from you," I reply carefully. Robin is surprised by my words, it's all over his face.
"Look darlin', I realize I was drunk last night, but I know I didn't do anything as crazy as tell my girl I'm baggin' someone else, especially when it ain't even true," he drawls.
Does he think this is funny? I'm about to tell him what I overheard, but then I finally register something he's just said.
"What do you mean you've made mistakes?"
Robin rubs his face with his palms. "Please sit down?" I don't move. "Please?" I sigh and relent, sitting on the opposite side of the step he's on. "I've done other things. Not sex. Just... other things. We never talked about, you know, our expectations, you and me. I know that sounds like a cop-out. I hear the words comin' outta my mouth and they sounded so reasonable in my head." He mutters a curse to himself. "I didn't want to pressure you, sweetheart. And I want you so damn bad. I don't want anyone else. But I'm a man, and..."
"So you took care of things elsewhere," I finish for him.
"It's been four months, Rory. I figured when you're ready to... move things along..." He takes another deep breath. "You're the only one I wanna touch, sweetheart, the only one I want touchin' me. I only thought of you, even when I... Fuck, this sounds so bad." Robin rubs his temples with his thumb and middle finger.
"Yeah, it does," I whisper in agreement. Robin leans forward and stares intently at me.
"You tell me you want it to be just us, and it's done. You hear me? I won't even look at another girl," he swears, but I'm shaking my head.
"You knew better, Rob. I know I'm not what you're used to. I know I'm makin' you wait and I know you want more. But it just kills me that you
went around with other girls when we were..." I trail off. When we were what? Going on dates? Just kissing? He's right, we never talked about being exclusive, I've known this. And as much as the thought of it hurts, the thought of losing him hurts more. But did I ever even really have him? Robin grabs my hand unexpectedly.
"Don't say that, sweetheart. My heart can't take it. It hurts me so bad that you're hurtin'." His eyes are pleading, and I don't know what to say, what to do.
"How can you get angry with me for sleeping over at Cam's when you're seein' other girls? Even if I did hook up with him, which I didn't. It just doesn't make any sense, Robin," I whisper. At this point I think I might even be hoping he comes up with some unfathomable explanation that makes everything alright, but I just can't see how.
"Rory, you know I want more. You know I've been waitin' on you. If you suddenly decided you were ready to do more and you did it with someone else? Yeah, I'd have a problem with that," he replies, inching closer to me.
"Doesn't sound like you've been doin' much waitin'," I mutter under my breath.
"I have with you. You're a female, you can't understand. You're so damn hot, you get me all worked up, and then I can't do shit about it. I'm sorry I took care of it with someone else, but I swear I always knew I'd stop when you were ready to do more," he explains. I don't ask him why he couldn't have just taken care of himself... himself. I do understand what he means, but it still doesn't sound right. "I never lied to you, sweetheart. If you asked me to, you know, for it to be just you and me, I wouldn't have touched anyone else. I won't touch anyone else, darlin'. Just say the word."
"I haven't touched anyone else. I mean, I haven't kissed anyone else. Ever, in fact. I didn't need you to tell me you didn't want me to," I argue, but the fight in me is wavering. "I didn't know I had to articulate it. I've never dated anyone before, I don't know the rules." I stop before my words turn into sobs, the tears have returned and I hope that my will is enough to keep them from falling.
"I'm glad to hear that, sweetheart. And I couldn't have taken it if you had. I'm a hypocrite. I've known you were mine, and yet I wasn't yours in return. Not completely. I'm a bastard, I know it, but I'm a bastard who loves you, Rory. This is all new to me, too. I've dated 'a course, but there never were any rules, because I never cared. But I care with you, darlin', so damn much."
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