"Chelsea's a crazy bitch. She came at Rory, Rory kicked her ass," Sam explains with a proud smirk. I roll my eyes.
"Um, if I remember correctly, haven't you and Chelsea been friends since, like, birth?" Carl accuses Sam, who grimaces, and I feel instant guilt at putting him in a position to choose between two friends. And vaguely, I wonder why he didn't choose the one he'd known for more than two months.
"Yeah. We were."
Carl's brows draw together in an inquisitive look. I sigh.
"She followed me in here after gym and took pictures of me changing so I threw her phone in the toilet and... well like Sam said, she came at me..."
Carl is shocked. "Wait, wait... start from the beginning, why the hell would she take pictures of you changing? That's batshit crazy!"
"Yeah, no kidding. It was her whole 'I'm hiding something' thing from lunch. She... she saw my scar and photographed it."
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Carl screeches, outraged on my behalf. Sam doesn't leave, he just kind of hangs around looking between Carl and me, and I think he's surprised Carl knows about my scar at all. To be honest, I'm still surprised I showed it to her. She turns to address Sam. "And you saw all this, Cap?" she asks, skeptical, presumably as to why in the world he would be in the girls room in the first place.
Sam registers the accusation and holds up his hands as if in surrender. "No, no. I was walking toward the lot when people started shouting about a fight between Chel and Rory so I-"
"Came to the rescue, of course," Carl murmurs, not unkindly. Sam looks puzzled, of course he has no way of knowing about Carl's incessant observations about Sam's and my supposed mutual crushes. Though I've since realized my own isn't supposed so much as actual. Carl sighs. "Come on, Rory, I'll drive you home."
"I have my car," I reply, knowing I probably shouldn't drive right now.
"I'll get it home for you," Sam promises, and I meet his gaze.
"Thanks," I say meaningfully, and I know he knows I mean for more than dealing with my car.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
January, Last year
The past two weeks haven't been perfect, but they've had their good side. Ever since Robin and I worked things out he's been treating me like a priceless treasure. I've been spending a lot of time with him, some with the girls, and not enough with Cam. That bugs me, but I'm Robin's girlfriend and I know he should be my priority. And really, he is. And Cam is busy anyway, too. He's been spending more time with Missy, which pisses off Lacey, but it's better that way. If he and Lacey turned into something more I think it would be weird.
I still can't believe Robin loves me, but he does. He says it all the time, and shows it even more. He calls me his girlfriend now all the time too, and he always has an arm around me or some other possessive hold, even in school, where he used to be less public with his affection. It's like he wants everyone to know that I'm his. And he's mine.
The only thing is, I'm still no closer to being ready to have sex with him. Even with the love. And I still don't know why. He got real frustrated with me about it last weekend. We argued, but the thing is, I don't even really blame him. He put my hand on him, and I tried to pull it away, but he told me that if I wasn't going to sleep with him yet, and I didn't want anyone else touching him, then I needed to take care of him.
I protested, but he took out his erection anyway, and wouldn't let go of my hand. He made it like he was showing me what to do, but really he was doing it himself with my hand, and he wouldn't let go until he was finished. I was upset, but after he just kept telling me how much he loved me and how good I'd made him feel, and I realized it really wasn't that bad. I was making a big deal out of nothing. True, I hadn't wanted to do it, but he didn't hurt me, not really - just my hand a little.
It wasn't so awful. What happened on Monday was worse. We were making out in his car and he'd climbed over the console so he was on top of me. He's done this many times, and usually he just gets frustrated with me and stops it before it gets out of hand. His words. He says if he gets too worked up, he won't be able to stop it. That's how it works with guys, I guess. Cam never told me anything like that, and he's told me plenty, but I guess it was never my business with him. Cam wasn't my boyfriend.
But Monday was different. Robin held my wrists again. He hadn't done that since that first night after the lake party, but he did it again. The thing is, when he holds my hands like that, I can't push his other hand away when he's doing something I don't like. And when I try to tell him to stop, he's so busy kissing me, and so forcefully too, that he can't understand what I'm saying. He pushed his hand under my skirt, and when I squirmed to try and get him to stop, I guess he took it as a sign that I was liking it, because he pushed his fingers into my underwear and then pushed one inside me.
It hurt. It hurt a lot, and he wouldn't stop until I managed to get a hand free and smack him.
I hadn't meant to smack him, I just wanted him to hear me - that I wanted him to stop. And he did stop then, but he was so mad that I'd hit him that that's what our argument became about. Robin was so fired up that for a few moments, I really thought he might hit me back. He punched the dashboard instead.
Repeatedly.
It was kind of scary, but he soon calmed down. I promised I'd never hit him again.
But the rest of the week has been great. He's picked me up every morning and driven me to school, and we've hung out afterwards every day as well. Yesterday Robin signed his contract with UFL, to communal fanfare, and Marcus is throwing a party tonight to celebrate since his parents are in Miami for the weekend.
I leave my jeep at home and wait for Robin to pick me up. We drop my weekend bag off at his parent's house before heading to the party. Robin lets me drive. He's making a statement by having me pull up to the party driving his car. It's the same statement he's been making everywhere and to everyone he could for the past two weeks. That I'm something special to him, his girl, and it makes me feel special.
When Robin starts on his third beer I stop sipping my first. Looks like I'll be driving home as well. I don't mind really, I don't especially want to drink, but I prefer when Robin doesn't either. I don't want to nag him, so I say nothing. It's strange - when he has one or two beers, he's fine. Great even. He's fun, and flirty, affectionate, and sweet. But for some reason, I've noticed that once he has beer number four, he starts acting different. He's more possessive, and not in a good way. Unreasonably jealous, too.
I hope he stops drinking soon.
I see Cam over in the corner of the crowded living room sipping a beer and talking to some girl I don't recognize. She must be a freshman. I walk over to say hi and notice his hand is in her back pocket. I guess he and Missy are still just messing around if he's grabbing other girls' asses at parties.
"Rory girl!" he greets me, freeing his previously occupied hand. I kiss his cheek.
"Hey Cam. Didn't know you'd be here," I murmur. It's strange. He hasn't been at the last few parties, and I'd honestly thought it was because he was busy with Missy. But the weirdest part about the whole thing is that Cam and I don't just run into each other. We've always been in communication - known where the other was going to be, and usually, we'd go places together.
I guess everything is different now and the thought unnerves me. I know it's normal, but it doesn't feel right. In fact, it feels all wrong.
"Why would you?" Cam replies and I glare at him, surprised by the uncharacteristic dig. Cam sighs. "Sorry, Ror, I didn't mean that," he murmurs.
I offer him a faint smile because I know this is all hard on him, too. "You gonna introduce me to your friend?" I ask.
"This is Laura. Laura, this is my best friend, Rory," he says offering me his signature crooked grin.
"You're Rob Forbes's girlfriend, aren't you?" she asks excitedly. I nod as Cam rolls his eyes. "My daddy says he's gonna play in the NFL after college!"
I give her a cursory smile. "So is your date here," I reply, gesturing at Cam, who rolls his eye
s again. He could. If it was what he wanted, but I know Cam has no interest in playing pro ball.
"She ain't my date," Cam drawls through his bad-boy smile. "She's just gonna keep me company if I get a little lonely later, ain't that right Laura?"
Laura blushes and seems at at loss for words. I punch Cam in the arm. He knows better than to treat girls like that, even if they know the score.
I excuse myself to go find some friends and end up spending most of the evening with Lacey and Courtney. Emmers is off somewhere hooking up with Chip, and I'm told Stella went off with some seniors to smoke a joint out back. Robin intermittently makes his way over to steal a kiss before rejoining his boys. When it's time to leave, I'm standing in the front yard with Lacey and Robin, looking around for Cam to say goodbye. He comes up behind me.
"Lookin' for me, Rory girl?"
"Hey! How'd you know? We're just leavin', I just wanted to say 'bye." I say. Cam half smiles and pulls me in for a hug. He squeezes tight.
"You're drivin', right?" he asks. Clearly he's noticed Robin's alcohol consumption. But then, he's always noticing everything.
I nod.
"Goodnight, Rory girl," he murmurs, planting a quick kiss on my cheek before pulling away.
"Night, Cam. Love you," I reply.
"Love you, too, Ror. Night Lacey. Forbes," he mutters coolly before walking off.
Robin narrows his eyes at him, but I ignore it and climb into the driver's seat. On the drive home Lacey complains about Cam's new friend Laura while I pretend to listen. Robin is uncharacteristically quiet and I think maybe he's had too much to drink and he just needs to get to bed and pass out.
I glance over at him, and he's just looking out the window pensively. He doesn't look like he's about to pass out, which is good, because Lacey and I would have some time of it trying to get him up to his room if he did.
Robin goes right to his bedroom when we get to the house. Lacey goes to hers and, confused by Robin's mood, I just head upstairs. Robin usually kisses me goodnight. Especially when I stay over. Even if he ends up coming upstairs to kiss me again later, he still kisses me goodnight before I get ready for bed.
I'm exhausted when I crawl into bed. I'm wearing only an overlong Red Hot Chili Peppers concert tee that falls off my shoulder since, it turns out, I forgot to pack the shorts I usually sleep in. I consider going to ask Robin to borrow a pair of boxers, but think better of it.
I close my eyes, but sleep doesn't come. I'm thinking about things too much. Robin loves me. I heard him say I'm the kind of girl he'd marry, but does that mean he wants to marry me someday? Or just a girl like me? I know I'm too young to be thinking about this, but it's Robin's own words that put these thoughts in my head. It gives me pleasure to think he would take our relationship so seriously, but then, it also frightens me. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure I would want to marry Robin, and I'm grateful it's not a decision I'll have to make any time in the near future.
These are all things that I've worried over for weeks, but tonight a new thought concerns me. The moment I saw Cam with that girl, Laura, I had the strangest feeling. Jealousy. I don't know where it came from, and I shoved it away the moment I recognized it, and yet... when he brushed her off after I'd called her his date... I also felt relief. Even if I'd admonished him over it. Surely it's just a result of missing my best friend, but still, it unsettles me.
My door swings open and hits the opposite wall loudly. I sit up in bed. I'm used to Robin creeping up here when I stay over, but he's usually more quiet about it. Anyway, no one can hear us up on the third floor.
"Robin?" I whisper.
He stalks over and sits on the edge of the bed, facing the door. He's not looking at me. In fact, he hasn't looked at me since we left the party.
"Is everything okay?" I ask.
"I love you, Rory," he says.
"I know, I-"
"Only you."
"I, uh, know..." I have no idea where he's going with this.
"You hear me tellin' other girls that I love 'em?" he asks, finally turning to meet my gaze. I crawl over to him and sit back on my heels.
"Of course not, Robin, what-"
He interrupts me again. "You think I should have to listen to you tellin' Foster you fuckin' love him?" His voice is too low, too soft. That's what this is about? That I said "love you" to Cam?
"It's different, Robin, he's my best friend," I explain.
"Yeah? And Marcus and Billy are my best friends, but I don't go around tellin' them I love 'em all the damn time," he replies. I bring my hand to his cheek and he grabs it and holds it there, turning into my touch.
"I love you, Robin. I love Cam, too, but it's different. It's like... you can tell Lacey you love her, can't you?" I say, trying to make him see sense.
Robin moves. I'm flung onto my back and he's hovering over me, holding my hands on either side of my head with our fingers laced. He kisses me, and it's a passionate, possessive kiss. I kiss him back. He's jealous. He's jealous a lot, and it should bother me, but the thought that he's insecure, about me... there's something sweet about it. He really cares about me, he loves me.
Robin's lips trail kisses across my jaw.
"I" kiss "don't wanna fuck" kiss "my sister," he mutters, now kissing down my neck.
I giggle. "I sure hope not!" I tease. Robin playfully nips at my collar bone in response and I giggle again. He pauses and looks meaningfully down at me.
"He wants you, sweetheart," he whispers.
I shake my head. It's an old argument and neither of us ever concedes, but he just doesn't get that Cam and I can love each other and not want each other.
"He does. But he can't have you. Because you're fuckin' mine," Robin exclaims, and resumes kissing me.
He kisses me roughly, licking and sucking. His hand makes its way over my shirt to my breast. I don't bother pushing it away. I'd rather just kiss, but this seems the least of any evils. When it starts sliding its way down, I grab it. I know he wants to touch me under my shirt, but I'm not wearing a bra or shorts. He wrests his hand out of my grip and starts fondling my chest again. His lips make their way down my neck and across my exposed shoulder. When he starts moving down to push under my shirt again, I take his hand again.
Robin growls and grabs both of my wrists with one hand.
"Rob-" I say, but his mouth is fervently back on mine, his tongue frantic in my mouth. My hands are pinned above my head and his full body weight is on me, grinding against me. "Robin," I plead, but my plea is swallowed by his groan.
His free hand roughly shoves my tee shirt all the way up so I am bare from my chest down except for my panties. I'm starting to panic.
"Stop! Please!" I cry, but I'm completely muffled, my body completely enveloped in his.
My eyes are filled with tears now, but Robin doesn't notice. He shoves his free hand into my panties and starts rubbing. I try to cry out for mercy again, but it's just the wordless sound of my panicked voice. He groans again as he pushes one finger inside of me and I scream, but again, most of its punch dies in his mouth. I can't catch my breath, and Robin's practically panting.
I bite him.
"My girl likes it rough," he growls, and he kisses me even harder and releases my wrists but suddenly starts moving so fast and rough that my arms aren't free anyway and I can do nothing but cry and try to buck him off of me.
Robin start to tug down my panties, but I'm squirming from side to side and with a frustrated growl, he tears through the thin cotton and tosses them aside.
His movements are aggressive and beyond forceful and I can barely register them through my sobs. He yanks my legs apart and I realize he's shoved his flannel pajama bottoms down when I feel his erection probing me where his finger had just been.
"Please stop!" I sob pathetically, but Robin is beyond excited, and it's like he can't even hear me. Like he's in his own world.
I'm terrified. I know what's about to happen and I've no idea how to stop it.
; He starts to push inside me, but doesn't go anywhere.
"So tight," he grunts.
"No, Robin, please!" I sob again.
He keeps going. With another growl, he increases his pressure and thrusts all the way into me. There's a sharp stinging sensation and I scream as he groans through my unimaginable pain. Robin stills for a moment before he starts thrusting hard, in and out of me, in a burning rhythm.
"So fuckin' tight. So hot. My girl is so fuckin' hot, so tight." His voice rumbles amorously, his hot breath drowning my face, my mouth. He continues this mantra about how tight and hot I am, pausing only to grunt and moan.
I am completely frozen.
I don't know why, but I've just totally stopped fighting.
I try not to think about the searing burn between my legs. I just want it to be over.
Robin has invaded every part of my body, he's just everywhere, in complete control of me. But he can't control my mind.
I think about how Robin was upset that Cam and I say "I love you" to each other. I think how different that love is from what Robin offers me.
I think about when Cam and I were eight years old. His father had passed away suddenly just a few months earlier - when we were both still seven, and I'd spent every waking moment with him since it happened. I'd been sleeping over in his bed with him for months when I finally convinced him to go out to the Memorial Day street fair. We'd walked through the park that starts at the end of our block and Cam was finally having a good day. He was smiling, laughing. We'd just gotten ice cream when a wasp started buzzing around me. I was never afraid of them, being a tomboy and all, I'd subscribed to the notion that it wouldn't bother me if I didn't bother it. But I was holding an ice cream cone, and the wasp had its own agenda.
I got stung. It was the first time I'd ever been stung. It hurt so damn much, but I gritted my teeth and choked back my tears. I was desperate for Cam not to realize what'd happened. I didn't want to ruin the first day he'd seemed to be having any kind of fun since his dad died. It was an hour before Cam started questioning how quiet I was being, how unlike myself. Eventually he noticed one rogue tear fall when I'd thought he wasn't looking, and demanded I tell him what was wrong.
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