SinSatiable

by Shelia E. Bell

  As if someone suddenly poked her with a pin, she jumped up from his sofa and focused on what she’d been doing instead of daydreaming. It wasn’t like Jackson had proposed. He hadn’t come close to talking about marriage. Things were going too good and she wasn’t about to blow it with her thoughts of anything as serious as marriage.

  Thank God Chandler had miraculously stopped stalking her. The last time she’d seen or heard from him was that night in the parking garage at her dance studio. She hadn’t received any more hang up calls nor had anyone called at the dance studio. For once, everything seemed to be going her way. God had smiled on her. For the first time in a long while, she allowed herself to accept what He had already done in her life. She had made peace within and had forgiven herself.

  She strolled over to the bay window and sat down, folding her legs up on the window seat. Jackson had gone to visit some of the sick and elderly members who were unable to attend church. There were times she’d go along with him, but today she chose to hang around at his condo until it was time to go to a dance competition she had scheduled for later that afternoon.

  Jackson’s apartment was like a sanctuary to her. It provoked an inexplicable sense of peace, calmness and security. Whether he was there or whether she was alone, her spirit felt at home. She loved this feeling and though she hadn’t told Jackson, within her heart she knew that she loved him too.

  ♦

  Jackson had a long day. He had visited several church members at Baptist East Hospital, Methodist University and Methodist South Hospitals. In addition to the hospital visits, he made a couple of stops at nursing homes as well as homebound members. After he finished, he stopped off at the church then rushed home to the love of his life. He had promised Aisha he would go to the dance competition with her. His emotions were hard to contain whenever he saw her dancing. Dancing was her calling, a God-given talent that continued to flourish and blossom in her life and the lives of the kids she taught. He’d suggested that she start a dance class at church. She told him that she would give it some serious thought. Driving along the BMP expressway, he realized that Aisha was the woman for him. He loved her with all of his heart and it was time to let her know. He already knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But the timing had to be right. He wasn’t going to ask her to be his wife until he was sure about her feelings for him. Their level of intimacy was another obstacle in his way. If he didn’t make a serious move soon, his desire for her would be even harder to suppress. He flipped the radio from 95.7 to 103.5 solid gold just in time to hear Stevie Wonder singing one of his favorites, “everyone has got a certain weakness in life, your love just happens to be mine…” He smiled and sang along with the song.

  Jackson pulled the car up in his parking space and rushed to his condo. Knowing Aisha was inside waiting on him made his heart flutter. It felt perfect for her to be at his place. The more time he spent with her, the more time he wanted to spend with her.

  He turned the lock and went inside. The apartment was relatively quiet except for the sound of some reggae music playing on the stereo. He walked further into the apartment. “Boo,” Aisha yelled and pounced from behind the hallway door onto Jackson’s back. He grabbed her by the waist and brought her around to face him. Without saying a word, he kissed her with fervor and passion. She responded by caressing his face and shoulders with her delicate hands. His lips traveled to her ear lobes and he gingerly kissed them before moving to her cheeks, her forehead and her eyelids. The sounds of pleasure emanated from each of them as their desire rose to a feverish pitch. He became consumed by the taste of her lips and the feel of her soft mounds that pressed against his taut chest. Moans escaped and pushed their way up and out of her mouth. “Jackson,” she whispered before he pulled away from her. Each time he held her in his arms, pulling away from her became more difficult.

  “Come on, Aisha. We can’t do this. Not until. Not until it’s right.”

  She slowly shook her head in agreement and stepped aside. She exhaled before changing the subject, “How did visitation go?” she asked with her face still flushed.

  He forced himself to answer, though his body was still begging for something else.

  “Everything went well. I managed to visit fifteen of our members. I know that may not seem like a lot, especially when we have a church roll of what? Six to eight thousand? That means every week we have a growing list of sick and shut in members reported to the church office. Think of the ones we don’t know about. But hey, thank God for the different ministries we have that address the needs of our sick and elderly. They do an excellent job too, which makes the jobs of the pastor and the ministers somewhat easier. There’s no way our ministry staff, even though we have a huge group, can cover all of the members who are sick or unable to get to church.” Talking about church relaxed him and soon his flesh quieted down. Jackson could count on his love of God and the church to help him regain his focus whenever his flesh tried to dictate to him.

  Like Jackson, Aisha as much as she wanted him, accepted that there could be nothing sexual between them unless they said those three words I love you, followed by those two words –I Do.

  ♦

  The dance competition was the third one this month for Aisha and her A Carlisle Studio. The girls looked forward to it and so did Aisha. They were competing against several other top dance groups from the tri-state areas.

  Aisha waved both hands in the air when she spotted her mother, Tameria and Chase, Angie and her husband sitting in the bleachers. It was simply unbelievable that Jackson had convinced her mother to come to the dance competition. Attending any of her competitions, even when she was a teenager was almost unheard of when it came to her mother. It was always her father who supported her dream and love of dance. But Jackson’s effect on Sandra was remarkable. For Aisha it was another prayer God had answered in her life.

  Tameria and Chase sat up in the bleachers talking to Jackson and the rest of the group. Tameria was glad that she and Chase’s schedules had made it possible for them to attend the competition. It was a huge event for Aisha and Tameria wanted to be there to show her support. If A-Carlisle won, they would move on to the national competition. It would be a dream come true for Aisha.

  Angie and her husband laughed and talked until the band marched out across the gymnasium floor. Sandra Carlisle stuck under Jackson like glue. She linked her arm inside of his and continued her praise of him to the others. Her dramatic performance whenever he was in her company was something that Jackson had become accustomed to. And welcomed.

  The competition went on for almost three hours. At the end, A-Carlisle Studio of Dance and Choreography went home with the first place trophy in lyrical dance and second place in the hip-hop category. Aisha screamed and jumped up and down when they announced their first and second place wins. Afterwards, she pushed through the crowd to find Jackson. When she reached him, his embrace sealed the exhilarating triumph of the night.

  Chandler stood undetected on the other side of the gym, He watched the couple who obviously were in love. Why couldn’t that be him? He had to do something that would make her understand how much he loved her. He’d been silent far too long. It was time to make his move. Threatening her and acting like a stalker had been the wrong thing to do. He didn’t know why he had acted like such a dimwit. Maybe it was because he had been hurt to find out about her job at The Lynx. But that was over and he was convinced that she had been telling the truth about not knowing what was going on there. She wasn’t anything like the other females he’d dated. He had confessed to his partner, Jay what he’d done to her. Jay called him a lunatic and a stalker. As bad as Chandler hated to admit it, Jay was right. If he was going to have any chance with her, he had his work cut out for him. Jackson Williams had stepped up his game and Chandler had become Aisha’s least concern. He turned and walked out of the gym.

  ♦

  Aisha was still on a natural high from the dance studio’s win. She entered her
empty apartment. The lights flicked on as she walked through it. She twirled around with joy. After a warm bubble bath, she curled up in her bed and pulled out her bible. Turning to one of her favorite passages, Psalm 30 she read the words that brought her to tears. I give you all the credit, GOD; you got me out of that mess, you didn't let my foes gloat. GOD, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. GOD, you pulled me out of the grave, gave me another chance at life when I was down and out.

  Her home telephone rang and disrupted her quiet time. She looked at her caller ID. Private name, private number flashed across the caller ID screen. Must be some telemarketer or something. She hesitated before answering.

  “Hello.”

  “Aisha. Please don’t hang up.” Chandler’s voice sounded almost child like and innocent.

  She recognized the voice instantly. “Chandler, I thought you were out of my life and moved on to torment some other woman.” She mocked in anger. Everything had been going well. Today had been totally one of the best days of her life. Now Chandler had to pop up and ruin what was left of a perfect day.

  “Okay, I deserved that. But if you’d just wait and listen to me. I don’t want to start any trouble with you. I promise if you’ll see me tonight, I won’t bother you again. But I need to talk to you Aisha.”

  “Sounds like a personal problem to me.” she rebuffed. “Whatever it is you have to say, you’d better say it in the next thirty seconds or I’m hanging up this phone.”

  “I need to see you face to face,” he insisted.

  “Why? So you can set me up for the kill. I don’t think so.” She slammed down the phone. The nerve of that man. Why won’t he leave me alone? She paced back and forth for several seconds before she glanced down at the phone. Dialing Jackson’s number, she listened as the phone rang. When he answered, she immediately relaxed. They talked for almost two hours. By the time she hung up, she had forgotten all about Chandler’s pathetic pleas.

  ♦

  The next morning she met Jackson for breakfast. She didn’t tell him about her call from Chandler. She’d decided to leave well enough along. The two of them enjoyed what was becoming a weekly ritual. At least twice a week they’d meet up for breakfast at The Kettle before he went to the church office and before she went to the studio. The relationship she had with him was what she’d envisioned in her dreams The time they spent together was always fun. He was easy going and his Christian convictions were real. There was no pressure to engage in sexual intimacy. That alone made Aisha comfortable around him. They could sit at each other’s apartments for hours, listening to music, watching movies or television or doing nothing and the both of them would be content.

  Aisha walked into the studio and just as she turned the knob to walk inside, she was met by a man with the most beautiful bouquet of mixed flowers she’d ever seen. There were roses, carnations and lilies in the oversized arrangement.

  “Are you coming here?” she asked him.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Follow me then.” Aisha proceeded to walk inside the studio. “Good morning, Kaye.”

  “Good morning, Aisha. Wow, who are those for?” she asked when she saw the flowers.

  “Angie.” Aisha answered. She turned and looked at the delivery man. “Oh, I’m sorry. I know that vase of flowers must be heavy. You can sit them right over there on that round table.” Angie’s husband is something else,” Aisha said to Kaye. He’s always so thoughtful when it comes to his wife. “Has she made it in yet Kaye?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Ma’am, I need one of you to sign here please?” The delivery man passed the paper to her. Aisha noticed her name on the yellow slip.

  “Wait. I thought you said these were for Angie Walker.”

  “No, ma’am. I didn’t say who they were for. But uh, let’s see. Okay, they’re for,” He turned the slip of paper around so he could read it. “Miss Aisha Carlisle. Is she here?”

  Kaye jumped from behind the receptionist’ counter so she wouldn’t miss a word of the conversation between Aisha and the delivery guy.

  “I’m Aisha Carlisle.”

  “Good, then have a great day. Enjoy your flowers too,” he said before turning to leave.

  “Who are they from?” Kaye inquired.

  “I don’t know.” Aisha hurried over to the bouquet and pulled out the card tucked on the side. “Won’t you giv’a brother another chance. Everyone deserves to be forgiven, including me. Chandler.”

  “Who is it?” Kaye continued to urge her for an answer.

  “No one. I mean the card doesn’t say.” Aisha lied. She refused to air her dirty laundry with Kaye. She placed the card in the pocket of her sweat pants and turned and walked to her office. She noticed that the light on her audix was on. She dialed into it to listen to her morning messages.

  “Aisha, I hope you’ll accept my peace offering. I know flowers can’t begin to convey how sorry I am for being so foolish. But people can change. I should know because I’m one of them. I know I’ve frightened you. I’ve said some horrible things about you. But please, let me talk to you. I want to ask for your forgiveness in person. Call me and tell me that you’ll see me.”

  Aisha listened to his pleading. He sounded like the Chandler she’d first met. The one who had been sensitive, kind and attentive. Maybe I should consider his request. She paused before pushing the button to move on to the next message. The last message was from her mother telling her that she might go to Dallas to visit one of her friends who’d recently retired and relocated there. “Call me back Aisha. I’m thinking about flying out of here Wednesday.” Aisha returned her mother’s call. She assured her that she thought it was a good idea for her to visit Charlene. ”Mom, you and Charlene have been friends for years. So I say, go. Have a good time.” Sandra agreed and told Aisha she would call her back to let her know when she would be leaving.

  Aisha sat behind her desk and leaned back in the chair. Reminiscing about her and Jackson made her giddy inside. She soon came from behind the desk and went into one of the practice rooms. For the next two hours she worked on a series of new dance moves that she’d planned to teach her students. The national competition was four weeks away and their routines had to be the best ever. It was almost noon by the time she walked out of the room.

  “Hey, those new routines looked great,” Angie remarked when she saw Aisha coming down the hall in a sweat.

  “Thanks, girl. I’ve got to keep working on ‘em until they’re perfect. I’m not planning to come home from the nationals without a trophy..”

  “With what I saw when I peeped in on you, the girls will be hard to beat if you can teach them to do what you were doing in there.”

  “If I can teach them? Now you know me better than that. If is not in my vocabulary when it comes to dancing. They will learn this routine plus two more. Before long, we’re going to be the national champions.” Aisha used the towel around her neck to wipe the sweat from the side of her face.

  “I saw the flowers. Kaye told me they were for you but that you didn’t know who they were from.” Aisha motioned for Angie to join her in the break area. She opened the fridge and pulled out a cold blue Powerade before sitting on the bench in the room. When she finished telling Angie about Chandler and his sudden change of heart, Angie appeared just as dumbfounded as Aisha. She didn’t trust Chandler Larson as far as she could throw him. But listening to what Aisha said about him, she almost felt a tinge of pity for the guy. Still she told Aisha to keep a clear head when it came to Chandler and not to let him force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. Angie reminded her friend that the relationship between her and Jackson was going too well to allow someone like Chandler to come in and mess it up. Aisha agreed to some point. But on the other hand, if Chandler was serious, then it was her Christian duty to accept his apology by forgiving him. Even the bible says that we should forgive seventy times seventy she reminded herself. She hadn’t forgiven Chandler one time yet. She so wanted to believe that
he had recognized the vast error of his ways. If he was willing to ask for her forgiveness, she had to at least afford him that chance.

  Kaye’s voice blasted over the income. “Aisha. Line two. Aisha. Line two please.”

  Aisha pushed the button on the phone in the break room. Angie gestured that she was leaving the break room and then disappeared.

  “Hello, this is Aisha.”

  “Hi, beautiful.”

  “Hi, Jackson. How’s your day going?”

  “It’s been busy. I can say that much. But hearing your voice makes me feel better already. How’s that new routine you’ve come up with coming along?” he asked. She’d told him over breakfast about the new choreography she’d planned to teach the girls for the nationals.

  “I’ve been practicing my butt off all morning. I feel pretty certain that once I perfect all the moves, we’ll have a winning routine.” Her confidence was obvious with every word she spoke. “I’ll probably be here late this evening. Once the girls come in and leave, I’m going to stick around for a while. So it’s unlikely that I’ll see you tonight.”

  “I understand. But I don’t like it.”

  Aisha could hear the smile in his voice. Having someone who understood her was such a wonderful gift.

  “You’re too good to me. You know that,” she said.

  “Yeah, I do.” He laughed. “I’ll call you later.”

  “Okay.”

  “Line three, Aisha. Aisha. Line three.” Kaye said the minute she’d hung up from talking to Jackson.

  It must be Jackson calling back. He must’ve forgotten to tell me something. “Hello, Aisha speaking.”

  “Aisha, hi. It’s Chandler.”