by Young, M. L.
“I’ll have…the baguette,” I said, after a second of thinking.
“Okay, and for you?” she asked, as she looked over at Blake.
“I’ll have the Grunge, with some chips. Also two fountain drinks, please,” Blake said, as he took out his wallet.
He paid after she repeated our order and gave us our drinks. We walked over to the drink station, which featured flavored teas and waters, as well as several sodas. I picked a diet soda, which was usually what I got when I drank soda, even though I knew it wasn’t the best for me. I was on vacation for a little while longer, though, so I guess I could treat myself.
We sat down at a table with our number displayed on the edge. I took a sip of my drink, which I splashed with a lime, and we played footsie with one another a little.
“So, did you enjoy the trip?” he asked.
“It’s not over,” I said.
“Well, you know what I mean,” he said.
“Yeah, I loved it. The dinner last night was amazing,” I said, with a smile.
“I knew you’d like it. I hated keeping it from you because I was so excited to tell you, but your face was worth the anguish of waiting,” he said.
“I hate that we have to go. I like being out on a trip, alone, with you,” I said.
“We could come back someday,” he said.
“That’d be nice, but I also want to try that whole tropical thing you talked about,” I said.
“How about we do that next and then come back here,” he said, with a smile.
“Sounds like a date,” I replied.
“Here you two go. Is there anything else I can get for you?” a woman asked, as she brought our food to our table.
“No, I believe that’s it,” Blake said.
“Awesome. Enjoy!” she said, before walking away.
“Yours is insane,” I said, as I looked at his sandwich.
It was turkey, ham, bacon, a mound of melted cheese, some sauces, onions, lettuce, and mushrooms that were all slopped together and oozing. I guess the name the Grunge was a perfect name for something like this. Even though it seemed incredibly fattening, I still thought it looked good. How he was going to keep his abs after eating that, though, was beyond me.
My sandwich, which was nice and light, filled me up just the right amount. The baguette, which I smothered in locally-sourced whipped butter, had the right amount of snap and toughness. Blake downed all of his, which didn’t really surprise me, before pushing his plate forward, covering his mouth, and burping a little off to the side.
“That’s all you got? Pussy,” I said.
“What?” he asked.
“That burp. Children do better than that,” I said.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Yup,” I replied.
He looked at me, his chin going down a little, before he belted out a belch that shook the table and caused everyone around to look at him. Looking a little embarrassed, he put his hand up, as if he were saying sorry. I smiled. I loved that he broke out of the macho shell he usually tried to give off.
“Better,” I said.
“Best,” he replied.
I smiled before taking a sip of my diet soda and looking out the window as some clouds were starting to roll in overhead. Blake received a phone call from the pilots, saying we had to push forward our flight time and they were wondering if we could be there in an hour or less. I said that was fine, as I didn’t want to be stranded here, and we quickly walked back to the hotel and got our things together.
It was a little disappointing not having more time with him in the city, but with a massive storm on its way, I didn’t want to be stuck here, and I knew he didn’t either. We had work and school, and I didn’t pack any more clothes besides the ones from yesterday and the ones I had on now. Being trapped wouldn’t have been very fun.
As we got to the airport, the pilots insisted we quickly get on so we could taxi and take off. We did so, and ran up the stairs before getting in our seats and asking for some water from the flight attendant, the same one from before. She brought them to us, and the pilots came back inside. The jet doors closed and the pilots got in the cockpit.
I almost felt as if we were in some movie where a massive super-storm was coming in and was going to suck us away if we didn’t get in the air right now. I guess I’d seen too many of those movies. The runway better not crack open as we were about to take off. I didn’t need to be sucked into some hole in the middle of the Earth.
My heart began to beat a little faster as the plane started to move onto the runway. Another plane, which was in front of us, took off as we waited for them to get far enough away before we could get out there. I gripped the armrests like last time as Blake tried to comfort me and keep me calm.
I took a sip of water before setting it in the holder, as I could hear the engines starting to really turn on. This was it. Keep it together, Penny. You can do this.
The plane hit full speed and started to thunder down the runway. I could feel my teeth chattering as I kept my eyes clenched closed. We lifted off, the roaring of the landing gear against the runway quickly disappearing, as I kept my eyes closed and swore not to open them.
“It’s okay. We’re up,” Blake said a few minutes later, as he put his hand on my knee.
I opened my eyes and saw little black specks from keeping them closed so hard. As I blinked a few times they started to go away, and I looked out the window and down at the world below. I had to admit that it was beautiful, even if it was absolutely frightening. To think that we, as humans, were soaring above the clouds made me realize how insignificant I really was in the grand scheme of it all.
After two hours and a short nap later, we landed in San Francisco, right back where it all began yesterday morning. I told Blake I had some homework I had to do when he asked me to come over and stay the night, and he understood and asked if I would stay over tomorrow night. He said he had some things to talk to me about, and I thought I knew what he wanted. I wasn’t sure why he waited until after our romantic trip, but I knew it was going to happen soon. I just hoped I was ready for what might be coming next.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Blake
I hated waking up without Penny in my arms. It was almost unbearable and something that I should never have had to go through again. My life felt so empty without her directly in it, and I wanted that to change. That was why I asked her over last night, though she couldn’t come. After our trip together, I wanted to make things official. I wanted to look her in the eyes, muster up some courage, and ask her for the thing that would make me, and hopefully her, happiest of all. I wanted her to be my girlfriend.
I’d never been so sure of something in my life. Before her, I fucked women senseless before letting them go and getting on with my life. I never thought of settling down, at least not anytime soon, but life threw a major curveball at me the day she showed up in my offices. It was like I knew then and there something was special about her, even if I didn’t know a relationship would be that thing. I acted all macho and cunning when we first went out, but over time that faded and I was left being the type of person she made me be. I was a better person, and one who valued having a partner there to do anything and everything with, no matter how big or small.
I couldn’t wait until she came over later tonight and once again was pressed into my arms. She’d fall asleep, though I’d do nothing about it. I couldn’t wait until she came and kissed me softly as she tugged at the top of my shirt to pull me in just a little harder. I couldn’t wait until I had it all, and I couldn’t wait until I had her.
I texted her sweet things to wake up to, as I knew she’d never be caught dead up this early in the morning. While I got dressed I thought about how I’d go about this later tonight. How would I ask her? I knew it wasn’t a marriage proposal or anything crazy, but I still wanted it to be nice and special. I didn’t want to just come out with it and ask her like some teenage boy who had no idea how to speak to a woman. I wa
nted her to swoon and feel butterflies, just like I’d feel my own stomach tickle a little bit.
The only way I knew how, at least in the apartment, was during a dinner—a romantic one. I’d get candles, dim the lights, get some roses, and the best takeout I could find. We’d crack open a bottle of wine, eat, and have a wonderful conversation before I segued into the question that might set off the rest of my life—our lives—together.
I checked my phone as I got my things together to leave. She hadn’t replied yet, which I expected, though I’d hoped I’d be wrong. I put on my suit jacket, grabbed my wallet, keys, and phone, and headed out the door and down the elevator to my waiting car.
“Good morning, sir. I take it your trip went flawlessly?” Gustav asked.
“It did, Gustav. The meetings were taken care of and we’re on track now,” I said.
“And how about your time with Penny, sir?” Gustav asked.
“It couldn’t have been better. She’s a great girl,” I said, as I got into the car.
As we pulled close to the building and sat at the stoplight, a notification from Penny came up on my phone. I opened it, seeing a smiley face, as she said good morning back and that she was excited to see me tonight. There was nothing better than starting my day off right with words like those from the only woman who mattered to me.
Even though tonight was going to be a bit nerve-wracking, I knew things were only going to get better from here. I was finally going to have her officially, and I couldn’t have been more excited.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Penelope
I felt anxious for the majority of the day. What was I going to do? I obviously knew what Blake wanted to ask me and talk to me about, I wasn’t stupid, but how should I go about getting across what I had to say? Should I come out with it right away? Should I stop him right before he talked and come clean? What I did wasn’t that bad, was it? I didn’t even think it was, but I didn’t feel right not being honest with him before entering something as serious as a committed, monogamous relationship.
I knew I couldn’t tell him over text right now to get it over with. It wouldn’t be right. I had to look into his eyes and say that at first, after we started talking again, I used him for material things and sex. He’d bought me groceries a few times, I used Gustav, I went on a trip with him, I fucked him a couple times, and so much more. I wasn’t doing it to be malicious, at least not in my eyes, but rather to just really drill into his head what it felt like for me to be used. What I’d done wasn’t even as bad as what he’d done, either, or at least I thought so. I hoped I wasn’t just trying to justify it in my head so I could believe what I was telling him. Hell, maybe he’d believe it.
When I got home later that night, I had the entire apartment to myself. I took a long shower, as some of my best thinking came when I was in there, and got myself ready as I put on more makeup than usual and made sure to do my hair. He couldn’t say no to this face. At least, I hoped so.
“So, tonight’s the night, huh?” Nicolette asked, as I came out of the bathroom completely ready.
“Yeah, tonight’s the night. I’m finally coming clean,” I said.
“You don’t have to do that, you know. You could just, I don’t know, keep it a secret and not ruin a great thing,” she said.
“I have to be honest with him,” I said.
“What if honesty makes you lose him? You barely even did anything and besides, you don’t want to ruin what could be the greatest relationship of your life over something as stupid as this. Think about it,” she said, before going into her room.
I’d thought about it a million times, and every single time I came up with the same answer. I couldn’t justify lying to him, and I definitely didn’t want to keep anything from him. I wanted him to know before he asked me to be his girlfriend so I wouldn’t feel like anything was hanging over my head. I wanted him to know the truth before he did something I knew was very hard for him to do.
Gustav was waiting outside my apartment as I came downstairs in the nice black dress Blake liked so much. I still had my clothes over there just in case he forgave me and wanted me to stay, but I wasn’t holding my breath. I knew it could be a long shot.
I got in the car and Gustav drove off, as I must’ve looked a little anxious and flustered in the back seat. I tapped my fingers on the armrest, feeling nauseous.
“Everything okay?” he asked, as he looked at me in the rearview mirror.
“Yeah, just a little nervous,” I said.
“Everything will go okay, Penny. I know it,” he said.
I didn’t know if he knew about the upcoming question, so I just smiled and nodded politely before going back to my own worry and fear. Every block we passed on the way to Blake’s apartment made the realization of what was coming more and more clear. Here I was, a proverbial pig going to the slaughter, and I could’ve, and still could, prevent it. Why was I such a glutton for punishment? Why did I have to be so good? Why couldn’t I just be like Nicolette and say screw it? Fuck my moral compass.
We pulled into Blake’s garage and Gustav parked before coming around and opening my door. He said to have a good night and I politely returned the well wishes, as I couldn’t even be conscious enough to ask about his family. I was too self-absorbed to worry about anyone else.
Blake buzzed me up and I got into the elevator before taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and pressing the “close” button on the doors. Up I went, looking at the floor icon above the door, before it stopped at his floor. The doors opened, and Blake and an amazing sight awaited me.
The apartment was dimly lit and I saw candles flickering in the distance, standing tall around the table. Rose petals were scattered about, forming a long, narrow path towards the table, where I could see dishes and wine on ice. Blake came towards me, kissing me softly, as he hugged me and gave me chills. He did all this for me? Did he think this was a marriage proposal? No, I couldn’t think like that. This was the nicest thing any guy had ever done for me, and it meant the world that he’d go through this much trouble. I would’ve been just as happy on the pier with a corn dog and a few grunts asking me to be his girlfriend.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, and I just saw you yesterday,” he said, putting his arm around me as we walked towards the table.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I think about you a lot when we’re not together,” I said.
My compliments had two motivations. I did think about him a lot when we were apart, and I would never lie to him through the compliments I gave him, but I was also trying to sweeten him up. Maybe it would lessen the blow and keep me safer.
“I had dinner prepared. Are you hungry?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m starved,” I said.
I decided to wait until I thought the time was right before telling him anything. Maybe filling his stomach and getting a little booze in him would be the right way to go. Then he likely wouldn’t be as mad. Besides, I wasn’t ready to leave right after getting here, should it go that badly.
Blake pulled out my chair for me, which almost felt like a little dig, as I tried to keep my composure. I sat down and he scooted it in, and then he grabbed the bottle of wine and poured us two glasses. He sat down, looked me in the eyes, and smiled, which calmed me down internally just a little.
“So, how was your day?” he asked.
“It went well. I did some homework and quizzes online that I missed during the trip,” I said.
“I hope it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience,” he said.
“Not at all. I don’t mind the online quizzes too much. It’s a lot better being in bed than sitting in a hard chair in a classroom with a bunch of other people around. It’s nice,” I said.
“Yeah, I didn’t get to take anything online. Everything was turned in physically, but I think that’s more because of the professors I had. We had an early version of the online software for colleges, but it wasn’t widely used, at least where I went. I’m glad y
ou get to experience it, though,” he said.
I skimmed my fork against the buttery mashed potatoes to get a wisp of it and stuck it in my mouth. With my other hand planted firmly in my lap, I felt a bit of nerves as he smiled at me while he chewed. I almost feared that it was about to come back up. It was the reason why I wasn’t taking big bites. I wanted to be able to cut him off should it arise.
We went through our entire meal sipping wine, taking bites, and forgoing any topics even closely related to dating, a relationship, or where we stood. Were my instincts wrong about tonight? Did he have something else on his mind? Was I in the clear—at least for now? I couldn’t be. I wasn’t that lucky.
After we finished our meal, Blake suggested we go over to the couch, light a fire, and look out over the city lights. I agreed, and with the lights still dim, he pressed a button on his fireplace and it lit up, the flames dancing along glass shards that sat inside. With the overall lights dim, we could see out all over the city as his floor-to-ceiling windows acted as brilliant frames showcasing the urban landscape.
Blake set his wine glass down on the table and I followed. He coughed a little, though in a nervous tone, as my stomach did flip-flops, and I was sure I was starting to get a rash on my chest. I couldn’t see it, but I’d be damned surprised if somebody hadn’t rubbed poison ivy all over me, because I was itchier than I’d ever been before.
“I wanted to talk to you about something tonight,” he said.
Was this it? Was it coming? I knew I had to make sure before I spurted anything out.
“Yeah? What about?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“About us, and where we’re headed,” he said.
Shit. He was going there. I almost couldn’t speak, but I knew I needed to spit something out. He looked at me, the fire twinkling in his gorgeous eyes, before I finally got it out, right as his mouth opened to speak.
“Wait,” I said, causing him to look at me weirdly.