Rough Terrain (Vista Falls #1)

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Wes, I’m sorry,” Gabby said, her expression pained. “There are just some things that are off-limits. And that’s one of them.”

  Wes couldn’t blame her. He’d have taken certain secrets to the grave for Colt. “So how do you suggest I get her to open up to me?” No one knew Sage better than Gabby, and if anyone could help him devise a plan to get back on his ex’s good side, it was her.

  “You could try being her friend,” Gabby suggested. “It worked before.”

  Wes was reminded of a time when the four of them had been inseparable. Colt and Gabby had started dating first while he and Sage tagged along to round things out. But it wasn’t long before their attraction and friendship turned into the kind of love Wes hadn’t expected to find until much later in life.

  “There’s been a hell of a lot of water under the bridge since Sage called me a friend.” Wes wondered if it was even possible for them to rebuild the trust they’d lost. “I’m not even sure that it’s possible anymore.”

  “Wes, let me ask you a question,” Gabby said, leaning closer. “Why did you come back to town? Really?”

  “To make peace with the past, I guess.”

  He looked around the bar with the same vinyl bench seats and old wooden chairs he remembered. The walls were lined with framed photos Bernice had taken at local events along with sports paraphernalia from Rusty’s favorite teams. The jukebox in the corner was a relic, but it still played the tunes the old-timers loved. This was home. That was why he’d come back.

  “To make peace with the past or with Sage?”

  Sage was a huge part of his past. He couldn’t think of his time in Vista Falls without thinking of her. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to make peace with her decision to give our son away.”

  “You mean your decision to give your son away. Don’t try to put it all on her, Wes.” Gabby released a shaky breath. “I was with her when she gave birth. She didn’t want her parents there, but she was scared to go through it alone.”

  Tears burned his eyes as he imagined what she must have gone through, how she must have felt handing that tiny baby over to a nurse, knowing she’d never see him again.

  “I held her all night,” Gabby said, fighting back tears. “She was inconsolable after he was born. I was so scared she might try to hurt herself. That’s how shaken up she was.”

  Sage had always been one of the most upbeat people Wes knew. He couldn’t imagine her slipping into the kind of darkness Gabby described.

  “How did she get through it?” he asked, forcing the words past the lump in his throat.

  “It sounds cliché,” Gabby said with a bitter smile, “but she got through it one day at a time. Hell, it was one hour at a time for a long while. During that initial period, before the adoption was finalized, she was so tempted to call the whole thing off.”

  “Why didn’t she?” Wes asked, wishing with everything in him that she had. “She must have known that I would have supported her.”

  “You would have tried. But you wouldn’t have been living the life you are now.” When Wes frowned, Gabby said, “That’s what she was most afraid of, I think. Not only of ruining that precious baby’s life but ruining yours too. She thought you’d end up hating her because you wouldn’t have been able to pursue your dreams.” Gabby clapped a hand over her mouth before jumping up. “I’ve already said way too much.” She bent to kiss Wes’s cheek. “It was good seeing you again. It’s nice to have you home.”

  “It’s nice to be home,” Wes whispered as he watched her walk away.

  ***

  Colt walked into Wes’s office two days later, just as he was finishing the last pages of Sage’s book. He’d stayed up all night reading it and hadn’t been able to set it aside long enough to focus on work that morning.

  “What’s that?” Colt asked, gesturing to the book as he sat in the chair across from Wes.

  Unable to speak, Wes handed it to him, trying to make sense of everything he’d read. He still couldn’t believe that Sage had had the courage to be so open and honest about the most painful thing she’d ever endured. She held nothing back. Reading it was like reading her personal journal, and it both clarified a lot of things and confused the hell out of him.

  “Is this for real?” Colt asked, looking at Wes after he read the book jacket. “She actually wrote a book about the adoption?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Have you read the whole thing?” Colt asked, turning it over in his hands.

  “Cover to cover.” And he’d probably read it again. And again.

  “Wow. Must have been intense.”

  “Not nearly as intense as it was for her to write it, I’m sure.” Wes could never have found the courage to put his heartbreak down on paper to be judged and critiqued by strangers.

  “This must have answered a lot of questions for you,” Colt said, setting the book on the edge of Wes’s desk.

  “It answered some, but it raised a lot more. She loved the baby. Our son. She loved me too.”

  “She said that?” Colt asked, raising the book.

  “Yeah. She didn’t name me in the book. She just said she was in love with the baby’s father and dreamed of building a life with him—me—when she found out she was pregnant.”

  “That’s no surprise though. We all know how Sage felt about you. And that baby. She was just about the sweetest girl I knew. It must have killed her to give up her own flesh and blood.”

  “I need to talk to her about this. But how do I broach the subject without making her uncomfortable?” Wes could only imagine how raw and exposed she would feel when she learned he’d read the book.

  “You said you might be in the market for a new truck,” Colt said, setting the book on the edge of the desk before leaning back and stretching his long, denim-clad legs out in front of him. “Go in and see her. If you’re lucky, you can talk her into taking a test drive with you. Might give you a chance to get her alone and talk.”

  Since he didn’t have any better ideas, Wes stood, reaching into his desk drawer for his cell phone and keys. “Did you need me for something?”

  Colt chuckled. “I know you’re not gonna be able to think about work until you talk to Sage. Just go. I’ll still be here when you get back.”

  Wes felt as if he was driving to the dealership on autopilot. He used to drive by as a teen, fantasizing about the day when he’d be able to walk in and slap down a big fat check for the most expensive vehicle on their lot just to put Sage’s old man in his place. Now that day had finally come and not only was Sage’s father not around to see it, but Wes didn’t give a shit what he thought of Wes anymore.

  As he pulled into the lot, he scanned the cars with plates, trying to figure out which one might belong to Sage. He finally decided on the black Jeep. It looked fun but practical at the same time, just like Sage.

  He hopped out of his pickup, slamming the door as he tried to tamp down his nerves. He hadn’t set foot inside this building in years and had no idea what would be waiting on the other side of that door. Would Sage be happy to see him, or would she tell him to go to hell after the way he’d trash-talked her family the night before?

  Gabby was standing at the high counter in the middle of the reception area, passing her friend a coffee, when her eyes met Wes’s. A slow smile spread across Gabby’s face as though she sensed he needed the encouragement.

  “Hey there, handsome,” Gabby said when it became apparent Sage wasn’t planning to greet him. “What brings you by?”

  “I’m looking for a new truck.”

  That finally piqued Sage’s interest enough for her to glance outside at his Ford F-450. “That doesn’t look too old to me. What is it, a few years?”

  “Yeah, but I put a lot of miles on it. I like to drive between our stores when I can. Driving helps me think.”

  Sage smiled. “Still? You always used to say you did some of your best thinking out on the open road.” Her smile slipped, and she cleared her throat, obvious
ly annoyed with herself for taking a detour down memory lane. “Um, I only have one sales guy in right now, and he’s out on a test drive. My receptionist is out for lunch, so I’m covering for her.” She glanced at her watch. “Barry should be back in about ten minutes, if you want to wait around?”

  “Why don’t you show Wes around the lot?” Gabby asked, giving her friend a meaningful look. “I’ve got help at the flower shop today, so I can cover the desk until Amy gets back.”

  “I couldn’t ask you to do that,” Sage said as her gaze darted to Gabby. “You don’t even work here.”

  “But I did for years in high school and when I was on summer break from college. I bet this thing still has my ass print.” Gabby rolled her eyes with a laugh as she claimed the swivel chair behind the desk and moved her butt from side-to-side with a cheeky grin. “Yup, I was right.”

  “Well,” Sage said, reaching for a set of keys, “I guess that’s settled. Thanks, by the way, Gabby.”

  Her teeth were clenched when she said it, making Wes doubt her sincerity, but he didn’t care if she felt pressured into helping him as long as he got what he came for—time alone with her.

  “Um, I think we only have one loaded 450 on the lot, assuming that’s what you’re after?” she asked.

  He was after a hell of a lot more than a new vehicle, he realized as he watched the tempting sway of her hips in a tight black skirt as she made her way to the truck.

  “Uh yeah,” he said, realizing she expected a response.

  Wes fell into step beside her, inhaling her fresh citrusy, floral scent. He knew it well even after all these years. They’d been lying in his bed one afternoon when they had his house to themselves, and she told him the shampoo was some combination of citrus and kiwi and the perfume wasn’t perfume at all but a lavender essential oil. He’d told her whatever it was, it was sexy as hell and begged her to never stop wearing it.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, frowning when she realized he’d sniffed her.

  He chuckled, not at all embarrassed at being caught. “Just remembering.”

  “We should probably try to refrain from doing too much of that.” Her high heels clicked against the pavement, her stride eating up the distance between them.

  He stopped her in her tracks. “I read your book.”

  She turned to face him slowly, color creeping up her neck before eventually staining her cheeks. Given her dark complexion, it took a lot to make her blush. “You did? What did you think?”

  “I thought you were incredibly brave.” Since she seemed momentarily stunned, he took advantage of her lapse to close the distance between them. “I’ve thought about it a million times over the years, but I sure as hell wouldn’t have had the guts to write my feelings down and let the world read them.”

  “It was hardly the world,” she said, turning to walk again. “It only sold about ten thousand copies. Half of them to people in this town who wanted to support me, I think. But writing about it was kind of cathartic for me. If I’d had those thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head for the rest of my life, I think I would have gone crazy.”

  “I’m glad you found a way to deal ‘cause I sure as hell haven’t.” Wes didn’t mean to sound bitter that she’d found a way to let go of the past, but he knew that was how she would perceive it.

  Sage closed her hand around the door handle of the truck she’d told him about. “What other choice do we have? We have to deal with it. What happened happened. We can’t change it.”

  Wes rested his hand alongside hers, his cotton shirt barely brushing hers. “If you could change it, would you?”

  She seemed to consider her answer a long time before she said, “I don’t know. I guess a lot would depend on the kind of life he’s had without us. I like to think that he’s happy, that he adores his adoptive parents and they’ve given him the kind of life we couldn’t back then.”

  “But we could have loved him,” he whispered, his breath fanning her neck. “No one could have loved him more than we would have. You know that.”

  “We can’t keep questioning ourselves and second-guessing our decision, Wes. It’s not healthy. We need to let it go.”

  “I can’t. Not until I see with my own two eyes that he’s better off without us in his life.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath as she whirled around to face him. “You can’t do that. You can’t reach out to him. You know—you knew even back then—that wouldn’t be fair to him or his parents.”

  “We’re his parents.” Wes knew it wasn’t necessarily logical since they hadn’t raised him, but in his mind, that boy would always be his son.

  “No,” she said softly, shaking her head as her gaze drifted from his to the ground between their feet. “They’re his parents. They have been since the day he was born.”

  “What can you tell me about them?” Wes was desperate for something, anything that would provide a link to his son. No matter how fragile it may be.

  She passed him the keys to the truck when another car pulled into the lot. “I can’t do this here. You drive. We’ll talk.”

  He walked to the passenger’s side with her and opened the door for her before sucking in a few deep breaths as he rounded the rear of the big pickup truck. Wes wasn’t even sure he should be driving given his state of mind. When he slid into the driver’s seat and curled his big hands around the leather steering wheel, he realized they were shaking.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, obviously noting the tremor as she fastened her seat belt. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

  “No, I’m fine,” he lied, starting the engine.

  He didn’t even have to ask where they should go. There was only one place he could think to take her—the lake. It was late May, so the kids weren’t out of school yet, which meant it would be quiet. They might run into a few dog walkers or young mothers with strollers, but for the most part, they should have the small sandy beach to themselves.

  “The lake?” she asked, looking tense as he turned down a narrow dead-end street that butted up against her lot.

  “Where else?”

  It was where they’d had some of their best and worst memories. The place where they’d fallen in love, broken up, and ultimately decided the fate of their unborn child.

  Chapter Four

  Sage’s stomach was tied up in knots by the time they climbed out of the truck. She’d never imagined having a conversation with Wes about their child. No. That wasn’t entirely true. She’d imagined it hundreds of time. She’d just never thought it would happen.

  “I can’t walk on the beach in these,” she said, pointing at her shoes. “Not to mention this.” She pulled the hem of her black blazer away from her body. “It’s hot today, in case you haven’t noticed.”

  “So lose the blazer and kick your shoes off.” His eyes traveled down her legs. “You’re not wearing nylons. You can rinse your feet off before we head back.”

  Since she didn’t have much of a choice, she slipped the blazer off, revealing a hand-dyed silk tank that Gabby swore reminded her of tie-dye. “I’ll just leave them here,” she muttered, knowing anything she said to him now would fall on deaf ears.

  His eyes were roaming her body, making her remember things she’d have rather forgotten. Like how she felt when his hands grazed her skin as they kissed. Or the way he’d taken possession of her body when they made love…

  “Something tells me you’re thinking the same thing I am.”

  He smirked while she felt her cheeks burning for the second time in the past half hour. She never blushed, but something about this man brought out the worst in her…or the best depending on the day.

  “You don’t know what I’m thinking,” she said.

  After walking down the stone steps leading to the beach, he fell into step beside her. “Admitting it doesn’t make you weak, you know,” he said, slipping on his sunglasses.

  “Admitting what?” She looked up at him, wishing she could se
e his eyes.

  “That you’re still attracted to me. You have to know I feel the same way.”

  She looked out at the water, unable to answer. As they neared the small clearing, she walked up to the iron railing that prevented onlookers from getting too close to the falls, remembering all the times they’d stood in this very spot, planning their future.

  “Why did you come back?” she asked, suddenly wishing he hadn’t. For years, her feelings for him had lain dormant. Pretending she’d gotten over him was so much easier when she didn’t have to look at his handsome face and be reminded there was a teenager out there somewhere who could look just like him.

  “For a lot of reasons.” He curled his hands around the railing, looking out at the swirling water, no doubt remembering all the times they’d scurried down the embankment, shed their clothes, and made love under the waterfall.

  Or maybe she was the only one thinking of that.

  “Your family.” She had to believe that was the only reason he’d come back. If she allowed herself to entertain any other possibility, she was in serious danger of falling for him all over again.

  “Yeah, sure.” He looked at her, but his eyes were masked by those damn aviator sunglasses. “Now that Dad’s gone, I feel better being here, in case they need me.”

  There was so much she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was for his loss, that she knew his family loved him and was happy to have him back. Instead she swallowed the words that would have taken them back to another time and place.

  “But they’re not the only reason I came back.”

  “No?” She cleared her dry throat, thinking she’d give anything for a sip of water.

  “I came back because I feel like I left too much behind.”

  She wondered if he could see her heart beating through her thin silk tank. “What did you leave behind?”

  “Our son, for one.”