Butterfly Ops
Page 38
Lyndsey just nodded and turned away, unable to respond as she fought the urge to completely break down. She vaguely registered Sprague telling the nurse to take a break as Tommy sat down again next to the bed. There was a faint feeling of warmth as he put his hand on her shoulder.
His touch opened up a floodgate of emotion, and Lyndsey was glad she was lying down already, otherwise, the sudden gush would have knocked her right to the ground. If it had just been the memories themselves, maybe it would have been a bit more bearable. This, though… This was too much, too vivid.
Ian’s voice in her ear. His hands running down her back. His lips brushing her cheek, her mouth… She felt it all; every single thing. Every moment from as far back as the first time they ever spoke, him passing her on the steps outside the science building and then stopping and turning, the air crackling with anticipation as he said her name. And then a riot of color and feelings and sensations as it flashed forward to those last few minutes when she’d tried to fight her way back to him only to find butterflies everywhere she turned.
She curled up into a ball, trying to stop her body from shaking and to chase his voice away. It was too much to take. Memories shouldn’t be this tangible.
Please, God, make this stop.
She had no idea how long she lay there or how long Tommy stayed with her. The next thing she knew was
that Matt was the one sitting next to her and saying her name.
Her eyes flew open.
“Lyndsey.” Matt’s voice was softer this time. Raw. He looked as empty as she felt, drained of color and life.
“We’ll be landing in about twenty minutes.” He nodded his head towards the nurse standing at the foot of the bed and writing on a clipboard. “They tell me all your readings are normal and if you can walk on your own that you don’t have to spend the rest of the day in the hospital. Unless you want to.”
“No.” She struggled to sit up, for the first time realizing she was actually attached to the tubes and IV the nurse had been checking before. Which, of course, made sense. Good, Lyndsey. Not so much with the superhuman noticing skills at the moment. “I can walk.” Turning to the nurse, she said, “Take these things off me. And…” —having also just noticed she was wearing a hospital gown, not exactly the latest in fashion— “…Clothes would be good.”
The remaining time went mercifully quickly, if a bit painfully, given the throbbing in her head and the way every single muscle screamed at her every time she so much as moved an inch. Tommy sat with her, not saying a word but no doubt doing his best to keep her from going insane. Once they landed, she managed to walk the entire way to Matt’s car, however, refusing all offers of assistance. It took a bit of concentration, which was also merciful, because it put at least a little bit of a damper on her churning thoughts.
“I shouldn’t have let him leave that campsite,” Matt said as he pulled his seat belt on and started the car.
“What?” Lyndsey asked, realizing he was waiting for her to close her door before he could actually go anywhere. Okay. Door closed, seat belt on. She gave a slight wave to Tommy who, although he’d come on the plane to be there when she woke up, was apparently getting right back on the plane and going back to Atikokan. She leaned back against the seat so that everything didn’t move so much.
Matt’s voice was pained. “I should have ordered you all to stand down. If you hadn’t been on the water…”
His voice thundered in her head as she turned to look at him. The morning sun felt like it was setting her eyes on fire, and the ring she’d been clutching since the moment Matt gave it to her was burning a hole in her hand.
She couldn’t have this conversation without completely breaking apart—there was far too much blame to go around, most of it sitting right on top of her shoulders. “Can we not do the guilt thing right now?” Her voice began to break apart and a new wave of tears began to fall. As she turned her head away from him and looked out the window, she managed, “I just can’t.”
“Yeah.” Matt pulled the car out of the spot.
She closed her eyes, thinking it would help her head. But instead it just brought on a new wave of visions, just as intense as what had come before. She hiccupped back a sob and gripped the armrest, shaking her head when Matt said her name.
“Just drive,” she whispered. “Please.”
All of two seconds later they were stopping again. She barely managed to stop herself from hissing that he should just drive, damn it, when she opened her eyes and realized they weren’t at the airfield any more; weren’t even on the highway. Had any time passed at all? Didn’t it take at least half an hour to get back into Boston?
“We’re…? How…?” she asked as she realized she was seeing the brick townhouses and cobblestone streets of Beacon Hill.
Ian’s house.
“You’re coming in, right?” Matt said.
She shook her head—no, shook everything as she began trembling again—she turned to him. “I can’t. I shouldn’t be here. Not now.”
Even he seemed surprised at where they’d ended up. It was a long time before he responded. “Sorry I guess I just…” He made an unsuccessful attempt at a smile. “I just need to get through this. Please—I…” His voice broke. “I can’t do this alone.”
She forced the air into her lungs as she took in what he was asking.
No, she wanted to say. This wasn’t something she could do; she just wasn’t capable of it.
And yet she found herself nodding and getting out of the car as slowly as was humanly possible, and digging her fingernails into her palms in order not to break down when Matt rang the doorbell. The tears started to fall again as he haltingly broke the news to Ian’s parents.
It wasn’t until Mary’s arms went around her, though, that she lost it completely, her whole body shaking as the memories of every moment she’d spent here in this house made their way through her. Except then the visions finally stopped and left something even worse: a gaping, horrible void. Like a part of her had been extracted and locked away, never to be freed again.
And the worst part was that she had put it there. She’d been responsible for keeping it safe, keeping Ian safe. Sure, Matt could have ordered them to stand down, but she’d been the one there. She’d been two feet away from him. Yet she was here and Ian was…gone. Just gone. How was that possible?
She pulled away from Mary and tried to catch her breath, tried to stop crying. It certainly didn’t help when she realized Ian’s parents weren’t even the hard part, that his kids were right down the hall and they still had to be told.
There was absolutely no way she could follow Matt into the kitchen where they were eating breakfast, fighting over who got to finish the box of cereal, completely unaware their lives were about to change. Lyndsey wasn’t sure if the screams she heard were actually happening or were what she was hearing in her head as she fought the emptiness, fought the monster who’d come to tear her heart out and take it away.
Lyndsey reached out for the wall, needing something to steady herself. Ian’s father came out of the kitchen right then and spoke to her, saying something that sounded incredibly kind and yet she couldn’t even come close to comprehending the words. All she could see was Ian’s eyes, Ian’s mouth. The man Ian should become thirty years later.
Except he wouldn’t.
He wouldn’t age; they wouldn’t have the chance to grow old together.
Trying to escape, she took a few steps backwards, colliding with the banister. She stumbled up the stairs, drawn to Ian’s room. Not to the bed, which held no memories of him, but instead to that huge walk-in closet, breathing in deep, gasping breaths that only served to make it worse by being just deep enough to grab hold of the faintly lingering scent of him.
She sank to the floor and sobbed.
END BOOK TWO
Books By Jen Doyle
Calling It (Calling It #1)
Called Up (Calling It #2)
Called Out (Calling It #3)
Holiday House Call (Calling It #3.5)
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Butterfly Ops Trilogy
Butterfly Ops: Book 1
Butterfly Ops: Book 2
Butterfly Ops: Book 3
Butterfly Ops Trilogy
Butterfly Ops: Book One (Available for NetGalley Reviewers at: https://claims.prolificworks.com/free/iUvWqBpQ)
Butterfly Ops: Book Two
Butterfly Ops: Book Three (Available on NetGalley 4/2/19)
The Calling It Series
Calling It (Calling It #1)
Called Up (Calling It #2)
Called Out (Calling It #3)
Holiday House Call (Calling It #3.5)
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To find out more, please see www.jendoyleink.com or visit your favorite e-retailer.
About the Author
A big believer in happily-ever-afters, Jen Doyle decided it was high time she started creating some. CALLING IT, her four-book baseball/contemporary romance/romantic comedy series, has been winning awards since its inception, the most recent being the 2017 Best Banter Contest for Calling It and a nomination for the 2017 Harlequin Hero of the Year for Called Out. She also wrote the acclaimed HANSONS OF ST. HELENA series of novellas in the St. Helena Vineyard Kindle World. Butterfly Ops: Book Two is the second installment of the BUTTERFLY OPS trilogy, an epic love story and her first in the paranormal realm.
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Jen has an M.S. in Library and Information Science and, in addition to her work as a librarian, has worked as a conference and events planner as well as an administrator in both preschool and higher education environments (although some might say that there is very little difference between the two; Jen has no comment regarding whether she is one of the "some"). She is a member of the Romance Writers of America and is represented by Sarah E. Younger of the Nancy Yost Literary Agency.
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Find her at:
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Website: www.jendoyleink.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jendoyleink
READ HAPPY Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/138934496639814/
Twitter: twitter.com/jendoyleink
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Bookbub: www.bookbub.com/authors/jen-doyle
Amazon: amazon.com/author/jendoyle
Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/jendoyle