My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  I was given no lead to follow since the reception area was entirely empty. I took a seat at my desk and noticed an envelope with “Violet” scrawled in messy handwriting. My heart thumped wildly as I tore it open. A fifty dollar bill fluttered out along with a note:

  “Take this fifty and replace your vomit stained clothes.”

  That’s it? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!? No “I’m sorry I got you all worked up and then tossed the contents of my stomach all over you” or maybe an “I’ve been thinking about you ever since you ran half naked out of the car and I am so ashamed of my actions” or even a “Hey, too bad the night ended so abruptly. Let’s make out again!” ??? This was total bullshit!

  My anger was interrupted by Sergio’s approach. “Hey, Violet, good to see you. Did you have a nice weekend?” That question was answered with a glare of death.

  He backed up with his hands in the air and eased, “Settle down tiger. I’m just messing with you. I see you found the note Rocky left for you?”

  “Yes, but it’s rather vague. Is he around that I might have a word with him?”

  “He doesn’t appear to be here, Violet.” Really? Unless he’s invisible, I already noticed that.

  “Might you have a clue where he could be found?” I asked as politely as possible.

  Sergio hesitated. “There are two answers to that question. I could give you the honest answer or the answer he instructed me to give you.”

  “Why would you tell me the truth? Why not just go with what your buddy told you to say?” That was strange. Sergio seemed loyal. I found it hard to believe that he would rat out his boy.

  With a sigh, he sat down on the countertop beside me. “There are actually a few reasons. Number one being that the cock sucker did not appreciate my little video of him drunk dancing with you and he smashed my phone into pieces after I showed it to him. He stomped on it with his boot and it’s beyond repair. Number two is that I think you’re good for him. Some stuff went down a while back and he hasn’t been the same since. He’s come back to life a little bit ever since you walked in here. Anything I can do that might bring back the old Rocky, I gotta try.”

  “Are you talking about the girl who fucked him over? He told me some girl betrayed him and you two came here to start over.”

  “He TOLD you that?!? What else did he say?” Sergio asked in shock.

  “That was all he said,” I admitted. “He refused to go into any more details. So where is he? Give me the real answer and the Rocky approved answer.”

  “The Rocky answer is that he’s out of the office for the evening. That’s technically the truth. He’s not in his office. The real answer is that he’s in his apartment hiding from you because he’s a fucking pansy.”

  “Well, if he’s at home then it’s not a lie to say he’s out of the office.”

  “Do you know where he lives, Violet?” Of course not.

  “No, where?”

  “He did some modifications to this building by creating a living space with a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and living room. To get there you have to find the hidden entry in his office.” Secret trap doors? Now he was really messing with me.

  “Ok...do I have to knock three times on the secret hollow wall and a troll will ask me the password and let me in? Go fuck yourself, Sergio. I’m not playing this stupid game.”

  “I’m dead serious. You’ll have to ask him about it next time you see him. Until then, he wanted me to ask you to finish filling out the document with the customer information. Please add their order history to the document. I guess he wants to know if the orders are increasing or decreasing. Something about repeat sales and growth. He should be back tomorrow if you have any questions.”

  There actually was a question to be answered. “Hey, what ever happened to Enrique?”

  “Ah, he’s back. He’s fine. Nothing’s bruised, just his ego. Rocky knows that he can’t kill all the employees or we’ll go under. It was bad enough finding one new tech, finding two would have been an ass ache. The new guy, Lance, starts Wednesday. He’s the one replacing the guy who pulled a knife on Enrique.”

  He walked away to attend to business while I started the spreadsheet all over again, this time filling in order history. An hour flew by and my fingers started cramping alerting me to the need for a break. That opportunity arrived in the form of Vasily, who stopped to say hello after his delivery run was complete. We chatted while he waited for Sergio to review his route sheets.

  “Hi, Violet. Irina wanted me to thank you again for getting her that stupid teapot. She said I should invite you to stop over one day. She works at a bar not too far from here. Have you ever heard of ‘The Sailor’s Port’? That’s the place.”

  Of course this was a place I’d never even heard of. How all these businesses were unknown to me was becoming quite the mystery. Welcome to the rock I live under.

  “Tell Irina thanks for the offer and that I’ll be sure to pay her a visit one day soon.”

  Sergio walked over to page through Vasily’s deliveries for the night and shot me an evil grin. “If you want to see your dance video with Rocky, ask politely and maybe Vasily will show it to you.”

  “Wasn’t your phone crushed into oblivion?” I reminded him.

  “Yes, my phone met with a grisly end. However, I had the foresight to send the video to a few trusted sources that shall remain nameless. It will exist for eternity to provide us endless joy.”

  “Is it your sole purpose in life to torment Rocky?” I inquired.

  “No. That is a side bonus.” Sergio instructed Vasily to show me the video and I had to admit it was fucking hilarious. Rocky looked totally wasted and danced like an idiot. Thankfully I’m out of camera range for half the video and you can’t see my Jersey Turnpike. Whew…dodged that bullet.

  “Can you text it to me?” I begged. This could be useful later.

  Eight o’ clock was fast approaching and I took out the note and fifty dollar bill. After crossing off what he wrote, I added a line underneath:

  “Take this fifty back and see if you can buy a pair of balls.

  Sincerely,

  Violet

  P.S. I put in four days of work and I’m not coming back until I get a self-defense lesson.”

  Sergio told me it was quitting time and offered to walk me out. I gave him the note to pass along and informed him there was no need to be my escort to the parking lot. He insisted on being my chaperone anyway.

  “Why are you doing this? I don’t need a babysitter to walk me to my car.”

  “Rocky would beat my ass if I didn’t.”

  “He doesn’t care. If he cared then he would have been at work instead of hiding.”

  “He cares. Trust me on that. In case it slipped your mind, I was in the front seat Saturday night. The slurping and sucking noises will be seared into my brain until I die.”

  “At least you didn’t take a video of THAT,” I retorted.

  “Then my face, in addition to my phone, would have been smashed.”

  On the drive home, my head was spinning with all these new revelations. Sergio thinks Rocky cares about me, Rocky has a secret door in his office, and videos live forever once you hit “SEND.” Good to know.

  My cell phone beeped later that night with a text from an unknown number:

  “First lesson tomorrow. Your house. Six a.m. Be ready or I’m leaving.”

  Oh yeah, baby. It’s on!

  Tuesday Morning, Week Two

  Most of my night was spent waking up and looking at the clock in anticipation for my first lesson. I went over each and every possible scenario in my mind. Most of the good ones involved us sweaty and ending up in my bed. The worst ones involved him laughing at me and telling me he only kissed me on Saturday because he was drunk and it would best suit me to get over him. My hope was that reality would fall somewhere in the middle.

  Sleep wouldn’t come, so I gave up and got dressed at five in the morning. I put on tight black yoga pants that hug
ged my ass and a black sports bra that showed off my cleavage. Maybe there would be some hand to hand combat. I applied some eyeliner, put my hair up in a ponytail, brushed my teeth, and swished around some mouthwash. Maybe there would be some mouth to mouth combat. Even better.

  I was more than prepared when the doorbell rang at two minutes to six. Maybe I missed Rocky after not seeing him for two days, but he looked amazing. He was dressed from head to toe in black: jeans, T shirt, leather jacket and biker boots. After checking out his uniform, my eyes wandered up to his face. He looked worn out. I got the impression that my house was the last place on earth he wanted to be. I was at a loss for words.

  “Violet, let me start by telling you that I’m only here today as your instructor. I would like to make it abundantly clear that whatever happened on Saturday will not be repeated. Is that understood?”

  No, it was not understood in any way, shape, or form. What exactly wouldn’t be repeated? The puking on me or the making out? I guess since he said he was here ONLY AS MY INSTRUCTOR that was meant to put the kibosh on the making out. And what’s up with the ‘Is that understood?’ comment? Don’t treat me like I’m twelve and you’re my mom handing down rules. I narrowed my eyes at him and mumbled, “Whatever. You’re the boss.”

  He looked confused by that answer, probably since I didn’t offer him any argument. I invited him in and offered to take his coat, which he refused. Evidently he was not going to make himself comfortable. I guess he wanted to get this over with as fast as possible.

  “Where are we doing the lesson?” he asked.

  “Why don’t you follow me to my basement workout area?” This would be a good time to explain the layout of my house. You walk in the front door, down the entry hall, and you come to a door on the right that leads down to my basement. Take a left and you’ll be in the second bedroom, or in my case, an office with a computer. A half bathroom is next to the office and my bedroom door is just a bit past that. If you continue down the entry hall without going to the basement, you’ll come to my living room and kitchen, which are open concept. I also have a door in my garage that leads into the kitchen. I always use that door instead of the front door.

  I led Rocky down to the basement and showed him around. My basement is entirely open and unfinished. One corner held my washer and dryer. One corner was full of shelving units, boxes of miscellaneous junk from my childhood, and an extra desk chair. That left half the basement as my workout zone. A giant carpet remnant was laid out on the concrete with my training gear hanging from above. I had boxing gloves, a jump rope, a pull up bar, a heavy bag chained to the rafters, and a speed bag hanging on a wooden board custom made to fit my height. One of my co-worker Dottie’s cousins was a handyman who did jobs on the side. I paid him a hundred bucks to set-up the make-shift gym. I was lucky he was available, it’s not like my ex was going to come over and set it up again.

  Rocky did a quick survey of the tools he’d be working with and he scratched his head. “This is all nice, but I doubt you’re going to be attacked while working out in your basement. The first lesson of self-defense is to NEVER put yourself in a position where you’re going to need to defend yourself. Always be aware of your surroundings, pay attention to who might be a threat, and run escape scenarios in your head. Use your environment to your advantage by knowing what could be used as a weapon, should the need arise. Avoid the obvious dangerous places like walking to your car at night alone in a parking lot, alley, or parking garage. Be aware of the people next to you as you walk down the street. Are they getting too close? Are they paying unnecessary attention to you? Do they want to steal your purse or shove you into their unmarked van? Stay in well-lit heavily populated areas. Don’t put yourself in a dangerous position by being alone with a guy you just met.”

  “Like I am right now with you?” I pointed out.

  He stared back at me intensely, seemingly at war with himself as to how to answer that. Finally he regained his voice. “Yeah, Violet. Exactly like you are with me right now. If I came at you, what would you do?”

  I’m thinking that ‘let you have your way with me on my basement floor’ was NOT the answer he was after. I took a look around.

  “I could stab you with the screwdriver that I use to clean the lint from deep inside my clothes dryer...or I could strangle you with my jump rope if had the strength…or crack you over the head with the old desk chair in the corner?”

  “Very good,” he replied. “Any object can be used to ward off an attacker. Always remember that. The next step is to develop the strength needed to use those items. We have to build your muscles. Let’s see what we’re working with.”

  Rocky made me do sit ups, push-ups, chin ups, and jump rope to see how much stamina I had. The answer was “not much” seeing as how my breathing turned into ragged gasps after a measly ten minutes. My tally was twenty-five sit-ups, six push-ups, and two chin-ups. Rocky was not impressed.

  “Let’s see you do better!” I dared him. In response, he took off his jacket and did a quick succession of five one-handed pull-ups with each arm. Show-off. He then did ten one-handed push-ups with each hand. That took my awe of him to another level. “I’ll NEVER be able to do all that,” I pouted.

  “No one is a master on the first day, Violet. It takes patience and practice. Just consider yourself a work in progress. You’ll only be good if you put the time in.” That’s all he had to say? I was waiting for him to bust out a “Do or do not. There is no try.”

  He gave me a daily regimen with thirty minutes of exercises. Now that I had two jobs, don’t ask me where I’d find the time to squeeze that in. I got crabby as the lesson ended and we went back upstairs to grab some water from my fridge. “Is that it? Aren’t I going to learn any defense moves?” I whined.

  “You have to master the basics. Gain some strength and recognize potential danger before it becomes a problem. Then, and only then, do you learn moves. If you’re not going to take this seriously, then I’m not going to waste my time here,” Rocky preached as he walked toward the door to leave.

  “We never even got to the boxing bag. That’s where I think I excel,” I informed him.

  “Save it for next time. Go hit the shower and get ready for your real paying job. See you tonight at six.”

  “Are you actually planning on working and not hiding?” I taunted.

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I had an extra fifty bucks sitting around that I used to buy myself some balls.”

  He walked out and I was left standing there open-mouthed, gaping after him. That lesson totally sucked!

  Tuesday Afternoon, Week Two

  “Violet, wake up,” Dottie called my name and snapped me out of my trance at work. It was no use trying to get anything done today. I was irritable and ready for a nap. We were kind of slow anyway, with no phone calls for at least fifteen minutes and no customers all afternoon.

  “I’m awake, Dottie, just distracted. I’m sorry.”

  Dottie turned her chair in my direction and said, “Spill it, dear. What’s on your mind? This afternoon is a total waste. Let’s at least accomplish something by solving your problems. I can’t help unless you tell me what they are.” She raised her eyebrows and it was clear that this conversation would not be over until she helped me in some way. Dottie was the most unselfish person I knew, but I didn’t know if she’d understand man problems. I had nothing to lose so I gave it a shot.

  “I met a guy. His name is Rocky. I really like him but I don’t think he likes me back.”

  “Age old problem, Violet. Girls have been frustrated with stubborn boys since the dawn of time. Be more specific.”

  “There’s no time for the whole story. Basically I stumbled upon a guy who needed a secretary so I’ve been working for him a few hours a night for the past week. He’s drop dead sexy with an air of mystery and some inner torment that he won’t share. He’s constantly being hot and cold with me. He walks me out to my car and asked me to go somewhere Saturday night that
had nothing to do with work, but he brought his friend along. He got drunk, kissed me at the end of the night, and then this morning he told me just to forget it ever happened. I can’t read his mixed signals.”

  “Wait, when did you see him this morning?” she asked.

  “He doesn’t pay me with money to do office work for him, he pays me with self-defense lessons. I had the first lesson at my house this morning. I know it sounds stupid, but he’s a great fighter and I figured that was a skill I should have. There are a lot of crazies out there.”

  “It sounds like it could go either way. I’d give it more time and see if you get more signals. If he doesn’t do anything else, then chalk it up to one night of kissing and let it go,” Dottie advised.

  “But I don’t WANT to let it go. Rocky kissed me with more passion then I’ve ever been kissed in my life. His best friend, the one who went with us on Saturday, told me something else. He said Rocky had come back to life since he met me. That’s got to mean something, doesn’t it? Meanwhile my mom and my best friend think I’m getting in over my head and I’m going to get hurt because he’s way out of my league.” There were too many signs to decipher. Add the opinions of everyone else on top of all that, and I was getting tired trying to figure everything out.

  “This may surprise you Violet, but I’m not the spinster that you think I am. What I’m about to tell you is NOT to be repeated. I don’t like to talk about my past, but I think in this case it might give you some insight. I was madly in love with a boy when I was a senior in high school. He was from the wrong side of the tracks, as we used to say back then. He was my first love, my first time, and my whole world. My father found out and forbid me from seeing him. My parents wanted me to go to school and learn how to take over the business someday. I was only seventeen and had a strong desire to be the perfect daughter and please them. I put the needs of others ahead of my own. Without giving him a reason, I told the boy we couldn’t see each other anymore. I’m sure he figured out it was because my family was rich and his was not. I felt like a horrible person for turning away the only one who would ever truly love me. I never spoke to him again, even though he kept calling and coming to my house to beg me to talk to him. He died in a car accident a year later. He had been drinking. He’d never been the same after I rejected him. I was a fool. I’d turned my back on love to do what I thought was right instead of what my heart told me. Had I followed my gut instinct instead of caving in to pressure, he might be alive today and we might still be together. As it is, I’ve never loved anyone since and I’m sure I never will. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and remember our time together. I’m telling you this in the hopes that you’ll learn from my mistakes. Don’t close yourself off and take the safe path. Don’t listen only to others, listen to your heart first. If you like this guy then go after him with all that you have. If he rejects you then he’s a fool. But you won’t know until you try and put it all on the line. Nothing in life comes easy. Sometimes you have to fight for what you want.”