My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said as he put his hand on my back to steer me to the buffet. “You have a lot of people in your life who genuinely care about you. It means you’re a good person. If you were an asshole then they wouldn’t give a shit who you were with. I can handle it!”

  I grabbed a plate and loaded it up with shrimp, while Rocky took each of the different varieties of fish. We approached our table and he sat next to me instead of across from me. Since it was a table and not a booth, this arrangement seemed odd. “How come you’re not across from me?” I questioned.

  “I can’t throw everything off this table and have my way with you right here, so I have to settle for rubbing shoulders and the occasional nibble on your ear when no one is watching.” Damn. He had an answer for everything. He was so sensual. I wondered how experienced he was.

  “Rocky, how old were you when you had your first time?” There was no one within earshot, so I figured it was safe to ask.

  “I was sixteen. She was eighteen. It was at a party and we went off in someone’s bedroom. It lasted all of five minutes. I never saw her again. It was nothing special. How about you?”

  “I was twenty-two. And a half. It was in a bed. It lasted twenty minutes. I ended up marrying him, so I definitely saw him again. It was ok.” The fact that I was twenty-two and a half was kind of embarrassing. That’s pretty old for your first time.

  “That’s not giving me enough details, Violet. Be more descriptive,” he urged.

  “Like what?” I didn’t know what he wanted me to say.

  “Like…MORE DESCRIPTION. Were you afraid? Did it hurt? How was it? Did you come? Were you pressured into it? What made you ready?” He took a mouthful of shrimp and waited expectantly for an answer. I have no idea why he needed to know all this. I let out a sigh of frustration and gave in.

  “I was not afraid. We had been dating for six months and I felt like I held out long enough. I wasn’t getting any younger and I figured there was no reason not to do it. He didn’t pressure me, which I appreciated. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me and we were in a relationship so it was okay. It’s not like I planned to wait until I was married or anything like that. It didn’t hurt although I expected it would. It was okay. He was uncircumcised so that was weird. Of course I came. I usually come about ninety-seven percent of the time. The only reason I wouldn’t get off is if he finished too soon.”

  I paused to take a bite of shrimp and continued, “The thing that pissed me off was that I never got flowers the next day. That’s bullshit. When you take a girl’s virginity then you should totally send her flowers. That’s the only part that did NOT meet my expectations. I’m still mad about that.”

  “Wait, let me get this straight. You can have an orgasm most of the time? You even had one your very first time?”

  “Yeah. I constantly read that women seem to have a problem getting off, but I never do. I usually come about three times.”

  He coughed and almost choked on a shrimp. “What?!? Three times? Every time you do it?”

  “Yeah. I’m not shy about barking out orders so the guy gets it right. I’m not only there for the dude’s pleasure, I’m there for my own too. If it was just about laying there and letting the guy do what he wants with no regard for my enjoyment...hell no! Remember what I told you about honesty and communication? That extends into the bedroom too.”

  He stared at me and shook his head slowly. “Violet, you never cease to amaze me.”

  I winked at him and shoved shrimp number ten into my mouth. Maybe I should cut back on the food if I wanted to have multi-orgasmic sex later. That would not be as fulfilling with a full stomach.

  The wait staff came around and cleared off tables while the DJ set up his equipment in preparation for some dancing. Rocky continued to chat with me at our table, with one arm around my back while his other hand gently stroked my arm. He was leaning over whispering in my ear when Stella marched up and interrupted us.

  “Violet, I think you need a bathroom break, come with me.” Okay. I didn’t know that Stella was in charge of my bladder, but whatever.

  “Excuse us for a minute, Rocky. I’ll be right back.”

  I followed her to the bathroom and protested, “What the hell are you doing?”

  “I’m waiting for you two to start fucking right there in front of everyone! You look like you’re in your own little world. You need to cool it down a little. People are starting to stare.”

  “Which people?” I demanded.

  “Ok, I’m starting to stare! Max pointed it out too though! What did you buy today and why didn’t you buy any lingerie? Did you have sex yet? What happened after you left my house on Friday? Don’t hold back, I want DETAILS!”

  “Dude. You’re getting as bad as me with the questions. After I left your house on Friday it all went downhill fast. He heard our argued conversation about whether or not I should fuck him and he did NOT appreciate it. It was tense for a while, but he got over it. Nothing happened that night. I didn’t buy lingerie today but I got condoms! Real ones, not strange sketchy flavored ones. I’m pretty sure that unless there’s a hurricane, tonight is the night. No matter what we start talking about it all comes back to sex. You could cut the tension between us with a knife. As soon as I can politely exit the party, I’m going to. I have business to attend to tonight!”

  Stella laughed and gave me a high five. “You go girl. And don’t forget I need EVERY LAST DETAIL. You better call me tomorrow or I’m showing up at your house!”

  “Not too early, I might have company!”

  We high fived again and exited the bathroom to the sounds of music coming from the DJ. It was a fast song that Stella would actually dance to, so we made our way to the floor. I danced a little more dignified than usual, seeing as how this was someone’s sixtieth birthday party. Rocky came up next to me and put his hands on my waist and we swayed together to the music. The song ended and a shitty one came on to replace it. Stella couldn’t get off the dance floor fast enough. Rocky and I followed her to the bar where Max was waiting.

  “Come on, you guys have to start drinking and catch up to me,” Max pleaded. His cheeks were pink and I think he was going to be feeling no pain by the end of the night. “Let’s all do a shot,” he insisted.

  I assured Max that I knew exactly what we should drink. “Ask the bartender if they have Olde Devil Gin. You can see what we make where I work!”

  By some miracle, they actually had a bottle of the stuff. Stella doubtfully questioned, “Since when do you do shots of Gin?”

  “Counting the one she’s about to have, that would make it a grand total of two,” Rocky replied.

  I whacked him on the chest with my hand and said, “Don’t rat me out, man!”

  The bartender lined up four shots and, again, I held my nose and sputtered after taking mine. Stella and Max both observed how smoothly it went down and complimented Rocky on his product.

  “We’re still trying to get the perfect flavor, so it doesn’t taste like ass,” he remarked and glanced pointedly in my direction. I coughed and felt my face get hot with embarrassment.

  Stella started to ask, “Who said it tastes like ass?” until she looked at me and saw my expression. “Oh,” she said while shaking her head at me. I was saved from further awkwardness when a lovely slow song came on and I led Rocky to the dance floor.

  “May I have this dance, sir?” I asked him. He brushed his lips against my forehead and pulled me close.

  “You don’t have to ask, Violet. You can have every dance you want,” Rocky said. He then added, “Maybe I should clarify that. You can have every dance as long as I’m not drunk, Sergio’s not filming it, and you don’t accuse me of cock-blocking you at the end.”

  I laughed. We did have some memorable dances. I had to admit he had a point there. I leaned in and wrapped my arms around him. I rested my head on his chest because he was too tall for me to reach his shoulder. His cologne wafted around me in a cloud and I inhaled as deeply as
humanly possible.

  Rocky smiled and called me out on that. “Sergio was dead-on. You do smell me a lot, don’t you?” Busted. Guilty as charged.

  “Do you have any idea how mind-blowing you smell? It’s so distracting that I get wet just from having you walk past!” That was not the right thing to say to him.

  He moved his hips and pressed his erection into my side, “You’re not the only one having a reaction here. When can we leave?” I’d say it was time right about now!

  We bid our farewells to the birthday girl and finally found Stella to say goodbye. She pulled me off to the side and whispered, “I was watching when you were dancing and it could not be more apparent how much you two are into each other. He looks at you like you’re the only girl in the room. No one would ever be able to tell you didn’t know him at all a few weeks ago. You have something real here, Violet. Take it and run!” I nodded my head in agreement.

  Rocky escorted me back to the car and asked, “What happens next, Violet? You’re in charge here.”

  “Take me home. I want to show you what I bought today.”

  Saturday Night, Week Two

  The car ride to my house was extremely awkward. The stupid restaurant was all the way across town, so now what? You can’t make small talk when you know you’re about five minutes away from getting naked in front of a person for the first time. I looked out the window and worried. My main concern was how bad my breath would be after eating ten shrimp and some pasta salads that undoubtedly had onions in them. Ooh…I did do a shot of gin. Maybe that killed the taste of anything bad. I dared a quick glance at Rocky out of the corner of my eye.

  “Having second thoughts already, Violet?” he asked me without taking his eyes off the road.

  “Nope. You don’t want to know what I was thinking.”

  “Now you have to tell me.”

  “Fine, you asked for it. I was wondering if the shot of gin killed any bad breath I might have.” I knew halfway through that sentence I should not have said it. I should have made something up. Something suave. Something like, “I wonder what position we should try first.” Maybe I should just shut up and not say another word. I didn’t want this whole plan to derail.

  “Why don’t you kiss me and let me find out,” he suggested. Ok. I could handle that. I turned in my seat and leaned over to get a better position. I put my hand on his cheek and went in for the kill. With my eyes closed, I kissed him for all I was worth. Lips meeting lips, tongues darting to and fro. He tasted like gin and salt. I tried to scoot closer but my seat belt prevented any further contact. He moaned into my mouth and abruptly broke away.

  “I can’t keep my eyes on the road and kiss you at the same time. I’m going to end up hitting another car and getting us both killed. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my time on earth with you.” What? Jeopardize his time on earth with me? That was so sweet, yet hilarious at the same time. I turned to face the window while stifling a laugh. His hand found its way to my knee and slowly began to creep up my thigh. I felt a smile form on my face and I was curious to see how far he’d go. He didn’t stop. My nylons were blocking any further progress toward the promised land.

  He growled, “I hate these fucking things. They’re blocking me.”

  “Then do something about it,” I ordered.

  “You’re going to yell at me if I rip them.”

  “Why don’t you try it and find out,” I dared as seductively as possible. That was all the encouragement he needed. I heard a loud RIP and my nylons were history. Before I knew it, his thumb was making slow circles outside my underwear. He started on the side of my hip and worked his way toward the middle. I was beginning to sincerely regret wearing boring cotton panties but I didn’t have many other choices at my disposal. His thumb found the center and he kept going in slow circles, pressing it deeper and deeper. I gasped for air. How I wished we were home right now. This was torture. He was making me so wet that I started to squirm.

  “My God, Violet, you’re so fucking wet right now.” Duh. I already knew that. I was waiting for him to do something about it. He moved my underwear aside and had full unrestricted access to what lie beneath. He stroked the folds and started to gently put his finger in, when I whimpered causing him to almost swerve completely off the road.

  “Fuck! That’s it. We’ll be at your house in three minutes. We’ll just have to wait!” Rocky roared in frustration.

  I wondered if there was anything we needed to discuss before we actually did the deed. Now would be the time. “So...um…do I need a safe word or something?” I don’t know what he likes in bed. What if it’s kinky and I get freaked out? I think it would be wise to have a safe word established in advance.

  “For what? What exactly do you think we’re doing when we get back to your house?” Rocky asked in confusion.

  “I don’t know what you like. What if you do some freaky shit that I’m not down with?”

  “Ok, Violet. Give me an example. What would you like as a safe word and what freaky shit is off limits? This is good conversation, I’m actually glad you brought it up. I don’t want to do anything that will make you freak out.”

  “I’m not sure what will freak me out. I’m not very worldly in bed and I don’t know what bizarre stuff people do. I don’t want anything shoved up my ass. I know that for sure. As for the safe word, how about WATERMELON?”

  Rocky erupted in laughter. “I’m pretty sure I had no plans to shove anything up your ass and how in the hell did you come up with WATERMELON as the safe word? You’re fucking crazy, Violet.”

  “The safe word should be something you wouldn’t normally say in bed, and I’m pretty sure WATERMELON fits that perfectly. Yes, I’m crazy. That’s why you like me.”

  “Part of the reason I like you is your craziness. You’re right about that one. I don’t know what that says about me, though. Watermelon can be the safe word,” he gave in. We pulled into my driveway and I jumped out of the car. Let’s get this thing going before I chickened out. I fumbled with my keys while he put his hands all over me, stroking my back and kissing my neck before I could get the door open. We burst into my kitchen, a mess of limbs tangled together. He pulled me close to him and we ended up pressed flat against the wall. He had his hand up my skirt and starting to remove my underwear before I could protest. I could feel his hard-on pressing into me as he feverishly kissed his way down my neck.

  “I have condoms!” I yelled. “That’s what I bought today!”

  “Good, we’re going to need them. I have more in the car. You’re not the only one who went shopping today.” He stuck his hand down the top of my shirt, to get better access to my breasts. He was going full speed ahead and I needed him to slow down.

  “Let me take off my clothes before you rip anything else,” I pleaded.

  “No, I get to undress you.” He proceeded to lift my shirt over my head and try to tug off my boots. They were on pretty tight and I almost fell over. He grabbed me to steady me and we took this party to the couch. I had to sit down to get better access to my boots and he was immediately on top of me, laying me down. I wrapped my arm around his waist and untucked his shirt from his pants. My hands traveled up his naked back to squeeze and rub and touch. I wanted him closer, no matter how close he already was. He unhooked my bra and left me naked from the waist up. I pulled off his belt and unzipped his pants. He wore briefs! That was a total shocker. I don’t know what I expected. Maybe boxer shorts or nothing at all?

  I giggled and he demanded, “What are you laughing at?”

  “Your underwear! They’re not very sexy!”

  “Wait until you see what’s in my underwear and then you can form an opinion.” With that he took my hand and placed it on his cock. It was giant! Like maybe-I-should-have-bought-the-extra-large-size-condoms gigantic. I gasped and sat straight up.

  He stood and held out his hand. “Let’s take this to the bedroom, ok? Get undressed and we’ll do this properly.” I took my boots off and remove
d what was left of my nylons.

  “Take off the skirt and soaking wet underwear too. I want to see you naked,” he commanded. I shook my head. He removed his shoes, socks, shirt, and belt, leaving only his pants on. He took my hand and led me toward the bedroom. I turned the living room light off so the place was completely dark, with only the moonlight to guide us.

  He stopped at the door to the bedroom and turned on the light. “I want to see you. All of you. Don’t be shy, you’re beautiful.” I hit the dimmer switch so it was romantic lighting and not a full blast of sixty watt bulbs. I unzipped my skirt and stepped out of it.

  I motioned for him to take off his pants, “Your turn.”

  He took off his pants and flung them in the living room. “Now you. Off with the panties.” I took off mine and he took off his. We were standing there completely naked for one second before he closed the distance between us and picked me up to carry me toward the bed. I was not ready to go to the bed. I wanted to inspect his naked body from head to toe. He was covered in rippling muscles from his calves to his thighs to his abs to his arms and shoulders. I definitely didn’t get enough time to check out his package. That’s bullshit. I wanted to see the sights.

  Rocky gently deposited me on the bed and whispered “You have a beautiful body, don’t ever let anyone tell you different. I mean it. I’m going to take my time and discover every square inch of it. I will leave no part un-tasted. I want to savor all of you and make you beg for more. By the time I’m done tonight, you will have forgotten anyone else’s touch. There will only be mine, burned into your memory. No one else, only me. You’re mine, Violet, only mine. Say it.”

  “Only yours, no one else’s,” I murmured, hypnotized by his words. “When you come,” I demanded, “you better shout my name so I know that it’s ME who’s making you get off. Do you understand?” Two could play at this game.

  “Mmm hmm,” he mumbled and that was the end of the talking. He started at the tips of my toes and took my big toe into his mouth to suck on. You’d think feet sucking would be over-rated, but I have to admit it felt erotic for some reason. He went higher, kissing the backs of my knees and the front of my thighs. He was getting closer to an area I was really excited about. He skipped past that entirely and worked his way up my stomach until he had one breast in his mouth and the other in his hand. He finished where he left off on the night of our picnic. He sucked on each nipple until they were perfectly erect and begging for more. His warm hands kneaded and massaged and caressed. My breathing grew faster and faster and progressed into whimpers until he moved on. He kissed my chest and my neck and nibbled on my ear. I felt his hot breath tickling against my wet neck. I grabbed his shoulders and went to kiss him back but he pulled away.