by Naomi Niles
As soon as everything was out of my system, I slumped to the cold, hard ground, feeling strangely numb. There were so many thoughts bursting through my mind that I couldn’t actually settle on a single one of them. I felt like I could burst with it all, so my body seemed to have just shut down my emotions, leaving me with nothing left. I hated feeling this empty, but it was much better than feeling everything all at once, causing me to have a mental breakdown.
Well, I couldn’t stay there forever. It was time to go back to my room, where I would stay until I felt ready to face the rest of the word once more. As soon as I was behind closed doors, I would be safe enough to fall apart.
I pressed my ear up against the door, trying to be more careful this time. I certainly didn’t want to walk smack into Rhett out there while I looked like this. This was a disaster without adding that into the mix.
After a few moments, I concluded that I would be okay, and I tentatively peeked outside. Luckily, there was no one there, so it was now or never. I scurried like a mouse, practically tiptoeing across the hallway carpet, until I could lock myself away once more.
Just as I was about to congratulate myself on getting away with it, a light tapping sound emanated from my door, making my heart sink into my shoes.
Oh God, I panicked, has Rhett found my room already? I tried my best to escape quickly enough so that he wouldn’t be able to follow me, but it seemed like I wasn’t smart enough.
“Hello?” I called out quietly, my heart thumping painfully in my throat. What the hell was I going to say? How was I going to get rid of him?
“Danica?” I let out a sigh of relief as my mom’s voice replied. But this was very quickly replaced by dismay as I realized that I was about to be subjected to an argument that I really wasn’t in the mood for. “Can I come in?”
I desperately scoured my brain, trying to find a reason to say no, but I couldn’t come up with one quick enough. “Sure,” I eventually sighed. “Of course.” Hopefully this wouldn’t be too long and too painful; I just was not in the mood.
As she walked into my room, she took a few moments to examine my appearance. I surreptitiously rubbed my mouth, hoping that she couldn’t tell I’d just been sick. I certainly didn’t need the questions about that one!
“What was that about?” she snapped, sounding angrier than I’d been expecting. “Why were you so curt with Rhett back there?”
Was I? I thought that I’d managed to keep my feelings under control, but obviously not. I felt my face flame up at the thought of what everyone now thought of me. Brad was probably furious with me, and it was likely that Rhett hated my guts.
“It took Brad a lot to get him here, you know?” she asked, her tone very serious now. “I really don’t need things ruined by you acting unfriendly.” She slid on the bed next to me, and took my hands in hers, but I couldn’t relax. The closer she got to me, the more I feared that she was going to smell the vomit on me.
“I know you aren’t normally like that, Danica.” I tried to ignore her patronizing tone–I was sure she didn’t mean it in that way. “So I can only assume that it’s all of the wedding stress upsetting you.” I stayed silent, judging that this probably wasn’t the best time for me to say anything. I was desperately trying not to put my foot in my mouth. Plus, that excuse was better than anything I could come up with that quickly. “If you need to talk to me about anything, please feel like you can, okay?”
The way she was looking at me proved that she was waiting for an answer, so I quickly spoke out, saying the first thing that came to mind. “I guess seeing Rhett has made it all the more real for me,” I was lying, but luckily it seemed like she was lapping up every single word. “It’s all become a little…much.”
“I know,” Mom nodded in a very understanding way. “I know it’s a little strange, and it’s going to take a lot of getting used to–especially since it’s always been just you and me–but I think it’s going to be great to have a bigger family. I think you’ll really enjoy it once you get used to it.”
“Yeah.” I replied a little half-heartedly. The thought of a bigger family didn’t fill me with images of more brothers and aunts and uncles…it made me think of that baby in my arms again. That image that I’d been desperately trying to push to the back of my mind. I thought I’d been doing a good job, too–until Rhett damn well showed up and ruined everything.
“It’ll get better,” she soothed as she rubbed my arm gently. “I promise you. You’ll see.”
This turn of events was weird; in our last heart to heart, I was being the supportive, comforting one as Mom had cold feet, and now the tables had turned. I couldn’t help but feel touched that she’d taken the time out of worrying about the wedding to be there for me. It was a little emotional actually, but not enough to have me spilling the beans. The secret wasn’t coming out any time soon–especially not now!
“Thanks, Mom,” I acted like she’d comforted me, like she’d solved all of my problems with her words. “That’s great.”
“You look a little…tired, sweetie,” she started to examine me, which was the absolute last thing that I needed. I wanted her gone so that I could suffer in peace. The more time she spent in my room, the closer she could get to discovering everything.
I needed her attention away from me, and back onto her own problems.
“Yeah, yeah.” I snapped back quickly, standing up. “I think I better go to bed actually, I am pretty wiped. Thanks, though; it was really great to talk to you.”
I made a big deal of going to my wardrobe to grab my pyjamas, proving that I really was off to sleep. Mom took the hint and moved towards the door, smiling sadly at me as she left.
“Sleep well, all right?”
As she left me by myself, I slumped back onto the ground and allowed the tears to freefall down my face. I hated having to keep secrets from her, especially as we’d always been so close, but I didn’t see what choice I had this time.
I was just glad that I’d kept the pregnancy to myself before now. If I’d told my mum, then there would be no way I could keep mine and Rhett’s dalliance to myself. Not now that he was here, I didn’t exactly have the best poker face in the world.
No, I might not have enjoyed keeping a secret, but this one was going to have to stay that way for a little while longer.
Eventually, my mind travelled back to Rhett and the problem we now faced. It would be easier in some ways to tell him the truth now that he was here, but at the same time, that made it that much harder.
What if he really freaked out and went totally ballistic?
What if he was over the moon and wanted to declare our love to our parents right before the wedding?
Neither option filled me with any kind of positivity, so I quickly concluded that I was going to have to keep it to myself for a little while longer. Until the wedding was over, at the very least.
But I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to lie to him, which left me with very little options. I was going to have to avoid him at all costs–it was the only way that I’d be able to keep the secret inside.
That was going to be horrible after the amazing week we had at Camp Woodtree, but what else could I do? If I got too close, then I’d end up feeling that wonderful connection once more. I’d spent all that time opening up to Rhett and letting him in, and I wasn’t sure how to shut that off, how to go back to just being civil.
Plus, I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to disguise my very inappropriate feelings towards him, and I couldn’t risk anyone sensing that. There was no denying that under all the terror I’d been feeling as I laid my eyes on Rhett, there was definitely a spark remaining, too.
And that spark was going to have to be ignored. It was the only way that this family could work.
Family.
Stepbrother.
It made me shudder just thinking about it all.
How the hell was I going to survive this?
Chapter Sixteen
Rhett
/> Okay, it was official: I was pissed off.
I’d been trying to understand Danica’s weird behaviour since the whole situation surrounding us was bizarre, but now I couldn’t take it any longer. She was pointedly ignoring me, so much so that it was embarrassing. Every time I tried to even speak to her, not about anything in particular, she would just walk away. I had no idea how we were going to discuss what had happened between us and what we were going to do now if she was flatly refusing to even make eye contact with me.
It wasn’t just me that had noticed Danica’s bitchy attitude; even my self-absorbed father had commented on it, and for him to spot anything that didn’t directly impact on him was a damn miracle.
“Ooh, what have you done to piss her off?” he teased me, laughing about it, not even aware of how hurt I was.
But then again, the man didn’t know me well enough to know when I was upset, so I wasn’t sure why I’d expected more from him.
The more I thought about his joking words, the angrier I became. This wasn’t fair at all. I couldn’t think of anything I’d done wrong to Danica, to make her treat me like that. Unless she thought I knew about our parents and still hooked up with her. That was the only explanation that I could come up with, but I couldn’t honestly see it as the case.
How messed up did she think I was? Did she really think that little of me?
I had to get to the bottom of things. I really needed to sort it out before it damn well drove me insane. All I needed to do was get her alone, even for a second. Then I could break down this barrier and sort everything out once and for all.
Get her alone…surely that couldn’t be too difficult. Right?
But after the third room that I walked into, just to see her scurrying away, I decided to push her to the back of my mind. She was so obviously trying to avoid me, and while she was behaving in this way, I couldn’t see what I could do. I already felt like Dad and Lyla were watching me, trying to work out what my intentions were, and I didn’t want to make their suspicions worse.
I would come back to Danica when I had a more solid plan in place. But for now, I had something else that I needed to do. A point that I had to prove. I had my mission to think about, the one that I originally came here for. I needed to find evidence of my dad’s dickish behavior in some way or another, I needed to show everyone that I was right and they were all wrong.
I just had to find…something. I wasn’t sure what. I just hoped that I knew what it was as soon as I saw it.
The only problem was this fucking massive house! I didn’t even know where to begin looking for this unknown proof. But since everyone was out doing something wedding related, except for Danica, who was in bed ill yet again, then this was the absolute best opportunity that I was going to get. If I didn’t look now, I couldn’t guarantee I would get another chance.
I really didn’t want to go home empty handed.
So out of simple indecision, I decided to begin at the top of the house. The attic seemed like the perfect place to hide any secrets anyway, so it seemed like the most sensible thing to do. I pulled out the attic ladder and I made my way up the creaky stairs and into the dusty atmosphere, an excited anticipation overtaking me. I wanted to be vindicated, and I couldn’t wait for that to happen.
But as I stepped out into the absolutely gigantic attic, and I found myself faced with what felt like a million boxes, a cold sensation overtook me. I felt overwhelmed, and I instantly regretted my decision to try and tackle this today when I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind. This was a stupid idea–how the hell was I going to get through all of these boxes in such a short space of time? And what if it was a fruitless task that led me nowhere?
But I hadn't come all this way for nothing; I had to at least try. I would never be able to forgive myself if I went home with no evidence, without even bothering to look. Everything that I said to James would mean nothing, and my mom would think that she was right about Dad changing.
I couldn’t have that. I wouldn’t have him prove himself for Lyla–as much as I liked her–when he wouldn’t for my mom. That just was not fair, and I couldn’t stand it. My mom was the best woman I knew, and I hated my dad for treating her like crap yet again. She might not have been bothered, but I sure as hell was.
So, I began the long and arduous task of scanning my eyes over all of the boxes, and I started the search that felt like it could quite easily completely consume me.
After an hour, I was totally exhausted and I still had absolutely nothing. I’d been through all of the boxes that looked even remotely like they might contain anything useful, and I’d read endless boring bits of paperwork that made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever, and I was growing increasingly frustrated with my lack of anything. I was so convinced that anything incriminating he had would be here, so it was annoying to have to leave with nothing.
In the end, I forced myself to leave the attic, to head back downstairs before I drove myself insane with it all. I couldn’t look through another damn box without screaming. I felt dejected and sad as I made my way away from the one place I had been certain I would find anything. It was awful to admit that I’d failed, but I couldn’t see any other option. If I hadn't found anything already, I couldn’t see that I was going to.
I would just have to wait for my next opportunity alone, and go through every other room. I wasn’t ready to give up on my mission just yet.
But I would have to wait for the time being because almost as soon as my feet hit the floor, I heard the front door open, and Lyla and my dad were coming back inside. They were home already, much earlier than I’d been expecting. But as I glanced at my watch, I realized that wasn’t the case at all. I’d just been in the attic for far longer than I’d assumed.
My heart pounded as I tried to imagine what it would have been like if they’d found me up there. There was no good excuse for that. It would have caused hell, and I would have been sent back home with all those loose ends still left unresolved.
“Rhett!” I heard Dad yell up the stairs. “Danica!” He waited for us to reply, but neither of us did. “We have a dinner planned, so you’re going to have to come downstairs in an hour.”
I let of a sigh of relief. Okay, a dinner; I could do that. I wasn’t in any shit, at any rate. I raced back to my room to get myself ready before facing the family once more. I needed to put myself together if I was going to deal with my dickhead dad, his fiancée who I actually thought was pretty nice, and my new stepsister–the woman I’d thought I’d been falling for not that long ago.
What a disaster this was going to be. I just hoped that I could get through it without any real drama.
***
I awkwardly shoved my chair in at the oversized dining table, feeling like I was under intense scrutiny. This felt like a really serious meeting–like a damn job interview or something. It was horrible, and I was starting to regret not making an excuse to get out of it. I should have been the one feigning illness for once.
“This looks lovely,” I smiled uncomfortably, and indicating to the plate set in front of me. “Thank you, Lyla.” She’d made some sort of complex pasta dish that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a posh restaurant, but the frosty atmosphere was killing it.
I glanced over to Danica, who was purposely avoiding eye contact with me, bringing my annoyance back to the surface once more. Was she ever going to give me the time of day?
“So, Rhett,” Lyla dragged my attention back to her. “Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself? I don’t feel like I don’t know you very well yet, and I’d like to.”
She shot me a warm smile, which made me feel a little funny inside. Much as I felt like being a dick, just to treat everyone as shitty as they were making me feel, I couldn’t. She’s just trying too hard, and there was a real kindness inside of her that couldn’t be ignored.
“There isn’t much to tell, really,” I shrugged my shoulders, trying to act like I didn’t care. “I guess my main thing is
sports–I love doing physical stuff like that. I’m going to Grange after the summer to study sports management, which I hope to turn into some kind of career. I want to do what I love.” I smiled at her, hoping that vague information would be enough.
“Oh, Danica is very sporty, too,” she jumped at the chance to connect us, to give us some kind of common ground to build a bond from. How little she knew! “She worked at Camp Woodtree this summer–a sports camp for kids. I used to take her there all the time when she was younger.”
My heart pounded in my chest as I was left with a decision. Did I admit that I’d been there too, or not? Would I fuck everything up forever if I did? Or would it be seriously weird if I didn’t?
“You worked at Camp Woodtree, too, didn’t you?” my dad jumped in like an idiot, shattering my fear. What the hell did he say that for? Could he not read the room? And how the hell did he know about that? I certainly hadn't said anything about it. “Your mom mentioned it when I spoke to her.”
I flicked my eyes over to Danica, who was finally looking right back at me for the first time since I first arrived. The terror was evident in her eyes, which made me decide to get rid of this elephant in the room once and for all. There was no point in trying to hold it in any longer, it was pointless. We would only look guiltier if we tried to ignore it now.
“Yeah, I did work at Camp Woodtree,” I said, tearing my eyes away from her. “I did actually meet Danica there…”
“Only briefly,” she interrupted sharply, looking only at her mom. “Camp Woodtree is a huge place, so it isn’t like we got to talk or anything.” What the hell was she playing at? Why was she still lying? It wasn’t as if I was about to tell them that we’d slept together or anything. Was she really that ashamed of even knowing me? “We just…saw each other in passing.”