He moves his hips in small circles. In and out, he starts a steady, slow pace. I can see his jaw tighten and he lets out a low growl. His thrusts quicken, sweat building up on his forehead. The only sounds are those of our bodies slamming into each other. My body trembles with the need to come again.
“Let go now, Alexis.”
I come with such force that tears roll down my face. The orgasm seems to go on and on. Aiden throws his head back.
“Fuck,” he grunts.
Thrusting once more, he stills himself inside of me. His hot semen is thick as it shoots into my core.
We are both breathing hard and fast. Still deep in me, he looks into my eyes with tenderness, and even though he doesn’t say anything, I can see the love in his.
Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, “I love you, Aiden.”
He looks like a deer caught in a car’s headlights, stunned and afraid. He lets out a breath, but does not say a single word. I don’t even know how long we look at each other.
My face gets red and hot, not from needing him but from embarrassment. Instantly I regret saying it out loud.
“Aiden, I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“What? Why are you sorry? Didn’t you mean it?”
He rolls off me and lies on his side so he can face me. His head is propped on his arm, waiting for an answer. “Did you mean it? Do you love me?”
There’s a glossiness to his eyes. In a low whisper, I say, “Yes, I meant it. I love you.”
He smiles and kisses me on the nose, then again on the forehead, and then he covers my mouth with his. There’s such tenderness, followed by so much passion that he leaves me breathless. He pulls away, his eyes dancing with delight.
“My beautiful Alexis, I already knew that.”
I lightly slap at his chest. “What?”
He grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I knew it, tesoro mio. Because I feel the same way.”
Tears well in my eyes. In this moment my body is alive with pleasure, warmth, happiness, and so much love that nothing, absolutely nothing, can hurt or bring me down.
“Alexis, I have never said it to anybody other than my family. I have never once felt like this for anyone, and as I told you before, this is all new. I’m trying, but I need you to help me and to give me time. If you can do that for me, then we will be all right…more than all right. We will be the greatest thing since Antony and Cleopatra.”
We stare at one another and start laughing. He stops and says, “You have made my life more meaningful. You have given me a reason to look forward to tomorrow. I have never met anyone like you, and I never want to know what a world without you feels like, Alexis. You are my sun, you are my stars, and you are my hope for new beginnings.”
We fall asleep looking at each other.
***
I’m jerked awake by Aiden’s screaming.
“No, don’t leave me. Please, I’ll be good.”
“Aiden, wake up.” I shake him. “Wake up!”
He yells, “Oh god!” Jumping from the bed, he turns to face me. “What happened?” The look in his eyes tells me that he is afraid, but of what I don’t know. “Oh god, Alexis, did I hurt you? What did I say? Tell me. I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you again. Please say I did not shove or punch you again.”
“No, Aiden, I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me, but the question is, are you okay?”
I want to hold him and try to make it better for him, but I’m not sure how to do that if he won’t tell me anything about what’s haunting him.
“You know you can tell me anything. No matter what it is, Aiden, I am here for you. I want to try to help you, but you have to be open and honest with me.”
He looks at me with disbelief in his eyes. “I can’t tell you, Alexis. You’ll just leave me too.”
Chapter 16
I reach for his arm. “I have told you the worst things about me. I opened up all my old wounds to you, but you can’t be honest with me. If things are going to work between us, we have to be open and honest with each other.”
“I…I just can’t. It’s something I have never ever talked to anybody about.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Please just drop it.” Frustrated, he mutters something in Italian. I hate that I cannot understand it.
He walks into the bathroom and shuts the door. My heart breaks for both us. Even though we have told each other how we feel, I just don’t know if loving each other is enough to get us through whatever has him so tormented. I’m worried about him, about us, whether we will survive this.
Aiden comes back out. “I better take you home now. I have an early morning shoot and you have to go to work.”
How many times is this going to happen? How many times will I have to go through this? He’s shut himself off again and gone some place I can’t reach him.
“I really think you should talk to somebody about your nightmares. If you can’t talk to me, then please, talk to a professional.”
He looks at me with anger in his eyes. “Why? So they can tell me how fucked-up I am? So my past can come back to hurt me again?”
“Don’t you see how it’s already hurting you, how this is hurting us? Because every time you have one of your nightmares, you close yourself off and push me away. You don’t push away the people you love, you let them help you.” I throw my hands up. “Tell me something, will you? What is it going to take to get you to trust me?” I start to yell. “Tell me, Aiden!”
“Drop it, Alexis. Please, just let it go.”
***
I get home, still wondering. What just happened? So many thoughts run through my head. The night started out amazing, with such promise, and got so much better as it ended, but now I feel like we might as well be on opposite sides of the planet. I lie on the bed feeling tired, hurt, confused, used, and all alone.
The alarm goes off. I get up, dress, and get to work all in a blur. I don’t even remember how I actually made it here. I sit at my desk and think about the events of the night: telling him that I love him, and then him saying he already knew because he felt the same way.
He loves me. As bad as I feel about him shutting himself off, that he doesn’t trust me enough to let me in, I can’t help but smile a little. He…loves…me. Yes, he didn’t say the actual words, but he said that he feels it. He asked me for time and patience, and I need to give him that. I just need to find a way to help him, to make him see that he can trust me, to let him know how much I love him and that I will not leave him.
I’m about to throw myself into work when Julie walks into my office. She’s been out of town on another assignment, so I haven’t talked to her since she called me to tell me I had the job. “Hi, Alexis, I’m Julie. We talked briefly on the phone. I’m also Michael’s assistant.”
She put her hand out for me to shake. “We should grab lunch sometime and get to know each other. After all, we’re both doing the same job, but with different clients.”
“I would like that, Julie. How about today?”
“Sounds great. I’ll see you at noon.”
As soon as she leaves I decide to call Chris Allen to find out what the fight was all about. He answers on the second ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Chris. It’s Alexis.”
“Oh, hey! What can I do for you?”
“Well, for starters you can tell me what is going on between you and Aiden.”
“How about you have dinner with me tonight and I’ll tell you all about it?”
I can’t help but think if I go out with him, Aiden will be upset. Hell, he will be pissed. But I have to know what is going on.
“Alexis, are you still there?”
“Um, yeah, I’m here. Dinner tonight sounds fine. I should be finished around six. Where did you want to meet?”
“I’ll swing by and pick you up at six, Alexis.”
“Okay, but just so you know it’s not a date. I just want to know why you and Aiden hate each other so much.”
“Okay, see you then.”
As soon as I hang up I feel a sense of guilt, but I can’t let that stop me. I look up Aiden’s schedule to see what photoshoot he has going on today and its location. It’s a menswear shoot for the upcoming fall season. I close the window and busy myself the rest of the morning.
When noon rolls around, Julie comes to the door. “Ready to go?”
I look at her and smile. “Yes, I’m starved.”
We go around the corner to a deli, order our food, and find an open table to sit down and wait for our orders to be called.
“So, Alexis, tell me a little bit about yourself. Do you like the job so far? Do you live far from here? Are you single or married? Do you have family here?”
“Wow, so many questions!”
“Sorry, I’ve been told I ask too much at times.”
We both giggle. “It’s fine. Well, let me see…Yes, I love my job. I get to meet a lot of famous people and I enjoy the people I work with in the office. No, I don’t live far from here, so sometimes I take the subway or a taxi or I walk. And yes, I am single, but I’m seeing someone right now. Finally, no, I don’t have any family here, but my roommate has been my best friend since junior high. Actually she’s more like a sister to me than a friend. She moved here with me.”
They call our names. “You stay here, Alexis, and keep our table. I’ll get the orders.”
“Okay, thanks.”
Julie gets back to the table. I take a bite out of my sandwich. “Mmmm, these are so good.”
“Well, now that you’ve told me about yourself, let me share some things about myself. Let’s see, where do I begin…I have worked for Michael a little over three years now. I’m good at my job, but I do travel a lot to take care of our clients that are out of the country, which is why we needed someone who would take care of the ones we have here. As for my personal life, I’m single because with all the traveling, it would be difficult for me to concentrate on both a relationship and my job right now. My family is in Texas…that’s where I’m from.”
I smile. “I was wondering.”
She laughs and says, “It was my southern accent, right? Even though I’ve lived here a few years already, I can’t get rid of it.”
“I think it sounds just fine, actually sounds kind of cute. After all, why would you want to lose your roots?”
“Sounds cute, huh? Well, thank you, Alexis. Most people tell me to work on it, so it’s nice to finally meet someone who doesn’t think I have to.”
We finish our lunch and get back to work.
***
Kathy gives me my messages, and as I get back to my desk I see one of them is from Detective Miller. I call him right away.
“Alexis, how are you?”
“I don’t know. I…I thought all this was behind me. I thought Frank was out of my life for good. I thought I would never have to deal with him again. I moved hundreds of miles away and he still found me. So you tell me, Detective Miller, how am I supposed to be? Can you answer that for me? Because I sure as hell don’t know how to handle this anymore. How did he send me that letter? More importantly, how did he find me?”
“We’re still trying to find that out. He couldn’t have sent it himself because the prison checks all the mail, whether it’s incoming or outgoing.”
“What?” I try not to sound angry, but I can’t help it. “How can you not know?”
“Please, try to calm down. We are investigating everything and everyone who has had contact with him. I just wanted you to know that we aren’t going to stop until we get to the bottom of this. Plus, Detective Doyle back in Seattle is also working on it. We are doing everything we can to make sure that you are safe.”
“I don’t feel very safe at the moment if he found me so far from home. How am I safe? I—I’m sorry, it’s just that I don’t know what to do anymore. I know you are doing everything possible, it’s just that I’m trying really hard to go on with my life and it seems no matter where I go I can’t escape him.”
“It’s okay, I understand and I will let you know as soon as I know anything, I promise.”
“Thank you, Detective Miller.”
I hang up, hopelessly desperate. I need to stay busy with work so I can stop feeling like this, because no matter how much I stress, it will not fix the situation. I keep thinking about Aiden, wondering what he is doing and if he will call.
Michael comes in. “Alexis, I need you to get some interviews for Chris set up. Here’s a list of places where he is set to perform.”
“I’ll get right on it, Michael.”
Looking over the list, I see he is set to perform at a place called Village Vanguard. Even though I’m not from here, I’ve heard that it is a very well-known place. It hosts the crème de la crème of mainstream jazz talent. There’s a lot of history there. Another well-known place named Smalls is on the list. I go about my task of setting up some interviews for Chris, glad that I have plenty of work to keep me busy. I don’t even notice the time until Chris is standing at my door.
***
“Well aren’t you the busy little bee?”
I look up and Chris has such a big grin on his face that I can’t help but smile. He is really good-looking, so different from Aiden. Chris is also very lean and muscular, but he has light brown hair with hints of golden highlights and beautiful gray eyes. He stands at around six feet tall, and if I wasn’t so in love with Aiden Steffan I just might let Chris in. But I am totally and completely in love with Aiden.
I shut off my computer, stand, and walk to the door. He puts his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the elevators. I hit the down button.
We decide to eat at Phoenix Park; it’s a sports bar. There’s an open table and we seat ourselves. The waitress comes and takes our order but can’t seem to take her eyes off Chris. Can she be any more obvious?
After she’s gone, I say, “Excuse me, but I have to go to the ladies’ room.”
He gets up and pulls out my chair.
Before I make it to the bathroom, the waitress stops me and says, “You have a very good-looking boyfriend there.”
A part of me would like to play along, letting her think that he is my boyfriend, but I just cannot do that to him, to Aiden, or to myself. Instead I’m honest with her. “Oh, he’s not my boyfriend. We just work together, but I’ll let him know you’re interested if you want.”
Her eyes light up. “Thanks, but I’ll handle it myself.
I roll my eyes and say under my breath, “Whatever, have it your way.” She has a lot of nerve coming up to me and saying that. What if I had been his girlfriend? What would she have started?
As I walk to the bathroom I can’t help but think of Aiden. He hasn’t called or texted me the whole day. I wonder if I should call him or maybe swing by his place after dinner with Chris. While waiting to use one of the stalls, I dig into my purse for my phone.
I shoot him a text:
Hey, are you okay? Thinking of you.
I take my turn then wash my hands, but before returning to the table I check my phone. Nothing. Disappointed, I make my way back to the table.
“Sorry it took so long.”
Chris gives me a smile. “Nah, it’s okay…” His easy look quickly changes. “Did you tell that waitress she could ask me for my phone number? That there’s nothing between us and we’re just friends that work together?”
My face turns red and I feel guilty for a moment, but snap back to my senses. I look him straight in the eyes. “Well, Chris, we do work together, and there is nothing between us but friendship. I mean, I do hope we are friends—”
He reaches for my hand. “Alexis, I like you…”
“I like you too, Chris.”
“No, Alexis, I really like you and I want to see if things could go somewhere for us. I know we’ve just met, but I felt an instant attraction to you and I would like a chance to date you.”
I try to pull my hand away, but he has a stronger hold on it than I
’d like. “I don’t think that would be a good idea. We work together and that would complicate things. Besides, I’m seeing someone already, but you know that, don’t you? Maybe that’s why you’re doing all this…to get back at him. To maybe get some, I don’t know what…some sort of payback for something you think he did to you. But you don’t know him at all. I feel how much he loves me, how much he needs me, and I need him, Chris.” With my voice a little higher now, I say, “I love him.”
I can see the pleading in Chris’s eyes as he leans in. “I could show you love, affection. I would treat you like a queen. I would cherish you every day. You wouldn’t have to worry about me leaving you. You wouldn’t have to wonder if I was seeing someone else. I would be devoted to you and you alone. Maybe I don’t have a right to ask you this, but leave him and give me a chance to show you what I’m saying is real. Tell me that you don’t dream of being with a man who will show you love, respect, honor—a man who will think of you from the moment that he wakes up until the very last minute before he closes his eyes at night. Tell me that he does all those things and I will never approach you on this subject again. But you can’t, can you? Because he doesn’t show you any of those things.”
Again I try pulling my hand from his grasp. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe you’re jealous. Maybe you just want what you can’t have, what he has. Maybe you just want to be him.”
Suddenly the pleading look is gone from his eyes and replacing it is a fire. Their gray color is now darker, but I stand my ground. I know I have hurt his feelings but I can’t back down on this. “Chris, I am sorry, but there will never be anything between us except a working relationship and maybe friendship. Are you listening, to me? Nothing else!”
Chapter 17
Chris releases my hand furiously. “I don’t understand why you are with Aiden. That is who you are talking about, isn’t it, Alexis? You know when he gets tired or bored of you he’ll move on just like he’s done with all the others. He tells them he loves them, tells them he can’t be without them, makes them believe he will always be with them, then leaves them without warning.”
Out Of The Dark Page 13