Governess's Dilemma (9781460320600)

by Griffin, Pamela

  He left her then, not giving her the chance to agree or disagree.

  Chapter 17

  “Dalton, dear, whatever is the matter?”

  He looked up from the paper at which he’d been staring without seeing and into his mother’s concerned eyes.

  “I apologize. I was...distracted.”

  “I think I can guess why,” she said with a knowing smile. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain young lady who resides in our household, would it?”

  “What would cause you to think that?” At the lift of her brows, he surrendered. “Perhaps.”

  “It isn’t difficult to see. She behaves in the same manner, with her mind in the clouds and that same uncertainty I see clouding your expression. You would think that her agreement to stay in Hillsdale four days ago would have produced a different reaction.” She chuckled.

  “I love her, Mother.” He decided to admit everything.

  “I suspected as much.... And?” she added when he didn’t respond.

  “Some of the points she brought up when I professed my feelings have made me hesitant to speak, once I thought about what she said. They were the same points Giselle made, of why she couldn’t marry me.”

  “Myrna and Giselle are nothing alike.”

  “I know that.” Frustrated, he set his quill down and leaned back in the chair. “But they both made it clear that they felt as if they wouldn’t fit in with our family.”

  “It’s that serious, then?” she queried softly. “You care for her that much?”

  “Yes. But I don’t know how to proceed.”

  “Did you propose?”

  He glumly shook his head. “After the debacle with Giselle, I’m somewhat apprehensive to do so, only to have her reject me. Worse, have her accept, then later run away.” He laughed without humor. “She has a habit of doing that. Running. In a sense, she was running the night we met on the train.”

  “You must tell her how you feel, Dalton. The heart can be tricky, but it’s faithful when love is true. If Giselle had loved you enough, our status in the community would never have prompted her rash decision to flee. Instead, it became the excuse she needed to make that choice. I sense something entirely different with Myrna.”

  “Yes?”

  “Yes.” She smiled mysteriously. “But you must find out for yourself.”

  “It always comes down to choices, doesn’t it?” he stated dryly, his gaze going to the cold hearth. The image of him with her there, wiping her tears and the tender kiss that followed provoked his memory.

  “Life is full of choices, and as soon as one is made another comes to take its place. You made the choice to tackle the family business, with none of the training your brother had, and you’ve done well. Now it’s time to confront matters of the heart with that same perseverance. That, or resign yourself to live an empty life without the woman you love beside you.”

  He winced. “You never mince words, do you, Mother?”

  “Of course not. What would be the point?”

  She began to walk away then seemed to think twice and looked back. “That said, I should tell you—she might not be with us much longer. You’ve been so busy with business affairs, you refused to take dinner with us—well, that’s the excuse you gave at any rate. But last night she told me she might be seeking work as a laundress at the hotel.”

  “What?” His entire body snapped to attention. “Why would she do that when she has a perfectly good place here, with us?”

  “Perhaps you should ask her that. Especially after your declaration to her.”

  “Then you approve?” he asked quietly.

  She smiled. “I already think of her as a daughter.”

  She opened the door and pivoted as another thought occurred. “Would you mind going in search of the girls and telling them to come back to the house? They’re at the pond. It looks like it might rain, and it wouldn’t do for Sisi to get wet so soon after her recent scare. The walk might help to clear your head.”

  “Of course.” Dalton rose from his chair. “No need to convince me.”

  Only when he arrived at the spot did Dalton realize he had again been manipulated by his cunning mother. The girls were nowhere in sight.

  But Myrna stood in the small gazebo, facing the pond. At the sound of his step, she turned. A wary expression lit her eyes as they stared at one another, and Dalton knew the time had come for candid discussion, no matter the outcome.

  * * *

  The moment Sisi begged Myrna to accompany her to visit the ducks, she should have been suspicious—doubly so when Rebecca appeared shortly after they arrived and told Sisi that her nana wished to see them both. The girls had then run off before Myrna could draw breath to ask questions.

  Now, upon seeing Dalton for the first time in four days, Myrna understood. It didn’t help the state of her emotional equilibrium that she’d just been thinking about him, wondering why he’d been avoiding her, before she turned and saw him standing there.

  “Hello.” He seemed tense. “The girls aren’t here, are they? Mother asked me to fetch them.”

  “They were.” She offered a faint, amused smile. “For under ten seconds. Rebecca said that your mother wanted to talk with both girls.”

  “Ah, I see.” He nodded as if not surprised. “It seems we’ve been hoodwinked once again.”

  But why was there a need? she wanted to demand. And she wondered if he regretted professing his feelings to her. She should just go and never look back.

  “I should return before I’m missed.” Even as she said the words, droplets struck all around, and Dalton moved into the gazebo.

  “You have no parasol. It’s likely a brief shower, like the one yesterday. The clouds aren’t that dark.”

  She didn’t mention that she had never owned a parasol, uncertain of exactly what to say.

  He moved to the rail to look out over the pond where two ducks glided on the surface of the water now pebbled with raindrops.

  “I’ve been meaning to speak with you....”

  Four days she had wished for this moment. Now all she wanted was to escape it.

  “You don’t need to. I understand,” she whispered, and he turned his head to look at her. “We were both weary from lack of sleep. You spoke in haste—”

  He looked at her in confusion. “I meant every word I said.”

  She stared in surprise. “Oh.”

  “Did you?”

  She hesitated. “Which part?”

  “All of it.”

  “Yes,” she finally admitted.

  He pivoted to face her. “Then why are you again thinking of leaving us? Are you unhappy here?” Misery clouded his eyes.

  “No,” she hastened to reassure him. “I love your home. It’s peaceful. You and your mother have made me feel like a member of the family—”

  “Then why on God’s green earth do you want to move into town and become a laundress?”

  “I can’t live here anymore. Not feeling as I do!”

  “You’re talking in riddles, woman,” he said, perplexed. “You told me you care for me, is that not so?” His eyes sought hers for an answer and she gave a little nod. “You admitted to loving it here, you feel like part of the family. What am I missing?”

  “I’m not like my mother, nor will I ever be.”

  “I told you, I would never ask that of you, and I wish you would stop bringing it up.”

  “But I have no desire even to entertain the temptation,” she barely whispered, shocked that she was speaking so forthrightly, but there must be no misunderstandings between them, and clearly there were. “Staying on here, as the governess—”

  “You don’t have to be the governess.”

  “What would I be, then?”


  He hesitated. “Before I answer, why do you feel that you don’t fit in? It makes no sense, with what you just said.”

  She should never have admitted her feelings to him.

  “Your friends don’t think so. The town sure doesn’t. At the ball, a few acted differently toward me when they found out I was the hired help and not a true guest.”

  “Then they are pigheaded fools,” he scoffed. “Am I to cater to the whims of the populace or my associates when it comes to my personal affairs?”

  She held her breath. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that in my estimation you fit perfectly. With me.”

  He took her hand in his and slowly knelt to one knee. Her eyes widened while her heart skipped a beat then raced at the sudden realization of what he was doing.

  “Do you not know that I consider you one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met? With a heart and soul that are pure, despite all you’ve suffered. You strive to do what’s right, always putting others first. You are fiercely loyal to those you love. And I would consider it a privilege if you would stay with me. Not as my mistress, Myrna—but as my wife.”

  Everything seemed to freeze within and without; she could produce no words. When she could speak, they weren’t the words she wished to say.

  “What of your feelings for Giselle? Do you no longer love her?”

  He drew his brows together at her whisper. “While it’s true that Giselle and I have mended our differences, in all honesty, I never felt as strongly about her as I’ve come to feel about you. A love so deep, it hurts when you’re not near.”

  She brought the hand he wasn’t holding to her mouth in an attempt to quench a soft sob. She understood such words. She felt it, too.

  Gently he turned her other hand over in his, fingering her mother’s ring. “That is why I’ve remained silent. Giselle told me some of the same things you did—that she didn’t feel she fit in, that the idea of marriage to me had become a trap, and it worried me that you also felt that way—until five minutes ago, when you admitted you were happy with us and loved it here.”

  At the recollection of Dalton left jilted at the altar and the realization of how difficult this must be for him, her heart ached in sympathy, even while she felt she might float away with bliss to hear him speak.

  “As you’ve been open with me, so I want to be with you,” she said. “I don’t want you to come to feel the way she did. About me. Thinking marriage to me a trap or that I don’t fit in. Not too long ago you thought me a woman of questionable character.”

  “I won’t.” His words were firm, his eyes sincere. “And those days are long in the past.”

  “Speaking of the past, what of my family’s scandal?” she sadly reminded him.

  “It shouldn’t be yours to bear!”

  “But it is. We can’t change history, Dalton. And once before, someone from the past found me and caused heartache. Should that again happen, I don’t wish to be a burden to you or your mother. I don’t wish for my scandal to become yours.”

  He swiftly brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers then again looked up at her. “You alone have borne the weight of your family’s secret far too long. Now I want to be there for you. If that day should come and the past resurfaces, then together we’ll face whatever snakes lie in wait. We Freeds can be a formidable lot. We take care of our own.” His gentle teasing soothed her fears. Again he stroked her mother’s band. “Let me replace this ring that ties you to your past with another, one that symbolizes the future I wish to give you. You have my heart, dearest Myrna. Will you give me yours in return?”

  The tears slipped from her eyes while the light rain continued to fall outside their shelter.

  “I so desperately want to believe you,” she whispered, a lifetime of old fear difficult to suppress, even with the promise of all she desired.

  “I would never hurt you. I’d sooner cut off my hand. If you cannot yet trust me, will you at least trust that?”

  “Yes,” she said without reservation. “You’re a wonderful man, Dalton. I was wrong to ever think otherwise. I do trust you. And...and if you truly wish it of me, then I would be most honored to marry you.”

  His eyes brightened. “I do wish it, with all that I am.” He stood and cradled her face between his hands, but instead of sweeping her into his passionate embrace as had been her experience twice, he stopped short of doing so. “I should like to kiss you.”

  His words held the hint of a question, and her smile trembled with happiness.

  “I should like your kiss.”

  He smiled, his lips brushing hers, this kiss not tentative like the first, nor as desperate as their last, but tender and undemanding, full of the promise of forever he had just conveyed. In the powerful circle of his arms she felt warmed to her very marrow, as if she’d finally found safe haven after searching so long. When he pulled away, she shivered to lose such closeness.

  “You’re cold,” he said in a self-chastising manner. “How thoughtless of me not to give you my coat.” He gave no heed to her mild protests, unbuttoning his waistcoat and slipping it around her shoulders. She drew his coat even closer at the sensation of heat from his body that lingered on the silk lining and warmed her flesh.

  “There seems to be a lull.” He looked at the sky. “Shall we make a run for it?”

  His eyes were alight with boyish charm, a quality about him she only recently noticed in past weeks, and she giggled like a schoolgirl and nodded. Despite the dismal clouds she felt as if sunbeams had burst to life and danced within her soul.

  “Together?” He held out his hand.

  She took it, pulling his waistcoat over her head with the other. “Together.”

  They raced for the manor, the storm in their lives at last subsided, the downpour over the countryside now a light, drizzling mist. Myrna smiled to know that she would never again face the future alone—no longer cold, stark, perilous or uncertain.

  She had found the courage to confront it....

  And a reason to believe.

  Epilogue

  Two years later

  “Sisi, my pet, will you hand me the blanket?”

  Myrna held her hand out for the snowy white cloth. Like the doting little aunt she’d become, Sisi picked it up from the ground where it had slipped and tucked the folds around her niece, fussing over her.

  “Hello, Lila Jane,” Sisi cooed when the baby sleepily opened her eyes, a shade between her mother’s green and her father’s blue. Myrna hid a smile to recall her conversation of two months ago. Lila had been his grandmother’s name, and Dalton’s mother had expressed delight that they’d chosen it. Lila was Dalton’s wish, but Jane had been Myrna’s choice.

  “Someone in your family?” Dalton had inquired.

  “You might say that.” She wondered what he would say if he learned she had named their child after a fictional heroine, the novel now a favorite. In part she had done so because she shared many traits that Jane Eyre possessed, along with her triumph to gain the love of the master of the household whom she had come to cherish—and tonight, perhaps during their nightly stroll, she might tell him why. She giggled to think of what he would say if she admitted how she once compared him to the formidable Mr. Rochester.

  The months leading up to their spring wedding had been a blur for Myrna. Mother Freed had shown delight to gain Myrna as her daughter-in-law, and Myrna deemed it only proper that she confess her family’s scandal. To Myrna’s relief, Dalton’s mother had been reassuring, as well as insistent that no prospective daughter-in-law of hers would stay at a public boardinghouse. So Myrna had remained at Eagle’s Landing.

  Overnight, Mother Freed became a strict if devoted chaperone with two eager aides. It was rare that Dalton stole a kiss that Myrna was only too happy to give, before his mother or one or
both girls would appear. Their moments alone grew rare and brief, the reason a source of much shared amusement between them. Her nightly strolls with Dalton were restricted to daytime with both girls in attendance and resumed only after their sweet chapel wedding.

  Myrna had wished to keep the ceremony simple, but Mother Freed wanted to invite the entire town. They reached a compromise and invited all the quaint chapel could hold. At the ensuing party, many others from all over the county arrived at the manor to wish them well, including Giselle, who warmly took Myrna’s hands in hers and wished her every happiness. Myrna had been uncertain how she would respond to meeting Dalton’s former fiancée, but at the sincere kindness in the woman’s dark eyes, she felt reassured. Since then, she and Giselle had become friends.

  Myrna and her new husband had honeymooned in Europe, exploring its many ancient castles and indulging in the legend and lore.

  A month after their return, Myrna’s shy announcement of a baby sent the household into a flurry of excitement, and the maids prepared a room for the nursery, close to the master bedchamber. Most surprising to Myrna, the lock on the old playroom disappeared, the room still consigned to storage but no longer forbidden, and to the little girls’ delight, the replica dollhouse of Eagle’s Landing appeared on Christmas morning in their play area.

  “It’s what Alyssa would have wanted,” Dalton said quietly to Myrna while watching their young charges play together, a bittersweet smile on his face.

  So much healing had occurred in the more than two years since Myrna arrived. She had learned that trust, even justly deserved, took time to cultivate and must be nurtured, each opportunity golden, never to be taken for granted or ignored. Since their daughter had come to bless their lives, the ghostly weeping was never again heard by the maids late in the night, the owner of the creaking rocker too content to dote on her granddaughter to dwell on past losses.

  “Dalton,” Sisi squealed, breaking into Myrna’s thoughts. She watched her sister run across the lawn to him to be scooped up into his embrace. “Lila Jane smiled today!”