by L. U. Ann
“I don’t want to hurt you.” I try to protest while muttering and leaning into his battered body.
“Lacey, what happened to you hurts so much more than anything physical right now. I love you. It’s my job to keep you safe, and that fucker crossed the fucking line one too many times.” I have never heard him so angry. “He thinks he can get away with snatching our son from our home, and then he tries to fucking rape you? No! He’s not getting away with this.” I gasp loudly.
“Devon, I’ve been without you for too long. Please don’t do anything irrational,” I cry pleadingly.
“Irrational? You think I’m the irrational one? Are you fucking defending him?”
“What? No!” How could he ask me that? “I just want us to go home and be happy. We have everything.” I beg him to see my point of view and pray he’ll drop this conversation.
“No, we don’t, Lacey! Evan does not carry my last name. He’s my son, and Caine is going to give him up whether he wants to or not. Believe me. He will give me Evan.” The anger behind his eyes sucks my breath away.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Holmes?” a cheerful nurse asks walking in. She watches me wipe my face. Scrunching her nose, she looks around the thick air. “Mr. Holmes, I believe your guests should leave. You aren’t supposed to get upset. You have already—”
“No, Renee, this is my wife, Lacey. Lacey, this is Renee, her shift began just after you left earlier. Renee, she stays.” He points at me with his thumb. “I need to know when I’m getting out of here. There are issues needing my urgent attention.” His caustic tone stuns me tremendously.
“Uh, yes, sir. I will be right back.” She dutifully leaves the room sealing the fury inside the four walls.
“Devon, please,” I beg.
“No, my lawyer will handle this. Caine will no longer be a threat if he knows what’s good for him. I have a cushioned bank account that I know you don’t want to touch, but it comes in handy when persuading someone to do the right thing. Evan is my son too, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure you and him are safe.”
“Mommeee…” Evan sings barging into the room with Ryan on his heels.
“Where’s Mindy?”
“Oh, she had something come up and asked if I could take over the little monster.” Ryan’s theatrics entices a giggle out of Evan. “Uh, Evan, come here, buddy. Let’s go play on the elevator some more.” Ryan quickly ushers Evan out shutting the world behind him.
I watch the events over the next few hours unfold. Becca finally calms the majorly pissed off Devon while I sit staring at the wall. My body may be present, but emotions and social awareness have shut down again from overwhelming events and issues yet to be resolved. I am torn. I do not want to revisit the Caine issue nor do I want him to be part of our life anymore. How is Devon going to make sure Caine gives Evan up? The anger Devon is displaying makes my toes curl. All of this is too much, and then I need to find out the answer to the question looming overhead and pray Devon will be pleased. Thankfully, Becca talked Devon off the ledge he was ready to push Caine from. Becca thinks all Devon needs to do is remind Caine there are potential legal matters to discuss if he does not hand over rights.
Still silently staring, I begin to wonder how someone could give up his or her own flesh and blood. I mean, I understand certain situations, but this is because the bastard is so fucking selfish and morally not right. It makes me nauseous to think I ever loved him. I shudder in disgust.
Devon, now discharged from hospital, rides home with Frank and Evan while I drive my car back. I need to stop at the store first. Crap!
I pull into the Walgreen’s parking lot and inhale a deep breath before stepping out. The summer air is thick and clings to you like another layer of skin. Rapidly finding and purchasing my few items, I am on my way home. All I can think and pray for is that I hope he wants this.
I jump from the chime of a text coming in. It’s Mindy.
Mindy: Sunday 5:50 p.m.: Sorry I had to leave. That skank nurse Renee was found in one of the rooms with a doctor. A DOCTOR! Holy shit and you call me dirty! *gasps* I so wish I could’ve been the one to find them. Oh, pictures would be plastered EVERYWHERE! Go enjoy your hubby. I’m so happy for you, Lacey. Give Evan a smooch. Love ya! ;)
I bring the phone to my chest thankful Devon is home, and then it dawns on me what she said. Oh, my. Devon’s nurse was caught in a room with the doctor. I know she’s eating this up. With a quick text that I’ll call in the morning, I get out of the car.
Devon and I have yet to talk far into our future. What a great welcome home present! No, I am sure it is stress that’s causing the nausea and missed periods. I have an IUD. There is no way I can be pregnant. No way or no how could I be expecting. Right? Shaking away the impression of being stupid enough to waste the money, I feel a little sadness overcome me if it turns out negative. Damn, what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I getting my hopes up? Where did all of these conflicting emotions come from?
Walking into the house, Devon’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “What took so long, Sugar Pants?” Devon asks, looking delicious in his basketball shorts and t-shirt. Thankfully, I grabbed a baggy one with his cast. Even with his arm in a sling and prominent cuts and bruises, he makes my body go crazy.
“Oh, uhm... I, uhm... wanted to stop and pick up some gum.” I somehow find the mercy of words.
“Dum, dum, dum.” Evan strums waddling straight to me requesting a piece.
I squat down to his level. “Here you go sweetie. Mommy has to go potty. I’ll be right back.” I smile and with shaky hands, I dash into the master bathroom, quietly locking the door. I hope that Devon will not come after me. I think I was pretty convincing. Rolling my eyes at myself, I turn around. Rummaging through the bag, I pull out the two boxes, which happen to have two tests in each. I want some assurance. After following the directions precisely, I set the tests on top of the plastic they came in while I wash my hands and wait impatiently. Mom had always told me a watched pot never boils, but come on. If you stare at it long enough, it is bound to boil, right? Moreover, the tests are sure to reveal whether or not I am pregnant—
OH. MY. WORD! Breathe, Lacey. Breathe. Test one done and my stomach drops. My blood pressure increases with test two and three coming in with the same results. I close my eyes, trying to calm my nerves. What do I do now? How do I tell him? Opening my eyes to the ceiling, I give myself permission to look at the final test. Positive.
All four tests.
Positive.
Devon’s going to be a daddy. Wait, he already is a daddy. I hope he loves the fact that he is going to have another child. Oh, wow. Okay. Think, Lacey, think. I pace the bathroom until I come up with the perfect idea.
“Sweet Pea, kiss De De goodnight.”
“De da, wuv ew,” Evan gushes with my heart doing flip flops. Why am I feeling so nervous about telling Devon? He is already a fantastic father and will surely do just as well with this little one. The thought that a part of Devon is growing inside me warms my heart sending heat to my cheeks. We created a life together out of undeniable love. I close my eyes and relish at the moment. I am so happy.
Twenty minutes later, I help Devon settle in bed, and he feels comfortable with the pain medicine kicking in. I still do not like having medicine in the house, but there is no way he can go through this without drugs.
“I have a little something for you,” I tell him as I pull the box out of my nightstand.
“What?” he asks confused. Breathe, Lacey, you have this. Devon is an amazing man. He is going to want this baby. Stop stressing.
“Well, I guess you can say it’s a welcome home present,” I reply unable to control my grinning. Excited, I want this baby enough for both of us right now. I hold out the wrapped box for him.
“A welcome home present?” He raises an eyebrow. “Oh, I can’t wait!” He takes the small box holding answers to our future. Our fingers touch sending shockwaves throughout my body. It is a little difficult
for him to maneuver the box with one hand, so I hold it while he lifts the top and digs through the tissue paper I added to conceal the initial surprise.
Nerves ready to leap out of my hide, I wait for realization to settle. His eyes lift to mine and then back to the box. After picking up another test to look at the results, his eyes find mine. He continues with a smile growing. My heart leaps in excitement.
“Are there anymore?” he asks, causing a laugh to escape me.
“No.” I bite my lip waiting in anticipation for his reaction.
“We’re having a baby?” he asks, and I can almost swear there is a twinkle in his beautiful piercing blue eyes.
“It appears so,” I reply, unsure whether I should act happy or not. I mean, I will let him know I want this baby regardless.
“Oh, my God, Lacey. You’ve made me the happiest man alive.” His arm reaches out for me.
“Seriously?” I ask a little nervous looking into his eyes.
“What? Did you think I wouldn’t want the baby?” Pain fills his eyes with his words cutting into me.
“No, I was worried it’s too soon. Thought you would want to wait. I mean, I know we haven’t talked about—” He lays his finger on my lips to shut me up.
“Come here, baby mama. I need to kiss my gorgeous wife.” He giggles. I gently rise allowing our lips to touch. I do not move too much, scared I could hurt him. He groans clearly wanting more.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I say using all of my restraint.
“Sugar Pants, going so long without you is hurting me more than you’ll ever know. My pain medicine has kicked in. I want to love you. Slow. Gentle. I. Want. You.” Well, how can I say no to that?
Four and a Half
The stars twinkle above us as we watch the water swoosh about and Devon stands behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist. “I love you,” his hot breath sends shivers down my spine. “I won’t be gone too long, just a couple of days.” He kisses the side of my head and pulls his arms from around my waist.
Bending down, he scoops up Evan. “Hey, buddy, I’m gonna miss you. Be good for Mommy, okay?”
“K.”
With another kiss on my cheek, Devon passes Evan off to me.
I watch the taillights as they inch further and further away. Evan and I get ready for bed.
Dozing off, my phone rings. “Lacey!”
“Yeah, Becca?”
“It’s Devon! He’s dead!”
Gasping for air, I shoot up and look around. We’re home. My hand searches the bed and finds the large body I’m thankful to have next to me.
It was only a nightmare…
I am thankful for the difficult people in my life. They have shown me exactly who I don’t want to be.
~Author Unknown
Six weeks of me having my husband alive and healing has me living in a constant state of euphoria. I know it is the honeymoon phase all over again, but I do not ever want to take another moment for granted. Sadly, people often need a tragic moment for them to realize what they have or what they could lose. It’s an unfortunate reality of the human race. I hope to defy that characteristic every day by being grateful for what I have. Family. Friends. Life.
As I move around the kitchen cleaning up from supper, I can feel warm, lustful eyes on me from the adjacent room. I like how the open floor plan allows you to see so much from the kitchen. Chills begin to navigate their way throughout my body, and it is taking everything in me not to turn around and look. I know exactly what he is doing. I grab a rag to wipe the counters reluctantly turning around to finish the job. My treacherous eyes lock on hungry ones ready to devour me. Oh, shit. Pressing my legs together, I try to rid myself of the ache.
I bite down on my lip hopelessly trying to rid my lustful thoughts while Evan plays on the family room rug next to Devon. It is useless. The anticipation is too great.
The doorbell rings causing me to jump out of my skin. Devon chuckles and I narrow my eyes in his direction. Without even looking to see who it is, I answer the door. I should know better by now not to open without looking.
It is my father.
“Hey,” I say to the uninvited guest.
“Hi, Sweetheart.” I want to roll my eyes and cringe at his greeting. After the loss of my mom, I felt it was not fair to take away my father away from Evan, too. We have supervised visits and that is the only way I will allow him to come near Evan. My son will never be a victim and if I suspect any funny business going on, he will no longer be welcome anywhere near him. I can’t stand the thought of the careless man stepping foot inside, but I do it. I do not know why I feel the need after everything I have learned. How can I feel guilty severing my relationship with my father? He is not a good man. My mom married him for some reason, so she had to see something good, didn’t she? My heart is at war with my mind. As long as I keep Evan safe, then I don’t need him to lose his Papa.
“How are you feeling, Devon?” My father asks stepping inside. His tone makes me want to believe he cares, but as a master at mind games, I am just not sure. “I heard all about the accident.” I swallow the bitter tang that has risen to my mouth at the sound of his voice.
“Great, come on in and have a seat.” My head whips around, eyes immediately berating Devon for inviting him to relax a bit in our home. Devon sheepishly shrugs his shoulders.
“Sorry I haven’t made it over sooner.” He pauses. “Oh, wow, Sweetheart. You guys have been busy packing. When is moving day?” he asks as he nods to the overwhelming pile of boxes taking over the dining room and as he sets down two file size boxes.
I laugh. “Yeah, next Friday the moving truck arrives. I cannot wait. It’s hard to believe we’ll only be living here another week.”
“I think it’s awesome. Caine doesn’t have that address, does he?” My father questions while I silently think no and neither do you.
“No, thank heavens. We aren’t giving it to him either,” I state.
“Very well.” He turns to pick up two folders sitting on top of the boxes he had just set down. “I wanted to drop off the pictures I took when spreading your mom’s ashes out on the gulf.” I raise my deaf hands to the folder my father is holding and take it without a thought of opening it. I am still hurt, he did not consider my sister and me when putting our mom to rest two weeks after her memorial service. Insensitive, he took her away from us. The woman he was married to for twenty-nine years, but he did not love. How could he? We are the ones who loved her!
“I know Lane isn’t speaking to me right now, so can you make sure you give her this?”
My eyes fall to the other folder. Why can he not just apologize? Why can he not understand how hurt we are?
“Why?” I reluctantly ask refusing to make eye contact.
“Why what?” he stutters in confusion.
“How can you move on so fast? It has only been four months and you have her moving in?”
“Honey, my relationship with your mom was complicated.” I flinch. He did not just pull that card. At this moment, I wish I were anywhere but standing in front of this self-indulgent man.
“Were you having an affair and she found out? You said it yourself in the hospital. You said that she should go ahead and kill herself a few nights before she succeeded.” Immediately, I want to take a shower feeling disgusted by the malicious words this man told my mom in her time of need. When I told him she needed help, he continued to be callous.
“Oh, God, no. Lacey, I was angry that night,” he defends meagerly. Liar. The muscles in my neck tighten in fury.
“Honey, your mom was very ill and not everything she said was the truth. How can you believe someone with a mental illness?” Stunned speechless, I try to swallow the extra bile rising in the back of my throat. Hypercriticism spewing from his mouth has me holding up a finger rushing to my bathroom.
I drop to my knees and lose the delicious meal I prepared my family for supper. Fucking intolerant traitor. He is only saying this bullshit because she is
not here to defend herself. Oh, my God! I’m so sorry, Mom, that I left you in his hands to take care of you. I should have known. I should have. Closing my eyes, I try to regain control of my emotions, my body, and myself.
I’m so pissed I can’t cry. He positively is a narcissistic sloth. He will say anything to make himself look good. How can someone be so obsessed with himself or herself that they do not see what or who they have become? Does he not remember that I have her suicide letter and her journal? They contradict one another. Clearly, she was worse just before she took her own life.
Washing my hands, feverish eyes dart back at the reflection in front of me. I need to get him out of here. It is too painful to be in the same room. He has clearly moved on anyhow. I cannot have him influencing Evan. Please, God, do not let that be a gene I pass onto my children. I must have faith in myself to raise Evan not to be the monster I grew up with, and I pray for nurture over nature with him as Evan’s grandfather and Caine as his father.
Squaring my shoulders and head held high, I return to the family room to confront my father. Devon continues to play with Evan while my father takes up space on the sofa. “Dad, are you planning to call Lane? I mean, put yourself in her shoes. She called you at home to have a strange woman answer the phone. Just because Lane was hurt and told Nika for you not to bother to call her, do you not think you should take the first step? You’re her father.” Where the hell am I getting the guts to stand up to him?
“I know, Lacey. I’m working on it,” he deftly replies. I am unable to read his expression. Lane is so much stronger than I am. She always has been. Why do I tempt fate and ask the questions swimming in my head when I might not like the answer? Lane wouldn’t. I wish I could be more like her.
Wringing my hands, I continue. “Did you know Lane is expecting? I hope you are willing to rectify the situation. She is hurtin—” My voice cracks. “I understand you’re a grown man and you should be allowed to live your life however that may be. But, it’s been months. And not only that, she’s younger than me.” My fist slams into my chest as I plead with his eyes to understand how we feel. With lack of empathy, I turn away, cringing in disgust. How can a grown man find someone younger than his daughters attractive? To me, it’s revolting and wrong. I can’t help but be sick over it.