Destructive Release

by L. U. Ann

  “Mrs. Holmes, were you expecting twins?” Dr. Thomas asks as I nervously jerk my eyes to Devon’s concerned expression.

  With my heart in my stomach, I answer, “No, I’ve never been told. Why, is something wrong?” I ask staying focused on Devon, whose eyes change, perhaps feeling a little uneasy. I am not sure—just know I need him to be my rock right now. Devon slides Evan down onto his feet and reaches for my hand squeezing it lightly.

  “Well, sometimes these things happen, but it looks as though your little munchkin was going to share this space. Unfortunately, it appears the fetus didn’t develop.” What does that mean? Did I lose a baby? Devon’s furrowed brow does not compare to what’s written all over my face. My blood pressure rises as my heartbeat quickens. Larger tears blind my vision of the piercing blue eyes that calm my nerves.

  Not wasting another second, I begin shooting questions at the doctor. “Why hasn’t someone noticed I was carrying twins? Did I lose my baby? Wouldn’t someone have said something before now? Wouldn’t you be able to tell?” Incoherently, I stare at the all too quiet doctor while the blood continues to pound under my skin. My hands shake on their own accord while my head raises waiting for the doctor to answer. Why isn’t he answering? I wanted an answer yesterday. Devon’s focus reverts to the screen as if he’s trying to find answers himself.

  After what seems like forever, the doctor finally gets a set of balls to speak. “Lacey, it isn’t good for you or the baby to get upset like this. I will explain. Just please try to calm down.”

  Evan takes his train and bangs against the table. I ignore it.

  I look into Devon’s worried eyes still deciphering the images on the screen while he speaks, “Dr. Thomas, please tell us what’s going on and if our baby is okay.” His eyes begin to water. “Why didn’t someone tell us we were having twins?” His eyes fill with anger as he turns to the doctor. “Why are you not freaking out that my wife lost a baby?” Shit, now Devon’s really upset. I haven’t seen him react this way since Caine.

  Evan turns to snake an arm around Devon’s leg as if to comfort his distress. I wonder if it was a mistake including him today as emotional as we are.

  “There is a phenomenon out there that doctors have been researching, and are still looking to understand themselves, and they call it Vanishing Twin Syndrome. It’s not something you need to be too concerned about right now because this baby is developing on schedule. I measured everything, and it all appears normal. Many twin pregnancies where there is a vanishing twin go unnoticed. It’s unfortunate, but you’ve got yourself a very healthy baby here. The other fetus vanishes, therefore, you won’t be delivering but one baby, and I don’t think she’s going to have any problems.”

  She? I wipe my eyes so that I can see Devon’s face. The doctor hands me a tissue recognizing the tears are too much to simply wipe away.

  “She?” I whisper.

  “We’re having a girl?” Devon asks awestruck with Evan still wrapped around his leg.

  “It appears so. Congratulations, Mom and Dad.” His attention turns to Evan. “You’re going to have a sister. Congratulations, big brother. You have a very big job ahead of you to protect her, but I think you are just the little guy to do it!” He holds his hand out for Evan to slap giving him five and sure enough, Evan has relaxed enough to do it. The doctor turns back to me. “Here are some pictures for you to take with you.” As the doctor finishes putting his stuff away, Devon leans over to kiss me with bright eyes.

  Just before he walks out the door, Dr. Thomas turns around. “I’m sorry for upsetting you, Mr. and Mrs. Holmes. Please try not to worry about the little girl you’re carrying, Mrs. Holmes. She’s right on schedule.” His mouth closes in a straight line, and with a nod to Devon, he’s gone.

  Once the door closes, Devon wipes the goo off my stomach and helps me sit up. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” His eyes are sad. Evan secures his spot between Devon’s leg and the table I’m sitting on. “The doctor said that it’s nothing to worry about, but my heart hurts a little knowing we had another baby and now we don’t,” Devon finishes. I tighten my hold and rest another on Evan as tears fall freely. Why God, why? Why would you take another life away from us?

  With shaky hands, I loosen my grip and sit back. “Growing up, I was told God has reasons for everything. I want to believe it. I really do. I just can’t help but be angry with him for taking something else away from us. How do we know this baby is going to make it, Devon? I can’t lose this baby, our baby.” I suck in a quick breath while he wipes my tears.

  Pressing his forehead to mine. “Lacey, it’s going to be okay. I don’t know how I know it, but I do. This baby girl—here,” he places his hand on my stomach, “is ours and no one’s going to take her away from us.” He kisses me lightly, and continues, “Come on, we need to celebrate our baby girl,” and bending over to pick up Evan, “don’t we, big brother?” Devon smiles and helps me stand. Intertwining our fingers, we walk together out the door while I continue to gather my mixed emotions. I’m so happy for this baby girl, and at the same time, saddened that we lost a life. I know we didn’t know it was there, but now we do, and I can’t help but mourn what could have been.

  As we walk to Devon’s Expedition, he pulls me into his chest wrapping an arm around me and shouts for the whole world to hear, “We’re having a baby girl, Lacey!” Evan giggles at Devon’s outburst and I smile relishing in his eagerness to have another child. He missed this with Evan. I am so happy I can give him this opportunity. His eyes are full of love as he continues to look at the picture. “You know what this means, right?” he asks.

  “We know what her name will be,” I answer feeling a little bittersweet.

  “Yes, and she’s not dating until she’s at least fifty years old.” He smiles wiggling his eyebrows. Turning to put Evan in his seat, he asks, “Who wants ice cream?”

  Truthfully, no answer is needed as we are all in agreement.

  Ten and a Half

  “Becca, just chill out. The doctor will be in soon and you won’t have to be here any longer.”

  Her eyebrows drawn, Becca says, “These places give me the heebie jeebies.” She shivers.

  “Shut it, Becca! I’m just having my stomach measured and blood drawn.”

  Becca puts her hands up in defense. “Fine, I’m just going to go over here and have a seat.” She tosses her hair just after snapping at me.

  I lay back and close my eyes. “Can you believe the shit magazines they put in here?” Oh, my God, NO! “I mean really. Why would you want to test your Sex IQ… clearly,” she motions to my mid-section, “you know what you’re doing.” She sighs. “Oh, okay. Question one, do guys have multiple orgasms?”

  Immediately, I answer, “I don’t know. I don’t think so...”

  “That’s not an answer, Lacey. True or false.”

  “Fine, I’m going to say no, false.” Oh dear, I hope I’m right. Can guys have multiple orgasms?

  “Okay, second question, what is the average length of a hard penis?” She pauses. “Oh, look, you got off easy, it’s multiple choice. Okay, A: six inches, B: five to six inches, or C: three to four inches? And don’t give me that shit that Devon’s a foot long.” She gives me a pointed look.

  I roll my eyes. “I don’t know. I’ve never actually measured one. Have you?” I ask wondering if the craziness that is Becca Fox has done something wild like that. She smiles, but doesn’t answer. My eyes grow. “No, you did NOT!”

  “I think I’m the one asking the questions here. Now what size?”

  Crap… “Uh, how about B: five to six inches.”

  “Okay, third question, if a guy thrusts too hard, he can break his penis. True or False.” She laughs.

  “Isn’t it cartilage? I don’t think you can break that. So I’m going to say false.” Great, knowing me I’m wrong.

  “Moving on, intercourse burns as many calories as running a mile. True or False?” I hear her mumble under her breath. “If that’s true, I k
now what activity I’m going to increase.” My eyes grow. “What? I hate exercise.” She shrugs, confessing, and wiggles her eyebrows. “Answer the question.”

  “True.”

  “Last one, after the bedroom, what is the second popular place couples get it on? The restroom or the car?” Oh, I remember… “Don’t you dare think of that, Bitch! I remember what you and Caine did that one time.” Yeah, but I wasn’t just thinking about that. I wasn’t the only one he got it on with in the bathroom.

  Shaking my head. I follow with, “I’m going to say car,” because truthfully, I don’t want the answer to be ‘public restroom.’

  “All right, let’s see how smart you are. Question one, oooooh you got it wrong! Guys can have multiple orgasms.”

  “What?” Damn… I’m gonna ask Devon when we get home.

  “Question two, yep, five to six inches. Shit, that’s not that long.” I don’t know about that, I’m happy I got the answer right. “Question three, correct. He can’t break his penis if he thrusts too hard. Uh… four, looks like I’m changing my exercise routine. You got it right.” I fist-pump the air. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ve gotten three of the four right. Let’s see if you can get the next one.” She fingers through the pages to look for the answer. “Yep, the car.” I smile.

  Thank God it wasn’t ‘public restroom.’

  “Knock, knock. Hello, Mrs. Holmes,” the doctor greets and I smile at Becca. She rolls her eyes in irritation, which only makes my smile grow. One day, she’ll get married and have babies, too. Just wait.

  “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

  ~Will Rogers

  A heavy winter settled over the area in the days and weeks that followed the crisp autumn air. Blankets of snow with no end in sight kept me busy with preparing our baby girl’s room. The damp, cold winter air was so harsh that it would cut through your body to the bone. Springs early arrival a welcome after setting a record-breaking snowfall. I love being able to sit outside ingesting the warm rays without the bugs swarming your head. There is perhaps another week before the flutter and buzz of insects become noticeably irritating.

  I make an effort to visit Lane as much as possible to get my fill of her little baby, Alex. Practice is the excuse I give Devon, who shakes his head in disbelief and laughs knowing that has nothing to do with it. He is too irresistible to stay away. With Mom gone, I believe it’s only fair... no, only right for me to go out of my way to help Lane, at the same time giving Alex all the more love. Evan and I spent most of yesterday at Lane’s to get my mind off today. I have been anxiously waiting for this day to come and now that it’s finally here, I can’t help the nervous energy running through my veins. Happy with the time I spent holding Alex, I think of how proud Mom would be of Lane. A sad smile forms as I reminisce of my visit.

  A sweet little Alex gnaws his fist while talking away. Well, not effectively talking, but he was certainly a babbling Alex. This dark-eyed, even darker haired, handsome little thing is going to have girls swarming him wherever he goes. “What ‘cha talking about, huh?” I had asked before I laughed. “Oh, your mommy would be all over me if she heard me say ‘cha.’” He bent over and placed his head into my shoulder with a smile that lit up his face, “You think that’s funny, don’t you? Is ‘cha, ‘cha, ‘cha silly? I bet you would love to see your Mommy, the school teacher, fuss at Aunt Lacey’s lazy English.” He leant over and smiled more. “You are such a little cute monster and I think you already know that.” As I rubbed his back, I told him, “I love you Alexander the Salamander.” I kiss his little head as Lane came out with a glass of water for each of us.

  The click of a door closing causes me to jump out of my thoughts.

  “Holmes vs. Rogers in the adoption of Evan Rogers,” the clerk of the court announces opening the courtroom. We all stand and begin walking where we will learn whether the judge will grant our petition.

  Standing in the large room with high ceilings supported by columns, I take in the intricate woodwork, carving, and fine attention to detail that screams 1900s architecture. The Annapolis Courthouse is a piece of art on its own. We eagerly arrived early and waited patiently on the benches outside this room listening for our case to be called. Our attorney explained what to expect and how we should answer questions. I just want to answer truthfully because we don’t have anything to hide. Watching Devon control his rolling eyes at the family attorney elicits a giggle from within.

  All new health evaluations were needed thanks to all the crap Caine pulled taking Evan and then with Devon’s injuries from the plane crash. Good news, Devon is found to be a fit and healthy father according to the judge, which sounds great with this growing belly I am rubbing.

  With only one more month until my scheduled cesarean, I’m becoming more and more anxious every day to hold my little girl. I can’t wait—

  “And, where would a Mr. Evan be?” The judge interrupts my precious thoughts of this beautiful spirit.

  “Meeeee!” Evan raises his hand and shouts. Probably one of the few times that laughter followed by the rise in voice is found acceptable in the court of law.

  “Well, Mr. Evan. It has come to my attention the gentleman standing to your right would like to become your dad—forever.” Evan scrunches his forehead holding out each arm deciphering which side is his right. He lifts one and looks at me. He lifts the other and looks at Devon.

  Violently shaking his head in agreement, he turns to Devon and eagerly says, “Daddy!” Lucky guess! As if that one word held every hope and dream. He loves Devon so much. He is already his daddy. This is just making it official.

  “My goodness, young man, it sounds like you love the man you call Daddy.” Evan nods in agreement with an enthusiastic smile. “Okay, and who is the person to your left?”

  Evan holds out his arms, and trying with all his might, he turns to me. I beam proudly at his recognition of right and left and his attempt to distinguish the two. It would simply amaze me if he mastered this milestone at his age. “Dat is Mommy!” Evan confidently informs the court.

  I spot a smile on Devon’s face. He is just as excited. My smile grows knowing when we leave this room, Evan is finally going to be legally Devon’s. The comfort in knowing how safe Evan will always be is almost too much to bear right now when it’s compounded with Devon’s undying love for us. I truly am the luckiest girl alive.

  Mr. and Mrs. Holmes are sitting behind us and I hear a sniff. Sounds like Mrs. Holmes is emotional over this, too.

  “How would you like it if when I pound this thing here, this gentleman will forever be your daddy?” The judge asks my wide-eyed son. “Better yet, would you like to come help me?”

  You do not need to ask Evan twice. He jumps down with our help and walks around the back of the bench to the judges’ area. I wished I had a camera at this moment.

  “Are you ready to be Evan Lee Holmes?” The judge asks. Evan nods. “Okay, on the count of three. One,” Evan places his hand on top of the judges, “two,” they lift their hands, “three.” They strike.

  “Agin?” Evan asks and we laugh while Devon takes me in his arms whispering sweet words of thanks. I close my eyes, enjoying this very sweet mountainous moment. Opening my eyes, I take in Mrs. Holmes’ tear-filled eyes and large smile. They love Evan as if he were their flesh and blood. I’m not sure how I got so lucky, but questioning this isn’t something I want to waste my time doing. I’m learning to enjoy every moment as if it’s my last. Life is truly too short.

  Mrs. Holmes stands enthusiastically and claps her hands. “Time to celebrate! Who wants ice cream?”

  “Meeeee!” Evan forgets the judge and runs down to his Grandma.

  She kneels to allow him to run into her arms. Scooping him up, they leave the courtroom with Mr. Holmes on her heels. I turn to Devon and he shrugs.

  “Thank you,” we both say to the judge.

  “You are certainly welcome. I enjoy these
moments. Don’t forget to see the clerk on the way out, there will be a new birth certificate and social security card issued for a Mr. Evan Lee Holmes.” I turn into Devon covering my face as happy tears explode.

  “I love that name,” I assure him. Lee is Devon’s middle name as well as his fathers. It happens to be my father’s middle name, too, but that is not why we chose it. No, this is all for Devon and the males that preceded him. As far back as the Holmes have traced their family’s genealogy, Lee has been the constant middle name among the males. This is my gift to the amazing Holmes family who have loved and cherished Evan regardless of his genetic makeup.

  “Thank you, Your Honor. I will be certain Mr. and Mrs. Holmes know where to go.” Our attorney confirms. Jeez, I rather forgot he was here.

  Paperwork in hand, we leave the Annapolis Courthouse putting Caine in our past. With him on duty, he didn’t need to show up for today. In fact, we have not seen him since leaving last summer. If I see him again, it will be too soon. Somehow, Devon worked his magic and made sure Caine signed over his rights of legal guardianship. Most likely, a reminder of everything he has done and the legal ramifications of his acts and the monetary encouragement by Grandma Pain was all he needed. The statute of limitations has not expired for attempted rape and can easily throw away his career in the Navy. Not that I care about his career and future, however. With him in the military, it is likely he will move around, be deployed and stay out of our lives as long as possible. He has no legal authority to do anything ever when it comes to Evan. Evan is free. I am free. We are all free from Caine to move forward in our lives, and it is the best feeling in the world.