Dinner is over. And… I don’t understand what happened. I remember yesterday was hot and awesome, we made out a lot. Now, after dinner we tried to pick back up where we left off and… I felt nothing. It was nice to be kissed. Nice to be held. But… there was nothing. Barely any arousal. What happened?! Roger is cute and nice and funny. How could I just feel nothing?
November 25:
Something is wrong with me. Today at work, Logan turned to me, leaned against the counter, crossed his arms – his chiselled, muscular, perfect arms - and said: “Hey, how you doing?” and smiled. That’s it. And my body buzzed like I was electrocuted. How could just a greeting do what a whole make out session with Roger couldn’t? I’m starting to fantasize. I want him to lay me down on the coffee shop counter and kiss me. I want him to tell me he loves me. Love?! I barely know him. Why would I want that?
November 26:
So I got up the courage to ask Logan over to my house. He said yes. I’m getting ready and deciding what to wear, I picked out a sundress that looks really cute. But what if he doesn’t do cute?
Nevermind. All my other clothes are dirty. He’ll have to get by with cute.
To-do: Laundry.
November 27:
Oh. My. GOD. Logan came by and he looked HOT as always. Black hair spiked just right. His stubble accentuated his jawline. He smiled at me when I opened the door, biting his lip a little, towering over me and looking down with his beautiful grey eyes.
He came in and told me he liked the place. Said it was cute. And that it fit me because I was cute too. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that at first but then he smiled at me again and I decided to be happy he was noticing me.
We sat on the couch and I asked him what music he wanted. He picked out a playlist on this app and started geeking out on the music, explaining what he liked about it. It was fun because I knew a few of the bands. We then started exposing each other to a few different bands. We then started drinking and talking and it was super easy. Natural, you know.
After a while he took my hand and was like: Hey. I like you.
!!!
And then I was like: I like you too.
And then he kissed me.
I swear. It was not like a regular kiss. It was like the kind of kiss no one has ever experienced before. He held me tight and I felt his heart beating against mine. I felt like a bird, the way my heart rattled around. He then pulled my leg up on his lap and pulled me on top of him. I felt like I was burning up but like… in a good way. In an amazing way. Then he started kissing my neck and pulling down the top of my dress. And suddenly, I was there, with my boobs out and I felt so shocked and scared that he would think my body was weird or something that I pulled away.
I started mumbling like an idiot. Saying it’s late and I had a busy day… He seemed to understand but he look disappointed.
Did you know that… penises… are hard? I mean HARD. Like… bricks! What the hell! How does that happen? I felt it when I was sitting on him. How am I supposed to put a brick in my vagina?!
Which… brings me to the next point. He expected sex.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t think a guy like Logan is used to waiting. But I don’t think I’m ready. It’s too scary. And I’m still worried about all these girls he’s out flirting with.
November 30:
Logan has not called these past few days. WHY HASN’T HE CALLED?! Is it because I pushed him off??!
I suck. Except I don’t, because I’m a stupid virgin and I don’t even know how to suck anything aside from lollipops!
December 1:
He’s not even at work! He has different shifts! Oh my god! I messaged him a couple times before it got pathetic. He said he was busy and gave really basic answers. I screwed everything up.
December 3:
So. He finally got in touch, asked if he could come by. I said yes. Should have said no, let him see what it feels like. But who am I kidding? I want to see him! I keep having fantasies. I keep remembering that… BRICK.
He came by and told me he had had band practice non-stop and then he shifted around his hours at the coffee shop to accommodate his band practice. He had been distracted.
I couldn’t help it. I sulked. I asked why he didn’t call or want to hang out. He looked confused. And, stupidly, I let slip that you don’t just disappear on the people you’re going out with. He didn’t seem to get it all. He was all like, “I didn’t know we were going out. You asked me over, I assumed you wanted to… you know… do something…. Have some fun. Then you stopped it so I figured you weren’t interested anymore.”
And then I got upset. I said: “Well, if it’s that easy for you, maybe I should take some notes.”
And he was like: “I’m a little bit older than you… you wouldn’t have been my first rejection. A confusing one, yes, but not the first.”
That upset me. Confusing? Like it was so unthinkable that I would turn him down? I said as much and he said he didn’t mean it exactly like that. And then he basically “sat me down” and explained that I was “hot” and he was a pretty good looking guy. Then he was like: There’s no good reason for two attractive people who got along like we did the other night to not put our bodies to work like I was trying the other night.
And that’s when it slipped out. I told him it would make sense if you were a virgin.
After that he got all weird and… precious about me. He would joke a bit but I could tell he was uncomfortable. So I let him off easy and told him he could go if the virgin thing was freaking him out so much.
Then he laughed at me. LAUGHED!
He said it was just hard for him to stop thinking about having sex with me now that I had said I was a virgin. He said he had never been with a virgin before. Except for himself in high school. Har-dee-har-har.
Then he said he wanted to try to do things properly. And I was annoyed and told him he didn’t have to worry about me any more, he could date girls who were less work. I practically pushed him out of the apartment.
December 7:
We’ve been texting.
Logan: I think you misunderstood me.
Me: With what?
L: Before you kicked me out. I think you didn’t get what I meant. I think I deserve to be heard out.
M: You think you deserve a lot of things. My virginity included. I’m not gonna be another notch on your belt.
L: So you DID misunderstand me.
M: ??
L: I want to date you. Like proper, date. I like you. I told you I like you.
M: What if I don’t like you.
L: Oh. Well that’s different.
Later on I cracked.
M: I do like you.
L: Really?
M: Yes. But. You made me feel stupid.
L: I’m sorry. I really like you. You have a whole cute thing going and you’re a music geek. I like you.
M: Ok. Well see you can’t call me cute and stuff. I know you’re older than me but I feel like you’re laughing at me when you say I’m cute.
L: But you are. You’re also beautiful and sexy. Do you prefer that?
M: Maybe.
L: Maybe? Ok. How about… you have this ‘beautiful’ look on your face when you’re concentrating on making a customer’s order.
M: Beautiful?? Really?
L: No not really, it’s adorable but you’re policing my language.
M: Ugh. Lol
L: YES! An lol!
M: hahaha
L: AND a “hahaha”?! Yes. I’m getting to you.
M: fine, yes.
L: Yes?
M: Yes. Let’s date.
L: Tonight.
M: Ok.
December 16:
Things have been…. Blissful. Logan is funny. He kisses like a god. His hands are strong and stroke me like he’s tugging at my nervous system itself, tweaking my body like an instrument and making me go crazy with hormones. I want him.
Today… we finally did more than just make out.
He kind of felt me up over my clothes and I kind of… jacked him off! It was through his clothes but it counts. But he said he was beginning to chafe after a while so I felt really weird about that. His penis felt… so different in my hands. I still can’t believe guys have that stuff in his hands.
I told him I was scared of having sex. He told me there was no real rush. He was cool just hanging out. I asked him what he did to relieve the tension. Because I was waaaaay tense. He told me he masturbated. Just like that! He just said it!
I was a little shocked. But he told me I should try it. I told him I was scared but he told me, I should get to know my body before I let anybody else try. I should at least know what I like according to him.
December 17:
Logan got me a vibrator! Oh my god! He just dropped by the apartment after I came home and told me he had an early Christmas present for me. We were sitting on the couch and he pulled out the box. It’s long and pink and feels like a curling iron covered with rubber. I have no idea what to do it but Logan told me to just go with what feels good.
I feel like I have a weird teacher-student relationship with him. I think he enjoys it.
December 18:
So I’m looking at this huge pink thing. I have decided I am not putting it inside of me. But I am gonna try it. From what Logan told me it’s going to feel great against my clitoris or… my clit as Logan puts it.
I tried turning it on and just couldn’t. I called Logan up and he sounded amused. Then he was like: “Imagine I’m there with you.” I told him I wouldn’t have to imagine if he was here with me. Then he insisted: “I want you to be comfortable with your body before you involve me. You should want that too.”
I guess it was sound logic. The rest is paraphrased but I’m pretty sure it’s almost verbatim. This whole thing is BRANDED into my mind.
“So what do I do?” I whined.
“Ok lay back. Imagine I’m laying with you. Close your eyes. Put me on speaker.”
I did as told.
“What now?” I asked.
“Are your eyes closed?”
I grumbled and closed them. He chuckled. I don’t know how he knew my eyes were wide and staring at the pink thing.
“Ok. Now… trying rubbing your hands up and down your body.”
“Logan…”
“Do. It.” He insisted.
I obliged.
“Okay,” he instructed. “Now, rub your hands on your breasts. Just move your hands until something feels good.”
I could feel myself flushing with embarrassment then but also a little bit of something else too. Something stirred in my stomach. Like butterflies but deeper. I tried it. I rubbed my hands on my breasts.
“Ok…” his breathing sounded different. He told me later that he got hard listening to me and had to stop himself from jacking off!! “Now… take off your top. Take off all your clothes actually.”
I started panicking and back out again. He hushed me and insisted again. I grumbled but took off my clothes. Bossy guy.
“Now… you should run your hands up and down your body. On your breasts, your arms… just caress yourself. Show yourself some love.” He sounded like he was joking but his voice was still a little bit odd. Apparently that’s all part of the wanting to jacking off thing.
I did as told. I felt really relaxed. It actually helped a lot that Logan was talking to me.
“Now what?” I whispered.
“Take the vibrator.” His voice was as quiet as mine.
I took it.
“Turn it on,” he told me.
I did.
“Rub it up and down on your body until you find something that feels great.”
My stomach fluttered again. Feeling kind of silly but mostly curious and tense, especially in my stomach, I took the vibrator and felt the buzzing tingle along my arms and my breasts – that felt good – then down my stomach. It felt like it was leaving a trail of heat against my body. Then I ran it down against my lower stomach. The vibrations moved against the flesh and I felt it deeper down. That felt excellent.
I felt myself get slick with anticipation and I moved it down toward my clit.
“Has it found the spot yet?” Logan asked, his voice now noticeably husky.
“Yes.” I responded, breathless… “Mmmm… yes… it… oh… oh… whoa! Yes it has… oh…. That’s good…”
“How good?” asked Logan.
“Good enough that I want you to do it to me.”
“I will. Soon I hope I can. I want you really badly right now”
“I want you too…” my voice was small and uncontrollable then. I could barely talk.
“God, you’re making me hard,” he whispered in the phone.
“Then join me in some self love,” I whispered. “Tell me what you would do if I was there with you.”
“Oh… god,… I wouldn’t know where to start,” he whispered. I heard something like a zipper. “I’d probably spread open those beautiful legs of yours…”
“Beautiful, not cute?”
“Not cute. Nowhere fucking near cute. Then I’d probably want to put my fingers inside of you. And feel you. Feel how wet I could make you. Feel you cum, feel all of it happen.”
“Oh…” I began to moan as a warmth rose through me, making me feel flushed and dizzy. The vibrator continued to buzz but all I heard was Logan’s voice.
“Then I would want to lick you after making you come. I…” he chuckled lightly. “I’d probably want you to sit on my mouth so I can lick you and look up at you at the same time. See those beautiful – certainly not cute – breasts of yours again. I remember them, think about them a lot. I just want to touch them, tease you, make you cum while looking up at them.”
I felt something billow up me at that point, and I felt so overcome, I found myself rubbing myself against the vibrator to keep the feeling going… it was new and intense and focused, like a heat right in my clit that wanted to spread and just needed the right kindling to do it. It felt so good, as my stomach clenched, tighter and tighter.
“And then….” Logan slurred, quietly. “I would fuck you silly. Fuck you so hard you’d pass out, damn it… fuck… Charity… I want you so fucking bad…”
Kindling found… It was wild. Something new and unknown and huge flooded my body and I contorted, trying to contain it. I couldn’t stop moaning. Distantly I heard Logan too, moaning with pleasure too.
When I finally calmed down I heard Logan chuckling softly.
I was deadly serious.
I picked up the phone when I finally regained control of my body. I took it off speaker and spoke into it.
“Logan.”
“Hm?”
“I need you to do all those things.”
December 20:
Logan came by yesterday and I felt shy. Seeing him after the phone call… I didn’t know how to feel. But he came in, and kissed me right away and the slow burning heat that had been in me all day long flared up instantly and I felt that he was hard already – the brick was back!
We didn’t waste time. We were in my room in seconds flat, he had already pulled off his shirt and laid me down. I was wearing a dress and… nothing else. He was on top of me and he had already reached down to my pussy and had entered me with his fingers pushing into me and kissing my neck, like he was starving. He was breathing so heavily but so was I. He pushed his finger into me, on then two and… I don’t know how to explain how good it felt. He was rubbing my clit and fingering me at the same time, looking at me like I was the sexiest thing on earth. I could barely hold myself together as I rubbed against his hand, unable to control myself, my hips moved on their own. I wanted him so damn much! At one point he bit my top and pulled it down with his teeth so he could suck on my nipple and tug at them, breathing harder than a racer.
He then moved down to my pussy and just started licking and fingering me, pounding his fingers into me like an uncontrollable jack hammer. When I came I screamed out. How could something be so goo
d?! How had I RESISTED something so damn good?!!!
His tongue was so good but I wasn’t prepared. He pulled off his shirt and his pant and he was beautiful. I had never seen anyone so damn beautiful. Seeing his penis for the first time. Oh my god. He’s perfect.
I saw him rubbing his dick back and forth, watching me like I was the most fascinating movie. I pulled off my dress. I was trembling so bad. I opened my legs and lay back looking to him for what to do next.
He leaned down on me and kissed me again, breathing so hard. When he pushed into me it hurt. Really bad. I wasn’t sure he would get in. But he pushed into the wetness and I heard him groan for so long that I wonder if it hurt him too. Can a vagina be so tight that it hurts a guy?
It hurt me. I’m not going to lie. But then he looked down at me and brushed my hair back. And he kissed me again. And I just wanted him.
He moved gently, in and out slowly. And it felt good.
I clutched him, holding his back, his butt, everything. I just wanted him so much. I think I scratched him. But he didn’t seem to care.
It was perfect. It was so freaking perfect. I felt him shudder on top of me as he entered me over and over. I couldn’t control myself. I felt my hips move to meet his. And it felt perfect.
We fit. We fit so well. He felt right inside me. When he pulled back off me he held my legs on either side of his body and stared down at me like I was the most amazing thing his beautiful grey eyes had ever seen. He kept pushing in and out of me and each time felt so freaking good.
I loved it when he pushed into me hard. It felt like all the pieces in me that were all separated just got shaken together. It felt like what was needed to make oil and vinegar mix. When he pushed into me hard, I felt my mind go blank and everything just fall into place. When we came, together, we kissed forever.
It was perfect. And he is perfect.
He left me breathless. I can’t imagine that it can be like this every time. But I am so freaking willing to test that theory.
Oops. Gotta go. He’s back. We’re going to try some of the other stuff he said he wanted to do to me that he didn’t get around to.
Erotica: No Limits Page 42