Girl on the Sidelines

by Jade Herrera

Dearest John

  When nightfall comes and I'm alone

  I knew you'd left and not return

  Your footsteps echoed in my mind

  As you disappeared along with time.

  The warmth of your hands in my palms

  Faded away like footprints in the sand

  I can't hear you sing my favorite songs

  Your laughter is gone and everything feels wrong.

  Hugging this teddy bear closer

  That's all I have left of you

  I remember the days when your love was mine

  And I woke up and still had you.

  When time stands still and rain runs dry

  The night goes on and the stars collide

  I'll try and forget you

  It will break my heart but I'll get through.

  Your eyes were my home

  An assurance that I was loved

  But when my path strayed away from you

  I had to leave my heart with you.

  You promised you'd wait for me to return

  That you would still be my home

  But dearest John while I was gone

  You went away never to return.

  And when the sun cries and flowers smile

  The butterflies sing and grasses weep

  I'll try and forget you

  It'll be hard but I'll get through.

  Dear John why'd you go?

  You moved on now and I'll try too

  But we both know

  It'll be hard to stop loving you.

  So when the fire goes cold and teardrops laugh

  Leaves will bleed and trees will beat

  I'll learn to forget about you

  And I'll stop loving you...

  I'll try and forget you

  It'll be hard but I'll get through

  But dearest John we both know

  I’d have died but I’d never stopped loving you.

  I’m Breaking Out

  Faded jeans and off-shoulder shirts

  Ear-phones plug and singing along

  I'm just another girl

  Who blends in with the crowd.

  But people see me differently

  Far from the girl I know myself to be

  I seem to wear a thousand masks

  And if I take it off, they might not recognize me.

  They judge me by the cover

  And pretend to read the pages.

  They overlook who I really am

  And try to rewrite my fate.

  Caged in wrong impressions

  Binded by their assumptions

  Chained in their descriptions

  I'm not the girl they presume to be.

  Shattered mirrors and faded memories

  They were gone and was never me

  All of them were just images

  How people wanted me to be.

  I won't let them mess with this girl

  I'm tired of the masquerading

  Gonna let the world know who I am

  I won't let them control me.

  Taking off the innocent smiles

  And obeying eyes

  I won't let them think I'm another puppet

  They can play with and control.

  I can't be broken, I'm stronger than they think

  I'm braver than it seems and I know I've got dreams

  I'll follow my heart and not their minds

  I'm not gonna let them take over me.

  I'm not another girl

  I'm different from the rest of them

  I'm gonna show you

  I can do better than what you think I can.

  Caged in wrong perceptions

  Binded by their expectations

  I'll prove to them that they are wrong

  I have an identity that I own.

  Ripping of the photographs they think I am

  Burning the designs of how they want me to be

  I'm not a barbie doll

  They can redress anytime they want.

  Taking off the masks they wanted me to wear

  Wash away the colors they tried to color me with

  Breaking from the chains of their images of me

  I'm done with the masquerading.

  I'm breaking free from everything

  Letting go of the masquerading

  I'll show them my reflection

  Show them who I really am.

  No more shattered mirrors and faded memories

  The girl they assumed I was is gone

  Standing here is the girl I really am

  Accept that 'cause I won't change for you.

  I'll Miss the Days When I Watched You Sleep

  Cradled in my arms as you sleep

  Your little hand holding on to my t-shirt's fabric

  I kiss your forehead and lay you in bed

  As I watched you peacefully in your sleep.

  You're my princess and my precious baby

  And when you laugh you wash away my worry

  Your eyes that shine with happiness

  Takes away all my sadness.

  You could stay like this forever

  Never grow up and always be little

  You'll never know what hurt is

  And you'll never break your heart.

  No one will make you cry

  Your heart won't have wounds and scars

  You'll be filled with happiness

  And be my precious little baby.

  Fifteen years later I watch you sleep in bed

  I trace a dry tear in your cheeks

  I wish you were still little

  And no one ever broke your heart.

  You no longer hold my hand or sleep in my arms

  Your smile barely reaches the corners of your eyes

  I miss the times when we both jumped in your bed

  And you kiss me before you sleep.

  You've grown up and I've grown older

  Our time together slowly dwindles

  I miss the warmth of your little hands

  Pressed upon my very palms.

  I glimpse at your photographs

  You were so young once and I missed you like that

  I wish you could stay like that forever

  Stop growing older and be my precious baby forever.

  You could stay a child forever

  Never grow up and always be little

  You'll never know what hurt is

  And you'll never have to break your heart.

  Just stay so little so I can tuck you in bed

  Whisper your favorite songs as you sleep at night

  You'll never have tears in your eyes

  And you'll always be my precious little child.

  I wish you'd never grow up

  I'd still cradle you in my arms

  I wish you'd never grow up

  Your hands are still in my palms.

  I wish you'd never grow up because when you do

  I know that I'll always miss the little you

  But don't you worry my pretty child

  I'll still love you.

  My First Love

  Once in a while you are in the corners of my mind

  And I would ask myself what if you were never gone?

  I still think about the day when we first met

  That smile of yours I never knew could make me cry.

  There are moments when I wished you were still mine

  That the days we spent together would go back in time

  I wanted to keep you like the memories you left behind

  Memories that I'm afraid would fade away with time.

  I always thought you were the one

  Until you said goodbye and was gone

  I always wanted you to know

  I would've never let you go.

  I still love you even with the passing of time

  I know I will never find anyone like you

  You will always be in my heart

  I wish you were still mine my first love.

&
nbsp; Sometimes your face dwells in my dreams

  Memories come back alive

  And I could hear the sound of your voice

  Feel the warmth of your hands over mine.

  Looking back at the pictures we never had

  Listening to the song you would never sing for me

  One thing I can say is that I truly miss you

  And I pray you feel the same.

  No one will ever take away your place

  You still hold that one place in my heart

  If there was another chance

  I'd hold your hand and never let you go.

  You will always be the one

  Who makes my heart beat fast.

  The one who paints the smile in my face

  And light the stars in my eyes.

  I will always love you

  No one can ever take you away from my heart

  Even if you are gone

  Now and forever you will always be my first love.

  While I’m Still Waiting

  Even when it hurts, I'm still waiting

  I look at my phone every time it rings

  And I keep on hoping you would call me today,

  I just want to hear you call my name.

  My heart is breaking but I still hold on,

  I have cried a thousand times and I keep on missing you,

  Even when I know you're not missing me

  I find myself still waiting for you.

  Waiting for you outside even when you don't notice me

  Each time you walk past me I try to hold you back.

  I talk to myself like you're beside me each time I'm alone

  And hope that you would be mine in my dreams.

  The touch of your hand I once felt in mine

  Is a distant memory from one thousand years.

  When I met you on the streets

  Like a stranger you'd look away.

  They say I am a fool for holding on

  But I can't get you off my mind.

  How will my heart forget

  When I think of you day and night?

  My tears have dried and gone

  I am still waiting but you're still far away.

  And every day that I am missing you,

  You're not even thinking of me.

  Each time my phone rings, I hope you're calling

  And when you walk past me, I wish you'd look back.

  The seasons change and rain has come

  I am still waiting but tomorrow I may be gone.

  The Girl in the Mirror

  Mirrors and windows reflecting a soul

  A girl barely eighteen with eyes afire like coal.

  No one would ever knew she was broken inside,

  No one would ever thought she found it hard to smile.

  Bullied and beaten when she was a child

  All because she looked like a boy that she was reviled.

  People called her smart but they also called her names

  None of them knew their paths were not the same.

  She grew up and remembered every word they said

  One day she would prove to them she was more than that.

  She promised herself she would never love

  Friends were never real when they mocked you when you turn your back.

  But her world grew bigger

  When she went out of the box.

  She later realized not all people are bad

  Some were just meant to hurt you but some will love you.

  She learned to forgive the people Who made her feel bad.

  Happiness was a choice and she chose to take that path,

  Bigger things were coming her way

  And no one can lead her astray.

  Her hair grew longer, she no longer looked like a boy

  She believed in herself and trusted the one in the mirror.

  Dreaming high and living the life she was given

  Sooner or later she will meet her special someone.

  Her name written in paper, her words read by people.

  She smiled to the ones who used to mock her

  And loved the ones who took care of her

  Her heart grew softer and learned to love deeper.

  No longer will she have to cry

  Her heart might be broken but it can be mended.

  She smiled to herself as she looked at the mirror

  She will be loved by herself more than by others.

  She'll be happy till the end of her days

  Years will grow older but her smile won't fade.

  If you ask me how I know this one thing is for sure

  That girl smiles back at me when I look at the mirror.

  The End

  Epilogue

  Again, my sincerest thanks for embarking on a journey to my thoughts and poetry. May it serve as an inspiration for you to write too and join us self-proclaimed poets. Remember that you are never too old or too young to write. And when the time comes that I will share another part of my life, I do hope that you will take the time to read it again.

   

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