by Dean Budnick
(I know you, Bob. If you think that this is a way to keep me occupied so that I don’t go to the protest then you’re going to be disappointed. There’s a clock over your right shoulder.)
“Then perhaps a wager is in order. If Bob wins you will not attend the protest.”
(And if I win?)
“Then Bob will permit you to go.”
(Oh no. If I win then you will join me and participate.)
“Bob will accompany you but he will not participate.”
(Fair enough. Deal?)
“Deal.”
(Which they could be playing now.)
“Excuse Bob?”
(‘Deal.’ They could be playing ‘Deal’ now.)
“They could be had they not played it last night.”
(No shit, that’s right. I forgot. I imagine you heard J.C.’s tape. So how was the ‘Deal?’)
“To employ a carcinogenic metaphor, it smoked.”
STELLA BLUE
(Excuse me, but your daughter is pretty amazing.)
(Why thank you. What do you mean?)
(Your little girl right there, she’s amazing.)
(Oh, right, sorry, I’m spacing. I get a mild case of flashbacks at the shows these days. No, no. She’s not my daughter. It’s just my turn to be the pillow. No, Stella popped out of that woman dancing to my right.)
(Stella? After the song?)
(Right.)
(It’s just so amazing the way she’s up and then she’s down and then she’s up. I even heard her singing some of the words to ‘Tennessee Jed.’)
(Yeah, Stella loves the ‘Ten Jed.’ I just hope they pull a ‘Wheel’ in the second set. That’s her favorite.)
(Sorry to let Stella down but it’s not gonna happen. We had one last night.)
(How was it?)
(Kind of tepid. A fierce wheel really gets me moving, doing involuntary arm motions for the big wheel and little wheel. That kind of wheel makes my hair curl up in appreciation, even the hairs on my beard.)
(What about the hair on the rest of your body?)
(Excuse me?)
(Does the hair on the rest of your body curl as well?)
(I suppose it does. Anyhow, I just wanted to tell you that I think it’s amazing that Stella was up and down all through the set and now during this ‘Let It Grow,’ when the whole room’s shaking, she’s just lying there peacefully sleeping.)
“I’m not sleeping.”
RANDY
“Come on, we need to sprint…”
(Rand, are you sure we shouldn’t be out looking for that bloody guy?)
“The one who hocked a loogie on me and hit me in the gut?”
(You make that sound so unappealing.)
“Not, just anti-social. It discourages the tender reunion.”
(Well we told the Dead Med guy we’d look for him.)
“I also believe we told him we’d ease up on the Breakfast Club references and I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”
(Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.)
“Plus any commitment to the passive-aggressive overreaching Dead Med is less important than our previous commitments. Come on, let’s move it, double-time…”
(I’m with you, Rand…)
“Where did you tell them to meet us?”
(Up ahead over there. I said all the way over in the corner of the fenced-in area. I figure no one will see us because we’ll be blocked by the buses and the dumpster.)
“Colonel Kurtz will.”
(Yeah, his camouflaged head will slowly pop out of the garbage. )
“And he’ll throw an improper flag on the play—‘I love the smell of Patchouli in the morning!’”
(Did you know that the Grateful Dead guys worked on that film?)
“I can safely say that tidbit adds nothing to my enjoyment of either Apocalypse Now or the Grateful Dead. In rapidly descending order. No matter what the Grateful Doc might say. To me, it’s too much music, not enough words. Give me Anthrax any day. Or the Ramones.”
(I’ll give you anthrax—Holy crap, Ellis, what happened to you? Did somebody stick you with a shiv?)
“Schultz! Well, at least someone made it, although you sound like Eddie.”
(No, I’d sound like Robbins if I said ‘stick you with a shiv,’ and then quoted dialogue from Brubaker or something.)
(Brubaker? Solid pick.)
(We saw it in criminology class. Christ, Robbins, why do you have to be a movie major?)
(Film major.)
(Why can’t you be a criminology major like the rest of the team?)
“There are a few rogue chem majors as well.”
(The less said, the better. But what happened to you, you’re covered in blood.)
“Not mine.”
(I gotta see what did you did to the other guy.)
“I didn’t do anything. He hit me and ran. If I find him though…”
(I gotta see that.)
“But where is everybody else? We can’t be here for too long. How are we going to do this, there were supposed to be six of us.”
(They got called away. Some fire dance or something. Ellis, I know you want your devil’s number but maybe the three of us can do it.)
“It’s up to you. I already have a handle on it. I was just trying to be a good teammate.”
(Then let’s get started. If they show up, they can watch and then maybe they can jump in.)
“I suppose that can work if we all double up.”
(Set us up, Rand. Let’s get started.)
STEVEN
Strong set. That was a strong set. They’ve got the goods tonight, they’ve definitely got the goods.
Whew, we finally get to sit down.
I didn’t realize how tiring it is, grooving for an hour or so with the Dead. I mean it’s hard work. It’s good we have this set break so we can regroup and get our faculties back.
Faculties, good word. Someone should teach a class in Grateful Dead 101.
Whoa, maybe I can do that when I get to college. I know a lot of places have those Experimental Sessions during the summer or over winter break where the students can apply to be the teachers. I think that by then after I’ve been to maybe a dozen or even two dozen more shows and I’m super on top of my lyrics and all that, it would be really cool to give it a go. That would probably look great on a grad school application as well, teaching a class as an undergrad.
For now though, it’s time to rest, reflect and recharge. Look at everyone just crashing back into their chairs, they’re exhausted. It’s like the Dead knew how much we could take and then they had to stop. That last song was rocking. Everyone was going crazy, even Shannon was flying around. Shit—but now she’s sitting there again with her hands over her face all hunched over. I’ve got to do something.
(Steven?)
“Huh? Yes, Emily?”
(Move over, I have to talk to Shannon. I don’t understand it. I’m like totally flying. I’m having a totally great trip.)
“I can tell. You can’t stop smiling.”
(Really? Okay, I’ll try to stop. There. Did I stop?)
“No.”
(Well how could I, that ‘Let It Grow’ was so hot! Everyone was dancing and I could feel it. It was juicing me up, making me go faster and faster and making my brain go faster and faster until it absolutely stopped working. It just shorted out and I was out there in some nether world that the Grateful Dead created.)
“No shit!”
(Yeah, I know. And I think I can help Shannon get there, I just have to talk to her.)
“Go ahead.”
Damn, she went off into some special Dead universe. That’s so awesome, it’s like she really had a Grateful Dead moment. Maybe my Grateful Dead moment wasn’t a
real Grateful Dead moment. Maybe I should have taken mushrooms. No, that’s stupid, I couldn’t take any, we didn’t have any. No, wait but I took something, I dropped acid. Nate and Zack and Jason and I dropped acid. What happened with that?
“Hey Nate! Nate!”
(What?)
“Pretty hot set, huh?”
Look at him, look at his eyes, the way he’s just staring out, kind of smiling. He’s tripping. I can’t believe it, he’s tripping. Shit, I’m not tripping. I’m high but I’m definitely not tripping. Why aren’t I tripping like he’s tripping? I swallowed the paper and everything. Wait, maybe that was bad. Maybe I forgot to put it on my tongue and instead I just swallowed it so now I’m not going to trip. All my friends are going to have their Grateful Dead experiences and I’m just going to sit here like a dweeb.
(Did you say something?)
“When?”
(Just then.)
“Well yeah, just then.”
(No, no, before that.)
“I don’t think so. I was just sitting here thinking.”
(No shit, I think I heard you. I’m pretty sure I heard you thinking. I mean I couldn’t hear you clearly, it was like mumbling but I definitely was listening to you think. That’s happened to me a couple times before when I’ve tripped. I am not making this up.)
“Man, you’re definitely tripping. I’m not tripping that much.”
(Yeah, man I’m tripping BALLS! BALLS!)
(Hey kid, keep your balls to yourself down there.)
(I’ll see what I can do, sir… Sorry Stevie, maybe those first ones were duds.)
“What do you mean, first ones?”
(Zack and I each took a hit of this other acid.)
“Other acid? Where’d you get more acid?”
(Some dude at the end of the row. Zack saw he was taking some and asked for a couple hits. That’s the way to go, get someone’s acid they’re not trying to sell, that they’ve brought in for their own personal use.)
“But what about me? Why didn’t you get a hit for me?”
(Zack could only get two. Jason didn’t get one either. Hey Zack, why’d you only get two?)
(I could only get two. I was grateful to get two. And now I’m grateful I had one. Real grateful. Yeeeehaaaa!)
(Balls, man! BALLS!)
No shit I can’t believe they took more doses. Mine must be a dud or something. Freaking Gorbachev. Or maybe it was because I swallowed it.
“Huh?”
(I could hear you thinking again, I could definitely hear you thinking. I’m not sure what it was you were thinking but—)
“Do you have any more of those doses we bought outside?”
(Yeah.)
“Let me have one.”
(Stevie, it’s kind of late.)
“There’s a whole set to go, come on.”
(Right, right, okay, okay. Wait a second, I have to dig into my pocket… Ummm…okay, okay here you go.)
“Thanks.”
(Hey Jason, you want one?)
(Huh? No thanks, I’m doing fine.)
(Yeah, he’s doing fine with Meg.)
Sure he’s doing fine. Everyone’s doing fine but me. Okay now, here we go. Remember, on the tongue. Let it melt in your mouth. Not in your hands. Kind of like M & M’s.
Alright, take it easy, okay, okay…I’m set. I’m ready to go. Once the set break is over I’ll be dosed and primed for some Grateful Dead action, I just hope Shannon—
Hey, they’re gone. Shannon and Emily are gone. Where are—Oh, there they are over in the aisle, Shannon’s sort of clutching onto her. Well I hope a walk or something will make her feel better.
Although it kind of feels like everyone’s left me. Jason and Meg are way over there huddling or cuddling or something. Nate and Zack are off tripping. They’re next to me but they’re not here. And Shannon is off trying not to trip. Or trying to trip differently.
And I’m left alone in this arena with 20,000 people.
All by myself.
ROBIN
(Good set, people! Good set!)
“Uh-gurgle-huh.”
Robin… Whoa, Robin… WhooooooosH…okayyyyyy.
WhooooosH! WhooooosH! WhoooooosH!
“Heeeeaaaaahaaahhaaaa!”
Whoooooosh!
Setbreak okay Rob Setbreak.
Whoa let that pass…
Whoooooooshhhhhh.
“Ooooopsiesorry…”
Sorrryyyy.
Pretzel…
Mustarrrrrrd…
Messsssy…
“Yesssssittscleeeeeen.”
Setbreak.
Setbreak.
Setbreak.
TAPER TED
“I’m with you on this. We are living in a ‘Let It Grow’ era. Mark my words, when we look back, ‘Let It Grow’ will define this epoch of the Grateful Dead. That version in Landover two weeks ago had power, grace and nuance. This one was damn close. Your boy Bobby is on top of his game… So where were you anyhow?”
(I was beeped.)
“During a show? Don’t they realize the potential implications?”
(All too well. And just to be sure before we left I made my ‘Ballad of a Thin Man’ speech again.)
“So it was an emergency?”
(Of sorts.)
“Of sorts.”
(An emergency social call.)
“An emergency social call?”
(Of sorts. Someone from our Manhattan office is here with her fourteen year old daughter and one of her daughter’s friends. It’s the girls’ first show.)
“Old time Head?”
(She’s attended the meetings. It’s been a few years though, so somehow word came back to Portland. Paul beeped me and asked me to introduce myself.)
“How’d you find their seats?”
(It wasn’t hard. I just went up to the suite and knocked on the door.)
“She’s watching a Dead show from a luxury box?”
(Well watching might be a bit of an exaggeration. What she’s mainly doing is trying to keep her eyes on the kids. The three of them are not the only ones in there as you might imagine. There are all sorts of people coming and going, puffing and pounding.)
“And what does she think about that?”
(She was a bit tense at first, trying to keep the kids from the booze. She did mellow a bit by mid-set though.)
“High from the second hand smoke?”
(No, high from the joint she pulled out when the kids went to the bathroom. I suspect to puff on a joint of their own.)
“Well she’s got moxie.”
(No, we have Moxie in the great state of Maine. She has whatever overpriced chichi fountain drink originated in Manhattan. She’s a tough chick but also a single mom in a strange situation who was thrilled to learn there was help on the way. And more to come. Where’s your brother, the girls need his stub.)
(Well it may not set any records but I’m not sure that I’d call it a stub.)
“He’s right behind you on a mustard high.”
(That’s pretzel logic for you. See you’re not the ones who can gracefully interject song titles. Did you say something about the girls?)
(Not quite for you. They’re your typical fourteen year old neo-hippie chicks with hundred dollar haircuts and New York accents. I promised my new friend Stephanie that I’d escort them down here so that Ted can give them the grand tour during set break. So like I said, can they use your stubs? Tommy, not another word…)
BAGEL BOB
(Are you going to move?)
“No, Bob is quite comfortable where he is.”
(A piece. Bob, do you intend to move a piece? I’m perfectly aware that you’re trying to stall…)
“Patience, trusted friend of Bob. Patience—”
(Don’t say it’s a virtue. I don’t want virtue. I am not a virtuous person. I haven’t been since 1974.)
“That was a bad year for virtue.”
(No shit, I—Damn it. I can’t believe it, not another one. Come in…)
(Ummm, hi. My name is Cosmic Kel-Kel and I’m here on behalf of the Righteous Recyclers, we—)
(I know who you are. Garbage or money?)
(Excuse me?)
(Which do you want, garbage or money?)
(Garbage would be lovely.)
(Well my garbage certainly is. Right over there to the left of the fridge… There you go.)
(Thank you, have a nice night.)
(Bob, make your—come in!)
(Hey now, my name is Doug and I’m involved with the Garden of the Gratefully Deadicated.)
(Sorry, I gave at the office. Please, we’re trying to play a little chess here.)
“Don’t be so self-deprecating. While your end game needs work, Bob would not characterize the totality of your skill set as diminutive.”
(Ha, ha, Bob. Good night, Doug… So Bob, do you have this problem with everyone knocking?)
“On Heaven’s Door?”
(No on the door to your camper-Right, right, Heaven’s Door, I forgot that’s what you call it. Ode to Dylan. Why do we never play over at your place?)
“Eau de garlic, your sensitive snout.”
(Eau means water, I might call you out on that one.)
“Bob produces his own garlic-infused cream cheese by a distillation process that also includes vidalia onions and leeks.”
(Right, right. My bad. I never should have challenged you. I’ll keep out of your idiom wind…)
“Michael is pleased with himself.”
(Well, one Dylan turn deserves another.)
“Bob acknowledges this simple twist of fate.”
(Okay, okay. Chess. Let’s play chess. It’s your move. You’re gonna make me lonesome unless you go. Sorry, sorry no more Blood on The Tracks puns or references or distractions or whatever. We’re here to play some chess.”
“Let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.”
(Well, now you’ve jumped albums. Although I give you bonus points for quoting a lyric that just might come off the stage tonight. But please, as your host, I beseech you, let’s resume our game.)