by T. T. Kove
She did looked wrecked.
And damn it, but I felt sorry for her. “Nothing. I didn’t get him into bed. We slept in the same bed, yes, but we didn’t do anything.”
She pulled a grimace that clearly said she didn’t believe me. “Yeah, right.”
“It’s true. I swear. Cross my heart.” She hadn’t asked to fall in love with a closeted gay guy, after all. And considering Jakob wasn’t ready to come out, he hadn’t told her, and so she had no idea just what the truth was.
She frowned and cocked her head. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t tell her anymore, but that I hadn’t slept with her boyfriend should be enough. “We didn’t have sex. And I’m not interested in Jakob.”
She snorted. “You were talking this morning, standing all close and shit. You seemed pretty interested, the both of you.”
“Friends, Hedda.” I flicked my ponytail over my shoulder. “A guy and a girl can be friends without there being anything else between them.”
“I don’t believe that.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Well, it’s true.” The bell rang overhead. “You should get over Jakob.”
“What the hell does that mean?” She was on my heels as I exited the toilets. “There is something between you, isn’t there?”
“No, there isn’t.”
“Then how do you know?”
“Because you broke up.” I turned to face her, walking backwards. “Isn’t that enough? When you break up it’s because you don’t want to be together anymore.”
“He broke up with me.”
“He doesn’t want to be with you, Hedda.” I didn’t want to put words in Jakob’s mouth, but I knew this much. She wasn’t the right gender for him, after all.
I also didn’t want her hassling me.
“I’ve got to go.” I didn’t want to be late for class again. Yesterday had been more than enough. “Just… get over him.”
I left her standing there, seemingly fighting tears.
Even if I felt sorry for her, I wasn’t inclined to skip class to comfort her. She’d slapped me, after all, and now she’d harassed me in the bloody toilets.
Yes, breakups hurt—I knew that firsthand, even if I’d been the one who broke up with Magnus last year. We’d been together for seven months though, I’d been used to him, and going from seeing him almost every day to not even talking anymore, had been hard.
Besides, I was better off without him.
Jakob was better off without Hedda.
And she was better off without him—even if she didn’t realise it right now. She would eventually.
10
Fight
Where the hell is Roar?
The bell had rung for lunch and I didn’t see him anywhere. He’d agreed to sit with me at lunch, but I was currently occupying a table with only Iselin for company.
Iselin poured over her religion book. “We’ve got a two-hour test after lunch,” she explained at my raised eyebrows. “And I hardly got to read last night.”
“What were you so busy with?”
Iselin lived for school, to get good grades. She wanted to be a veterinarian and thus needed near-perfect grades to get in.
“Mum and Dad had a row, and Mum had a complete meltdown.” She shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. Which, considering how often it happen lately, it wasn’t anymore.
“Are they… okay?” They’d been on the edge of divorce before, but had always managed to stick together through it.
Iselin only shrugged again and bent back over her book.
“Hi, Maria.” Jakob sat down next to me.
Iselin’s head shot up and she stared at him with wide eyes.
“Hi.” Jakob smiled shyly at her, which caused Iselin to blush and look back down at her book.
“Don’t mind her, she’s stressed about a test she’s got after lunch.” I turned to him. “So I had a run-in with Hedda earlier.”
“What did she have to say?” he asked in trepidation. “She didn’t attack you again, did she?”
I shook my head. “I think she just wanted answers.”
“To what?” He honestly seemed confused.
“Well, she asked me what I had that she didn’t.”
He blinked. “Uhh…”
“I didn’t say anything. Well, not about that. But I did tell her we haven’t slept together.” I saw Iselin glance up at me from the corner of my eye, but I kept my focus on Jakob.
He bit his lip guiltily. “I kind of told her we had, to get her off my back.”
I snorted a laugh. “Jesus.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay—” Something drew my attention. Several people were standing at the windows, clearly looking at something down in the schoolyard. “What’s going on over there?”
“Don’t know.” Jakob leant forwards so he could look past me.
Voices filtered over to us, broken words that I couldn’t make out to full sentences.
“A fight?” He rose halfway. “Someone’s fighting outside.”
Something heavy settled in my stomach.
Roar had said we’d see each other at lunch, but he wasn’t here. He was known for getting in trouble, known for fighting, and now there was a fight outside—
“Shit.” I was up off my chair and out of the cafeteria before the other two could blink.
I ran down the stairs, trying my best not to trip and fall down them, then jumped the last two. Once I pushed the doors open, I saw a gang of lads gathered out there.
I couldn’t see what they were gathered around, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach.
They yelled, words I couldn’t make out in my panic as I hurried forwards. I pushed past them, and many of them gave me odd looks, but I got into the ring.
And I was right.
It was Roar.
And some other arsehole—one of Jakob’s friends.
“Roar!”
His head whipped around to stare at me—but I shouldn’t have yelled, because the other guy’s fist connected with Roar’s face, bringing him to his knees.
Roar glanced up at me briefly, jaw set, and eyes dark, then he turned and tackled the other guy to the ground.
“Roar, no!”
Why was he fighting one of Jakob’s friends?
I wanted to stop them, but I had nothing on two grown-up lads in a fistfight. I didn’t want to see Roar hurt, and the fist he’d taken to the face earlier had seemed to really hurt.
Other people moved into the circle now too—and finally broke the two of them apart.
Jakob was there, pushing his friend back and talking to him in a low voice.
Someone I didn’t know held Roar back, but he struggled in the guy’s grip, eyes only for the one he’d been fighting.
“Roar?” I stepped up in front of him, not quite blocking his view over to Jakob and his friend, but I got his attention.
His expression softened the tiniest bit and he stopped struggling against the guy who held him back. The guy slowly let him go, seemingly unsure if it was wise or not.
I stepped up closer to Roar to look at his face. He still had the black eye his stepfather had given him, and I could see some red swelling on his cheekbone on the other side.
“Shit.” Not only did he have to endure violence at home, but he had to at school too. “What happened?”
He pressed his lips together and glared over my shoulder. “He said something I disagreed with.”
I glanced over my shoulder too, but there was no answers there, so I turned back to frown up at Roar. “You can’t go around and hit everyone you disagree with—”
He turned dark eyes on me. “He said some pretty nasty shit about you.”
That brought me up short. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up.
I looked over my shoulder again. Jakob was still conversing in low tones to his friend, who seemed to be arguing his case.
“Are you, like, defending my honour?” I tried for teasing, but it didn’t seem to lighten his mood any.
“I’m not going to stand by and listen while some arsehole call you a slag.” He clenched his teeth so hard a muscle in his jaw ticked.
That was a kick to the gut.
A slag? Really?
I didn’t bother looking behind me again. It was all probably because of Saturday night, and then because Jakob had told a small lie to Hedda to get her off her back.
“I’m not, you know.” I couldn’t care less about anyone else, but what he thought about me was the most important thing in the world right now.
“I know.” His gaze was inscrutable as he looked down at me. “People just like to talk shit. They do about me all the time.”
And I’d heard a lot of it and taken it to heart. That he was dangerous…
He wasn’t! He could’ve simply walked away, not got involved, but he’d heard someone say something bad about me and he’d dealt with it. Perhaps not in the right way, but he’d dealt with it the only way he knew how.
The bell rang.
“Damn bell,” I murmured. “It always ruins my conversations lately.” I took another step closer to him. If I took just one more, our bodies would be so close we’d press up together. As it was, I only reached out to splay my hand over his stomach. “When are you done with your last class today?”
“At three.”
“Do you have any plans afterwards?”
Please don’t have any plans!
He shook his head, gaze searching my face.
“I’ll wait for you, then. We can talk? Spend time together?”
He nodded now. “That sounds good.”
“Great.” I smiled at him, my gaze zeroing in on his lips. I’d kissed those lips last night and I wanted to do it again—but not in a schoolyard that was still full of people. They were slowly trickling inside, though.
Iselin still stood by the doors, jumping slightly up and down on her feet. She had one rucksack dangling from both of her shoulders.
“I have to go.” I took his hand in mine and squeezed. His knuckles were red and sore. “See you later then?”
He only nodded, but kept hold of my hand as I stepped back. Our arms rose, stretched out, and then we had to let go.
I cast him one last, longing look before I turned to Iselin and relieved her of my bag.
She glanced at Roar, who still hadn’t moved from the spot he’d been standing in. “You and Roar?”
“Yeah,” I said as I held the door open for her.
She slipped inside and I followed close behind her.
“Roar, of all people.” She seemed shocked, like she couldn’t believe I’d ever be interested in someone like him.
I didn’t have time to say anything else, to correct her skewered opinion of him. “See you tomorrow, okay?” I didn’t want her to wait for me after school, not when I was seeing Roar after.
As for the rest of the evening… I didn’t know what that would entail, but I hoped there’d be a lot of Roar in it.
11
Kisses
I had two hours to kill until Roar finished for the day, and I found an empty room to practice in. Since the room belonged to us in music, dance, and drama department, it had a stereo—and I plugged in my phone.
Once the music reverberated through the room, I started moving to it.
Our last class of the day had been dance, so I was still in my gear. A tight leotard and knee-short tights today. I didn’t bother with the shoes, as it was easier to keep my footing when I was barefoot.
Dancing on my own—or with Nik—was always what I preferred. I didn’t have to focus on other people, on having perfect technique, I could simply lose myself in the music and in the dance.
And I did.
I didn’t know how long I was immersed in my own world. All I knew was that the songs ended and blended into a new one, and I danced exactly like how I wanted, without incorporating anyone else’s choreography into it.
At one point, I spun around in a pirouette, and my gaze passed over the door— and Roar stood there.
I spun to a halt, almost losing my balance in surprise.
“It’s not been two hours yet,” I said dumbly.
He chuckled and came further into the room. “The teacher had to leave. Something about a sick child.”
“Oh.” I watched him come closer, nervous and excited all at once. The kiss from last night flashed through my mind—and I wanted it again.
“You’re a great dancer.” His gaze travelled down my body, and his eyes were intense as they took me in.
I should feel self-conscious, considering my tight dancing gear didn’t hide much, but I didn’t.
It only made me feel more confident—knowing that he liked what he saw.
“Do you know anything about dance?”
He gave a guilty laugh. “No. But the way you move—”
I took the few steps separating us, hooked my arms around his neck, and leaned up to press my lips to his, effectively shutting him up.
His arms slid around my waist, tightening and pulling me up close. He wore jeans and his leather jacket open over a hoodie almost identical to the one he’d given me.
He felt so good against me, all warm and hard and strong.
If we hadn’t been in school, I would’ve dragged him off to the nearest bed. That’s how much I wanted him—and it was weird, because I didn’t actually know him.
Last year, it had taken me months to put out for my ex, and after insistent pouting from him, I eventually did. Roar hadn’t even hinted at sex and here I was, craving it.
“Do you have to work tonight?” I asked eventually, drawing back from our kiss.
“I’ve got Tuesday’s off.”
I slid one hand up his neck, over his jaw, ear, and into his hair. “Can you go home?”
He shook his head.
“Come home with me then.” I stared into his eyes, willing him to say yes.
“You sure?” He stared just as intently back.
“Yeah.” I pressed another kiss to his lips. “I think my uncle’s at work, so we can order take-away. Get it delivered straight to my front door.” I toyed with a few strands of his hair.
He bowed his head a little. “That does sound nice.”
“All right then.” I stepped out of his arms and went over to unplug my phone and shrug into his hoodie. I pulled a pair of joggers from my rucksack over my tights, because otherwise I’d freeze to death when I got outside. Then I grabbed my rucksack, put it over one shoulder, and turned to look at him. “You coming?”
He smiled slightly, nodded, and we walked out side by side. He had a bag thrown over his shoulder.
“Has your step-dad always been a mean bastard?” I asked, then cursed myself for using such crass words. Maybe Roar cared for him, even if he hit him.
“Pretty much.” He glanced briefly at me. “He wasn’t so bad before Mum died though. It was after he started drinking excessively—and got more violent the more he drank.”
“Doesn’t he work?” He had to get money for alcohol from someplace.
“He’s on welfare.” Roar sighed. “So he’s always home, and he use all his money on beer and Vodka. Ever since this year started I’ve contemplating dropping out.” He swallowed audibly. “That way I could get a better job, a full-time one, and move out on my own. But I don’t want to work in a bloody gas station for the rest of my life, so I decided to stick it out another year.”
“You want to do higher education?” I could see how it’d be hard to find a job that paid for a flat and all the bills that brought with it, when he spent every single day at school.
He nodded. “Not quite sure what I want to do. All I know is I don’t want to be stuck in this town, working at the ga
s station or the supermarket. Still got over a month to think about it, though, so I’ve got time.”
“You’ll figure it out.” I sounded confident. “And if you don’t, you’ve got time to try and fail a little.”
He cast me a wry look. “Do you know what you’re going to do?”
“Yep. I’m going to Trondheim to study psychology. I’ve got a good enough average to get in, as long as I don’t completely mess up my exams so they pull my average down.”
“I figured you’d do more with your dancing.”
“Why does everyone say that?” I exclaimed, but I laughed as I did.
“Isn’t that what you people want? If you take music, dance, or drama during upper secondary, you tend to want to pursue a career in it?”
“Well, I don’t. I love to dance, I do, but I want it to stay fun. I don’t want it to be my job. I don’t want to struggle for the rest of my life. I want a job that pays well, where I know I can get a full-time position. One that I don’t have to worry about.”
He nodded. “That’s a good choice.”
“I know.” I smiled to myself.
All Ben had ever wanted was to live off music, but he currently worked as a bartender. Nik was down in Oslo, studying dance at the Bårdar Academy—and I didn’t doubt he’d succeed, but he had to work hard for it.
I didn’t want dance to be a job. Dance was fun. And it wouldn’t be if I was required to do it to be able to live and pay my bills.
“What do you do all day when you can’t go home?” I asked, wanting to change the subject back to him. I wanted to know everything about him.
“Whatever I can.” He tilted his head back to stare up at the cloudy sky. “I stay back at school to do homework. I go out to eat, either at BK or one of the many take-away places around town. I go in early to work, spend some time in the back room. I go for walks. Whatever I can to avoid him.”
I frowned down at the ground. It wasn’t fair that he should live like that. “That’s messed up, Roar.”
“I know. But there’s only a few months left now until school’s over, and as soon as I get in somewhere, I’m gone.”