by Hall, Thomas
“Got something!” he says.
I turn to look and as I do we both hear it.
At first the sound is completely alien to me. A strange rumble that comes from everywhere at once. The helicopters! I think.
The shop door opens. Michelle and Harriet fall over each other to get inside. I know it isn’t helicopters.
“Cars,” Michelle says. “The bastard has got cars!”
CHAPTER 26
WE HIDE IN THE BACK OF THE SHOP until the cars have gone. The food that we find doesn’t go far, but I make sure Harriet gets my share and hope that it will be enough to make her forgive me.
She doesn’t say anything but looks at Michelle from time to time, as if she considers her more of a parent than me. I am hurt, but there are other things to worry about. There will be plenty of time to win her forgiveness once we are on the boat and safe.
No one wants to leave, but Michelle takes charge. “Come on then,” she says. “Let’s keep moving.”
She leads us back through the shop to the door. Once she has made sure it’s safe outside we follow her.
I can see the tire marks through the ice and realise how close they passed. In the distance I can still hear the motors.
“At least we’ll be able to hear them coming,” I say.
They all look at me, but either I am being an idiot or they have already come to the same conclusion. We start walking.
Michelle takes the lead. I don’t argue. I walk alongside Harriet.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I say, which, even before it’s out of my mouth sounds like the stupidest thing I could say.
I don’t expect her to say anything and she doesn’t.
“I thought you’d come to the evacuation centre,” I say. “I waited for you.”
She nods, which is close to the first communication she’s made with me.
“How…” my tongue feels tied up in knots. I hate this. I look up and see that Michelle is a few metres ahead, Douglas a few metres behind. I turn back to Harriet. “I’m sorry,” I say.
“You’re sorry?”
I try not to let the relief of hearing her voice show, but I don’t think I do a very good job. I can feel the smile struggling to break out on my face. “I should have come for you sooner.”
“Yeah,” she says.
“I was afraid,” I say.
She doesn’t say anything but she doesn’t look away, doesn’t hurry after Michelle.
“I was afraid that something terrible had happened to you. I guess it was easier to live with the hope that you were alive.”
She sighs.
I’ve said the wrong thing.
“Something terrible did happen to me,” she says.
The ice from the street climbs up my legs. I was wrong to spare Cortez’s life. “What?” I say, my voice a croak.
There are tears in her eyes but her expression is unreadable.
“You don’t have to… you can tell me anything.”
“When I lost you I thought I was never going to see you again,” she says. “I was lost and scared and alone. No one wanted to help me.”
I want to ask her why she didn’t go to the soldiers, they should have helped her, but I don’t want to interrupt.
“I spent the first night in a garage, sleeping next to an old car on a concrete floor. I tried to find you, tried to get back to the evacuation, but I couldn’t. The second night I slept on the street.”
By then I was inside the evacuation centre. I’d spent my days searching through the records for her. My nights on a camping bed, wrapped in blankets and surrounded by armed guards.
“They found me and said they could help.”
“Cortez’s men?”
She nods. “They dressed like soldiers. I thought I could trust them. They took me to the castle.”
I don’t want to know. I need to know. I don’t want it to be true. “What happened there?”
“I tried to leave, but they said I couldn’t. They locked me in a room and that woman…”
The tears are running down her face now, freezing on her pale skin. I want to take her in my arms and wipe them away but I don’t do anything except watch and keep moving forwards.
“Cortez’s woman,” she says. “She made me wear these stupid clothes. She made me play games and call her mummy.” She says the word with all the disgust she can muster.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
If there is more she doesn’t tell it. I hope that there isn’t, that Cortez didn’t have any interest in her other than as a plaything for his wife.
“I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” she says.
At first I am not sure whether she has forgiven me or not. We turn away from each other, to focus on the road ahead and the distant figure of Michelle. Then her hand is in mine and when I glance back at her she is smiling through the tears.
CHAPTER 27
THE MOTORS ARE RUNNING AND A THICK FOG of exhaust fumes fills the air. I am laying on the ground, four hundred metres away, watching them. There are a dozen men standing outside the cars, talking, laughing. They are all well armed.
I crawl backwards and around the corner of the building. The others are waiting for me to report on what I have seen.
“We’ll have to find another way around,” Michelle says.
“Is there one?” I say.
Michelle and Douglas look at one another, I have come to accept that they know London better than I do. I am happy to defer to them on matters of geography.
“We could go down Pearl Street?” Douglas says.
“And around Old York Lane?” Michelle adds.
He shrugs. “That’s going to add half a day to the journey.” He looks at his watch. “You won’t make it to The Heliport in time. And that’s assuming Cortez doesn’t have men anywhere else.”
I look at Harriet. She is holding my hand again. She looks scared and I want to reassure her, but how can I do that?
“What if we took a car?” I say.
Michelle shakes her head. “That would give them something to follow.”
“We could outrun them?” I say.
“There’s too many of them,” she says. “They’d cut us off, trap us somewhere.”
“Well there must be something we can do.”
“Create a distraction?” Douglas says.
I frown at him.
“What do you mean?” Michelle says.
“If we can get them out of the area, then we can go through here, like we were planning,” he says.
“And you’ve got an idea how to do that?” Michelle says.
He shrugs.
Michelle looks at the end of the street as if she will be able to see them in the square at the bottom of the hill.
“It’s our best option,” she says.
“If we can figure out how to do it,” I say.
“I’ve got an idea,” Harriet says.
We all turn to look at her, she turns away.
“It’s not much,” she says.
“What are you thinking?” Michelle says.
“We need to make a noise, somewhere else, get them to think it’s us.”
“Without it being us,” I say.
She nods. I am disappointed by the idea, but still proud of her for having the courage to speak up. I don’t think I would have done so at her age.
“Without it being all of us,” Douglas says.
We turn to look at him.
“It makes sense,” he says. “You know it makes sense.”
I do know, but that doesn’t mean I like it.
“I can’t come with you, so it should be me.”
“It’s too dangerous,” Michelle says.
He shrugs.
“We’ll think of something else,” Michelle says. “There has to be another way.”
“I’m open to suggestions,” he says.
And while we’re trying to think of one, the time keeps ticking. Our chances of making it to The Heliport on time
are diminishing. I shake my head. I look at Harriet and I look at Douglas.
“He’s right,” I say.
They all look at me.
“It’s the only option we’ve got.”
“I’ll do it,” Michelle says. “I’ll distract them and then come and meet you. I can move quicker.”
I look at Douglas to see what he thinks of the idea, then I shake my head.
“No,” Douglas says. “I’m going to do it.”
“At least let me take your bag,” Michelle says. “You’ll be faster without it.”
“But if I don’t meet up with you—“
“You’re going to meet up with us,” she says.
I am not so sure.
Douglas hands over the bag. He turns to me and I don’t know what to say. Is this goodbye or are we going to pretend that everything is still going to be okay? That this is only a temporary separation and that we will meet again soon?
He offers me his hand.
“Good luck,” I say.
“If we don’t…”
I nod.
“Thank you,” he says.
“I’m the one who should be thanking you,” I say.
Neither of us says anything else.
“Come on you two,” Michelle says. “If we're doing this, let’s get on with it.”
She hands Douglas the gun which she took from Cortez. He doesn’t take it.
“I don’t know how to shoot,” he says.
“A good time to learn,” she says.
He takes the gun and she seems a little happier.
“Good luck,” Michelle says.
Finally he turns to Harriet. I’m not sure they’ve ever spoken to one another. He nods and she replies with the same. Then he is gone.
There is nothing to do except wait.
We couldn’t reach an agreement about what Douglas was going to do to get their attention. I suppose we will know it when it happens.
I turn away from the end of the alley.
When you add it all up, I suppose we weren’t together for longer than a week, but for all that time we were alone. It was an intense relationship, a holiday romance, and I feel his absence.
“How long do we wait?” Michelle says.
“Give him a chance,” I say.
She nods and mumbles something under her breath about needing a plan-b but I ignore her.
I sit down next to Harriet. She takes my hand without saying anything and together we wait.
The distraction, when it comes, is not what I expected. I don’t think any of us could have expected it.
The sound is like something from a nightmare. Fairground music with the batteries running down, slow, drawling and nightmarish.
I rush to the corner with Michelle beside me. We get to the hill in time to see Cortez’s men reacting to the sound.
The men take out guns and shout to one another. They start car engines and look around for the source of the noise. I look around as well, half expecting to see a troop of clowns rolling into the square.
“This is it,” Michelle says. “Are you ready?”
“We’re ready,” I say.
The three of us move out from our hiding place, like blind crabs scuttling into the daylight. We stay close together but there is no strength in numbers here. If anything we are likely to make an easier target this way. I want to move Harriet to safety but there aren’t enough of us to create a shield around her.
Michelle leads us up the hill and I look down.
The haunted carnival music playing in the distance has become our soundtrack. It is a song that will be in my nightmares for a long time.
The guards have gone and taken their cars with them. No one approaches us, no one calls out and no one draws my attention. If they are there then they are well hidden and we will have to hope that we are quicker than them.
I hear their cars and voices shouting. The chase is happening close by.
I take Harriet’s hand and drag her onward. Michelle reaches for my hand and we run like a single creature. If I was a stronger man then I would pick Harriet up and carry her, as it is, doing so would only slow us down.
Gears shift and wheels skid on the ground.
The music skips a beat and for a moment I expect it to stop. Although I know what it will mean if that happens, I almost wish for it.
I hear gunshots but the music continues. People are shouting.
I look around but I can’t see them. We are safe here, for the moment, if we keep moving…
A flash of something bright appears at the end of a street. I see only the briefest glimpse of it, but it is enough. I move quicker. Not because what I have seen scares me, but because I now know that it is only a matter of time before they catch him.
The music is coming from an ice cream van. Douglas must have found one and decided it was the perfect thing to attract attention. He wasn’t wrong, but he won’t be able to stay ahead of them for long. We are already on borrowed time.
“Keep going,” I say, when Harriet begins to drag me back. She is growing tired, but we can’t afford to stop here, the land is too open, we are much too exposed.
We run past the statue of some long dead king towards a building which casts shadow over everything. The glass is already dirty, the metal beams that support them, already growing weaker. I don’t know how long it will be before we see their like again, or if we ever will. All I know is that we have to keep moving, we have to be somewhere else when the haunted carnival music stops.
We reach the other side of the clearing. The danger is behind us. The three of us stand in a group, hidden in the shadows. I let go of Harriet’s hand and we breathe.
The explosion shakes the glass in the tall buildings.
I turn around, already knowing what will be there, but I need to see it for myself.
The fire blooms like a mushroom. It engulfs the ice cream truck and the music stops. The men stand around, watching it burn.
A hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Michelle.
“There’s nothing you can do for him,” she says.
I nod, know it’s true but I am already walking away from her. I am numb.
“Daddy?”
I stop.
If I turn around and see her then I will not go. Harriet will win over Douglas every time. It will not be my choice, but whether I turn or not is.
“He’s gone,” Michelle says.
I know that she’s right.
“Daddy we have to go.”
I turn.
They are standing together watching me. I nod and, with a strength I don’t feel, walk back to them and together we leave the fire behind us.
We leave Douglas behind us.
CHAPTER 28
EVERYTHING SMELLS OF CINDERS AND ASH. I CAN hear them in another room, talking and rattling pots and pans. They laugh and I don't know what they have to laugh about. I grow angry with them, and then with myself.
Douglas is dead.
I try to accept this, because I know it is true, but it seems unreal, impossible even. How can he be dead? I only saw him this morning, only joked with him a few hours ago.
We walked until the light gave out. None of us is sure how much further it is to The London Heliport, I’m not sure I care any more.
Douglas is dead and it’s my fault.
If I’d killed Cortez when I had the chance, would it have made a difference? I can’t know for sure, but it might have done. It should have done. Cortez deserved to die, Douglas didn’t. It feels like I chose between them.
The door on the other side of the bar opens and I watch Michelle come through. She looks at me, but I haven’t moved.
“It’ll be ready in five minutes,” she says.
I don’t reply.
“You need to eat,” she says. Then she is gone. There is little comfort from her, but comfort isn’t what I need now. She knows it is my fault. Softness won’t change that.
Harriet knows the truth. When she was with Cortez, he kep
t her safe, but I can’t even offer that. She was safer with a murderer than with me. It could have been any one of us killed today, and it could be any one of us tomorrow.
They were both safer with him than they are with me.
The thought is like a stone in my gut. What have I done?
I am not cut out for this new world, my daughter isn’t safe with me. It has taken me this long to realise. It is too late for me to do anything except wish that I had made different decisions.
When they call me for dinner I pretend to be asleep. Neither of them comes close enough to see the tears in my eyes which would prove that a lie.
I listen to them eat and clean up after themselves. Then they go back to the bar while I pretend to still be asleep. I can’t stand to look at either of them, but it is my own guilt which hurts the most.
Their conversation drifts from frivolity to hope for the future.
“Where do you think we’ll go?” Harriet says.
“Where would you like to go?” Michelle says.
“America,” Harriet says.
“Disneyland?” Michelle says.
“My dad said we’d go one day.”
I smile to myself at the memory. Happy memories are the only thing I have to offer her now. We both know that Disneyland will never happen, all we can do is reminisce about a time when it was a possibility.
“What about France?” Michelle says.
My heart freezes.
“Have you ever been to Disneyland Paris?”
“No,” Harriet says. She offers no further explanation and I can’t see her expression to know how the words have affected her.
“I suppose we’ll have to go wherever they send us,” Michelle says. “They won’t give us a choice.”
“But you’ll come with us, won’t you?” Harriet says.
“If I can sweetheart, of course.”
They would be better off without me. If Cortez catches them then the worst he will do is take them back to the castle, he wants to kill me.