Lost in You

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Can you find out his name for me?” Alex nods and walks over toward him.

  His eyes go wide as Alex approaches. He quickly looks at his friend for help, but she’s talking my ear off. I’m not listening, I can’t. I’m studying him and his reaction to Alex. He opens his mouth to speak and they shake hands. He looks so nervous and out of place. I want to rush over there and talk to him, just to hear his voice.

  Alex comes right back to me, the look on her face is priceless. “His name is Ryan Stone and he’s extremely shy,” she whispers. I look at him out of the corner of my eye. He’s looking at me, but looks away as soon as I make eye contact.

  “Excuse us for a minute,” I say to his friend. Alex and I move to the side, away from unsuspecting ears. “He’s cute, Alex.”

  “Very. What are you thinking?”

  I look back toward Ryan. He’s still watching me, but this time doesn’t look away. “After party in my suite,” I say to Alex without breaking contact with Ryan.

  “Ian is going to flip,” Alex reminds me. She’s right, he will, but I don’t care. I want to know who this Ryan is and this isn’t the place.

  Looking back at Alex, I shrug. “We're here for three days. I want to meet some locals. He can’t fault me for being hospitable.”

  “Oh, sweetie,” Alex says as she pulls me into a hug. “He’ll fault you for anything that he didn’t suggest.” Alex chuckles. We talk about who to invite and I say screw it and invite all of them over. Maybe I can let loose tonight.

  “Listen up,” Alex says loudly. The music is turned down and the chattering stops. “As you know, Hadley loves her fans and is happy you guys came out to the show tonight, so we’re extending an invitation for her after-party. If you’d like to keep your evening going, come see me.”

  Ian storms over to me and grabs my arm, pulling me into the corner. “What are you doing?”

  “What?” I ask innocently. “I’m not tired and want to hang out. It gets sort of boring for Alex and me just hanging out with each other.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re Hadley Carter. You don’t get to just invite people over to your hotel whenever you want.”

  I rip my arm out of his grip. “Thanks for reminding me, but in case you’ve forgotten, I sign your paychecks.”

  “You pay me to protect you.”

  “No, Ian, I pay Jones to protect me, Anal Anna to do my hair, make-up and pick out my clothes and you to handle my affairs. I’m an adult. If I want to have people come over to a hotel room that I’ve paid for, I can.”

  Ian rubs his face, clearly set off by my little temper tantrum. “I don’t get you sometimes, Hadley. One minute you are itching to get home and the next you’re doing something like this. I’m looking around here and can’t fathom how any of these people interest you. Each one is beneath you.”

  “Really? Is that my uncle or my manager talking?”

  “Both.”

  I look around and try to see the image he’s seeing: I see a mom and daughter; girlfriends who are laughing and meeting others, something I’ve made happen; and I see Ryan, sitting in the corner, content to let his friend bask in meeting a celebrity. I look back at Ian and shake my head.

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t see what you’re seeing. I’m here for three days and if I want to entertain, I’m going to.”

  Alex signals that we are all set. When I look at her and nod my head toward Ryan she nods and smiles. I’m about to get to know a fan, something I’ve vowed I’d never do.

  “Alex says everyone is ready to leave. So I’d like to go now.”

  Ian walks away and starts talking animatedly with Jones. His eyes get big as he looks over the people. If anything I should’ve consulted with him first, but I wasn’t thinking. All I really wanted to do was get Ryan alone so we can talk. Somehow I don’t think he’d open up in a room full of girls.

  But maybe he’ll open up when it’s just him and me on my balcony. At least that is what I’m hoping.

  CHAPTER 5

  Ryan

  When Alex announces that everyone is invited back to Hadley’s suite, I groan. I’m not interested in hanging out with people I don’t know, but Dylan will want to and I can’t let my disposition affect her happiness. She earned this.

  I am worried about curfew though. My parents are expecting me home at some point and it’s already approaching midnight.

  Dylan comes bouncing over to me when Alex says it’s time to leave. She pulls my hand into hers. The grin on her face must be hurting because it’s been permanent since Hadley walked into the room.

  We rush to her car, running through the now-empty parking lot. Dylan cranks the radio once she has the car started and pulls out of the spot. I roll down my window and let the breeze wake me up a bit. I can’t help but laugh at Dylan; her attitude is infectious.

  “You know I’m going to get into trouble,” I tell her. Her face drops as she looks at me. She pulls out her phone and presses on the screen.

  “Hi, Mrs. Stone. Sorry for waking you, but Ryan and I are really tired so I think we're going to grab a hotel for the night.”

  My mouth drops as she blatantly lies to my mom.

  “Yeah… no, I’ve got it covered. Okay, see you tomorrow.”

  Dylan puts down her phone and starts laughing. I’m staring at her, shocked that she just did that.

  “There, now you aren’t late.”

  “I can’t believe you did that.”

  Dylan shrugs and looks at me quickly. “I'm willing to do just about anything if it means I can party with Hadley Carter.”

  “You’re freaking crazy, Dylan Ross.”

  “Yes, but you love me.” She drives us to the hotel. It’s an expensive one with two valets. Something I’ve only read about in books. Two men with long black coats and hats open the car doors. One extends his hand, helping Dylan out. The doorman pulls open the main door and smiles as we pass by. I’ve never had such treatment before.

  I follow Dylan up to the front desk. She asks for a room for the night. She pulls out her credit card that her dad gave her. I hate that I can’t help her pay. She’s always footing the bill for me.

  The clerk hands Dylan two room cards and she gives me the spare. Now I can ditch this after-party and hang out in the room. Dylan also gives her name for the list that Alex said would be waiting. She’s handed another key and quickly turns for the elevators.

  I’m standing in front of gold elevators… gold. When the car dings, signaling its arrival, Dylan starts bouncing on the balls of her feet. She’s way too excited. She skips in, causing the other patrons getting in to look at her funny. I shrug and skip in behind her.

  We stop on the thirty-fifth floor. I step out first and look left and right. I motion for her that it’s safe. She slides against the wall until the next opening, waving her hand that the coast is clear. We started doing this at about the sixth floor, pretending we are spies. I come around the corner and a door opens, causing Dylan to start laughing. She falls into me, gripping my arm, just like the last time she had gotten drunk and I had to babysit her.

  We straighten up as an older couple walks by us. Their stern look is enough to keep our faces from cracking under pressure. They watch us as we walk to Hadley’s room, probably wondering if we even belong on this floor. Dylan does, but definitely not me.

  “I’m only going to stay for a few minutes, okay?” Dylan rolls her eyes as she knocks on the door.

  “You’ll have fun.” I can’t respond because the door swings open and a very tall and extremely large man is standing there glaring at us.

  “Names?” his voice is deep and rough, like he’s been screaming all his life.

  Dylan gives him our names and he moves aside to let us in. This room is larger than my house. The people here don’t even take up an inch of the space. I don’t know if women like this kind of stuff, but I can tell you I’d never decorate my apartment like this; way too much gold.

  Dylan spots one of the girls she was
talking to earlier and heads toward her. I guess she thinks I’m okay by myself. An older lady walks by and tells me to help myself to food and drinks. I see others eating so I make a plate, grab a soda and sit down away from everyone. Other than the guy at the door I’m the only male in the room.

  I’m trying not to watch the clock, but I can’t help it. I’m bored and this is just awkward. All these women are giggling and talking fashion and I could really use the sleep. Dylan is in an in-depth conversation so I really don’t want to bug her. I pull out my phone and text that I’m heading to the room.

  “Leaving so soon?” I turn and find Hadley… a girl I didn’t know existed until tonight, behind me. She caught me sneaking out of her party, not that I think she’d miss me.

  “I was just going to my room.” My hand finds the back of my head but I quickly pull it down remembering how much Dylan hates it when I pull at my hair.

  “I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself earlier. I’m Hadley Carter,” she says extending her hand. When my hand touches her, I feel a jolt, like when you rub your socks on carpet and touch someone to shock them. I drop her hand immediately and put it in my pocket. “Would you like to go outside and talk? I’ve had a chance to speak to everyone but you.”

  “Oh, I’m just here with my friend; she’s your fan.”

  “And you’re not?”

  I feel like I’ve been caught red-handed in the cookie jar. I didn’t mean to offend her. But the look on her face shows that I did.

  “I’m—“

  “It’s okay, we can still talk.” I nod for fear of hurting her feelings anymore. My luck, she’d write a song about some rude boy she met in Jackson who didn’t like her music but had the nerve to show up at her after-party and eat her food. She turns away and takes a few steps before looking at me from over her shoulder. I step forward and she smiles.

  She fixes a plate of snacks and grabs a couple sodas.

  “Want me to carry those?” I ask, holding my hands out for the soda. She places them in my hand, her fingertips lingering on my skin a bit longer than normal. I feel the charge again and wonder if she’s feeling it too.

  She slides open the balcony door and closes it once I’ve stepped through. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but the curtains have been drawn so no one can see us out here. Whoever closed them clearly didn’t see us walk out.

  She sits down, pulling a chair close to her. I set the sodas on the small table and sit down across from her. Our knees are almost touching and close enough that we’ve created a table for her to place the plate on our knees. I feel this energy pushing me toward her, as if my body is telling me that I need to touch her.

  “So, back to my music. You don’t like it?”

  “No, it’s not that. This was the first time I’ve heard it… or maybe the first time I’ve actually listened. Your show was really good though.”

  Hadley’s eyes haven’t left mine since we sat down. She squints a bit when I tell her this is the first time I’ve listened to her sing.

  “Have you lived under a rock? Sorry, that was rude. I’m just used to everyone being the biggest fan, so I don’t often run into someone who doesn’t listen.”

  “It’s not just your music; I don’t listen in general.”

  This time her eyes widen and her mouth drops even though she keeps her lips sealed. “How can you not listen to music?”

  I shrug. “My parents don’t like it and I don’t have a radio. I mean, I listen when I’m in the car with my friend, but I can’t say I pay attention enough to know who I’m listening to.”

  “Wow, that’s just so—“

  “Odd, stupid, strange. That pretty much sums up my parents.”

  Hadley reaches into her pocket and pulls out her phone. Of course it’s just like Dylan’s. She turns on some music and sets it down on the table.

  “Well, your parents aren’t here now, are they?”

  “No, definitely not.”

  “So tell me about yourself, Ryan.”

  I look at her questioningly. “How do you know my name? I didn’t introduce myself?”

  She bites her bottom lip and looks away from me. Her cheeks turn pink and I can’t tell for sure, but I think she’s trying not to laugh. “Alex told me,” she says without looking at me.

  “Oh.” I’m not sure how I should feel about that. Do I like it that she asked or what? I’m not sure what I’m supposed to tell her. What does one tell someone when he or she says “tell me about yourself”? Are they looking for a specific answer? “Um, well, Dylan is my best friend. We live in Brookfield, which is about two hours from here. On Monday I’ll be a senior in high school.”

  When I say high school her head snaps up. She studies me as if I’m joking, her eyes moving around my features. My hands rest on the side of the chair and wait for her to say something.

  “How old are you?” she asks.

  “I’m seventeen.”

  “When will you be eighteen?”

  “In December.”

  “Oh wow, I didn’t think… Crap this isn’t good.”

  The awkwardness increases tenfold. She moves away from me. I scramble to catch the plate before it tumbles to the ground.

  “Shit,” she says. “I’ll be right back.”

  She gets up, leaving me, with a plate of half-eaten food and her phone playing music.

  CHAPTER 6

  Hadley

  Why can’t things in my life just go as I imagined? Ryan and I getting to know each other, finding out if this connection I’m feeling is real or just my imagination. No, it’s not my imagination. The pull is there. I feel it, that magnetic force that people always talk about. I felt it the moment we made eye contact from across the room.

  Why does he have to be underage? Eighteen I can deal with, but not seventeen.

  I left him sitting on the chair. Just upped and left. He must think I’m rude. I have this party as a front to get to know him. I stop him from leaving, knowing that if he did, I’d never see him again. I would never have the opportunity to hear his voice or experience the feelings going through me right now when he answers my questions. I knew sitting there that I wanted to keep him talking.

  Now I stand at the other end of my balcony. My head rests on my hands as I lean against the cold concrete wall – a wall that is currently preventing me from jumping over the side while I figure out what to do. I need to talk to Alex, but she’s occupying the guests while I hit on Ryan. Or try to. Maybe he doesn’t even like me. Hell, he didn’t even know who I was until tonight.

  I stare out into the night sky, the stars twinkling as I ask them for some sign on what I should do. Never have I been in a relationship where I’ve felt this strongly about someone. I should be scared. I should be kicking him out of here and hopping on my bus to get out of dodge.

  I know that starting something with him is wrong, but we can be friends. I can be his friend. That’s what I tell myself as I walk back toward him. I remind myself that we’ll be friends, pen pals or texting buddies. We’ll keep things platonic until he’s eighteen and if he wants, then maybe we’ll share a kiss or hold hands.

  Over and over again, I say this as I round the corner and look at him. He sees me and stands up. His short, dark hair is now standing on end, likely from endless pulling, no doubt wondering where the crazed rock star ran off. My fingers like his hair like this. They twitch with desire to run through his locks. I close my eyes to remove the image of my lips pressed against his while he’s pulling me close, his hand guiding my leg over his hip.

  My mind is saying get over him, but my heart is speaking loud and clear. I need to have him in my life. I want to know him.

  With my game face on I take the last few steps back to the chaise lounge. Ryan steps back, his legs bumping into the chair. He wobbles a bit and I reach out to catch him. Big mistake. My hands feel as if they are on fire. It’s small and manageable, yet I don’t want to let go for fear the sensation will stop. I know I have to. I’m an adul
t, I very sadly remind myself.

  Letting go of his arm, I sit down in my same spot as before. I look at him, my head tilted back as I take in his tall stature, his eyes never leaving mine as he sits back down. He’s tense, I can tell, his posture rigid and uncomfortable. I made him this way and now I need to fix it.

  “I’m sorry about before, about leaving. That was rude.”

  “It’s okay.” He says this so politely it makes me want to pull him into my arms and hug him.

  “No, it’s not.” I lean forward so that I can peer into his eyes. They’re a beautiful combination of blue and green. I can’t help but want to get lost in them for hours.

  I straighten when Ryan clears his throat. He looks down, clearly shy or surprised by my gawking. I need to control myself. I’m a professional and need to act like one. I sit back and extend my legs in the chaise, turning so I can look at him. I want to tell him to make himself at home, but he doesn’t seem like the type that would do that.

  “Who is this singing?” he asks, effectively breaking the awkward silence. I pick up my phone and show him my picture. The song is a ballad I did two years ago. It never went anywhere, but it’s always been one of my favorites.

  “It’s me.”

  “You’re very pretty.” He says this so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. His cheek turns a pleasing shade of pink. It’s a good thing I’m this far away from him because I want to run my fingers along his cheekbone. I want to feel the heat from his blush.

  There is something seriously wrong with me. I tell myself to snap the hell out of it and come back down to reality. Friends, Hadley… that is all you can be. There will be no touching of any kind.

  “Thank you.” I say this in hopes to open some conversation, anything to hear his voice.

  “You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he mumbles his reply. Ryan mirrors my position on his chaise, turning his body to look at me. I’m lost in his beauty. I hope he doesn’t mind me staring because I don’t think I can stop.

  “I think you’re handsome.” He looks away. He starts picking at the hem of his shorts and I fear I’ve said the wrong thing. Everything has come so natural to me until now. “Is that the wrong thing to say?”