Kissing my neck softly, he speaks in a voice barely above a whisper: “I can’t believe I found you again. You’ve been living in my mind for two hundred and twenty-two years…maybe longer. I’ve missed your body.”
I want to lose myself in him. His hand moves up to my breast and I shiver. I want more of his mouth, more of his hands, more of him. But a voice keeps saying: Later.
I go still and bring my hands to his elbows to gently stop him. “Later,” I whisper. He sighs loudly and deflates on top of me.
Half-jokingly he says, “Ellie, you’re killing me.”
Hugging my knees tightly to myself, I get comfortable on the sofa and accept a mug of tea from Declan. He winks at me and I can feel myself blushing.
“So how do we do this?” he asks innocently.
“We’re going to sit up straight, but make sure that we’re comfortable and then I’ll lead us into a meditation. We’ll just quiet our minds. I’m going to call in Louisa though. She will direct what we see and feel. Sound ok?”
Declan looks confused. “How are you going to call in Louisa? First of all, she’s dead and second of all, she’s you!”
I realize that I’m not sure how to explain this to him because I don’t feel I fully comprehend it myself. “We’re all energy, Declan. The memory of Louisa is enough. I call on the energy of who I remember myself to have been and that’s all we need. It’s hard to explain in words,” I tell him gently.
“No, no. I think I get it. She exists even though we can’t see her and she’s a part of you but really, she is a part of us all. Is that close?” he asks hopefully.
In his questions and conclusions I get an image of Declan as a young boy and it warms my heart. I want to hug him. “You are adorable. That is definitely close.”
Declan smiles at me, pleased with himself. “Sexy, Ellie…not adorable, sexy,” he corrects me.
CHAPTER 35
Louisa
The sun peeked through the clouds for an exceptional appearance considering it was November in Mull. Louisa could scarcely contain her excitement as she buttoned her spencer and put on her gloves. William would speak to her father this morning and ask to court her.
It seemed almost silly to Louisa that he should go through this formality, but William would brook no opposition. She was a lady and would be treated as one. Louisa found the idea quite humorous. If she was indeed a lady she would not have allowed William to even cross the threshold of her bedchamber, never mind all the events that transpired within it.
Yes, it was scandalous, but no one in Tobermory would care. Everyone in the village adored William: the men for his good sense and ability to hold his drink, the women for his good manners and handsome appearance. They loved Louisa too and news of their attachment would travel fast.
Louisa was on her way to the market to purchase some eggs and post her letter. She had not forgotten her plan. On the contrary, she was more resolved than ever to take the next steps. William would know his worth and she would have the kind soul she knew he was.
Happiness overcame her as she walked. She felt as though she was floating! The way that he kissed her and held her close made her weak, but that was not all she thought of. His kindness to others, the way he looked when he wanted to tell her something, his manner of walking, and how respectful he was to her father. And though he would not count it as a virtue, Louisa adored how unsure of himself he could be at times. He, a man of twenty-five who had become so successful so quickly and of his own wits and talents would still occasion to doubt his actions. Louisa knew it was because he was humble. There was a little boy inside of him who still searched for approval and a loving voice that would tell him everything would be alright.
William
They sat opposite each other in front of the fire in the parlour. Sir Thomas observed William strangely, clearly puzzled at the young man’s nervous demeanour. “Thank you for agreeing to see me, Sir Thomas,” said William, running his hands down the arms of the chair.
Sir Thomas reached across to tap William’s knee to reassure him. “Of course, lad! I am happy to hear anything you have to say.”
“You are too kind, sir.” William looked away a moment and then anxiously crossed and then uncrossed his legs. He had to force himself to stay seated in the chair, because all he really wanted to do was pace. “Sir Thomas, I have requested this interview so that I may confess to you that I uh…that is I have recently found that I am quite fond of your daughter…Louisa, sir.”
Sir Thomas could not help but laugh. “Recently? Come, man. I have eyes! You have been hopelessly in love with my daughter since Oban, more likely London!” He paused, perhaps noting William’s discomfort at the idea that his feelings were known to everyone. “But I am being unkind and interrupting you. Pray, continue,” he said quickly.
“Yes, well I uh…I would like to have your permission, sir, to court your daughter.” He was now thoroughly embarrassed by his anxiety, not to mention his blatant inability to hide his feelings.
Sir Thomas laughed and then shouted, “Court her? Mr. Mara, really, is that what you want? Is that what Louisa wants? Never mind, I already know the answer to both of those questions.” He continued, ignoring William’s look of horror. “The answer of course is no. Come now lad, you want to marry her do you not? And I know my Louisa, the girl who swore she would never marry! Ha! Well, I see the way she looks at you and I can hear the adoration in her voice when she says your name. You are both done for and the sooner you admit it the better!”
William was at a loss. How could he possibly respond to such a speech? After a moment he decided that full honesty was required. Indeed Sir Thomas seemed to expect nothing less.
“Sir, you are correct. I am utterly besotted with your daughter. Louisa is exceptional and I suppose the reason I asked you to court her instead of marry her was that I was seeking some time to endeavour to deserve her.” William sighed and raked his hands through his hair. “I would marry her tomorrow, but to be frank, I did not think you would permit it. I am not a gentleman and as you are aware, the comparatively small fortune I have made has been in trade. In short, I did not think you would believe me suitable for Louisa.”
Sir Thomas observed William for a moment with an expression of sympathy. “I understand your concerns, lad; I do. You need not worry, however. We are in a unique position here. She has no need for the good opinion of the ton, nor does she require a wealthy gentleman for protection. Not only that, I trust my daughter’s judgment implicitly. If she has fallen in love with you, and I believe strongly that she has, then I want nothing more than to see her happy.”
Sir Thomas sighed and leaned forward. “I will not pretend to be ignorant of other feelings you may have. I know it cannot be easy to be a man in love with a woman who does not need his protection. Such a thing can torture our pride. Can we both agree however, that she is not a common female?”
Mr. Mara smiled at the question. “We can, most heartily, sir.”
“Indeed she is uncommon. And she has been transformed by this place. In London, she was always alone and with a book in her hands. She would attend balls of course, but she never seemed to be particularly interested in anyone she met there. I worried for her. But now she is outside so often, looking at the sea, gardening, talking to people in the village. It is clear to me that bringing her here was the right thing to do. And it warms my heart that she has found a partner with whom to share her life. I can leave this world a much happier man, Mr. Mara.”
William could not find the words to respond to such a speech. He gave a tight smile and a nod to stave off the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him.
“You are a good man, Mr. Mara. Think what you will, but I must have it said: you do deserve my Louisa. Take that to heart, son. It is high praise indeed.”
William extended his hand to Louisa’s father and he shook it. He knew that Sir Thomas liked him, but never did he imagine that the gentleman would be so open and approving of their attachment.
He was overcome.
“I do take that to heart and I thank you. And you are correct, sir. I most fervently wish to make Louisa my wife. If I have your permission, I will ask her this afternoon when she returns from the market.”
Sir Thomas smiled widely. “Why wait until she returns? Run! Find her and ask her now. Ladies love that kind of devotion,” he mused as if remembering something. “I ran after Louisa’s mother you know.”
William remained seated unsure if Sir Thomas planned to finish his thought. His foot tapping the wood floor however broke the older man’s reverie.
“What are you still doing here, Mr. Mara? She is waiting.”
Sir Thomas stood up and grabbed William by the shoulders. Laughing, he bid him be gone.
And with that, William was off. The air was damp and chilled, but a ray of sunlight illuminated the path to the village. He was anxious, excited and tense. It also crossed his mind how changed his emotions were since he and Louisa first confessed their feelings to one another. There was less fear and more trust. It was not necessarily the most comfortable place for him to find himself, but he decided he had no choice but to let it be. William did not want to live without Louisa. He was meant to be with her, he knew this and he could wait no longer to be completely honest with her.
He ran. He ran so fast, he nearly passed her on the path. A flash of white, of brown and of red caught his eye.
“Louisa?” he called back. “Is that you?”
It was her. She was back a few feet and to his left behind a copse of trees. She was on the ground, tending to the wild dog from the day of her fall. There was blood all over her dress. William went white.
“Yes, William. It is me,” she replied in a weak voice. He ran to her and tried to assess the damage. “The dog is injured, my dear. I am perfectly well.”
He sighed loudly with relief. “Thank God for that! What is the matter?”
She pointed to the dog’s paw, bleeding from a large thorn. The animal looked weak and beleaguered as did Louisa. She appeared to be touching the dog’s foot, but barely. Her hands hovered just above its fur. Her eyes were closed and it seemed as though she was listening to something. William looked around briefly and tried to hear what she was hearing. The forest was silent. He looked at her confounded and a little afraid.
“Louisa, what are you doing with that dog? He is not well, my love; he could be ill beyond that wound to his foot. You should come away from him,” said William, attempting to sound calm.
She remained still for another moment and then opened her eyes to him. He watched as she tore a piece of cloth from her skirts and tied it about the wound. William offered his hand to help her stand. She accepted and said as she stood, “I have done all I can. I must return to the cottage and clean up.” Her voice was flat. He had never heard her speak thus.
“Of course, Louisa, but are you certain you are well? You did not answer me; why did you have your hands on him? It looked as if you did more than just remove the thorn.” He halted her from walking away and gently demanded her attention.
Louisa let out a quick exhale and brought the back of her hand to her forehead. “I will tell you William, but I do not want to hear any scolding.” He looked at her strangely but then nodded in agreement. “I was praying for the dog’s healing and as I did I heard a voice.”
“A voice?” he asked dubiously.
She shut her eyes in annoyance. “Please let me finish.” He apologized and bowed his head, prompting her to continue. “I have told you before that I hear guidance from time to time. I heard Mother Mary. She was instructing me to hold my hands over the dog. As I did, something extraordinary happened. Heat came from my hands, William. I swear to you. And though my eyes were closed, I peeked and when I did I saw the most brilliant light coming from each hand. It was as though Mother Mary was healing the animal through me…using my body, my hands.”
She was lit from within. He looked at her with all the love in his chest and though he did not know what to think about what she had said, he knew she believed. Louisa thought Mary, Mother of God was speaking to her and guiding her. And it occurred to William that perhaps she was. Perhaps we all have some divine guide who whispers, tries to get our attention and who loves us beyond what we know love to be.
He looked at Louisa and silently said in his mind I want you to be my guide. I want to see what you see, hear what you hear. He opened his arms to her, inviting her into his embrace.
“But I am soiled!” she cried.
“Nonsense,” he said with a peaceful smile. “Come.”
Louisa
Walking arm in arm, Louisa reluctantly left the dog behind. She knew he would heal, but she loathed leaving him alone. At that thought a voice said, “We, none of us, are ever alone,” and she smiled. It was true. Looking up at William she noticed a look of serenity on his face she had not recalled seeing before. He was changed somehow. It was then that she remembered he was to speak with her father.
“Did you ask him then?” Louisa bounced up and down to her words.
“I did.”
“And?” she prodded.
“And I will not be courting you, Louisa. That decision has been made.” His expression was serious.
She looked at him confused and noticed the slightest upturning of his mouth. “Is that so?” He shook his head and grinned. “Really William, I am exhausted and covered in dog’s blood! Are you going to tease me now? It is hardly fair.”
He chuckled and then took pity. “You would like to talk about this now?” She nodded emphatically. “Very well then, I did ask your father for permission to court you and he laughed at me. He saw right through me, Louisa. I am certain that you knew this already. In any case, I have come to the conclusion that there is no one else for me. I want you to be my wife, if you will have me. Will you consent to it? Is this what you want as well?”
She turned to him and hugged him tightly. “You know that it is! I adore you, William. I do not want to be apart from you! Yes, I consent. I will marry you.” She said the words into his chest, but he heard her loud and clear. They would be together. She lifted her head to look up at him and was rewarded with a stunning smile. That he was happy moved her to tears. This tender, handsome man who carried so much guilt was overflowing with joy. She would make it her mission to keep him so. “If I clean myself, will you kiss me?”
“I will kiss you now, if you will allow it.” But he did not wait for her permission. He leaned in and took her mouth quickly. She tried to follow his lead. He parted her lips with his own and Louisa nearly forgot to breathe. With eyes closed and her mind light as a feather, all she could perceive was pure light and soft, warm mouths. Indeed her cousin was correct; kissing was divine.
CHAPTER 36
Louisa
“Mistress, what on earth happened?” Janey was the first to happen upon them as they walked in the door.
“I was helping an injured dog.” Louisa’s words came out dreamily and nearly incoherent as she stared at William.
“Is that so? Well, I can see that you are alright. Come with me to the kitchen, love; let’s get you cleaned up,” called Janey.
Louisa looked down at her dress, suddenly recalling she was still covered in blood. “Oh yes of course, Janey. But first, William and I have news!” She exclaimed, grasping William’s hand.
Janey clapped her hands together and beamed, “You are to be married?” Louisa shook her head in assent and Janey squealed with excitement. “Oh happy day! I just knew you two were in love. I told Edward weeks ago that we would soon hear wedding bells.”
Edward walked into the room at that moment and rolled his eyes mockingly. “You said it two days ago and I believe your words were: “Those two had better hurry up and get married because I don’t want to pretend to not hear what goes on behind closed doors any longer.”
William’s jaw dropped, but Louisa just laughed. “I am sorry for it, Janey. We promise to practice more prudence. Edward, will you not wish us joy?”
/>
Edward smiled widely and went to them. “Of course! Mr. Mara, you are a fortunate man, sir. I hope you will both live a long and happy life together.”
William was still stunned at his earlier declaration, but managed to say, “I thank you, Edward.”
Janey stepped to Louisa and grabbed her hand, leading her to the kitchen. “Come now.”
She helped Louisa wash her hands, arms and hair at the basin and then led her upstairs to her chamber to undress. Janey informed her that all her clothes were soaked through with the blood and would have to be burnt. Louisa barely listened while she hummed an Irish love song.
“So when is the happy day, Miss De vale? Has it been decided?” asked Janey as she brushed out Louisa’s hair.
“It has not. I hope it will be soon. It is my dearest wish to wed here in Scotland, but I do not yet know what William would like.”
“Mistress, forgive me for speaking plainly, but if it is your wish to wed soon, then it is his as well. There are benefits to being married that men are always in a rush for,” exclaimed Janey with a laugh. Louisa blushed. “I am sorry, miss; I did not mean to embarrass you. All I really meant was that it is clear Mr. Mara fancies you.”
Louisa recovered herself. “I am not so embarrassed. The truth is I am excited. I never thought I would marry and now it seems I can think of nothing else but wanting to be so. William is more than I thought could exist together in one man. He enlivens me, challenges me. He cares about what I think. I would marry him tomorrow!”
Janey brought her hand to her heart. “I am so happy to hear it, miss.” She helped Louisa put on a new dress and styled her hair.
Louisa’s thoughts turned to what would be expected of her after the wedding. Would William want to return to London? How often would he travel? Would he consider staying here in Tobermory? What of her father? She breathed deep and let the questions go.
A moment later she heard: Follow the wind. The message may have seemed vague to others, but to Louisa it was clear: She could be happy anywhere if she allowed herself to be. Her job was to adhere to take each day as it came, nothing more.
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